Skuba: What up doe!
Coley: Sada!
Tyler: There he is!
Skuba: What's goin' on mofo's?
Coley: How you doin'?
Tyler: Can you hear us alright?
Skuba: Yup. What's the deal?
Coley: Just chillin'
Tyler: We're good to go whenever you are.
Skuba: Yeah i'm ready.
Tyler: Okay, we're here with Detroit's finest. Sada Baby, Skuba Steve himself. What is up my man, how are you?
Skuba: What is up my people? I'm chillin' man, i'm down here in Miami chillin'.
Tyler: Okay, how's Miami treatin' you?
Skuba: Good, we been down here for about a week now. Spent a lot of money, it's been a lot of fun.
Coley: So you're done with quarantine? You were just like, we need to get to Miami we're over this?
Skuba: We were supposed to come a couple months ago but then the quarantine happened and all that stuff. So we pushed the trip back and made it happen this month.
Coley: Fuck yeah.
Tyler: Yeah, might as well. I have a theory, I have a theory that you only make music so that you have something to dance to. Can you confirm that or deny that? Is that true or false?
Skuba: *laughing* False.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Okay, okay. Wow, wow. My sources are misinformed.
Skuba: No, no that's false. I just make music because it changed my life, so I don't understand why I wouldn't fully exert myself in that field, invest in something that changed my life. So that's why I make music. I try to record as much as I can.
Coley: I saw, I was getting a little nervous because I saw right before this on Instagram you were tryna book studio time for tonight.
Skuba: *nodding* Oh it's booked!
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing*
Skuba: *laughing* It's booked, it's booked. For sure.
Coley: Is there a different energy down there? Do you feel you music changes when you're in Miami or you're not in Detroit or wherever you're at?
Skuba: Yeah, it's different vibes in different states, different cities, different scenarios, different scenery, different stuff you see, different stuff you go do. Yeah, I rap a lot about stuff I either just did or did a while ago. You know what i'm sayin'?
Coley: *nods*
Tyler: *nods*
Skuba: It's a different scenery for sure, to give you motivation and more gas to go do stuff. We've been down here a week, we had Lambo trucks and all that type of other stuff. So yesterday I went to the studio and that's what I was rapping about.
Coley: More than fair.
Tyler: *laughs* Yeah. So has quarantine, has that really changed your recording process? Because you're normally like recording and dropping a lot of music. Like a song here or there, a tape here or there. So has that changed for you?
Skuba: For like the first month it did, wasn't no studios open. And I don't like people at my house, so I don't have a studio at my house. So like the first month, yeah it messed up everything, my whole little Feng Shui on how I operate life. Then after like that first month, I was like something gotta shake. So I made a post, because my personal studio still was shut down. So I made a post and was like "who got a studio in Detroit? Who gon' let me work?" and I got back to recording within like 3 and 1/2 weeks into quarantine. And I went and recorded in a whole new CD.
Tyler: Did you say a whole new one? *excited*
Skuba: Yeah yeah yeah, just for the time. I got like 17 CD's just sittin' up but I went and made a new one so I could put out somethin' that was goin' with current times. But I still got songs that are 2-3 years old that I could drop tomorrow and people would think I recorded it last week.
Coley: Listen, we don't wanna hold you, do it! We'll listen.
Tyler: I was gonna say, you gonna threaten us with a good time. Okay, drop all 17. *shrugs*
Skuba: *laughs* Nah, The Bartier Bounty 2, it'll be comin' out in a couple months. Then i'm droppin' my first album shortly after that, this year.
Coley: So that's 2020 confirmed?
Skuba: Yeah, for sure.
Coley: Okay.
Tyler: *nods* So first album, does that change your process? Like mixtape vs album, or is it all just a project and the same?
Skuba: Yeah, yeah if people treated mixtapes and albums with the same type of approach then that's they mistake. But it's a whole different league for me, it's a lot bit more serious, hence the fact that I haven't dropped it cause I been droppin' all my mixtapes.
Tyler: Right.
Coley: Yeah, my first album, it's gonna be strong. A lot of strong songs on there, it's about 90% done I just gotta put a couple more songs on it.
Coley: Now do you ever find yourself recording something going in like "this'll probably be for the mixtape" and then it comes out way better than anticipated and you're like "let me hold that, let me wait for the album"?
Skuba: *thinking* Yup. *nods*
Coley: *nods*
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: Yup, I was tryna think about it but yeah.
Coley: *laughs*
Skuba: If I got it in my head while i'm in there workin' on a mixtape while i'm in there then yeah i'm just workin', but yeah if i'm workin' on a mixtape and a song comes out too good i'm like "yeah that one can't go to the mixtape".
Tyler: Yeah.
Skuba: But in the same token, if a song come out too good i'm like "I gotta put it out right now".
Tyler: Right, I can't wait, I can't wait.
Skuba: Yeah, yeah. But certain songs i'm savin' for when i'm independent and certain songs i'm okay with the label having. Having like their hands in it.
Tyler: Right *nodding* right.
Coley: Are we gonna get any Sada singing on this album?
Skuba: For sure, every CD I drop there's a couple singing songs. I got to. Once I did my first singing song and they liked the #SkubaRuffin vibes so I stuck with it. I did that like 4 or 5 years ago, so I always try to put a little bit of singing on every CD.
Tyler: So of the 17 projects you've already got recorded, are any of them like an all singing SadaR&B?
Skuba: I don't think I would drop an all singing CD until i'm like 30.
Tyler: Okay, gotta work your way up.
Coley: More mature!
Skuba: Yeah.
Tyler: I gotchu.
Skuba: They still lookin' for turnt up, they need that, they need that. So the heaviest singing on any of my CD's would be the album. The album probably got 4-5 songs on it where i'm singing. Yeah, no that's in the near future, that's in the future for sure. That's somethin' I wanna do, an all singin' CD.
Coley: Do you find that writing process drastically different, like "I can't sing about Lauri Markannen, I gotta sing about something a little different"?
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: *shakes head* Nah, it's the same thing. You can sing what you wanna sing about. That be singers thinkin' they can't sing about certain stuff, I'm a rapper so I don't see no boundaries.
Tyler: I can sing about whatever! *laughs*
Skuba: Yeah, I don't see no boundaries on what i'm supposed to sing about. I'll sing about anything.
Coley: I feel like calling yourself just a rapper is selling yourself short, you're one of the greatest dancers of our time-
Skuba: In that sense i'm a rapper, I don't think like a singer. No i'm more than just a rapper, i'm everything. I play ball, I act, I cook, rap, sing, I can read, I still write poetry. All that.
Tyler: Hell yeah.
Coley: *laughs* We're proud of you. I was reading an interview you did with Fader back in 2018, you said you were this close to stopping rappin' to hop into Culinary School. How close were you really?
Skuba: I was enrolled in Schoolcraft College.
Coley: Alright.
Tyler: Get the paperwork enrolled, yeah.
Skuba: Yeah I was done, it wasn't no "this close". I was done. I had it in my head the competition was gonna be the last thing I did and yeah I was bout to go to school.
Coley: So if you had come in 2nd in that competition, we're not sitting here right now?
Skuba: School.
Tyler: Wow.
Skuba: I done went and poured in from the D, enrolled in SchoolCraft Culinary and i'm walkin' on the basketball team. And i'm content with my life.
Coley: Now i've only seen you dunk, i've never seen you fully hoop. Who would you compare your game to?
Skuba: *thinking* Melo.
Coley: Okay.
Tyler: Okay.
Skuba: Real slow though.
Tyler: Just the post game.
Skuba: Yeah i'm slow as hell, i'm slow but yeah, Melo. No defense, I might block a shot or two.
Coley: *laughs loudly*
Tyler: *laughing*
Skuba: I might block a shot or two but yeah.
Tyler: If you're scoring 30, you only gotta stop him from scoring 29.
Skuba: That's what i'm tryna tell you and 9/10 i'm winnin'. I got probably about 20-30 basketball videos on YouTube, I got my own basketball league. One of the games both teams were short handed, we played 4-on-4 full court. I scored 65 points, slow as hell.
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: *shaking head* I'm talkin' bout the slowest 65 points you're ever gonna see.
Tyler: Mid-range jumpers?
Skuba: *offended* What!? Mid-range, my Eurostep elite i'm tryna tell you.
Coley: I have seen your Euro.
Skuba: My Euro elite. All 3's, layups, and-1's. I got a slow game but I know how to get my shot off and in a lot of ways i'm unguardable. I hold that pride to my chest, I be talkin' to my NBA homeboys crazy.
Coley:
Tyler: Have you run with any of them lately? You're clearly too good for your own league, we gotta get you some competition. We gotta get you out there with the Pistons.
Skuba: No see, that's the thing, if you were to come play in my league you'd see. People like to sell me short cause i'm the entertainer but that's the thing, the [redacted's] that i'm beatin', they got game.
Tyler: Right. They not entertainers, they ball players.
Skuba: Nah they hoop. I always tell people, it ain't been a gym you went to in America, it doesn't matter if Chris Brown was hoopin' who wanna let the rapper win? Who wanna let anybody win if we out there hoopin'? So yeah, ain't nobody gonna let me win. I've had Derrick Nix up in my league, put Derrick Nix off the court. Sir'Dominic Pointer, used to play for Saint Johns, got drafted out of college, put Ziggy off the court a couple times. My cousin is Demario Curry, he went and played overseas, he's still one of the #1 street hoopers in the country. I've played with some good guys up here, even my cousin Devon Hayes went to UAPB, played for the Globetrotters. He be on the other teams, I done put his 6'7 tall self off the court like yeah *shakes head*. It ain't sweet, it ain't sweet.
Coley: I feel like, especially when you start heating up, your trash talk has to be reckless.
Skuba: Oh no, yeah if I hit a couple jumpers? Everybody, they're gonna wanna put earplugs in.
Coley: *mighty laugh*
Skuba: I'm talkin' crazy, i'm talkin' crazy off a good pass. I'm talkin' crazy off a layup. I'm talkin' crazy off a backboard shot.
Tyler: Good screen, yeah.
Skuba: Yeah, Rasheed Wallace, Draymond Green, to the max.
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: *nods*
Skuba: I'm talkin'. I'm talkin' from the time I tie my shoes up really. I ain't gon' lie, put my mouthguard in and i'm talkin'.
Coley: Now the best high school player in the country right now, is from Michigan. Are you tryna recruit him?
Skuba: No the best high school player in the world right now is my Lil man. Don't just say from Michigan, he an Ape.
Coley: Well listen I said from the country, he's from Michigan.
Skuba: The world!
Coley: Well no shit! It's America vs. the World. We're always better than everyone at basketball. *laughing* That's understood!
Skuba: *laughing*
Tyler: Give him his due!
Skuba: The other day I was in Texas right, and my homeboy, he rap too, his name Rizzo Rizzo so he was tellin' me bout his lil man. I forgot what team he play for but he was tellin' me about him like "yeah man my lil dawg, he the hardest 10th grader out whoop di whoop". I was like "what's his name?", he like "Bryce Griggs" so i'm like "okay, lemme see some of his whoop di whams". He showed me his lil highlight tape and Bryce look good but the whole time i'm like "i'm bout to tear him up because him and Emoni in the same grade and this is two different things.". So he was like "yeah lemme see your lil homie, he ain't messin'". I'm like "imma call my lil homie first then imma put on his tape, you feel me?". So I call him, i'm like "Emoni, you ever heard of Bryce Griggs?". He's like "yeah, that's my boy". I'm like "y'all ain't played yet?". He's like "yeah". I'm like "what happened?". He like "Oh yeah, he had like 20 points.". I said, "whatchu have?". He said, "Oh I had like 40 and we blew 'em out.".
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing heavily*
Skuba: Then I proceeded to put Emoni Bates tape on and Rizzo lookin' like *eyes wide*
Coley: It's Kevin Durant, younger.
Skuba: *eyes wide* "He's in 10th grade!?". "Yes 10th grade".
Tyler: You pulled the big joker on him.
Skuba: Oh yeah, I had so much fun doin' that. That made me feel so good. I was like "yeah, Bryce Griggs *nods head*".
Coley: So you have a lot of pride watchin' him hoop?
Skuba: What!? Specially that he come where he come from, I enjoy just sports period. But for an Emoni to come from where he come from and for him to take a liking to me? That means the world to me, cause I still love basketball. Like I still got it in my head that I wanna go sign overseas and try and play ball. That's what I wanna do, so yeah.
Coley: There's nothin' stoppin' you
Tyler: I don't see why not.
Skuba: Yeah, imma try and do it for sure. But i'm just extremely proud of him and happy that he listen to me and just take advice from me on regular life. Because it's gonna be a lot of stuff comin' at him early, he only 15, 16. I be tryna kick it with him, I be kickin' it with him and Chet Holmgren a lot. I feel like Chet is the best white boy I seen in forever.
Tyler: Okay high praise.
Skuba: Except Mac McClung in high school.
Coley: *laughs* McClung was
Tyler: the real deal.
Skuba: Mac McClung in high school was different.
Coley: Oh is Chet the dude with the crazy layup package?
Skuba: I watched Chet Holmgren get 14 blocks in the first half of a high school game.
Tyler: Shit, yeah.
Skuba: And he got offense.
Coley: Is he the dude with the crazy layup package or am I thinking of someone else?
Skuba: Nah, Chet's a 7 foot 10th grader from Minnesota. He plays for Minnehaha with Jalen Suggs.
Coley: Oh okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Skuba: *shaking head* He raw. Phew.
Tyler: Are you a Michigan guy? Michigan State?
Skuba: I like every college in Michigan. Michigan, Michigan State, CMU, EMU, Western, Saginaw Valley State, Grand Valley State, U of D, SchoolCraft. I like every school, Oakland. Every school we got in Michigan, I try to be a supporter of it.
Tyler: Okay so where is Emoni goin' for a year? So we know where to support for a year.
Skuba: I can't tell y'all none of that.
Coley: C'mon! You know!
Skuba: *shakes head*
Coley: Is he goin' straight to the G-League?
Skuba: *shaking head still*
Tyler: Would you tell us if you knew?
Skuba: *still shaking head* No.
Coley: He knows! That's the thing.
Skuba: I know.
Tyler: Smart, yeah, he knows.
Skuba: Nah, that ain't, un uh. Soon as we get off the whistle, y'all be the first to report it. Then he all on ESPN, "Emoni Bates ". *shakes head* Nope. It's gonna be a picture of me lookin' like this *lebron meme face*
Tyler: *laughing*
Coley: *laughing* Yeah we're not tryna fuck his money up. That's fair. More than fair.
Skuba: *laughs*
Tyler: We just gotta make sure we get him, whenever he comes to the NBA, we gotta get him with the Pistons.
Skuba: I wish, i wish. I wish we get Cole Anthony, I hope LaMelo Ball slip us. Somethin'. That 4 or 5 years of Bobby Shmurda was enough
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: Reggie Jackson.
Coley: We know! Oh we know! *laughing*
Skuba: Listen, the crazy shit about him is, i'm not gonna say who told me this but one of his ex-teammates is my homeboys, like real cool, he play for somebody else now. So we link up, we're havin' dinner and shit, kickin' it and i'm like how is Bobby Jackson? I mean Bobby Johnson. What, Reggie Jackson. Yeah. I'm like "how is Reggie Jackson like as a person?". He's like "man, we be in the locker room and he readin' the bible and he be respectful and a good good. The moment we walk out there and them lights out, that's a whole nother motherfucka.". I said "Bro it been times where i'm watching games where it look like Stan at the time or now Dwayne will draw up a play", because this particular player never player for Dwayne, *thinking* no lowkey, he did play for Dwayne.
Coley: For like half a season, yeah.
Skuba: We had Casey for 2 years, right?
Tyler: Yup, this is year 2 for Casey.
Skuba: Okay so I ask him, "it look like every time the coach be drawing up a play, then it look like Reggie come out and if he think he see some daylight he just say fuck the play"
Tyler: Gone, yeah. *laughs*
Skuba: I say "bro tell me that ain't true.". He said "bro that's exactly what be happenin'"
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: He said, "we would draw up a whole play and that little mothafucka would come out there and think he see some daylight or he got a stepback and just shoot a stepback fadeaway 3 or try to drive on 3 people and the game just lost". I said "yeah man, I knew I didn't like him for a reason".
Tyler: *laughs* Who could of seen this coming after he was in Oklahoma City and trying to take the ball out of Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant's hands? How could anybody of known!? You know?
Skuba: I don't know why we thought those glimpses of a hardheaded point guard was enough to give somebody 80 million? He didn't show no signs he was better than Russ, he didn't even show no signs that he was a super duper solid backup. He had a couple great games over there, and that was it! And we gave him 80 million and I never understood it. We gave him 80 million and that first year he lead the league in 4th quarter scoring and then that was it. That was it.
Tyler: He earned his check, in his mind.
Skuba: For one season, you led the league in 4th quarter scoring. That's it, and that year we still got put out by LeBron in the first round.
Tyler: I can't hold that against him, everybody got put out by LeBron.
Coley: Yeah, i'm a Celtics fan. It's been happening to me for a smooth decade now.
Skuba: *laughs*
Coley: Not a fan!
Skuba: I love the Celtics, I was riding with the Celtics when y'all had IT
Coley: Okay.
Skuba: I loved the IT Celtics. Kelly Olynyk, Marcus Smart. I loved the IT Celtics, I ain't gon' lie. That was fun to watch, and especially the playoff run when his sister died and all that. Yeah, that was real sports right there. That was heat.
Coley: Yeah there was a lot of heart on that team, then we got Kyrie. Then not so much, but it came back. This year it came back.
Skuba: This Celtics team with Kemba and Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown and Jaylen Brown is in good spirits and he ain't self doubting himself. Yeah you got a confident Jaylen Brown and you got Jayson Tatum and Jayson Tatum's supposed to be a #1 pick anyway. Y'all got a team, y'all got more than a team over there.
Coley: Yeah i'm a big fan.
Skuba: Kemba got new energy, he playin' for a winner.
Coley: Yeah, he got outta fuckin' Charlotte. He's thrilled!
Skuba: *nods*
Tyler: Blessed!
Skuba: My other lil man play for Charlotte and I think he gonna be stuck there for a couple years.
Coley: Which one?
Skuba: Miles.
Tyler: Yeah.
Coley: Ahhh, oh that's right.
Skuba: Yeah, Miles down here in Miami with me.
Tyler: Oh yeah?
Coley: Is he game ready? How's he lookin' right now?
Skuba: That [redacted's] in shape! He's all the way in shape, he's good.
Skuba: I just signed him to Big Squad so we down here celebrating and all that type of shit but yeah. You know he's doin' his music and stuff too but as far as him being in shape? Yeah, all the way.
Coley: We usually ask rappers who are other good rappers who can hoop but in your estimation, all these basketball players who think they can rap who can actually rap?
Skuba: Damian Lillard.
Tyler: *nods*
Coley: Okay.
Skuba: Miles can rap, Miles Bridges can rap. LeVeon Bell can rap. *thinking* I think Shump can rap. I remember hearing Shump from back in the day, I think he had like some mixtape shit he did, Iman Shumpert. Antonio Brown is terrible.
Tyler: *laughing heavily*
Coley: *laughing*
Skuba: Yeah AB probably got like the worst music i've heard from an athlete.
Coley: That's CTE though.
Tyler: I was gonna say, you ain't fuckin' with No More White Women 2020?
Skuba: Yeah he got the worst shit I ever heard.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing* Listen, you're not wrong. You're not gonna get a disagreement out of me.
Skuba: That whole shit he had goin' on, even putting shine to Jon Gruden's shit and havin' cameras all in the damn Saints locker room. Man...If anybody needs to seriously go sit down to get you some help? That's that man right there bro. Cause I just want him to get back to bein' the best receiver, like all that music shit? Yeah, Shaq is my favorite athlete that make music though. I think Shaq can't do no wrong with nothin' he do. I wanna make a song with Shaq.
Coley: That would be strong.
Tyler: Would you throw his name in a song, like in a bar with him or is that like forbidden rules? You throw a lot of random names in a song, would you hit Shaq with it?
Skuba: Would I say Shaq name?
Tyler: Yeah, like in the song with him or you gotta go with somebody else?
Skuba: That's too easy.
Tyler: You gotta go like Deveon George.
Skuba: I gotta go like Gheorge Muhresan.
Tyler: Yeah! There it is.
Skuba: What's the one Chinese [redacted] that use to play for the Mavs? Shu Jueng?
Coley: Yi Jianlian?
Skuba: No, not Jianlian
Tyler: Wang ZhiZhi?
Skuba: Yeah, Wang ZhiZhi! Exactly. Come on man, there's many people who play basketball. I can't
Coley: You haven't-
Skuba: Oh and listen, Lonzo Ball, terrible at music!
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: *laughing*
Skuba: Lonzo, go hoop. You just got your jumper regular, it look good. Put your energy into basketball, your music booty.
Tyler: I thought you were about to say "oh another guy I like"
Skuba: Oh oh oh, see we on Barstool I gotta let it fly. Denzel Valentine, your music terrible, stop rapping. Let it ride, and you got embarrassed by Frank Nitty in the Drew League. I ashamed of you, cause I put on for you and I looked up to you and I campaigned for you when you got drafted to the Bulls. And I told people that you got game and you went to the Drew League and Frank Nitty, yeah Nitty got you together, bad on camera, in front of a full house.
Coley: Yeah that's Michigan State.
Skuba: Stop rappin' bro, you makin' music but you losin' to. Not to say that Frank Nitty's terrible.
Coley: No, Nitty can hoop.
Skuba: Nitty was at Weber State with Damian Lillard, they had one of the best backcourts at the time up there.
Tyler: Yeah we talked to Frank a couple times.
Skuba: They went 17-1 or 18-1 so yeah. Nah, Denzel get in the gym baby. For sure.
Skuba: But nah I wouldn't say Shaq name in a bar.
Coley: I was gonna say you have, you have.
Skuba: I probably did a while ago.
Coley: On The Cave with Kenny Beats you did.
Skuba: Oh Kenny Beats? The one I freestyled?
Coley: Yeah, it was a fire bar. It was fire, but you have used it.
Skuba: Okay bet.
Coley: "Shaq in Orlando in the Bando I break the glass"
Skuba: Oh yeah, see that's different. Ain't nobody sayin' Shaq in Orlando.
Coley: Correct! You can still use these popular dudes if you chop it up the right way
Tyler: Flip it a different way, yeah you good money.
Skuba: Yeah I might flip it to LSU
Coley: There you go!
Tyler: He played for a lot of teams, like a lot of colors. You could work that in.
Skuba: Might use some Phoenix, Phoenix Shaq
Coley: He gave himself a million nicknames too so you could even use those.
Tyler: Her ass fatter than Shaq in Cleveland. That's just a free bar, that's somethin' free. You can have that. That's from me to you.
Skuba: *laughing* He was fat as hell in Cleveland.
Tyler: He was very large.
Coley: Big fat, yeah.
Skuba: He went to Cleveland and Boston, didn't he?
Coley: He sure did!
Tyler: Yeah, Cleveland was last right?
Coley: No Boston was.
Skuba: Was Cleveland last?
Coley: No Cleveland before Boston, yeah Boston was last.
Tyler: Boston was dead last.
Coley: Yeah wasn't great.
Tyler: Yeah...He was lookin' real bad in that green.
Coley: It's why we traded Kendrick Perkins! Ainge was like "he'll be fine" and then his legs fell off.
Skuba: Wait y'all traded Kendrick Perkins for Shaq?
Coley: No we traded him for Jeff Green after we signed Shaq. It was all bad Sada, it was all bad!
Skuba: Okay, okay. Send Perk away and fill the void with Shaq. Listen, listen, listen, listen. If anybody gonna say it, nobody should have to say it, it shouldn't have to be said but it does need to be said because he's always commentating and wearing suits and on TV. Kendrick Perkins sucked.
Coley: Listen, this is where I draw the line!
Tyler: *laughing* You don't remember that time he scored 4 points and had 3 rebounds?
Skuba: Wait wait wait, Leon Powe was better than Kendrick Perkins.
Tyler: That's a fact.
Coley: Oh that's facts. Leon Powe was one of the best high school basketball players to ever come out of California. Listen, he was huge in 2003, came straight out of high school
Tyler: You didn't like that screen he set?
Skuba: How did Perk get to the league?
Coley: Listen, he was huge in 2003, came straight out of high school
Skuba: Perk or Joel Anthony?
Coley: Stop that. Stop that
Tyler: *laughing* He can't believe it!
Skuba: *laughing*
Coley: Yeah, come on, come on. Offensively, sure. Defensively, Perk in a wash.
Skuba: Perk or Joel Anthony!?
Coley: No, stop that
Tyler: Hey Joel Anthony got two rings.
Skuba: Just to make it fair, i'll throw a Piston in there. Perk, Joel Anthony, or
Coley: Ben Wallace!
Skuba: No no no, Ben Wallace is great.
Coley: It was a joke. *laughs*
Skuba: Jason Maxiell
Tyler: *laughing heavily* Yeah, Maxiell could hit a jumper though. Perkins could never.
Skuba: You right he hit a jumper.
Tyler: Yeah listen, I said one. I didn't say jumpers, nah.
Skuba: Maxiell probably hit one jumper. I remember that game, it was against the Bobcats when he got that crazy block. C'mon you gotta pick!
Coley: I'm taking Perk!
Skuba: That's crazy. Listen, i'm taking Maxiell and i'm not takin' him because he better than Kendrick Perkins.
Coley: That's exactly why you're taking him.
Skuba: He better than Kendrick Perkins!
Tyler: Kind of a low bar to clear.
Coley: Yeah, we're not talkin' about elite hall of famers here. Although Kendrick Perkins-
Skuba: Nah, but out of those D-listers, i'm taking Maxiell. I'm taking Maxiell, then i'm taking Perk, then i'm taking Joel Anthony just in case he's the last person on Earth.
Tyler: Where's Brandon Bass fit into here? Where does he fall in?
Coley: Oh he's better than all 3, stop that.
Skuba: Brandon Bass was the shit, kinda, a lil bit. Don't do that.
Tyler: No he was alright.
Skuba: Don't do that, he was athletic, kept a good haircut. Nah.
Coley: If Draymond took the gym serious that's what he'd look like.
Skuba: Yeah. If you're talkin' Brandon Bass type players you're damn near talkin' Dejuan Blair.
Tyler: Undersized power forwards, yeah.
Skuba: In that range, Dejuan Blair, Glen Davis.
Tyler: Big Baby was good.
Skuba: Corliss Williamson
Tyler: Big Nasty!
Skuba: UD, UD probably the epitome of small power forwards.
Coley: Yeah, i'm gonna take him over all these dudes.
Skuba: I love UD. Who else like 6'8, 6'9? What's my mans name, 6'5? Booker?
Tyler: Devin?
Skuba: Is it Trevor Booker?
Tyler: Oh Trevor Booker, yeah yeah.
Skuba: Yeah, he like 6'5 and he play power forward.
Coley: Yeah, Reggie Evans.
Skuba: Reggie Evans was hard.
Tyler: Al Harrington.
Skuba: Reggie Evans was raw.
Tyler: He clean the glass.
Skuba: He Dennis Rodman in the sense he's nasty on backboard. For sure. Yeah we could do this all day.
Tyler: I was gonna say, these some great players you throwin' out. I can't wait to hear the Brandon Bass, Jason Maxiell bars on the tape. These are the exact type of random players.
Skuba: I'm tryna tell you. I've said Kiki Vandeweghe before.
Coley: Do you watch the draft lookin' for new names? Like ooh that's a good name, I could rhyme something with that?
Skuba: I just watch basketball!
Coley: No I know that but like foreign players and shit that aren't on ESPN year round.
Skuba: Nah, anybody that I said on a song, is somebody that I actually watched before, actually seen play. Somebody that I got a glimpse of, somebody that if I was gonna bump into 'em they'd be like "yeah, you said my name on a song". Yeah because you cold. I got a lot of respect for a lot of basketball players, from Larry Hughes to Jordan. It ain't always just about the LeBrons and stuff. I like a lot of people, I done said Carlos Arroyo before. All type of stuff.
Tyler: *laughs* So are you excited for the NBA coming back? Who you think's gonna take this tournament?
Skuba: Lakers.
Coley: Really?
Skuba: Yeah, I don't like them [redacted]'s. I don't like LeBron, i'm a LeBron hater but they gon' win.
Coley: Not the Clippers?
Skuba: I want the Clippers to win, but the Lakers gon' win.
Tyler: I think they got too much size for 'em.
Skuba: It's that and it's LeBron! He's fuckin' good.
Tyler: Agree.
Coley: Hot take!
Skuba: *laughs*
Tyler: No love for the Bucks though?
Skuba: Huh?
Tyler: No love for the Bucks? Milwaukee.
Skuba: Not until Giannis can learn how to shoot.
Coley: Yeah, it's a problem.
Skuba: He's shooting but when he learns how to shoot? Then it's 3, 4 rings, right off the bat.
Tyler: Yeah.
Skuba: Like LeBron is unguardable but guardable. If you give Giannis a jumper?
Coley: Unguardable.
Tyler: He's unguardable, yeah. There's nothin' you can do with him.
Skuba: Not a thing. Not a thing. And the only reason LeBron's guardable is he don't got no chest.
Coley: Wow. You're not wrong but wow.
Skuba: That's the only reason. If he were to ever have that switch, dude would probably have like 12 rings. If he had the switch Mike had? Yeah, he'd have like 12 rings. How many times has he been to the finals man? 9 times?
Coley: I think so. 9 times
Tyler: 3-6, yeah.
Coley: 3-6 Mafia, yeah.
Skuba: Every team he played in the finals, no body had anybody who could do anything with him. He just lost.
Coley: Well that's not true. The Mavericks had JJ Barea.
Tyler: Yeah, DeShawn Stevenson. They had his ass in jail, so.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Aye, you watched the same finals I did.
Coley: Yeah, same television. SAP people for the Spanish.
Skuba: Imma say the only team that really scraped him was the KD Warriors.
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: I think they would of beat any team. I don't very much hold that against LeBron.
Skuba: That's why imma recant. Those KD Warriors was elite.
Tyler: Yeah.
Skuba: But like the Mavericks? He's supposed to back to back them.
Coley: Yeah.
Skuba: Supposed to. Even though I feel like the year that they won Dirk was just goin' crazy. He just wasn't missin' but even still they had no one who could physically guard LeBron. So I feel like he's supposed to back to back them. I feel like he wasn't supposed to lost to the Spurs, neither time.
Tyler: The first time, I don't know.
Coley: What, '07?
Tyler: Yeah, the first time they got swept because the team around him, they probably shouldn't even of made the finals.
Coley: It was like him and Boobie Gibson
Skuba: When they got swept?
Tyler: Yeah, they got whooped. That second Spurs team, yeah.
Skuba: That's true but I still feel like if he wasn't tryna be point guard LeBron because he was tryna be point guard LeBron in '07 too. He was tryna turn into that. I feel like if he wasn't tryna be point guard LeBron and make the other team guard him, he woulda won. He woulda won, he's 6'9, 270 pounds, can jump above the rim. Above it, like you don't just got hops. You got the most craziest hops ever, in the league. Don't nobody really wanna jump with you, don't nobody really wanna stop you, nothin'. You don't play like that. So that's your fault, you can go the finals 26 times and won, what he got, 2 rings?
Coley: 3.
Tyler: 3-23 yeah.
Skuba: Alright cool.
Coley: *laughing*
Skuba: Yeah, like come on. There's nothing left to argue.
Tyler: So who's your guy right now?
Skuba: My GOAT?
Tyler: Your GOAT or your guy in the league right now, either one, both of 'em.
Skuba: My GOAT is Melo
Coley: Agreed.
Tyler: I don't hate that, I don't hate it at all.
Skuba: My GOAT is Melo, I feel like he's top 5, maybe top 3 best pure scorers ever. I'm just talkin' bout offense, i'm just talkin' about gettin' a bucket. I ain't talkin' bout him bein' a leader, I ain't talkin' bout him carrying them to the finals and all that. I'm talkin' him being a walking bucket, I think he top 5, top 3 maybe, ever. He can get a bucket, that's what he do. I like his game. Most clutch shots in the history of the league, most points in the history of the Olympics. Melo my GOAT.
Tyler: He took a year off and came back to getting buckets.
Skuba: He took a year off and came back and averaged a dub.
Tyler: Yeah!
Skuba: But we ain't gon' talk about that. My favorite guy in the league right now? *thinking* It's so many.
Tyler: Reggie Jackson!
Coley: *laughs*
Skuba: *laughs* Nah, it's a tie between Kelly Oubre, Brad Beal and the Beard.
Coley: Okay, so at the end of the day, you just like buckets.
Skuba: Yeah man. I think Oubre was on his way to MIP this year.
Tyler: He was havin' a really good season.
Skuba: He dunked on everybody and then some. He dunked on Paul George, he dunked on McGee. Every game he was catchin' a good body and he was shootin' too. Then Brad Beal, I don't know if you was payin' attention to how he was hoopin' but for him to get snubbed in the All Star game...Man listen, Brad Beal was goin' may may this year. Talkin' bout cra-zy, dunking on Andre Drummond.
Tyler: Did you let Dre hear about that?
Skuba: I was gon' tell him in person. He down here in Miami too but he ain't pulled up on me. I for sure was gon' tell him in person like "he caught you buddy".
Coley: Point at him *laughing*
Tyler: "Good to see you man, you remember when Beal got yo ass?"
Skuba: Yeah, he caught you and screamed at you and you didn't say shit.
Tyler: *laughing*
Skuba: That be the type of shit that irritate me because I remember way back when Drummond got into it with Tim Frazier and Drummond was tryna push him and all this shit, i'm like *sideeye*
Tyler: *laughing* Noted bodybuilder Tim Frazier, yeah Tim Frazier!
Skuba: Man! Cut it out! Then Tim Frazier end up playing for the Pistons and now y'all gotta be friends. But yeah, Brad Beal was goin' crazy this year. He was havin' an unbelievable year and it happens that John Wall thought he was goin' crazy. James Harden, I think he woulda been havin' the same type of season that he was havin' last year but I think he love Russ so much as a homeboy, as a brother, that he figured out a common ground of what would be better for the Rockets like off of how they played. I think what they came up with was James shoot the 3's and i'm gon' drive and kick as far as Russ go. Cause Russ had stopped shooting 3's those last 15, 20 games, he stopped shooting 3's.
Coley: He was playing point center.
Tyler: Yeah.
Skuba: That's what i'm tryna tell you, I don't know if nobody peeped that but he stopped shooting 3's.
Coley: Oh yeah!
Tyler: He was like "i'm just gonna keep dunking on people".
Skuba: He took Gobert to the bucket like 3, 4 times in a row.
Tyler: Yeah..he was rockin' the baby on Gobert.
Coley: Everybody's spinnin' Gobert like a top. Everyone. Gobert was so mad he cancelled basketball.
Tyler: He ruined the world, that's how mad Gobert was.
Skuba: I don't think nobody in the league can guard James Harden though.
Coley: No.
Tyler: It's like even working Russ in, he conceded that to Russ and Harden still, what'd he finish at? 34,35 a game? Like that's insane.
Skuba: Still was doin' what he was doin', he just wasn't scorin' 40 and 50 like last year. And they don't have a center, they have Covington, PJ Tucker, Danuel House, Austin Rivers.
Tyler: Yeah, they got Ben McLemore too. He can play a little center.
Skuba:*laughs* Hey, Ben McLemore, you a bust!
Coley: Awhhhh. Come on, he's waitin' for his Kobe challenge. Give him a break!
Tyler: Ahhh, What a stray, what a stray.
Skuba: Listen, Rest In Peace Kobe. He wouldn't of ever called that man.
Coley: No he sure wouldn't of.
Skuba: Kobe wasn't shootin' him a text, wasn't "hey young fella, I see you". None of that, Ben McLemore go get some coaching at Kansas, ain't that where he came from?
Coley: Yes.
Skuba: He was exciting in college.
Tyler: He was.
Coley: Listen all those Kansas wings are, then they get to the league and stink!
Tyler: I think it's a shame.
Skuba: Don't say it.
*silence*
Skuba: Josh Jackson got hexed.
Tyler: *busts out laughing*
Coley: *laughing*
Skuba: He got hexed. I don't wanna hear it.
Tyler: He was the next pic after Jayson Tatum man.
Skuba: He gettin' a redo, he gettin' a do-over.
Coley: Yeah, he was doin' alright in Memphis. He was doin' alright.
Skuba: He's gettin a do-over man.
Coley: Listen, that was because he made Danny Ainge fly all the way across the country just to work him out in Sacramento just to turn his ass around. That was his own fault, I didn't feel bad for him.
Skuba: *laughing* Man I feel like in Phoenix, they whole core was young and anyone who been to Arizona you know it's a party state, all that type of stuff. I feel like they supposed to have more patience with him, you invest in a pick like that, that's your 4th overall pick as far as what you drafted him for he was doin' it. There was a lot of off the court issues but I feel like time and time again people always give up on people so easy man. Being that they're giving up on them don't help them any fuckin' more.
Coley: Phoenix got rid of him and Dragan Bender.
Skuba: Yeah, you ship him to fuckin' Memphis and then he in the D-league. You could of shook his confidence totally, he could of not bounced back, he could of sunk into a depressed place. But luckily and thankfully, he done bounced back and worked and he got some new found fire in Memphis playing with Ja Morant. They could of had somethin' real strong in Phoenix, Josh, Oubre, D-Book, what's his name?
Tyler: Ayton?
Skuba: yeah, Ayton. And then y'all wasn't goin' to the playoffs this year so y'all was gonna get another strong pick this year. With Mikal Bridges over there, like yeah. Y'all coulda had a lot, coulda, cause y'all gave up on 'em cause y'all feel like it's off the court issues, it's somethin' that y'all can't manage. Listen the fuck here, if the Bulls could manage Dennis Rodman how the managed him, letting that mothafucka go to Vegas, everything, go clear your mind bro just come back and do your job. These mothafuckas today is just to soft as far as how they look at shit. They want you to be perfect and listen you want me to be perfect, you probably goin' home and beatin' your wife or somethin' old white man. Or old black man, whoever you are, the owner/gm. You know what i'm sayin' you're probably goin' home doing some freaky ass BDSM shit, anything.
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: But you mad because i'm fuckin' bitches.
Tyler: They quick to point the finger.
Skuba: I'm a young rich black male or a young rich foreign male or whatever and bitches on Instagram and Tik Tokin and everywhere. And they're in my DM's and i'm gonna have sex! Y'all ain't gon' help me or help me learn to make better decisions and say this is gonna come with it so you gotta level it off and pace yourself? You just give up on me and ship me somewhere else? Then fuck you! When I come back i'm scoring 50 points and you better hope I don't start a team fight in this bitch.
Tyler: *laughs*
Coley: Sada, listen we need to get you in the Pistons front office.
Skuba: Nah they for sure need me in the Pistons front office, no cap.
Tyler: Listen, i'm trynna take 'em over man. I need your help, we gotta get in there. They got that new arena.
Skuba: Come on. I need some type of say so because I like the direction we goin' in now but they waited too long to do this.
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: I agree.
Skuba: They waited too long to do this and the only reason I was mad about the Drummond trade was we traded him for a fuckin' rock sandwich.
Coley: Nothin.
Tyler: For nothin, yeah.
Skuba: Yeah. We traded boy for a rock sandwich man. I like Christian Wood though.
Tyler: I was gonna say, would you re-sign him? Cause he can walk right now.
Skuba: Who Wood?
Tyler: He's a free agent.
Skuba: Listen, i'd be so mad if we don't got Wood comin' back.
Tyler: I agree. I'd give him whatever it takes.
Skuba: If we don't got Christian Wood comin' back that shit gonna hurt my feelings bro.
Tyler: I'd pay him whatever it takes, you can't just have him walk out the door.
Skuba: You can't let him go. He's gonna go somewhere and flourish, he is good. I'm talkin' about good and he was gettin' comfortable, he shootin' 3's and drivin' and he dunkin' on people. And he play defense, you need him, he the hybrid center already. He gon' shoot, he gon' play D and he run the floor. You need Christian Wood. We need Christian Wood.
Coley: Yeah. What'd you think of, I know he's only played his rookie year so far, but what'd you think of Sekou watchin' him?
Skuba: Sekou is fire. Wassup Sekou? That's my homeboy too, we be kickin' it. Sekou fire, I love Doumbouya. *nodding* Yeah.
Tyler: They got Bruce Brown, like they got some legit young cats that they should just let run.
Skuba: I love Bruce, Bruce a cool cat. I think we need, i'll put it to you like this. If we had a spicy ass, jazzy ass off guard, Bruce Brown could play the 1. Because he's gonna play defense.
Coley: You've got Luke Kennard! What do you mean?
Tyler: *laughs*
Skuba: *looks around* I love Luke, but.
Coley: He doesn't fit the description?
Tyler: Not quite jazzy enough, yeah.
Skuba: Luke don't play like Luke from Duke.
Coley: True.
Skuba: Now imma give him a little bit of slack because I feel like he was heating up towards the end of this season, like he was playin' real good.
Tyler: Yeah. Then he got hurt, yeah.
Skuba: So he might could prove me wrong but I would much rather have a Luke and another jazzy ass off guard.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing*
Skuba: Just to keep it funky with you. I like Svi, i love Svi.
Tyler: Svi's tough.
Skuba: Like I know in the bottom of my heart that Svi is one of the top 10 shooters in the league, already. Like he's not gon' miss once he gets that confidence and once he get that confidence like he had it at Kansas? Oh yeah Mykhailiuk for 3, all year. We need a couple more pieces man, we need Cole Anthony.
Coley: That's who you want this draft?
Skuba: Hell yeah. Love Cole, he raw, 6'5.
Tyler: Is he the jazzy guard that Bruce Brown needs?
Skuba: *nods*
Tyler: Could be! Some are saying!
Skuba: We need him or LaMelo. Cause we was supposed to draft a Melo years ago, if we got a chance to draft Melo again and we don't draft him? I'm officially bandwagon petition form filing out. I'm goin' somewhere else.
Tyler: LaMelo in Detroit would be a lot of fun.
Skuba: LaMelo in Detroit gon' have me court-side.
Tyler: Listen, when i'm running the Pistons i'll need you court-side every night! I got two tickets with your name on it!
Skuba: Man listen, don't threaten me with no good time, i'm pullin' up. Only time I go to the games is when one of my homeboys who play for the other team send me tickets. Josh done gave me tickets when he was playin' for the Suns. Miles always give me tickets when they come in. Terry Rozier too that's my homeboy. But the first time I sat courtside, DeMar DeRozan got me some tickets.
Coley: Oh wow.
Tyler: I saw he sent you his shoes and jersey.
Skuba: He sent me a pair of Kobe's right before Kobe died.
Coley: Damn.
Tyler: Wow.
Skuba: Yeah he sent me a pair of Kobe's right before Kobe died. He signed 'em, then sent me a jersey, signed the jersey and all. So I got that put up. I got his jersey and Kobe shoes-
Tyler: Yeah, who else you got?
Skuba: I got Miles Bridges Hunnigton Prep jersey, game worn. I got Miles Bridges Michigan State alternate when they had the lil Greek shit on it. I'm tryna think what else I got.
Tyler: Who's the next one you want?
Skuba: I got Hornets shorts from Miles.
Tyler: Okay *nods*
Coley: So you just raided his closet one day, yeah.
Tyler: You just stripped him after a game is what it sound like.
Skuba: Nah, I just ask his ass for some shit and he sent it, same with Demar. But I got shit on the way from Damian Lillard, he supposed to send some. Marshawn Lynch, it's a couple people supposed to send me stuff. I'm gonna try to get me a sports memorabilia room in my next house.
Coley: Strong, real strong.
Tyler: And then cap it off with your own jersey when you start playin' ball overseas, that'll be the centerpiece.
Skuba: I got a jersey that i'm savin' of my own to put in there, I got my Bleacher Report All Star Game jersey even though I only played 4 minutes, yeah.
Tyler: We gotta get you in the NBA one next, the NBA All Star Game. Celebrity game.
Skuba: Oh we petitioning for it, we petitioning for it for sure. For sure.
Coley: Well I mean we're gonna have to do this again, cause I feel like this conversation could go on for another-
Skuba: Set it up! We can do it next weekend and we could do it the weekend after that, i'm always down to talk basketball. I know-
Tyler: Let's do 'em both, how bout that!?
Coley: Fine! You're a permanent co-host! How bout that?
Tyler: It's your show now!
Skuba: Alright, so TQ set it up for next weekend. Wait, what's today? Like what's the day of the week? Tuesday? Y'all wanna do every Tuesday? Cause i'm down for that.
Tyler: Absolutely.
Coley: Listen, I have no problem with that. Dead serious.
Skuba: Alright TQ, set it up. Alright every Tuesday man, y'all better be ready cause I got heat.
Tyler: We ready.
Coley: Before we let you go right now, I need to know...What's the biggest land animal you could beat in hand to hand combat?
Skuba: What's the biggest land animal that I could beat in hand to hand combat?
Coley: That's right.
Tyler: Like if you walked outside and one was right there ready to run your fade.
Skuba: I'd say Giraffe.
Coley: Giraffe!?!
Skuba: I'd beat the shit outta Giraffe.
Tyler: They like 30 feet tall!
Skuba: Rent me a Giraffe, i'll beat his ass right now. Geoffrey Giraffe from Toys-R-Us, i'll beat the shit outta blood. Give me a ladder and i'd take my fists and i'd break a Giraffe's jaw.
Tyler: I feel like, yeah if you dodge the neck it's not like he gonna kick you, like stand up and jab you. So yeah.
Coley: He might not even see you comin', you might be able to sneak up on him.
Skuba: I'll knock a Giraffe right the fuck on out.
Tyler: *laughs*
Coley: Alright, well Sada, we appreciate it. We'll see you next Tuesday!
Tyler: Yeah, next Tuesday it is.
Skuba: Next Tuesday man. I'm lookin' forward to it.
Tyler: Definitely. 'Preciate you man.
[Intro]
Juice time yuh yuh, juice time yuh yuh.
Juice time, yuh yuh, Juice time, yuh yuh...for the year 2G the rap game change for one name...Jewelz aim to slain anything on this plane...remains are found when the best kept secret get heated...you went platinum with a ghost writer so in the game you won you cheated.
[Ad Read 1]
Coley: In this seemingly never-ending lockdown the world is going through it's pretty hard to stay motivated.
Tyler: Yeah it is.
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Tyler: Yeah.
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Tyler: Yeah it is.
Coley: We wanna help you get the fuck off the couch! When you go to Deathwishcoffee.com/barstool, you can enter to win a bike, Death Wish cold brew, Barstool Sports merchandise and an entire years worth of Death Wish Coffee. That's Deathwishcoffee.com/barstool.
Tyler: I'm gonna win a bike and then run down high school Feitelburg. I can't wait. What was that website again Mick? How do I get this bike? Coley: Listen, you need it.
Tyler: I do need this bike. I want high school Feitelburg. I won't rest until the streets run crimson with his blood.
Coley: Deathwishcoffee.com/barstool
Tyler: Say less. I'm on it.
Coley: Even modern day Feits.
Tyler: Yeah no a fade worth running.
[End of Ad Read 1]
Coley: He drove all the way from Boston to New York and forgot his keys!
Tyler: I'm sorry, I do have to correct something. I wrote that he had a shark tooth necklace on, he corrected me, it was a 4 leaf clover necklace. So excuse me, I want that on the record. I'm nothing if not for integrity with my journalism.
Coley: That's true, that's what your most known for.
Tyler: Having said that, I look forward to bouncing his head off the pavement like a Spalding.
Coley: *laughing* I think we'd all appreciate that!
Tyler: Absolutely.
Coley: Withers! With the Bacon hat!
Tyler: That's right.
Coley: *whistles*
Tyler: Macon Bacon
Coley: Very strong.
Tyler: Thank you, thank you.
Coley: Strong team name, strong everything!
Tyler: Mmmhm. I don't know which side it's on but it's a strip of Bacon just clubbin' one, right out of the park! Just givin' it what for.
Coley: I'm glad you wore that hat because it transitions very quickly into something I wanted to talk about.
Tyler: Hit me.
Coley: So obviously we're a big, name podcast.
Tyler: Sure.
Coley: Especially when it comes to evaluating prospects. The MLB draft started yesterday, I think it was just round one yesterday and they're doing the rest of it tonight. I think it's only 4 rounds now.
Tyler: I was gonna say, do enough people care for them to be doing rounds like this?
Coley: No!
Tyler: Okay *laughs* just to clarify because I don't know.
Coley: I don't care about the MLB Draft until the day of the draft and that's when i'll look through some things, watch some videos. Yesterday I stumbled upon maybe the greatest prospect since like Griffey.
Tyler: I'm listening.
Coley: He was a junior, reclassified to be a senior, who I believe the last big prospect to do that was Bryce Harper. Who did it at like 12 to go to Junior College.
Tyler: Yeah I was gonna say, Bryce Harper went from like 5th grade. They were like "no, 5th grade and next year he'll be a senior!" at what's that school in Vegas?
Coley: Yeah, yeah yeah. Where he'd set like every record.
Tyler: Finley prep!
Coley: *laughs* This kid, his name? Blaze Jordan.
Tyler: That's pretty good. Birth name?
Coley: Yeah. That's just his name. His name is Blaze Jordan.
Tyler: Blaze Rodrigo Jordan.
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: What position's he play?
Coley: I believe they announced him as a first baseman but he's played some third. He mashes, he's a masher.
Tyler: Who took him? Who drafted him?
Coley: So I wrote this blog like yesterday, that he was my #1 overall prospect. Apparently I wasn't that crazy for saying so because he was the class of 2021 #1 prospect but when he reclassified he was somewhere in the 40's.
Tyler: P-U!
Coley: Which that makes no sense, cause he's super young? That's why you drop him?
Tyler: If it's like a superstar class, if you tell me "no he just reclassified to a class with 39 future superstars. it's just bad luck"
Coley: It's like if you took Karl Anthony Towns in the '96 draft, like listen he went undrafted.
Tyler: Yeah, like "what can you do? we had to get Sharray Thomas!
Coley: But I started watching this kids videos while I was getting the blog together, and nothing I hate more than watching a college or high school prospect and it's like only metal bats. This kid, I don't even think he knows they make metal bats. All he does is just mash, bangs. He was at Wrigley.
Tyler: He's white!?
Coley: Yeah! Big curveball.
Tyler: I'm out! You buried the lede i'm out! Blaze Johnson...
Coley: *laughs* Jordan!
Tyler: Jordan, don't like it. Where's he from?
Coley: He's just sockin' dingers. I believe he's from Mississippi.
Tyler: Oh boy! Have we read his old tweets yet? Guy named Blaze from Mississippi...uh....
Coley: I scrolled through 'em, every tweet is just him socking dingers.
Tyler: I'm fine with that.
Coley: Yeah, he went to De Soto. He's from South Haven, Mississippi and there's a video of him.
Tyler: He's real white too, damn.
Coley: Super white. Yeah look at him *pulls up video*
Tyler: Cash money! That's a terrible fit he's got on. Not his fault, but bad outfit.
Coley: No, no. Here he is-
Tyler: Who got him? Who drafted him? Uh oh. Oh boy.
Coley: This is him in 2016, so he was 13 *laughs* and this is the ballpark in Arlington. He hits 2 500ft home runs!
Tyler: Who's servin' up meatballs?
Coley: Look at this! Bang!
Tyler: Jesus. And he's what now 17, 18?
Coley: He's 17 1/2
Tyler: Christ.
Coley: In the 3rd round, the Boston Red Sox selected him.
Tyler: Pretty good.
Coley: I was tweeting at them yesterday like "take this kid" and then in the 1st round we took like the 149th ranked prospect because baseball.
Tyler: Real signable!
Coley: But that's the thing, the baseball draft's so fucking dumb they were like "we're gonna draft you here but we're gonna pay you like you were a 7th round pick" and it's like "sure thing!"
Tyler: Absolutely, listen we passed over James Wiseman. We knew we could get a much worse center for much cheaper so we just punted on the number 2 pick!
Coley: I read that last night we took Nick Yorke, we take him and everyone's like "this is strange". And then everything I read this morning's like "oh no the Red Sox did that so that they could spend more in the third round". Well why wouldn't we just take the 3rd round guy here then take the 1st round guy in the 3rd? Like that makes no fuckin' sense.
Tyler: I hate baseball.
Coley: So dumb, so dumb. Like "no i'd love to take James Wiseman but i'd rather take a 2nd round pick here, 1st overall"
Tyler: Yeah "i'd rather take his backup at Memphis and then snag him a little bit later if that works for James Wiseman."
Coley: Cause everything was like "yeah, no you're gonna have to overpay to get this kid to decommit from college to go to the big leagues"
Tyler: Where was he supposed to go to college?
Coley: Mississippi State.
Tyler: Boy oh boy you talk about going from a racist rock to a racist hard place. Boy oh boy.
Coley: Listen, I don't know if you saw us apologize to Torii Hunter.
Tyler: Oh, oh well okay then!
Coley: Yeah! Water under the bridge! Why are you always harping on old shit Withers!
Tyler: Yeah, said Albert Breer.
Coley: *laughing* Yeah that was terrible.
Tyler: *laughing* Oh man.
Coley: It's one thing to be extremely wrong, like that's already not great. But then when the thing you're wrong about is screaming about how wrong you are and you're like "I think this makes me look better". Like what!? What are you talking about!?
Tyler: I just kept seeing, he just kept pointing Bomani and other people to his column.
Coley: To his column? Yeah
Tyler: Which I didn't read personally, I don't know who clicked it and read it. But boy oh boy, not a great scene to be like "listen, I got season tickets. they never called me any sort of Vietnamese slang word."
Coley: Yeah, shopkeep
Tyler: I think he's full of crap.
Coley: Yeah, it's tough. I had multiple, multiple people being like "at least you're acknowledging it good on you!". Specifically saying thank you for not being Albert Breer. Like that's tough.
Tyler: That's a low bar, the bar is the floor now.
Coley: Right, like Breer's family has to be the one saying these things to Torii Hunter because I can't imagine why he keeps digging his heels in.
Tyler: Yeah, he was gettin' hot dogs at the time "no I didn't hear a thing! Huh?".
Coley: He's like "with mustard please"
Tyler: Yeah, "no 2 peanuts if you got 'em!"
Coley: *laughs* and this goes back to, and I said this on the very serious Section 10 episode we did last week, I made it a point because in Boston people always push to say either they've never heard it or that it used to be that way but it's better now. It's like Adam Jones was in what was that, 2017?
Tyler: Not too long ago, yeah.
Coley: 2018? And the immediate backlash, like the radio, everyone was just like "where's the proof?". Like what!? What do you mean where's the proof? Do you think he's like "oh i'm hearing racial slurs, let me record them."? Like no!
Tyler: Yeah, where's your camera Jones!? Guy can play right field but he can't record this racism?
Coley: And so I made it a point on Section 10 to be like "we're never going to be able to change as a city if we just never believe people". Like everyone, we know this shit happens. To act like it doesn't happen, like we need it more people have a problem with ti and the biggest defense I see. Which is dumb, i'm not defending the defense, "well it happens in other cities too.". Yeah no one's saying it doesn't!
Tyler: Listen, police are killing everybody Mick! Why don't you cry about that huh!?
Coley: Right its the exact same stupid shit.
Tyler: Yeah.
Coley: So it's a belief thing, I get you don't want to believe it. You don't want to believe people are that bad, some of 'em are! And it's way better if we start punching these people in the fucking face or gettin' them out of the paint. Don't call security, confront these people because they're all cowards
Tyler: That's all it is. And they sayin' it cause they know it's gonna fly.
Coley: Right.
Tyler: They know nobody will come to the players side, they won't even believe the player, nonetheless come to his side. If there's one thing I know since i've been out of baseball is that Torii Hunter and Adam Jones are liars! Those are the only two things I know.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Known fibbers! *laughs* Out of school tellers.
Coley: So the Red Sox comin' out and being like "fuckin' read our statement". That was to Red Sox fans, which I appreciated.
Tyler: I saw it, I ain't read it. If I see black background, white text? I ain't readin' no more.
Coley: They just put a ball and a bat on homeplate and take a picture *laughs
Tyler: Yeah a blurry ambulance *laughing*
Coley: Basically their message was like "yeah, this still happens. Believe players when they say it, we have ejected people. We don't make it a story every time we eject people", which they probably should.
Tyler: I was gonna say, we should!
Coley: Yeah, I never saw that coming. We joked about the brand generic message stuff, this was not generic, this was super specific. This was the Red Sox being like "hand up, we've had trouble in the past, we still have trouble. we're trying to fix it.". There was more of an acknowledgement that them fixing it silent wasn't the way really.
Tyler: Clearly.
Coley: Now they're gonna be super open about it, which I hope they are!
Tyler: Yeah, listen! Put 'em on the jumbotron man. You wanna talk shit? You wanna call people names? One we gonna put you on the jumbotron, somebody gonna have your name within 10 minutes, we gonna have your job within 20 minutes. So yeah, say it with your whole chest man.
Coley: I would love it if they could institute like during the 7th inning stretch you know how the Nationals have the Presidents race around the field? If it was just like, now we're gonna beam the 6 racists! The other teams hardest throwing pitcher can come in. Just stand in the box
Tyler: You don't even get a bat!
Coley: Yeah, you just stand, no helmet.
Tyler: *laughing*
Coley: Listen you wanna talk your shit? Here you go!
Tyler: Yeah you wanna talk tough? That or you get to block the plate while Adam Jones comes home.
Coley: Well what was the 2nd worse with the Adam Jones shit was.
Tyler: First was Breer calling him a liar
Coley: yeah, way down on the list was the actual altercation.
Tyler: 7th.
Coley: 17th, yeah. The next time he came back I was like "we're either gonna boo or the awkward standing ovation" and that's what he got. It's like that didn't fix anything! *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing* "No, how could I be racist! I stood and clapped!"
Coley: Like a player who had played like half a season for us coming back the next year type of ovation.
Tyler: Like "ah yeah I remember that guy!"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: "hey! Willie Mo Pena! Alright! Yeah!"
Coley: I was super nervous that day though that there would be a "fuck this guy! he said somethin' about our city!"
Tyler: I'm sure there was plenty of that too.
Coley: Oh definitely. It got drowned out but the Torii Hunter thing wasn't something I knew of until he spoke on it. There was initial pushback and then he came on Boston radio and kind of expanded because it was just like a little clip. I think it was from Golic and Wingo or whatever the morning show is. Then he talked more in depth, he was just like "listen man, I wanted to come to Boston. I wanted to play with David Ortiz but I knew I could not have my family there year round.". I was like god damn.
Tyler: I love that it's pushback to that.
Coley: Right.
Tyler: "This is my families experience". "I disagree!". Like what!??
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughs*
Coley: "Your family which I have never met!"
Tyler: Yeah, do we have any proof Torii Hunter has a wife? Kids? We're just believing this guy Mr. Gold Glove?
Coley: *laughing* I was thinking about it too, like maybe the worst way to try and turn racists is to be like "you're costing us talent with your racism. You're costing us some dingers."
Tyler: "Say it! Just to your section!"
Coley: Yeah! Stay at home and say it!
Tyler: "I'm just sayin' Stanton's a free agent next year! We're tryna make some moves!"
Coley: Listen i'm sure some people could be like "wow I never thought about it that way, this is costing us talent". It's the worst reason to change but shit i'm willing to try fucking anything to get people to shut the fuck and change their minds.
Tyler: The way I said it for Breer, it's like if I go in a stadium and I go out and I see a story that's like "they're saying Truest Stadium was not handicap accessible" and i'm like "well I was just there! I didn't have any trouble getting to my seat. I didn't notice any elevators down, I didn't notice any ramps down" but why would I be looking for that? That's not applicable to me so yeah you didn't see it, I believe him when he says he didn't see it but that don't mean it doesn't happen. For me to get out there and be like "this is the most accessible park, maybe they should stand up and walk to the ramp to wheel themselves up!"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: You're not looking for things that don't apply to you like i'm not looking for the diaper station changing tables. Like "their situations horrible", "I thought it was great! I have no small children so I this affects me in no way."
Coley: I've never changed a diaper in my life, it was perfect!
Tyler: I didn't see a thing! Can we prove this guy tried to change his shitty baby and didn't have somewhere to change it? Well then, my column:
Coley: Yeah, i'm hopeful this is the start of change for Boston. I will say, and i've said it before, the person i've heard gets it the absolute worst at Fenway Park, like not even a close second
Tyler: Bill Russell?
Coley: Yeah, William Felton Russell
Tyler: Billy Felton, yeah.
Coley: Curt Schilling, Curt Schilling got it worse than anyone.
Tyler: He just a bad guy man. That's just one of those we all agree, you just a bad guy. You also probably a racist and a sexist and an everything ist but you just a bad guy.
Coley: I've never heard a probably do so much heavy lifting
Tyler: *exhales* That's only cause I don't remember the individual tweets, and I don't wanna be like "Curt Schilling's a misogynist" and he's like "ay ay ay, I fuck with the bitches now the muslims!"
Coley: *cracks up*
Tyler: I'm like "ay, hand up that's on me Curt, I misspoke"
Coley: Yeah this was after, and it wasn't even as much his views. It was he bankrupted the state of Rhode Island.
Tyler: Yeah with the video game shit right
Coley: *laughing* yeah.
Tyler: How? How did he get they money? Why would they give that money to Curt Schilling?
Coley: Listen, you win a World Series in '04 and you get a lot of leeway.
Tyler: He's like "look at this sock" and they're like "blank check"
Coley: Yeah, just spin the door to the vault and get whatever you need!
Tyler: Yeah, help yourself CS!
Coley: So yeah, he was just workin' Baseball Tonight, when he was still employed. This was during the '13 World Series run when people were happy, they just saw him up there and they were like "go fuck yourself"
Tyler: Yeah "I'm not happy anymore" *laughs* "there goes my smile!"
Coley: *laughs* So yeah, I was shocked the Red Sox made that statement, just confirming. Because that was the thing, when Torii Hunter said that I was like there's gonna be pushback and people are gonna deny it ever happened. So for the Red Sox to be like "no, this happens. Grow the fuck up everyone." was big.
Tyler: I hope so, we'll see. Because everybody's had the words, its time for action. So when we get to a time for action, that's when we'll see how much things have changed. I'm hopeful, I wanna believe them.
Coley: Yeah, 1000%
Tyler: So yeah, i'm hoping so.
Coley: They took down the street right outside where we took the Feitelburg family photo.
Tyler: Sure
Coley: Used to be Yawkee Way, the old racist owner.
Tyler: Sure.
Coley: They changed that back to Jersey Street a few years ago.
Tyler: A new racist owner?!? *laughs*
Coley: It was the original name of the street, like it had always been named Jersey Street until like a 40 year period. So it's like "you can't change history", they already fuckin' did! We changed it back!
Tyler: Whalberg Way!
Coley: Yeah, but as some people know, there is morse code in the Green Monster that's like a rest in peace message to Tom Yawkee. So now people are calling for that to be removed, like yeah if you wanna go all the way, get that fuckin' outta here, which I agree with.
Tyler: Yeah 100%, don't stop there, or at least change it to be like "fuck you Yawkee". You can keep the braille but we get to change the message "suck a dick Yawkee" in braille.
Coley: That would be pretty strong.
Tyler: Dot dot dot dot dot, yeah. Blind person just stumbles on down there like "man that Yawkee guy was bad news!"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: From the feel of it!
Coley: Yeah, "this guy who's corn flakes did he piss in?"
Tyler: Yeah sheesh. Good, lets get all these statues out of here. Except for the one in Nashville with the crazy eyes. Have you seen that one?
Coley: No.
Tyler: Oh boy.
Coley: Nashville crazy eye statue?
Tyler: Yeah I don't even know what it's called, it's a statue i've seen it forever. I thought it was fake until Nance who lives in Nashville literally sent me a video
Coley: Ahhhh *sees statue* *laughing* The guy on the horse right?
Tyler: Yeah it's Nathan Bedford Forester. I think the founder of the KKK.
Coley: Oh boy!
Tyler: Yeah he's big bad! Lemme make sure, I wanna make sure I slander his ass right.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Yeah he was the first grand wizard of the KKK and a confederate army general during the civil war. Every statue should come down instead of this one, because it is the worst statue ever, and they threw some pink paint on it. Which I think they should just leave it.
Coley: *laughs* *pulls up picture*
Tyler: Just a wild look on his face, ain't nobody burnin' down churches with that face man. Get out of here.
Coley: They gave him the bluest of eyes.
Tyler: Prussian blue! Ah man, did you see "The take" earlier on Twitter?
Coley: Oh no...
Tyler: *laughs* I hope to god that it's still up, but I can't imagine that it's not "tweet's not loading" now.
Coley: Either way there's gonna be screenshots. Have you noticed "tweets not loading" doesn't take down the tweet as quick as it used to.
Tyler: No, it just says it right underneath of it
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Yeah, doesn't exist. Somebody's gotta screenshot though.
Coley: Has to be, "The Take" is what you're dubbing it?
Tyler: Yeah, it's like John Elway. Here we go! *laughing* it was put on my timeline via FourVerts, so fuck him first things first.
Coley: As is company policy over here.
Tyler: Yes absolutely. From Anthony Grace @thepprmonster "Ready for a really radical opinion that's gonna piss off most people but if you think about this it's 100% true?"
Coley: *exhales* Oh boy.
Tyler: "...Maybe Hitler was right!"
Coley: *Bursts out laughing*
Tyler: "Maybe one race of people is how we'd all get along. Cause no other way works, everyone is always gonna have some sort of hate! *white guy shrug emoji* *100 emoji* *guy thinking emoji*"
Coley: Was that an attempted joke gone awry?
Tyler: No. No.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing*
Coley: I know you read the tweet, but he instructed you to think about it. Have you actually thought about it?
Tyler: I never said the man was wrong!
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: The page is still up, he's just deleted every tweet from now until June 9th. He just covered up a couple days.
Coley: The PPR Monster?
Tyler: Yeah, I would love to know what it's in reference to. Boy oh boy, any time you type any of the following words like "Ready for a radical opinion?" Strike 1. "This gon' piss off most people" Strike 2. "But if you think about this, it's 100% true" That's 1 2 and 3, he ain't even picked up the damn bat! Then "Maybe Hitler was right!", even if it is a joke, you not setting up a joke with 3 qualifiers like that.
Coley: Right. Unless the next sentence was like "About Picasso and the way he painted Cuban Ladies!"
Tyler: Yeah, that's why I was like nah this wasn't a joke. He said "because no other way works, blonde hair blue eyes. If everyone looked like Brett Merriman the world would be a better place!" according to the real PPR monster and also @TheRealAdolfHitler.
Coley: New York Times blogger
Tyler: Yeah, best seller.
Coley: Columnist, yeah. Advice Column "What should we do with all these Jews!"
Tyler: "Hey Adolf, I have a Jewish neighbor that lives 4 blocks from me. What should I do? -Dear Addy"
Coley: So I often think of book or movie plots when i'm bored, like what hasn't been done.
Tyler: Sure.
Coley: One i've tried to think of but it makes no fucking sense, do you know those pictures that come out once a year, everyone by 2065 will look like this and then it's a picture of Drake with red hair.
Tyler: Right. Or Georgia Smith.
Coley: Yeah. So i'm like what if that does happen to like one sect of society but that becomes the majority. The majority is Chris Broussard looking individuals.
Tyler: Chris Harlow.
Coley: Yeah *laughing* then like me and you, who don't have mixed children.
Tyler: Sure.
Coley: It brings people like that closer together, like the government mandates it has to. In order to quell racism, I keep wanting to say mix breeds but that sounds really bad.
Tyler: No. *shaking head*
Coley: *laughs* You'd have to have mixed children because that's the only way to truly squash racism. So it actually makes white, black, spanish everyone who thinks that's fucking stupid, it solves their racism but now they're racist against only the mixed people. *laughing*
Tyler: Mhm yeah, listen I don't know what people think they're gonna get but it's one of those things. You think in turns into that but it's like "listen if people are all from monkeys why are there still monkeys!?". So, no everybody that's the color of a manilla folder would just hate everybody that's darker than a manilla folder.
Coley: I saw a bunch of people getting dragged yesterday for colorism, lightskinned black people were getting dragged all day by darker skinned black people like "you're not even with us, either".
Tyler: Points were made, i'll leave it at that but points were made.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: I've long said the day I die is gonna be because a lightskinned guy with freckles threatens me with a gun and i'm gonna be like "c'mon man, *laughing* you look like a genetic misfit" and that's gonna be my last words.
Coley: *laughing* Genetic misfit?
Tyler: Yeah, somebody with like lightskin, freckles and light red hair is just gonna blow my brains out. They'll be like "he died doing what he loved, laughing at other people". *laughs*
Coley: *laughing* Yeah I think the "we've tried everything else" part kills me about that take. Like no we haven't! We sure as fuck haven't! We've barely tried anything!
Tyler: We've tried maybe 3 things, max.
Coley: Like half assed.
Tyler: *laughing* He said "i'm all out of ideas man"
Coley: *laughing* "We tried living in different parts of the city, I ahh I don't know!"
Tyler: I gotta say, anytime I do see a really bad tweet now I gotta go read your bio. Because I used to not even look at the page, now I wanna see the bio. It's "future food truck owner, #peacelovefood. Globaphobia survivor". I don't know what that is "#TWD obsessed" I think that's The Walking Dead.
Coley: Yeah, maybe.
Tyler: Yeah I think. The White Daddies! *laughs*
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: A racist organization out of Fort Wayne, Indiana! "#TheSandlotFFL=life, white dot, all around funny guy...depending who you ask. white dot". He joined in November 2013 so he's been here long enough to know this. He's also a big Eagles fan, so there's that.
Coley: He is. You know who's never funny on Twitter? The people who in their bio announce that they're funny.
Tyler: Listen, that's life!
Coley: Correct.
Tyler: If you ask anybody to describe them self, whatever they say, they're not. Somebody like "i'm a humble person", you're not. "I like to think i'm a funny guy", you like to think that, but we don't think that!
Coley: *laughing* Imagine if you met Dave Chappelle and he was like "i'm hilarious" like he said it in a bit like "I killed it, i'm that good" but that's another joke. Imagine if he walked around like "i'm pretty funny". That would stink.
Tyler: "Yeah, no i'm a hoot! I'm a real hoot!"
Coley: *laughing* I feel like I used to see this in sitcoms a lot too, there'd be the guy in the office like "I should probably try stand up comedy", like no you shouldn't. You definitely shouldn't!
Tyler: I think my big thing is anybody that tried either, I think it was Corolla that said "anybody who said they tried stand up comedy or a modeling contest was like sign me up for it.". You could of said no. You went on stage, you put on the bikini, you thought you had a little somethin'. It's fine but you can't "ah well, he signed me up for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. My hands were tied! What could I do?"
Coley: Right, and i've heard like plenty of actual successful standup comedians now be like "I was afraid but my friend dragged me to go to the club because he was performing and that gave me the confidence to go up." It's never like "Yeah they shoved me out there, chained me to the stool!"
Tyler: Yeah "it was a gun to my back! I did a tight 7 minutes at Friskey's in downtown Harlem!"
Coley: I do love when i'm listening to a podcast and a comedian gives their dates like "i'm at The Yuck Yuck". The names of some comedy clubs are so good.
Tyler: *laughing*
Coley: I love them so much.
Tyler: Yeah, "i'm at The Fuckstick on the 29th, The Yuck Yuck the 30th and The Bitches Bastard on the 31st!"
Coley: Then sometimes they'll have names, like are you sure that's not a club club?
Tyler: "I'm at Tootsies, on the 1st!". I'll say, I don't think you should be able to put comedian in your bio until you do it on the stage, like there's a lot of Twitter comedians. Not to say that they're not funny, but most of 'em aren't.
Coley: No...no.
Tyler: But also, if you have not stood on that stage and got the cheers or the boos, I don't think you should be able to call yourself one. Not yet, even if it's just once, even if you just dipped your toes in that water once and were like "I need to stick my ass to Twitter where I can control the environment". But it's like "Former Professional Basketball Player", oh did you play in the NBA? "No!". "Overseas?". "No!".
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: "I play in my driveway and produce my own videos"
Coley: They get 7 hits on YouTube.
Tyler: "I'm a professional!". Yeah if you ain't stood out there and got your ass bombed, you gotta take it out your bio.
Coley: Yeah, I was just tryna think like if you were a comedy writer but they wouldn't write just Comedian, they'd write Comedy Writer.
Tyler: Writer for @familyguy or whatever.
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: Nobody ever just puts "Comedian" come on man. If you gotta tell me you're a comedian, I don't like your chances.
Coley: Stand up's something i've always loved and it's never even been something i've considered. Now the main reason is I know i'm not that funny but I hear a lot of comedians tell their backstory and it's like "yeah, I was never the funniest kid in my grade but I always loved comedy and I just could write. And I finally got on stage one day and the first time I was up there I got my first laugh. The set didn't go great but I got 1 laugh and that was enough for me to be hooked"
Tyler: That's a lot of singers, like "No, i'd never sing the song, i'd write for anybody.". Then people are like "no you should sing the shit you wrote!". "Then I did it one time, I went gold and now i'm NeYo! Now i'm the dream, I write for everybody and still sing"
Coley: I've always felt like, to be like "i'm gonna stand here and i'm the only person who's gonna talk for the next hour", you have to have a healthy dose and I say this with respect, of narcissism and that's the key ingredient i'm missing. Because I write, just having conversation whatever, writing's different. You can craft something and especially if you work over it over time but man oh man that's the one thing i'm missing. And i'm sure that's stopped a lot of people, it's either shyness or you just think "no one should have to listen to me for an hour.". 4? Of course, but 1 that's too much.
Tyler: 1? Yeah that's crazy. That's the difference because it's people like "no i'm not funny, I was never funny, i've never had a single laugh in my life. It's never slowed me down and now i've got The Carlos Mencia Show!"
Coley: *cracks up*
Tyler: It's a guy I legit went to high school with and worked with him in high school and he's doing reasonably well for himself as a comedian now. He was funny, but he wasn't stand up funny. Those are 2 very different things but he's a guy like "that's not gonna stop me" and to his credit a lot of anything goes to who's willing to go out there and get it. We see unqualified people in every field. Like yours truly.
Coley: Both of us. But I wouldn't say unqualified for people who make it in standup, I don't even make it like when your Netflix special comes out they pump it 2 months before it even comes out, I don't even mean that. If your income is just stand-up comedy and you're traveling and doing that, that's making it for sure.
Tyler: I call that a win. That's why I say this guy, he's somebody who I see him pop up every once in a while and somebody posted a video clip he was in. I was like yo, i'm glad he's doing well.
Coley: Right.
Tyler: I don't know his stage name, he'll have a Netflix special soon. I feel like they have a lot of Netflix specials so yeah.
Coley: Oh yeah. Which is crazy, did you see that and I didn't watch the whole thing but it went viral for not being bought by Netflix? That Sam Morrell one last year?
Tyler: Nuh uh.
Coley: He's in New York and I feel like he's a big New York Comic which if you're gonna be big in just one city, not to say he's stuck in that city but that's where he's made his name. If you're gonna be big in a city, it better be New York or LA then the next level like the Chicago, Houston types. His didn't get bought by Netflix so he just used it to his advantage, he filmed it himself and put it out on YouTube. The whole comedy scene rallied behind it like "yeah this is crazy" then after it got a lot of traction, it got like a million views in like a weekend or a week, after that traction from everyone pushing it, Comedy Central bought the right to it to air. It's crazy because Netflix does just hand what appears to be anyone a special.
Tyler: Yeah honestly, and it's why Mo'Nique was so fuckin' mad and I see what she was talkin' about. She was like "y'all got people who don't have nearly my credentials and you can't say it's about being funny cause all them people ain't funny. So if you don't think i'm funny, they not funny either and they don't have my credentials". I was like "listen, she got a point there"
Coley: The point she didn't have was when she was like "you gave Dave Chappelle this much money" like maybe attack the other people louder than that one.
Tyler: Unless her point was like "y'all gave him 30 or whatever. i'm a 60th of a comedian, give me 500k!"
Coley: *laughing* Yeah, no she was like "I deserve the same" and then she named Chris Rock and someone else too.
Tyler: She dropped some big names, yeah.
Coley: She's like "It's Mo'Nique, Seinfeld, Carlin"
Tyler: "I don't know why i'm not getting a million an episode either!". Listen but her point was not wrong.
Coley: 1000%. 1000%. The one thing I hear all comdians say, which is why I really brought this up, is that they always only wanted to hang out with really funny people. Which brought them, a lot them started as like doormen too for the clubs they eventually performed at.
Tyler: *laughs* right
Coley: Which I find that to be great.
Tyler: Just one of those, "listen, you're funnier than the guy on stage!"
Coley: "Get up there!"
Tyler: Like a funny ass bartender or bouncer or whatever. Yeah, everybody knows one of them.
Coley: It's also kinda different now too with the internet. You can be funny and make a living, without getting up on stage.
Tyler: Yeah, that's what i'm saying. I'm not knocking it, I just don't think you can call yourself a Comedian.
Coley: No, I agree with that.
Tyler: It's two different things. But if you can do that from the comfort of your home on some skits? Go right ahead, nobody wants to get bombed.
Coley: Skits, writing.
Tyler: Yeah whatever. Yeah, I don't hate that, it's just different. If you were 20, 21 years old right now I have no idea how you would go about becoming a comedian. You'd have to use social media to build your platform but not give away your best stuff. You have to draw people in but you can't give away all your best stuff, if you put it out there people can steal it or tweak it. I have no idea, if you were just starting from point A right now, 2020.
Coley: I remember a few years ago, one Comedian was claiming late night shows were just taking his tweets and turning them into monologue jokes.
Tyler: Listen, i've had that happen so I 100% understand, not to the extent of course. If you've been on Twitter a while, you've seen a tweet of yours either get taken or tweaked or turned into something else.
Coley: 1,000,000%
Tyler: That's one of the things, feels like it's part of the game. You can stay with yourself, like "I can consistently create this" but building up to that like "how am I gonna get someone to come see me when they could see someone much less funny but they only have to click"
Coley: I think what's good about the standup game, I get what your saying and I was actually thinking the other day, I wonder how comedians feel about podcasting. Even their own podcasts, do they think they're burning material? I've heard some say they've actually worked out some ideas on them and then it's completely different on stage.
Tyler: I can see that, yeah.
Coley: I also wonder if it makes them feel like they're lazier?
Tyler: Also as you know, with Comedians it's a big culture, brotherhood sisterhood whatever you wanna call it. It's one of those "i've been on the road with that guy. I've seen him kill, he'll be fine". Now it's like "oh, i've retweeted some of his stuff. He'll be good.". How do you vouch for somebody that you haven't seen? Travel is different, booking clubs is different.
Coley: I think it's one of those things that no matter what the times are, I think social media and that stuff are just bonuses, and it can certainly escalate someone from unknown to star a little quicker. I know it was something that happened with Amy Schumer, it's kind of why bands second album aren't that good. They put all their nice work in the first one and have a year to make the second one
Tyler: like "I don't know *shrugs*"
Coley: With hers, her first special was so much bigger than even she anticipated that when everyone was throwing big money at her to make that second one she was like "well fuck, I know I have to take this. But I also have to take Patrice O'Neal's work now"
Tyler: Game's game and that's kind of part of it. It feels like the closest brotherhood ever and part of that is like boy oh boy if they toss you out, you're out for good. If they like you, they'll defend your name through thick and thin. If they don't you're done.
Coley: Oh Mencia's done, been done.
Tyler: But even he's probably still selling out stadiums.
Coley: Noooo.
Tyler: You don't think Mencia's still doing numbers?
Coley: I really don't, I genuinely don't. He can't get anything, he can't even get in clubs anymore to steal the shit in the first place!
Tyler: I wanna see how much he made in 2019.
Coley: I don't even know if he gets residuals because they don't even air his shit anymore.
Tyler: His net worth right now is showing 20 million.
Coley: Oh i'm sure that's just from Comedy Central alone.
Tyler: That can't be all from Comedy Central.
Coley: When he hit, it was the biggest shit because it wasn't overlapped with Chappelle so he was the biggest thing they had, i'm sure they gave him a big bag.
Tyler: "He is one of the most famous comedians in the world". Sure.
Coley: Hitler's one of the more famous Germans.
Tyler: Yeah, okay thepprmonster. I gotcha.
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: When it came out his name was Ned Holness man...*laughing*
Coley: That was like racism against himself, like "I guess I look Mexican"
Tyler: No, John Smith uh...*laughs*
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: I don't hear his name but it's also a lot of comedians. Comedians you'll see go on somewhere and it's like no they're building a huge following. I remember Jo Koy which is someone I know you're familiar with, he's already got 2 million followers so he's clearly doin' something right.
Coley: Yeah, he's doin' stadiums.
Tyler: Yeah that guy's cookin'
Coley: That happened with me with Russell Peters, like I had never heard of him and then it was like oh he has 3 specials on Netflix and they're all in massive arenas in Australia. *laughs* But the one thing I will say about stand-up is it still feels extremely merit based. They'll get you the fuck outta there and I do feel like social media, podcasting and all that can help you ascend faster but I feel like if you were 20, 21 tryna get into it the way to get into it is the way that's always been the way. You go to an open mic, you go to another open mic, you go to another open mic. Then if you're getting better the established Comedians who go to the same clubs will be like "hey come to this club". Those Comedy Club managers like to talk. Yeah, "come here, come here" then they'll be like "come out on the road with me and open for me.". From what I can tell that really seems to be what propels people to that next level, when you start opening for someone.
Tyler: I feel like most people say that's their big break, "when I got to open for Chris Rock or whoever". I feel like if you're running up followers, like JAYVERSACE or DesiBanks, they've got millions of fans so it's like if i'm a club owner in Atlanta, Chicago I don't think this kid's funny but 5,000 asses in seats. And if that starts to happen then he's the starmaker, he can start dictating "well this other kid's got 2 million followers again he's not that funny either but I like him. I can have him come open for me.". And it will always be ways to beat that out, I think Hannibal still does his podcast. He's a guy like what he has, it doesn't run out. He just talks and it's funny, if he does a podcast it's funny, he's just funny.
Coley: Yeah, he's funny.
Tyler: Alright, enough.
Coley: *laughs*
Tyler: But his is like a rambling type of humor, so it works on that type of material. Seinfeld's like "no I do the same routine. I just play the hits on the road, people wanna hear the hits and I don't really wanna do a new hour."
Coley: That's how it was for a long time.
Tyler: That was like the only way.
Coley: Yeah, and even if you think about Chappelle when he first came up. Killing Them Softly was '99, 2000 one of those two, and then his next one didn't come out until after season 2 of Chappelle Show which was what? '04, '05?
Tyler: Yeah, I was gonna say it wasn't close because yours truly was fiending.
Coley: Very much so. I remember talking to kids in school who were like "I didn't even know he did stand-up". I was like "What the fuck are you talking about?". *laughs*
Tyler: Killing Them Softly was 2000, For What It's Worth was '04. Then he took a nice 13 year break, then dropped a smooth 5! Made it worth our wait.
Coley: He did but I honestly gave up. I didn't think it was ever gonna happen.
Tyler: I didn't either. I was like listen if this is all he's done? He's given us that and the show, he's given us more than enough. Then he was like "no, i'm still very funny".
Coley: When I heard he was going on stage in different cities and just literally reading the phonebook, like I knew he was doing that intentionally.
Tyler: Yeah, it wasn't to be like "oh no, I get my rocks off here and go home and sleep in my pajamas. That's what soaks my juices!". Nahhh, you prepping for something.
Coley: I knew he was trying, I would love to hear him talk candidly about Chappelle Show fans, people who know him only from Chappelle Show. Because I feel like he really fuckin' hates those people. *laughing*
Tyler: I could see it, it sounds like every musician ever who's like "yeah, no, people are yelling "play Pina Colada!".". "I've played that song like 10,000 times, like I hate that song. It bought me this house and car but goddamn I hate that song." "Play Pina Colada! I like Pina Coladas!"
Coley: That's even a better request than "can you say Rick James bitch! I'm gonna text it to my friend". You know what I mean?
Tyler: Right, "can you call me a bitch in front of my children?"
Coley: *laughs* Mickey Mouse. But he was doing that, when did these Netflix specials started coming out? '17, '18?
Tyler: '17 yup.
Coley: So he was doing that '09, so when I heard he was doing that I was like alright he's gonna weed these people out like next year, and then no. I heard recently, they said he was just in Seattle for a while and he would just go to the park and do sets for like 7 people.
Tyler: *laughing heavily* I'm listening to this Jordan book, which goes into fucking everything and it's just one of those things. Any time he quit or retired, he'd be at the practice facility within like 2-3 weeks. Even if he didn't play he would just come look around, then come do some shootaround, then come and play some HORSE, then he's playing 5-on-5. If you're retired retired you're not doing this, this many times. Again Chappelle's like "I need to take a 13 year break and then win 3 more rings!"
Coley: Fuckin 5.
Tyler: Yeah, "make more money in these 5 than I made in the previous 25." That's the Jordan shit too, he made more in the last 2 than he made in the previous 15.
Coley: Kevin Hart went on Rogan like 2 weeks ago and I listened to that just because i've never sat down and just listened to Kevin Hart talk for a long period of uninterrupted time.
Tyler: Kev a smart guy
Coley: Very smart.
Tyler: He's an incredibly smart guy that says some incredibly wild stuff at times but smart guy.
Coley: Extremely wild. But he was talking about the deal he did with Chase to introduce how to teach banking to inter city youth, like teenagers and stuff. He was like "you can't bring Mr. White Guy banker down here these kids are just gonna tune him out immediately. It has to be from someone who looks like me, looks like them". That makes sense, it's something a 60 year old just wouldn't think of. They'd be like "what do you mean? I'm telling them the information, i'm here trying to help!". The way he was talking about Chappelle, he was like that's my GOAT, no question. He was like, in Chicago i believe or Minneapolis, one of the two. He was like "i'm doing these shows and someone hit me" this is while Chappelle is like missing/retired, then he was like "One of my boys hit me and was like Dave's in town and I was like what?". So he calls Chappelle and he's like "hey I heard you're in town, i'm here" and Chappelle's like "ah that's crazy man". He was like "what are you doing here?". He's like "i'm doing a show tonight". He's like "what do you mean?". He was like "no, i'm traveling the country" and it was like him and a couple other dudes all riding motorcycles across the country and they had a trailer that they'd sleep in or whatever. He was like "yeah when I run out of money, I just go to whatever city we're ins Comedy Club and that's where I make my money, day of." He's like "want me to do a show tonight" and they're like "uh, yeah."
Tyler: "Ahh can you do next Thursday? We're booked up here."
Coley: Kevin Hart was like "but my show's tonight." like in the same city, and Dave's like "oh cool man" and Kevin's like "but I wanna come see you! What time's your show?" and Dave's like "8" and Kev was like "fuck, that's what time my show is" and he's like "no problem man! I'll have them move it back!". Dave called the club and was like "hey my show's at 10 now." *laughing*
Tyler: "Yes sir Dave sir."
Coley: Kevin Hart's like "what are you talking about!?". Chappelle's like "don't worry about it i'll see you tonight!" and Kevin Hart like books it after his show to go over there and he's like "Chappelle just did an hour and a half and it was way better than what I did. What am I supposed to do when something like that happens?"
Tyler: That's the life man. That's one of those like when he was smoking on stage at the awards like "what are they gonna do throw me out?". You talk about figuring it all out while you were away and making 10s of millions of dollars after you came back. Pretty good.
Coley: Yeah, he's like "i'm gonna buy my farm in Ohio, people are gonna leave me the fuck alone and then i'm gonna dominate as I always have."
Tyler: Yeah "Azalia Banks will try and drag my name through the mud but that's just another 5 minutes! I'll add that on to the set!"
Coley: Minimum. That'll be something he pretends is a throwaway punchline and then he'll do his little run around the stage and then he'll actually dive into it.
Tyler: "No, really that ruined my life" *laughs*
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: We're all like "Yes! *clapping* Divorce! Yes!"
Coley: I don't know if I can think of any other comedy phenoms. Everyone else it's like "yeah my first time I went up I got laughs. My 2nd-12th time I went up I bombed"
Tyler: "I was ready to give up!" Yeah.
Coley: He was just like "I told my first joke looking at my shoes, I looked up and it's only been laughs ever since!". Like that happens to no one. No one.
Tyler: He said he bombed one, I don't know how early it was. In one he said "I had success early and then I finally bombed"
Coley: I think it was when he went to New York.
Tyler: That might of been what it was, he was like "and I realized, this isn't that bad. I've been so afraid of it all my life, it's not that bad! I've bombed several times since then! Shout out-
Coley: Yeah I was gonna say the Detroit one, where I think Danny Brown just got him way too high. *laughs*
Tyler: *laughs* The more famous he gets, the more he gets bombed which is just reverse correlation. Most people would love that. I ain't forgot man, it'd be a real shame if during this pandemic one of those Eddie Murphy stand-ups hit. I'd hate to watch it.
Coley: Are they recorded yet?
Tyler: I have no idea, I ain't heard a word about 'em in months. It's one of those I kinda don't want to look because I want it to surprise me but I wanna look! I wanna watch some fuckin' Eddie Murphy!
Coley: I know Eric Andre's is coming out I believe this month.
Tyler: On Netflix or where's it at?
Coley: Yeah, Netflix. He posted the first promo about it today and the joke was about-
Tyler: How he thinks Adolf Hitler's good?
Coley: No, that comes later in the show. How he thought Reggae music was the worst choice possible for the Cops theme song. *laughing*
Tyler: *cracks up* That's another guy, he could do a podcast, 10 shows, whatever. He's just funny, whatever he says is funny, he's gonna get laughs. You don't worry about him having a Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok. He'll always have material. Like if I was tryna really come up it's like "boy, I can't tweet my A stuff but if I tweet my B stuff they might not come see my A stuff!". So that's one of those where I have no idea how people navigate that.
Coley: It's certainly tough but that's why I think if you just kept it to the clubs that just works. I think slow is the best way to go.
Tyler: Yeah, I know they're still going there but are people still out in Comedy Clubs like that? I'm sure they are but-
Coley: I think it's really just city to city.
Tyler: That's what I was gonna say, like Comedians come out of Atlanta and i've never been to a Comedy Club. I know it's not a thing where people are like "oh lets go to a comedy club!" but I know they're out there and I know people are still making their name there. So it's like are people still filling up, are people going to see amateur night? People who are like "I did my first 5 minutes, they invited me back Friday night. I started doing every Friday night.". Are people still going Wednesday night to see Amateur night?
Coley: I think those amateur nights and I feel like a lot of people who made it would say that this is their experience too, have like 7 people there.
Tyler: Again that's probably for the best. First time, you don't want to go in front of 400 people.
Coley: Yeah. I do know there are places, LA's obviously huge comedy scene, New York has a massive comedy scene. Then I always hear Chicago and Minneapolis, Houston.
Tyler: I haven't heard Minneapolis, Houston i've seen some.
Coley: If you notice, a lot of people tape in Minneapolis.
Tyler: But i'm not looking for it.
Coley: Yeah, no. Racism at Fenway, comedy clubs. Same thing.
Tyler: I've never heard a single joke in Fenway!
Coley: I think Boston's comedy scene kinda killed itself from the top because I hear veterans but not like Lenny Clark veterans.
Tyler: Yeah like 40's, mid 40's.
Coley: I think he's like literally 50. Like on the dot.
Tyler: Shit. *imitates Bill Burr* "50! It sucks!"
Coley: Bill Burr...yeah 52!
Tyler: Old ass!
Coley: He obviously started in Boston and these older Boston comedians who are all legends in Boston, they'd go up and they'd kill and then you'd see them next week and they'd go up and kill with the exact same material. Years old material.
Tyler: Yeah, they're playin' the hits!
Coley: And they'd never leave Boston and I get it.
Tyler: That's making it to a lot of people, you can make a living a lot worse.
Coley: Patrice he obviously started but he blew up and got consistent in New York.
Tyler: Right.
Coley: Same with Burr, a lot of Boston just moves to New York. Now they'll move to New York or LA but I don't see any reason why it couldn't happen here.
Tyler: Yeah. For all the bad of Twitter it does give you a platform, because if you were born in buttfuck, nowhere like "we don't have a decent comedy club within 50 miles of me but i'm funny like I gotta do Tik Toks, I gotta Instagram. Somethin', I gotta get some buzz and then maybe i'll move to a major city. Then i'll move to New York or LA, wherever."
Coley: Denver!
Tyler: Yeah, Denvers a big one. I feel like you should have to earn it, like a blue check, the standards aren't very high but you gotta do somethin' to get a blue check. Comedian? You should have to earn that.
Coley: Yeah, I don't hate it.
Tyler: As someone who has no skin in the game I feel perfectly qualified to make the rules here.
Coley: I don't know, cause i'd never call myself a comedian but we get paid to attempt to make people laugh. That is our job.
Tyler: Evil Kneival, we get paid for the attempt!
Coley: *laughs* Yeah I have not been paid for a success rate one time but the attempt, that is our livelihood which like I love doing this with you, cause you're my pal and it's fun.
Tyler: Sure.
Coley: But if there was one thing, like you have to pick just one, your salary's not gonna decrease cause you stopped doing everything else. It would just be blogging and writing. I would like to write not just like "this came out 5 minutes ago, here's something fast with maybe 2 decent punchlines in it". That's when I do those tier blogs or I used to do those 3,000 word conspiracy blogs, like oh yeah I can take this out for a walk. I can actually write, write which I enjoy.
Tyler: Yeah I agree. I would rather do 2 blogs a day that I really sat and thought about than 8, 9, 10 that it's like "oh did you guys see the pants this guy has on?" and that's not knocking that because there's a place for it. It's just me personally, I know 4 Knicks fans are gonna read this but I'm doing a deep dive into the Knicks season. I would just rather do that.
Coley: It's interesting because we do have the freedom to do a lot of stuff but the job part of it, if something goes viral, i've got to get it on the blog immediately. I love it, because for me it's easy, it pays the bills, it keeps the lights on at the company, it gets a ton of hits. I think it's evident to a lot of people, when I write a tier blog at 1:30AM and it's long and I did 250 words on meatball subs alone like yeah this is a little different. It has to look different.
Tyler: That's why i say there is a place for both, because sometimes like "holy shit DeAndre Hopkins caught that with his shoe, this should be up somewhere", but sometimes like 4 days later "let me break down all the reasons why this is a great catch by DeAndre Hopkins. 1st- His shoe's untied at the line of scrimmage, they didn't show you that knot and that's where you get the holding". So it's places for both.
Coley: I have such a weird relationship with the blog too because when I came up as an intern, if you wrote more than 250 words no one was tryna hear that shit.
Tyler: I get it, I look at it and scroll like I wouldn't read this shit but people say they do and I hope so. It's on them not me!
Coley: Yeah, well it's also one thing when you write it and it takes 45 minutes, like it's gonna take someone 3 minutes to read. It's like "who would ever have the time for this!?" but it's like "oh this actually didn't take any time at all to read."
Tyler: Somebody sent me a #pickem the other day and I was like imma do this and then I wrote it and blogged it and he was like "damn, 3 hours later". I was like listen man this shit take time! *laughs* I coulda did it in 5 minutes, is that what you want? Cause that's not what I want.
Coley: Yeah, half ass it, was that the Twins one?
Tyler: Yes, it was the Twins one. Like I wanna do a little research so this shit's not all off the cuff.
Coley: I couldn't believe how they made the better players cheaper, I haven't seen that in the #pickem game.
Tyler: As a veteran in the #pickem game I enjoyed every good player being 2-3 dollars.
Coley: And former MVPs from 14 years ago not even being $1
Tyler: Never heard of 'em! I enjoyed it, so I think that might be my next round. I think i've seen all the basketball ones, like the pick your lineup for the 90's and you want Luka or Zion for $5? I think I need some team specific ones now, but not too team specific. Don't send me Northern Illinois from '05-'15. All time Twins lineup? Sure, I know enough about these names.
Coley: Yeah the Twins have a sneaky deep history, just to lose to the Yankees in the first round every year.
Tyler: It's a tough draw.
Coley: *laughing* It's always the draw too, they don't get any other draw.
Tyler: I don't even know what a Yankees one would look like. DiMaggio $2, Mantle $3, Bernie Williams $4. *laughs* I don't know what the rates would be.
Coley: You take Bernie Williams for some reason.
Tyler: Yeah, i'm goin' Bernie, i'm goin' O'Neill, i'm goin' Brossius and Whitey Ford, that's my lineup!
Coley: A Yankees one would be great, only because how mad people would get at you. Those people being only Yankee fans.
Tyler: Regardless, yeah. "No Gary!?" like he wasn't on the graphic, that I didn't make!
Coley: *laughing* they're like "you took Randy Johnson?!" like "yeah man, I know he wasn't at his peak with the Yankees, however!"
Tyler: "This says to build for 10 years right, so I get the Big Unit for 10 years? For $2?"
Coley: "I'll splurge later, what do you mean?"
Tyler: That's easy money man, they gave me Everyday Eddie Guardado for a dollar man. Are you kidding me?
Coley: Insane, it's insane.
Tyler: And Johan Santana for $3? C'mon man.
Coley: I get Joe Nathan being the $5 dollar choice but Everyday Eddie I mean his name is literally Everyday Eddie.
Tyler: Everyday! C'mon man. Joe Mauer the best athlete, maybe ever?
Coley: Ever, yeah.
Tyler: I was like I remember Johan Santana, that's how I know he was good.
Coley: Johan Santana was the truth.
Tyler: Yeah! He got more Cy Youngs than the $4 and $5 guys combined! He just got hurt, a lot.
Coley: Do you know what Joe Mauer's walk-up song was?
Tyler: *laughs* no.
Coley: For 13 straight years he had the same walk up song. Just take a guess, it's a song you know.
Tyler: A Milli?
Coley: Similar era.
Tyler: Okay. Throw some D's
Coley: No no no. That'd of been great.
Tyler: I don't know. Hit me.
Coley: *clears voice* What you know by TI.
Tyler: Mmm, I like that. I know all about that. Joe Mauer struck out one time in high school.
Coley: That's insane.
Tyler: Again, that's part of the research I put into these blogs. He hit .600 his senior year.
Coley: It feels like Paul Bunyan type thing, he only stuck out once. Like Bo Jackson type "that can't be true". no, 1 time.
Tyler: It's one that he remembers too, like "it was my junior year. Chased the curve, I shouldn't of did it. Between that I was getting a scholarship to play quarterback at Florida State and also getting all-state basketball twice. But I said no, and decided to play professional baseball where I went on to win an MVP."
Coley: Yeah, they had 2 MVPs in the same lineup and could not get past the Yankees. *laughs*
Tyler: They didn't have 2 in the same graphic.
Coley: No they didn't, which I don't know Brain Dozier's a fine player, don't know how he got the nod over Morneau.
Tyler: Aye Rod Carew was the real deal man, I knew he was nice, I ain't know he was that nice. I knew Harmon Killebrew, he's just one of those old names.
Coley: He's literally the logo.
Tyler: Yeah. I was like wait a minute, he had less home runs but was Rod Carew better at literally everything else? It appears so! Send me some good team related, i'll pick a Royals lineup if I must. I don't want to, but i'll do it.
Coley: Bo Jackson for $1!?
Tyler: Yeah! I'm taking him over Brett for $5, I need value.
Coley: It probably would be George Brett for 5 and Carlos Beltran for 4.
Tyler: Mike Moustakas for 3
Coley: *laughing* Hosmer.
Tyler: Yeah no, give me Bo Jack man. Give me the horse man!
Coley: What's a team that's not like an obscure D2 AA but what's a team you'd outright refuse.
Tyler: Louisville. Listen 15 dollars? They spend more than that for adult entertainment for their students.
Coley: I hope so! If you're spending less!
Tyler: They did it's literally been proven. I take that back, build the perfect illegal recruiting class for Louisville to get busted by the NCAA and eventually lose their championship.
Coley: $5 cocaine.
Tyler: Yeah, $5 Coke, $4 Fentanyl, $3 Xan's, $2 Percs, $1 Molly. Okay...give me Xan's for 3!
Coley: Prostitutes for $5, escorts, escorts $5. Prostitutes $4
Tyler: Taaka Vodka for $2, we'll take an uber black around the city, that's $5. We'll threaten to beat up the student manager who'd tell for $4. That's my 15, that's my lineup!
Coley: What pisses me off is the #pickem's that only have 4
Tyler: Yeah, it's too easy.
Coley: PFF loves doin' 4.
Tyler: I did build a runningback and it was like c'mon man.
Coley: It's too much money!
Tyler: If you're gonna do 4, you either gotta drop it to $12, $10 somethin' or you gotta give me a 6 or 7 dollar player. Like $7 rushing, Barry Sanders in '88. Like okay, make me think. But with $15 I built the perfect running back easily, easily Mick!
Coley: Yeah, yeah.
Tyler: I think I had Chubb's rushing, Derrick Henry's goaline, McCaffrey's usage and David Johnson's hands.
Coley: See I took Barkley's rushing because no one got used more than LeVeon Bell the past 5 years and that man took a year off. Somehow he was a dollar? Yeah, i'll take his usage no problem.
Tyler: Fair
Coley: Obviously took James White's hands
Tyler: He was like $3, I was like interesting.
Coley: And then Derrick Henry's goaline was the only one I saw.
Tyler: That was a given. Now Dalvin Cook tryna get some money?*sucks teeth 4x*
Coley: He's come out and his representatives already saying more money than McCaffrey.
Tyler: First it was "they want a deal more than McCaffrey" who's making 16m a year. Then it was like "they'd settle for 15, they'd accept 13.". This feels like not the way to do a holdout.
Coley: Terrible negotiating. It's Melvin Gordon's agent.
Tyler: You like to pay runningbacks Mick, what would you pay Dalvin Cook?
Coley: Enough. I like to draft runningbacks, paying them? Not as much.
Tyler: You make me sick.
Coley: Cook? I'm always bad at NFL contracts because I always think in NFL dollars. I'm like "i don't know, 20 a year? that seems pretty cheap"
Tyler: Nope! Again for reference, McCaffrey at 16 per is the highest paid runningback ever.
Coley: Right, what's Zeke at?
Tyler: Zeke is at 15
Coley: 15?
Tyler: McCaffrey beat 1 more than Zeke.
Coley: That's what fucks up the market, cause I think Dalvin healthy is better than Zeke but the healthy part is obviously part of it.
Tyler: I think I would take Zeke, but I also wouldn't of paid Zeke 15 a year.
Coley: Right, that's part of it. I think he's better but I can't give you more than 15, so i'm thinkin' like 12 probably.
Tyler: David Johnson and LeVeon Bell are both making 13 a year right now.
Coley: They're both bad.
Tyler: I agree, so Dalvin's like "I need 18 a year if those guys are getting 13 a year"
Coley: Can I trade Dalvin Cook for a top 3 WR like I did David Johnson? That's gotta be worth somethin'
Tyler: I don't see why you can't.
Coley: Well, Bill O'Brien doesn't have one. Again.
Tyler: Cooks is alright, Cooks and Fuller for Dalvin Cook.
Coley: I did forget they got Cooks.
Tyler: Yeah, Dalvin for Cooks and Fuller? I'm listenin'
Coley: Yeah, after you already got rid of Stefon Diggs.
Tyler: For this year alone, McCaffrey's at 16, Zeke 15, LeVeon 13.1, David Johnson 13, Derrick Henry 10. Then it goes to Kenyan Drake, Gordon, Barkley, Fournette, and Austin Eckler. Austin Eckler's making 6 million dollars a year and he's not better than Dalvin Cook but if I can get Eckler for 6, I can't give you 12. You're not twice as good as Eckler. Sorry.
Coley: No, probably not.
Tyler: Twice as good? No way. And again yeah he's better but twice as good? No way. I can't do it man, I won't do it. Honest to god, with holdouts, I think Zeke's better but he's better than Gordon. The second Gordon held out I was like this isn't gonna end well, this one I don't know he might get paid. I'm sure he will, i'm sure Minnesota will pay him, they run the ball a lot.
Coley: That's what I mean, I think the situation helps him a lot.
Tyler: Even then *exhales* Mostert made 2.9 million man. I just scrolled down and stopped and i'm looking at what guys are makin' next year. Adrian Peterson's gonna make 2.5 next year. Damien Williams, super bowl MVP is gonna make 2.5. Nick Chubb's makin' 1.8, Dalvin's makin' 1.5. I understand why he's holding out, as a team I would just take a hard stance. I'm not paying, like Kenyan Drake and Gordon are at 8 million. I'd give him 8 million a year, for 3 years but of course he wouldn't take that.
Coley: No.
Tyler: Can I give you 3 for 30 with 20 upfront, somethin' like that. If he's wantin' 14, 15, 16 a year? Nah you're gonna have to hold out and i'm gonna trade you for whatever I can get, sorry. You've been good but you were a second round pick and you've had injury issues already. Sorry. Matt Breida making 3 million next year.
Coley: Yeah, the 49ers highest paid runningback hasn't even taken a fuckin' snap for them.
Tyler: And never will!
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: He'd be a dope, he'd be a real dummy to take a snap.
Coley: Speaking of California runningbacks.
Tyler: Uh oh.
Coley: Reggie Bush should tell USC to go fuck themselves.
Tyler: I saw that, they're ready to welcome him back with open arms? For some reason?
Coley: Yeah!
Tyler: Did he respond or say anything to it?
Coley: Their official statement was like "we've ended our disassociation with Reggie Bush" it was something very backhanded even the way they were doing it.
Tyler: "we've stopped not fuckin' with the kid"
Coley: Yeah *laughs* lemme pull it up because it was very bad.
Tyler: Did he accept or has he said anything?
Coley: They cut together a video of him talking about USC that sounded like it was pretty recent. "Official: Reggie Bush is back" like sick dude!
Tyler: Yeah, awesome!
Coley: Yeah, he quote tweeted their videos and stuff. What the fuck! They did it with OJ Mayo too! To much less fan fare I might argue.
Tyler: Was this statute of limitations year or somethin'?
Coley: I don't know
Tyler: Yeah no, yall ain't wanna fuck with the kid then.
Coley: It was like "we finally re-embraced Reggie Bush" *laughs* What?
Tyler: After years of hating him for stupid reasons. So they gon' give him the Heisman back or what?
Coley: No that's what everyone's demanding but yeah "Reggie Bush, welcome back into the Trojan family."
Tyler: Boy, fuck you.
Coley: Here we go, I owe a slight apology to USC. "Former 2x All-American Reggie Bush returns to USC following 10 year NCAA mandated disassociation"
Tyler: I guess. But after 10 years? I don't know. Long term, I guess. If he starts goin' there and flipping the coin for the gameball every year no one will really care. So I guess.
Coley: So I guess this was part of the NCAA's punishment like "this guy can't be associated with USC" which I guess makes somewhat sense like they couldn't use him to like recruit and shit like that.
Tyler: He can only be on the cover of NCAA football, can't use him though.
Coley: Said Bush "I've dreamed of this day for 10+ years, i'm excited to come home"
Tyler: I guess man.
Coley: But yeah, I don't understand the Mayo one. "Welcome back OJ Mayo, the highest drafted player in program history has officially been reinstated"
Tyler: Has that been 10 years too? Shit, it's been a while. '08 draft, or what year was OJ Mayo drafted? It's been a minute.
Coley: It was '08
Tyler: 12 year mandate. I guess.
Coley: What are these bannings do then?
Tyler: That's why I can't come back, cause this shit's all posturing man. 1, I think it's so stupid for the NCAA to strip awards but not award somebody else as the champion. Like "who won the Heisman in '05?" "Vacated"...What? What are you talking about?
Coley: That makes it so much worse.
Tyler: Right, if you're looking back and that's what this is for. If 50 years from now you're looking back and see "well okay, Reggie Bush was out there thowin' up USC at the game and flipping the coin and all that, yeah it was all good." But if you look back like nobody won the 2013 NCAA Mens National Championship? Michigan and an unnamed team played but nobody won? Huh? What are you talking about? That's ridiculous!
Coley: It's never made sense to me, because Reggie Bush still went out there and played football. It wasn't like they paid him and made him better at football.
Tyler: Well, I don't know about that! You know you're getting 50 grand a touchdown, i'd play a little better football. I need 8 against Fresno State to get the Bentley? I want it outside my apartment by Monday, with a ribbon on it. I don't care about paying players, they should be paid. This feels like weed convictions to me, in the relatively soon future guys are gonna get some type of compensation. I don't know what it'll be, it won't be what they're fairly worth but they'll get something. It'll be like all the guys you put out, the Terelle Pryor's, the Reggie Bush's should all have their shit expunged. On the record it should of never been there, it's like "well I don't know about that". Okay well it's okay for Dabo Swinney to make 9 million dollars but it's not okay for Terelle Pryor to sell his jersey to keep his mothers lights on? Thats completely out of bounds.
Coley: Well don't forget Tyler he also got that tattoo.
Tyler: Oh yeah, no he's a bad guy. Dabo, he said Jesus one time so I think that's something everyone should think about.
Coley: Mhm, mhm, mhm.
Tyler: College is the fuckin' worst dude.
Coley: I've been tryna tell people.
Tyler: The thing is it stinks but when it's done right somewhere, it doesn't stink and that could be so much easier. Like boy oh boy, Iowa, Kirk Ferentz he does it right. Oh wait, his strength coach is talkin' to everybody crazy? Who could've known!? To use my coach as an example, you see Mark Stoops, he ain't won a championship, he ain't even won the conference but they're making steady progress. And as of recently he was downtown like leading the players in the Black Lives Matter, like "we can't stay silent on this, you have to pick a side. this is the side we're picking". He didn't say anything inflammatory, he didn't say anything like "burn everything down" it just feels that easy to be a college coach. Like "I don't know if I can agree with this but 90 of the 100 players on my team agree with this, maybe I should listen to them. Maybe I should at least hear them out and give them a chance to voice themselves." I saw Iowa, he recently lifted their ban. They got one social media post a month. He was like "the world's burning down, you guys can have 3-5 social media posts a month.". I just hope people are watchin', I hope kids and I hope parents are watchin' because if i'm gonna be making millions of dollars for somebody it's gonna be for somebody who at the very least sees me as a human being and not a cash cow.
Coley: I saw Mikey Williams who's 14, 15. One of the best high school basketball players in the country was like "I will have HBCU's"
Tyler: like on his recruitment. Shoutout to Taylor, Taylor Rooks talked to him about that and both his parents went to HBCU's so this ain't just lip service.
Coley: He even said like "it won't be just for show, i'll very seriously consider them" with basketball too, i'm not saying it's easier to do but Ben Simmons going to LSU and being able to punt a year. The NBA knows who they're gonna take, coming out of high school.
Tyler: Right, once the high school classes are finalized and you follow them.
Coley: Right so you can definitely do that. And i'm not trying to say he wouldn't do it for a bigger cause but it wouldn't fuck up his draft stock either.
Tyler: Nah, and that's another thing i've seen 4 or 5 guys will decide to go one place together. 4 or 5 guys will decide to go to Kentucky together at the McDonalds game or the Jordan Classic came. Of course i'd always love them to come to Kentucky but if 1 just decided, "hey let's go to Miami, let's go to San Diego. They're gonna find us wherever we're at. Let's go to the beach somewhere, let's go to Howard, lets go to Clark Atlanta, let's go to one of these HBCU's. We'll still be together, they'll still find us". I couldn't be mad at that and I hope it does happen. Basketball could work but football could too because we're seeing guys get drafted out of smaller NAIA, D2 whatever, Lenoir Rhyne. If you can play, you'll get found. So hopefully they start going places and noticing that they'll get found wherever. A lot of these stories are coming out of Iowa years later like "yeah, we hated it at the time. we just couldn't talk because they'd not play us, they'd kill our draft stock, they'd tell scouts not to draft us. We were basically stuck". I'm hoping that college players, men and women, boys and girls I should say, these are teenagers.
Coley: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Tyler: I hope they realize or their parents at the very least realize the power they have right now and have always had really.
Coley: Yeah that's the thing, a lot of coaches are preying on kid's, you know what I mean?
Tyler: Yup.
Coley: They oversell every kid coming from the worst background of all time but some of these kids do come from the worst background of all time. So it's very easy to be like "I have all the power in the world over this kid, I can do whatever I want. I'll get him no problem" Some of these parents who are good parents, some of them don't even care about sports so they don't know the whole system either.
Tyler: They just see "my kid can get a free education, he came into my living room, shook my hand and ate dinner with me and told me he's gonna take care of my boy.". Again, in a living room i'm sure Dabo's a charming motherfucker man, i'm sure he can shake your grandma's hand and kiss your older sister, all that. The Iowa thing, the strength coach it was like if you were from a bad background he was like "If you fuck up i'll send you back there", if you're from a good background it was "okay you're soft, you're too entitled, you don't deserve this". That's how you know it ain't about the kid, it's about the power that they have over these kids. When Florida State buddy was like "we ain't workin' out until he meet with us" and he met with them and it sounds like it went well. I haven't heard anything else, I guess they're back to practice, back to virtual workouts or whatever. It's that easy, when Missouri a couple years ago they weren't practicing until, theres a dude he was goin' on a hunger strike for something and they made that shit happen. It's so much money in these sports that if teams and guys really realize the power but they're also 18 and 19, it's unfair to expect them to fix problems that they didn't really create. I hope the parents are at least watchin', watchin' who's saying and doing stuff in times like this. Not even to big up my coach but just in general, if it somewhere you're thinking about sending your kid for 3, 4, 5, 6 years? I hope you know more than just football, I would say.
Coley: Yeah. I was shocked even more so than the Red Sox statement, every Patriots player has come out and been like "Belichick's been with the shits in meetings so far" like letting guys talk. Because Belichick's whole thing with the media is like "it's football" and then he'll call MySpace faceface or something like that. Like "I have no idea about anything", like really? You're that smart and have no idea about anything? Of course you do.
Tyler: No, Black Lives Ma? I don't...
Coley: I like Navy and Red Lives Matter, that's the New England Patriots. But yeah, I saw Devin McCourty got some award and Belichick was the first person virtually to speak honoring him. And he was just like "the leadership you do on and off the field since you got here, recently all of it. You educate all of us" and I know why that story's not bigger, but it should be.
Tyler: Right. That's just how it goes. Cal did a thing, it's a big thing like every week or so it's Coffee with Cal, it's a big thing. And he like stopped, he was like "no, we're gonna stop to think about George Floyd and i'm gonna think about what I can do. A lot of the kids on the court are black but we need to make sure behind the scenes. I'm proposing stuff we need to get in operations and finance, sports management, all of it should look like the guys on the court." and it's like as a coach, again, it's that easy. It's that easy to show you stand with your guys and you're not on some "I will burn the stadium down if they get paid. If they're treated like human beings I will walk out of this bitch right now".
Coley: That's what fuckin' NASCAR boy did.
Tyler: *laughs* I was tryna think what's the equivalent of that, like what's in the NBA? Like "oh boy, oh no Shelvin Mack"
Coley: Like caliber of player? Yeah.
Tyler: Shelvin Mack is about to retire. "Oh no, Cedi Osman has decided he will not return to the Cavaliers". Like okay! That guy was 0-31. I bet Jeff Gordon, his percentages probably ain't great but I know he ain't no 0-31 and tryna make moral stands.
Coley: Yeah he was like "No, listen. That flag will fly high"
Tyler: Yeah, and i'll say to NASCAR's credit, a lot of people who've been doing these things but thinking about their fanbase who's a majority black. NASCAR's is not
Coley: No, no it sure isn't.
Tyler: So they very easily could of said one, nothing at all.
Coley: No one would of noticed.
Tyler: Or two doubled down and been like "we stand with the blue" and it would of charged up most of their core fanbase, but no they took a stand. So shoutout to them, shoutout to Bubba Wallace I don't know if they made him but he puttin' that Drew Brees black and white shaking hands on the front of his car.
Coley: Yeah he did.
Tyler: I was like "okay".
Coley: If it does feel not great but it's better coming from him.
Tyler: It's a step. All we want is steps.
Coley: Him being the only black guy in NASCAR not the white guy in a predominantly black sport. It's just different.
Tyler: Yeah, no Aaron Rodgers decrees he will be wearing a black and white hand shaking on his helmet for the rest of the year.
Coley: Fined 10,000 dollars a game by Goodell *laughs*
Tyler: Goodell pays to have him murdered. It's a step and it's places, did you see babynames.com?
Coley: Yeah, that was crazy.
Tyler: Yeah that was real crazy. babynames.com for people who don't know it's a place people go for baby names for babies.
Coley: Which is already insane, like we know the names.
Tyler: Had to compile 'em. No they put a thing it was Eric Garner, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, all these lists of black people killed by the police and were like "these were somebody's babies too". Like it's as simple as that, that's how you can make a statement. There are companies still not even doing that. Speaking of baby names
*Coley's daughter making noises in background*
Tyler: She talkin' that shit too! *noises continue* No I agree! No 100%, I think she's spot on. Nah absolutely, when you talk about one race, one pure race I think points were being made on both sides. 100%.
Coley: Sorry.
Tyler: No she was talkin' that shit man. I agree with her.
Coley: She's fed up
Tyler: That's what I said. For baby names we should talk to a baby so it felt right.
Coley: That was something I saw a screenshot of, so I assumed "oh no this is fake" and actually went there and oh no, real.
Tyler: Oh no, they're with the shits. It doesn't all look one way, everyone ain't Ben & Jerry's. Ben & Jerry's been with the shits forever.
Coley: Forever.
Tyler: And it's why I fuck with 'em. But it's also a statement as simple as that "oh you come lookin' for baby names? these was somebody's baby that was killed for either no reason or a reason that did not justify what they did. Just thing about that too, when you're lookin' up Amberly or whatever"
Coley: *laughing* We're seeing there's a lot of different ways to get a message across.
Tyler: Absolutely.
Coley: Whatever it's gonna take for it to sink in with people who just don't fully get it yet. You can be saying the right things but in your brain you don't fully get it. Like "I know I want to align with those people, I just don't know why" that's why I think it's important for all these different messages to come out. I saw a lot of people like "to NASCAR's credit, they're going to take loss". I saw some people being like "they care less about the fans than the sponsors and the sponsors are all wanting this message". Listen, they would get sponsors if they said the other thing too.
Tyler: They'd lose sponsors but the four who stayed would be like "we're doubling our advertisment"
Coley: New sponsor, Dak Prescott!
Tyler: "I'll fund the thing out of pocket myself"
Coley: Yeah, Dak spends all of his next contract before he even gets it.
Tyler: "Yeah no i'm very poor, I bought the police in every city Teslas"
Coley: *laughing* I saw a couple NASCAR fans like "they've been slowly over the past couple years removing overt racism from the sport. this kind of sparked it to go a little faster but they had been behind the scenes trying" because they know, they fucking know.
Tyler: Okay, that's the thing if any of these companies or anyone who sports it don't know, then that's who you can't trust.
Coley: Racism! What do you mean!?
Tyler: I've heard of it, no. My Column: by Albert Breer. I have an app I downloaded today that I saw on Instagram. You can see where the companies you fuck with are giving their money, cause they tell people to vote and I say it all the time, your dollar is your vote too. You get to vote at the polls every once in a while but you get to vote with your dollar every single day, wherever you choose to give it. I would say I hope you're giving it to places that agree with what you believe in.
Coley: Can we talk about voting?
Tyler: No! I never wanna talk about voting.
Coley: Why is that an institution that refuses, and I know the answer, refuses to adapt to even 20 year ago modern times much less modern modern times.
Tyler: You know what that answer is.
Coley: Oh, I know.
Tyler: Somebody was like voting should be as easy as a Twitter poll man. It could be that easy, it could be mailed to your house but instead you have to go and I was physically waiting 90 minutes and they had us standing outside in the heat. Not even like i'm some hero but there was multiple pregnant women in that line and if i'm a pregnant woman or I was someone with a pregnant wife, i'd be like "you're not standin' in this" like if I was a younger me, I know I woulda went home. I feel like that's kinda the point of it and that's why I stayed, that and I ain't got shit else to do but that's the point! And I can't prove it but I swear the way they had the line snaked out was initially to make it look longer than it was. So it was like people pullin' up would see it and they'd pull off because after legit 50, 55 minutes, it was at a fire station. So they open up the fire station, with trucks, no people were in there, no fighters of fire and when they let people in they already had cones and X's snaked out so people could socially distance and I was like y'all coulda did this the whole time. Not even for all of us but elderly degree people out there in 90º heat standing for an hour. Like come on man. You tell people to go and vote and this is what it looks like. For at least 3 counties here in Atlanta, the machines bein' broken the day of, and I know it wasn't only Atlanta, I know there were more places, I know there were more shenanigans. So you vote with your dollar everyday. You can see who people donating to, so make sure it agrees with what you agree with.
Coley: Broken voting machines are something that should never happen, they get used maybe once every like 2 years?
Tyler: It's like "boy, the Olympic Torch won't light!"
Coley: *laughing mightly*
Tyler: Like what are you talking about? You've had 3 years, 11 months and 28 days, did y'all fix it? "No we just figured it'd probably be fine". "It won't light! It won't take a flame!"
Coley: If you've noticed too it's never like 1 voting machine was broken at this place, another was broken at that. It's always all of them at one!
Tyler: Entire county, down!
Coley: I saw a lot of people too like "why isn't it a week?". Why isn't it a month?
Tyler: You get more time to vote for American Idol man. You get 24 hours to vote and they come back the next day. Voting you get 12 hours, you got from 7-7, what's the downside to stretching it out? The more you stretch it out, that feels like adding money for more TV stations. If it's Monday-Friday the polls are open from 7-7, stop by when you can, before work, after work, lunch break, whenever. It's not like "no, listen it's Tuesday from 7-7. If you work a 12 hour shift that day at a job you can't take off you just don't get to vote, sorry"
Coley: Yeah, "you count as much as a hardened criminal who we just stripped their right to vote."
Tyler: That's a whole nother case man.
Coley: Definitely.
Tyler: "Listen, you get to live in this country. You don't get to choose any part of it though." Tough scene man.
Coley: Yeah, it's bad! I'm sure people would be like "if there's more time, that's more chance to rig it.". It's rigged, currently.
Tyler: It ain't the time that's causing the rigging. More people than I ever knew following me were like Utah, Vermont, they bring our ballot to our door personally. They record it there. It's 96% white people here, I don't know why they don't do it everywhere! It's not your fault, you didn't set the shit up but in browner communities it ain't that easy to vote. It should be, it should be that easy for everybody.
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: I would love a nice Twitter poll, like i've got all week to vote. "okay, i'll vote for candidate A. well I don't know Tuesday they did the debate and he kind of swayed me"
Coley: *laughing* If voting was player A vs player B, you only saw their stats, not their name.
Tyler: *laughing* Player A, pro-weed, anti-crime, pro-woman, anti-muslim. Player B, neutral on all stances. 53-47 B to A.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Actually player A was Ronald Reagan!
Coley: Fuck! We missed Obama again!
Tyler: Yeah player B was Davis, he's like "Damn! Goddamn!" *laughs*
Coley: Yeah player A it's like voted no against Iraqi war but then 4 years later voted yes for Drone Strikes. it's like "Ahhh what do you mean? *flustered*"
Tyler: Is A Durant?
Coley: *laughing* I think that might have to be it. You don't get republican democrat anymore, you get player A vs player B.
Tyler: I'm fine with that.
Coley: Ernie Johnson votes player C
Tyler: "this player believes in none of those things! he's not even running!"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: Ernie's like "sweet"
Coley: He doesn't have legs!
Tyler: Yeah no it should be like "this guy's decriminalizing weed, he wants to legalize gambling to stimulate the economy" then you click and it's like "Bernie Sanders! What?! No! I didn't wanna vote for that old man!"
Coley: I will say it is also crazy, crazy and I know this is what people come here for, but it's crazy we get 2 options. Clowning Ernie's all well and good but there should be more than 2!
Tyler: You get more options for fuckin' Most Improved Player of the Year than you get for PRESIDENT. Back in the day I maybe kinda get it but no I kinda don't! They had less shit to do! There shoulda been more! More should been up here, some republicans, some democrats and now it's like you get red and blue. These are the colors.
Coley: You get Coke or Pepsi!
Tyler: "I kinda like Sprite" "That's not an option" "I want water!" "Not an option" "I like juice, juice is kinda the color of Coke but it's kinda the color of Pepsi too!" "Well I wanna have a beer with Coke guy, so i'll vote for A. He speaks for me". It should be like 5 days long, like Election Week doesn't feel like a stretch. I'm sure they'll go the other way, you have from 7 AM to
Coley: 7:05, yeah.
Tyler: if you're not in line by 7:04, you can kiss your vote goodbye. If you're gonna be votin' you should look into early voting, absentee ballot, all that. I waited in line for an hour like this shit don't even matter! These are primary's to the primary's! I ain't decide shit!
Coley: I used to think party loyalists were so fuckin' dumb, like how could you just ride with what that party has to say on a given day. But then it's like, you only have 2 options anyways, why fuckin' not?
Tyler: Blues not right every time but for the most part I ride with 'em. Or Red, I usually roll with red, 86% of the time they alright.
Coley: Centrist has become a negative and there's a lot of reasons why because the center keeps on getting moved every year.
Tyler: I think racism is bad. "Centrist! You should be fired!"
Coley: The true initial centrist, like I think you both have some decent ideas if you could just compile those good ideas from each side and leave the bad ones from each side I think you got somethin' workin' there.
Tyler: Some kind of 3rd or 4th party.
Coley: Nope.
Tyler: It's putting out fires with like an airplane full of water. This is the best we got? Really?
Coley: That's it!
Tyler: We're gonna have to vote between two 70 year old deranged, alleged sexual assaulters. These are your choices! You want the old guy who can't fuckin' talk or the Orange guy who's a fuckin' idiot? Which one? Cash your vote!
Coley: Gummy Joe
Tyler: Yeah, Gummy Joe. I can't even say I hope i'm wrong, there are no winners here!
Coley: Nah
Tyler: There's no "haha you were wrong Withers". Joe Biden's president, yay. Yeah i'll eat that crow.
Coley: *laughing* yeah sick. America's solved!
Tyler: Man oh man. This man Joe Biden said "maybe they can shoot unarmed people in the leg instead of the chest"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: *laughing* "I see that and i'll raise you one, on Juneteenth a holiday that means something to black people i'll hold a rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma where Black Wall Street was destroyed". So now we're waiting on Gummy Joe to top it, he's gonna be like "It'll be on 9/11, at ground zero! I'll be speaking, Whalberg will be there"
Coley: Also, on Juneteenth it'll be Gummy Joe and Mayor Pete, doing the Cupid Shuffle
Tyler: *cracks up* Yeah, that's probably what it's gonna be. Like "wow look at Joe Biden due the tootsie shuffle, he really gets me.". Fuck this man....
Coley: *laughing in severe depression*
Tyler: I'm not having fun, at all!
Coley: *laughing* no, no, no it's bad.
Tyler: I would love to see how other countries do it, I know they have prime ministers and all that but I would love to know the election process because everything that takes common sense happens overseas and not here. Even if you disagree with the guy that got there, we can trust that the process that got him there is on the level.
Coley: Yeah, you're right. Does that exist anywhere? Is there a place that has that?
Tyler: I don't know, I wanna ask what's the longest you would wait to vote?
Coley: I voted on yours, I think I said an hour and a half.
Tyler: I think it was 0-15, 15-30, 30-45, 45+ and it was more split than I thought. 53% would wait 30 minutes or less but 47 would wait 30 or more. I was surprised because a lot of people were like "i've never waited more than 4 minutes to vote, if there's 1 car there i'm not goin'" and then there's people like "no I camped out with my family, it took us 6 days to vote in 2016" like why does that even exist?
Coley: Right.
Tyler: Yeah i'm not having fun.
Coley: No. My father was so involved in politics in general, he was a big get shit done kinda guy. Oh you need 10,000 envelopes stuffed and mailed out?
Tyler: Gotcha!
Coley: Just give me supplies, i'll get a team together, they're out there. He campaigned for everything, he was puttin' Mayors in office in Boston, he was doing everything, everything. So i've always had that background, i've had to put envelopes in mailboxes during summer, walking around the whole city for a day and it sucks, it fuckin' sucks.
Tyler: Doesn't sound fun, no.
Coley: No. I'm holding signs at Rotary's for people, all sorts of terrible shit, people beeping at you. I've done fuckin' all of it, i've put signs on peoples lawns, not even new ones, the old fuckin' wooden ones that you'd have to hammer in.
Tyler: yeah, put your foot down to level it
Coley: Yeah so i've spent days at polling centers with him not even old enough to vote. So I know i'm different in the sense that i could wait an hour and a half to vote if I have to but again, i'm white, i've never had to wait that long.
Tyler: The time is less so than it feel like something shady is going on here. When I pulled up this line was uncharacteristically long, even accounting for social distancing even accounting for people being outside. It was snaked in a way that just doesn't make sense, nobody knows where the line starts, nobody knows where it ends. This just doesn't make logical sense, and in an hour they moved everybody inside. After that, I don't wanna say I was closer and it felt like it was movin' quicker but I feel like once they snaked the line, folks was movin' in and out. You were constantly moving up to the next X on the floor.
Coley: It doesn't take that long.
Tyler: It can't! Even inside there was 8-10 voting machines, I was like these are the oldest shits in the world man. I barely get it and i've seen every computer in the book damn near. If I was 60, 70, 80 years old tryna understand it, you put the card in and vote? I can't read half this shit. Come on, it's gotta be easier than this.
Coley: It's also crazy that there's no uniformed way to vote. The whole 2000 election was swung by a state with its own punchcard system that no one else had and they went back and they were like "some of these pushed through but weren't punched all the way so we're gonna just call these hanging chads and give the win to the guy who lost. Like what?
Tyler: That's how it's always been Mick!
Coley: It feels like we're talking about college athletes again, there is a sense of powerless again. What are supposed to do when something way bigger at hand is on the other side.
Tyler: Yeah and I get it, and I was asking not to shame people who were saying 10 minutes or less because I get it.
Coley: That's what it should be!
Tyler: If you say 90 minutes or more I get that too. If you do it in one day, yeah there are gonna be people who wait 90 minutes, that's where it feels like why do we do it in one day? This lasts for 4 years, give or take for most elections. We do this in 12 hours? Campaign season takes 18 months but voting day takes 12 hours? How would this not be easier for everybody involved, the people running, the people counting the votes, the people reporting the votes. How would this not be easier for everybody involved? But alas, just had to go somewhere and feel like I was fuckin' stuck at the Oregon trail. You put in your card and it's like you want disentary or cholera? I went with cholera.
Coley: Yeah, of course. Anyone with a brain.
Tyler: It felt so backwards, just for the first time ever you put in the voter card, make a vote, it prints out a page, a physical page, you go turn in the page and feed it to a machine. I'm like i'm certain this is shredding my page, i've never been more sure of anything in my life. You also turn in the card and the stylus you used to tap on the screen, i'm like this feels like way too many steps.
Coley: Way too many.
Tyler: Voting toasters and putting fires out for your helicopter. There's just no innovation. Toast should be automatic now, takes the same time it did in 1952.
Coley: Freezers too, there's been no flash freezing gizmo thing.
Tyler: You buy a freezer and refrigerator it should also be like "oh they got a sale on the flash freezer/dethawer", okay I want this froze in 2 hours but I need it thawed out in 3 hours. No, they don't have this shit! Like no sit it in water for 14 hours, it'll be good by next week when you want dinner.
Coley: There needs to be a microwave equivalent for freezing.
Tyler: Yeah, like "I need this frozen PDQ!" and it's just not. It ain't even microwaves that can cook popcorn perfectly man. People making the popcorn are like "don't use the popcorn button"
Coley: Yeah not a single box you buy says "yeah hit the popcorn button, I don't even know why you're reading this still"
Tyler: Hit 2 to enjoy. I don't even know what microwave manufacturers.
Coley: Every popcorn instructions like "if you're more than a foot away from the microwave yours will probably be burnt. you need to have an ear to the ground, the second you hear no more popping it's already too late"
Tyler: "cook it for 4 seconds, turn it off and then you're ready to go"
Coley: One day, one day.
Tyler: I ain't buyin' it.
Coley: I'm lookin' at towns to move and i'm pretty much sorting it by how their high schools are ranked
Tyler: Sports wise?
Coley: Yeah yeah, of course. And i'm like maybe by the time my 3 month old is going to high school we'll of reallocated those funds that are being terribly spent it won't matter what town you're in because the schools will all be the same!
Tyler: It's gonna go the other way
Coley: No school! School's dead!
Tyler: And whatever you teach 'em is whatever she learns! Meanwhile every policeman has a Lamborghini.
Coley: "How was Jersey Shore History today daughter"
Tyler: She's like "It was good, I got a B+. I said Gym, Laundry, Tan. I got that wrong.". You're like "there's time before the final, you'll get it in May babygirl". I hate everything.
Coley: It's not great.
Tyler: Just personally, I don't like things.
Coley: There's not much to like, at the moment.
Tyler: I agree! You'll get no argument here.
Coley: We're like 8 years away from co-host Sada Baby just taking over the country anyways.
Tyler: Is that when he turns 35? Yeah that's really about it. Even then, we bucking old trends why the hell you gotta be 35 to be president? What the hell is that?
Coley: I know I don't want my president to be a 21 year old.
Tyler: No I get it, and that's fine too but what does 35 mean? I feel like they set that at a time where if you even lived to 35
Coley: You're gonna be king, yeah.
Tyler: You were sage, of course you can rule our country! Now it should either be much higher, like you need at least 35 years of experience at local government or it should be no age limit. Like college, i'm fine with a 2 year age limit, i'm fine with no age limit. It's a kid in high school who's like 19 who's like "nah I could get this shit figured out"
Coley: I talked about this with Trent before too and it's not the most original thought but I think it's completely true. If you ever say out loud "I wanna be president" automatically disqualified from being president. You just can't.
Tyler: Yeah, yeah that's how it goes man.
Coley: It should almost be like there are scouts, like "I think this guy over here he's just mayoring the fuck out of his city"
Tyler: "He's got a good system, I don't trust his decision making"
Coley: Yeah like Brad Stevens at Butler, "I think this guy at the next level, I think he could work!"
Tyler: "Yeah, nah he said he wanted to be president one time in 6th grade. You want me to put my neck out there like that? For a vagabond like that?"
Coley: No one wants to be president and everyone knew the kid like 6th grade class president, senior year class president, president of the fraternity, that's always all they ever cared about. You're out! See ya later! You've been doing this for the wrong reasons all along.
Tyler: Yeah I think that's pretty much how it goes, you can't say it and you can't be 34. Those are the 2 rules. You can be a racist, you can be a sexual assaultist, you can be whatever you want but boy you better fuckin' be 35.
Coley: Yeah, the elections just done, we as a society just appoint someone. I guess it's still an election but no one runs we just know.
Tyler: Yeah like you can run but you can't be A or B. It needs to be whoever's the best candidate. It's like "boy oh boy, this guy had all the policy, he grew up in the city, he understands everything. I wish he wasn't 33!" *laughing*
Coley: If he had just been born two years earlier everything would be so much easier!
Tyler: He shoulda been born during election off year! He should of been born during the winter olympics months! But alas.
Coley: *laughing* We set such arbitrary ages for everything.
Tyler: I think the wildest shit to me is, people that become president know they wanna become president except for maybe this current one who figured it out like 6 weeks after he started running.
Coley: Sadly, he was like the most honest about his intentions for wanting office.
Tyler: Worked like a charm, how bout that.
Coley: For him? Yeah!
Tyler: It's like boy oh boy how do people know they wanna do this for life and still fuck up? Who's that guy, Winer?
Coley: Anthony Weiner. Yeah
Tyler: Bad last name. If you're a politician under 22 you wanna be president, it's fine but you're not doing this to be 30 year Mayor and then retire as that. But like "from the time i'm Alderman to the time I run for president, every single spotlight is on me. I'm gonna send my dick to this woman who's not my wife! That's a good idea! Oh they caught me. I'll do it again."
Coley: *laughing* "yeah they'll never look over here again, oh they did!"
Tyler: It'll cancel out.
Coley: I think some of these people go into it with pure intentions, I really do. Some, not all of them. Then once they get into the fraternity I think it's an extremely slippery slope of 1 backdoor deal that probably keeps them up at night like "oh was that the wrong thing". Like the first time you smoked weed, you were like "i'm doing something bad here, i'm doing something i'm not supposed to.
Tyler: I shouldn't be here.
Coley: Yeah, by the 30th time you smoke weed, you're like "ah this is sick, i'm not even worried"
Tyler: Just fuckin' totin' *laughs*
Coley: I think that's part of the problem, the entire system needs to be torn down and rebuilt.
Tyler: Completely torn down, they don't even have to rebuild the shit. Just tear it down. It's wild and I kinda get it but I kinda don't, your governor has much more power over your day to day. Do we need a president? It's just more levels to be corrupt, like the more levels you add the more opportunities you have to be corrupt. It's like with the president, okay if it's gonna be states rights Georgia says no to weed but Florida says yes! Okay if you wanna live in Georgia you can live there, if you wanna live in Florida you can live there but then Nationally it's like "no we disagree with you both! we just do what we do."
Coley: "Until it's convenient for us to"
Tyler: Yeah, speed limit here's 70 cross that line over there 4 feet that way? It's 62 so don't get caught!
Coley: Yeah "what line?" "it's in the sky, don't worry about it"
Tyler: Stop asking questions boy! It makes no sense to me, it's like everybody has different rules until we don't!
Coley: Fuckin' insane. It's insane and then like New Hampshire who's literal motto is Live Free or Die, those are your 2 choices.
Tyler: Okay, A or B.
Coley: Weed's still super illegal there today, like what are you talking about!? What happened to Live Free?
Tyler: You're choosing die, is what i'm hearing!
Coley: *laughing* What do you mean!? Take it off the fucking license plate if this is how you're gonna act.
Tyler: I can't remember what state but it was like guys play for this team and it's legal in their state because it's illegal nationwide and in the NFL. It's like who has the power, is it states rights or your jobs right? Y'all tellin' me two different things, we just need to pick a side. Like listen you can have 8 beers and get behind the wheel here but if you go two miles that way, you can have 14 beers and get behind the road.
Coley: That's like with that map that will go viral, usually for a bad reason, so often by the age of consent by state. How is that not agreed upon?
Tyler: 26 over here, 11 over here. So, it's like shit man. Like "I don't know the kid was 11", "He was in West Virginia!" "Ohhhh, okay"
Coley: Yeah, what are you gonna do.
Tyler: It's perfectly fine now!
Coley: Yeah, R Kelly's real problem was he picked the wrong state!
Tyler: He's like "If I was doin' this shit in Indiana, y'all would never know my name." and the Governor of Indiana's like "yes, no he's right, yes."
Coley: *laughing* It's fucking so dumb, so dumb. I think states rights is probably a good thing, if we're gonna have national laws too it feels like a couple of these things shouldn't be up to a state's debate!
Tyler: That's what i'm sayin', for the most part "do you wanna drive 60 or you wanna drive 70?" "okay, we won't split hairs". "You wanna have sex with a 9 year old or you wanna have sex with a 19 year old?" "Listen we won't split hairs". No please split hairs! This is where you split hair!
Coley: *laughing* We're paying you to hair split!
Tyler: I beg you to split hairs! Even the rules where you get arrested for a DUI aren't the same, some places you'll pay a fine and get back on the road, some places are like "no you don't drive for 10 months, we take your license immediately.". Okay, I gotta do my drinking and driving in New Mexico! If I drink and drive and just make it across state lines, i'm good.
Coley: You're in a police chase and they're like "fuck he's gaining on us, we're almost out of Arizona. We've got no rights over there!". Pull over and moon them, New Mexico cops are shooting in the sky mocking the Arizona PD.
Tyler: "He made it to Utah, what can we do? What can we do!?"
Coley: Dumb.
Tyler: I don't like it.
Coley: I think Miles per hour is a good one, cause like Texas if you can't drive 90 you're never gonna get anywhere. Boston, probably should never drive 90.
Tyler: I kinda get that but "you can smoke weed here at the governors house, you go there? buddy if we catch you with half of half of half of a roach you're doin' 8 years hard time.". I don't like it.
Coley: Have you seen that old white woman history teacher who's extremely about that life?
Tyler: Jane Elliot?
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: Oh I love Jane Elliot! Jane Elliot be gettin' folks together.
Coley: Effortlessly.
Tyler: Ah man. Full court pressure.
Coley: Yeah, she's foot on neck 24/7, she's not lettin' up.
Tyler: We got shown the brown eyes, blue eyes video when I was how old. Like elementary school. To this day every 6 months, Jane Elliot be on someone news station yelling at white people like "you fucking idiot! you can't say you don't know because I been saying this shit for 50 years!"
Coley: Yeah, her videos were never something that was used in school for me but they should of been.
Tyler: Oh yeah. I remember seeing Jane Elliot in school, it was elementary school for sure the first time. I was like "she's much smarter than me but this is alright!". Now i'm like "she's still much smarter than me but this is alright!. She's gotten much smarter, but this is alright!
Coley: She was already old back then and she's somehow doubling up every year.
Tyler: Did you see the map one she did?
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: Did you go the website where you can drag countries and stuff around and see their actual size?
Coley: No. That I didn't see.
Tyler: Dude, it fucked me up, I was like I can't believe this. It has the whole world in the Mercado projection, the one everybody sees on globes and maps but you click a country and you can drag it to another country to see the actual size.
Coley: In proportion?
Tyler: Yeah, because in one of the videos she was like "they're telling you, if you look at the map scale they're telling you South America is like 8 or 9 times the size of Greenland but if you look at the map, Greenland looks half the size of South America without the scale". So on their website you can grab Greenland, drag it to South America and see how small it is in comparison. You can drag the United States to Africa and be like "boy, 4 of these would fit in Africa!"
Coley: Well, no this is where I disagree because if you remember the Ironghazi map.
Tyler: Yeah, no how could I forget! That should be the real projection.
Coley: As far as i'm concerned it is.
Tyler: No more Mercado! Instead Ironghazi, New York fits inside Baltimore, Baltimore fits inside China. It all checks out!
Coley: That was a great troll, great troll.
Tyler: People were so mad, that's how you know you just got 'em. Not even fish in a barrel, what's worse than fish in a barrel? Dead fish in a barrel!
Coley: Yeah, fish in a whole ocean, which also fits in the united states.
Tyler: Double barrel, yes. Antartica, they make Antarctica look like it's enormous, I dragged West Virginia, you can fit 4 West Virginias in Antartica.
Coley: To be fair, the size of Antarctica now and when they made the map may be different.
Tyler: Good! Fuck it then.
Coley: *laughs* That video while it was going viral for cutting up the map and being like "now Africa's in the middle, now what?" like well, you got me there!
Tyler: If I turn it upside down, Africa's upside down! What do you think about that witty?
Coley: "I'm in a box!". There were some people who were like "yeah the standard map, it's standard for sailors for coordinating and being able to navigate". I was like, they make the map for less then 1% of the population is what you're telling me? That's who they're catering to? Are you fucking kidding me!? Dumbass logic, tell them to go get the specialized map and all us will use the real one!
Tyler: They draw state lines, only for pilots so pilots can look down and see "well there's the dotted line, that's the end of Mississippi, we're leaving Mississippi now!"
Coley: People are like "no this makes sense, this is logical". Why don't we put the constellations over the entire world too!? What are you talking about!?
Tyler: If you knew America was really the size of like Vermont? People would throw up.
Coley: This is what I was saying last year, Maine on a map, they have no fuckin' idea how big it is. No idea, why would they have an idea?
Tyler: I think about that anytime i'm driving, like you cross over, you're now in Tennessee then you gotta drive a couple more seconds to get the "You are leaving" sign. I'm like how the hell does that work? On the other side they're in Tennessee but i'm not in Georgia yet? What does this mean!? They're like "that's where they decided to draw it, that's where the property got sold". How did they decide to draw it right there? Anything divided by a river or something I can see, you get that side, this side is mine, fine with that. You'll be in like the middle of a mountain dude, "I want that tree", "You can't have that tree!"
Coley: Isn't that how Europe and Asia splits? Isn't it like literally a mountain? They're like "yeah no we're"
Tyler: Yeah like "y'all got away from the wind, we'll take the ball with wind"
Coley: *laughing* shake hands.
Tyler: You drive and half this mountain, it'll cut through half a lake, it'll duck up over a mountain range like hey man there's no reason for all that. Like Utah, Nebraska, Colorado them square ass states I get that. Why does Louisiana look like the way it does? There's just no reason! From Kentucky to Ohio, it's the river, the river's what separates it, makes sense to me. What seperates Georgia to Alabama? Trees! That's it. Then you drive for so long and the time on your phone changes, which is even wilder! Still makes more sense than the state lines.
Coley: Yeah, that's like Sun dictated so I get that.
Tyler: That makes sense but "yeah no this tree right here is Alabama, that one over there North Carolina". "Okay! That's what the map says! Who am I to argue?".
Coley: We're all too busy to fix any of this.
Tyler: How would they even? If they were like right now "we're throwing all 50 states back into the pot. We're doing a snake draft!"
Coley: "I get Hawaii!" Everyone's like "fuck, I wanted Hawaii!"
Tyler: "Damn!" You get snake pick, you get 29 and 31 "i'll take North Dakota and Utah I guess, I don't got any other pick."
Coley: Yeah, you talk about top heavy draft.
Tyler: Have you seen the ones where they have foreigners draw a map of what they think the United States is?
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: It's like "no, 25% Florida 25% Texas, there's California and there's New York. Those are the 4 states!". It's like, "More or less"
Coley: Yeah, they're not wrong.
Tyler: You got the jist of it. Again do we need a North and South Dakota?
Coley: No.
Tyler: Do we need a North and South Carolina?
Coley: That feels more important than North and South Dakota.
Tyler: They're both very much the same, if it was like Virginia to Maryland or Delaware one of those splits. North Carolina and South Carolina that's one of those "this tree is North, that tree is South". Virginia and West Virginia? We get it, come on man.
Coley: Yeah West Virginia doesn't need a state.
Tyler: *in agreeance* Come on man.
Coley: I'm sure Virginia thinks West Virginia's different.
Tyler: West Virginia thinks West Virginia's different.
Coley: True.
Tyler: Texas, honestly should probably just swallow up a couple more states, they're already that big. California should probably just swallow up a couple more states, Vegas should be in California.
Coley: Definitely.
Tyler: We could get away with about 17 states.
Coley: See if we start subtracting I wanna start picking up like Puerto Rico.
Tyler: I'm fine with that. If you legit had 15-20 states, that's when states rights would mean something.
Coley: Oh yeah.
Tyler: "Okay if you're living in this region of the country these things are legal. She's gotta be 20" and people would be like "Outta here! I'm going to Oklahoma!"
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: If that's what their rules are *shrugs* but no, instead we've got Indiana, Illinois and Iowa. Do we need all 3 I's?
Coley: No, Idaho are you kidding me?
Tyler: A lot of o's.
Coley: I'm willing to give a lot of our Northern states just to Canada.
Tyler: I'm fine with that too, even one of them.
Coley: Montana?
Tyler: They'd be like "ahhh, I think we're good". I think they got it figured out, there's what 4 provinces in Canada? 4 or 5?
Coley: No
Tyler: It's not a lot
Coley: It's not a lot, no.
Tyler: Break it down in between that, they're like "no, if you step right here you can touch 4 states isn't that cool?" and Canada's like "no, that's not very cool at all. That's the least cool thing i've ever heard."
Coley: "We don't even know what a state is my guy"
Tyler: Like "Manitoba's 400 miles that way.". Have you seen the picture of the Driving sign in Texas, it's like Cypress, Texas 4 miles and right under it Odessa, Texas 828 miles". This makes sense to people in Texas because you could drive 828 in Texas and still have another 828 and be in Texas, the same interstate. Shouldn't be that way.
Coley: No, Texas is crazy big.
Tyler: Nah, Texas might should go the other way. That's one of the ones like soak up a couple more states but then break it down into portions of Texas. You can absorb Oklahoma, Kansas all that but Dallas is just 2 hours north now. They just get Dallas.
Coley: I know California's been trying to become like 5 states forever now.
Tyler: So we can put more stars on the flag? I won't sign up for that.
Coley: I think the reason we're stuck at 50 is specifically because the flag.
Tyler: There's just no more room
Coley: 50's just too round of a number, I think we're stuck.
Tyler: 50 nifty united states, the song is there. It's marketing gold.
Coley: It is. It really is, a nod to the original 13 with the bars.
Tyler: It's one of those like Puerto Rico's a state but we're not callin' it 51 cause it don't sound right. Puerto Rico's ours, Virgin Island's ours. 50 just sounds good.
Coley: Yeah, US Samoa. Like no.
Tyler: They all part of us, but they not part of us. I fuck with yall but y'know.
Coley: Hawaii's basically in Australia's backyard and we're like "that's ours"
Tyler: Alaska's basically Russia and we're like "yeah we'll take that too". Never mind Canada blocking us, "Let me see my son, Alaska!"
Coley: *laughing* What a preposterous country
Tyler: United States if fuckin' stupid dog, they like "are you sure you want Alaska? It'll benefit you in no way. It being out of the way, there's not even much money you can make here. It wouldn't be worth your while." "We want 50! I didn't say 47, I didn't say 52! I said 50!"
Coley: There has to of been strictly military ideas being that close to Russia, Hawaii being that close to the Pacific.
Tyler: I get it but then wouldn't Russia also be like "no we want some of that!"
Coley: I'm sure they did.
Tyler: Wouldn't Canada be like "listen it's connected to us!"
Coley: No, they...So are we! If you really wanna talk about it.
Tyler: Listen, they wanna pay some healthcare? They can connect us.
Coley: But yeah, Blaze Jordan!
Tyler: Yeah! No, I think he's got what it takes.
Coley: I hear being like "ah, no when he was 15 people thought he was the next Bryce Harper but now 2 years later after he's moved up a grade people don't think he's as good". I wonder why that is!?
Tyler: Hmm..maybe he stinks!
Coley: "At 16, i'm actually gonna go play pro baseball", "well you're not actually doin' so hot!"
Tyler: Well what's your geography grade son? What's the capitol of North Dakota!?
Coley: Bismark!
Tyler: Undrafted, he's too mouthy.
Coley: *laughs* He talks back yeah.
Tyler: Rhode Scholar alert.
Coley: Shoutout Sada Baby.
Tyler: Yes.
Coley: One of my favorite interviews we've ever had.
Tyler: Lotta fun.
Coley: I think he's gonna be back next week?
Tyler: I just wish he'd opened up, wish he'd speak his mind a little more. If he comes back next week I hope he lets us know how he really feels about people, places, things. Nouns is what i'm hoping he talks about.
Coley: Listen, it was his first time on the show.
Tyler: He's a shy guy, I get it.
Coley: Like an onion, we’ll just slowly peel those layers back until we get to know the real guy.
Tyler: Shy Sada is what they call him.
Coley: I was also thinking back when the world does reopen, if we can get him in the office and do our second cooking video since he is an actual chef
Tyler: This could work.
Coley: Yeah we only open the kitchen for those who are affiliated.
Tyler: John Wall comin’ in next week, we got Game.
Coley: *laughing *
Tyler: It could work.
Coley: I don’t see why not
Tyler: it’s worth a shot, we’ll kick it around with Sada and GQ. Shoutout to GQ, the best booker in the world.
Coley: *laughing* there’s no one who makes a better schedule
Tyler: nah, the best. the best! “we’re goin to the bathroom in 10 minutes?” “Set it up!”. Dinner tomorrow and the day after that? Well if we got time, GQ's like "we can fit it in"
Coley: Just moving things around "I think we can make it work, yeah."
Tyler: Breathing, up. Swimming, canceled.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: he's like "hey you told me to move it around" he's like "no you're right, we'll swim another day!"
Coley: He's like "that day will be Thursday!"
Tyler: "Book it GQ!"
Coley: I also saw today he was getting in full, fledged arguments with people on Instagram over who the best high school basketball players were.
Tyler: *laughs* He should come on and discuss that sometime.
Coley: He posted 3, obviously 1 of them Emoni, Chet like he was telling us, I can't remember the 3rd one he posted.
Tyler: Chet's got Kentucky on the list so i'm in on Chet.
Coley: Everyone was just like "what about Mikey, what about Mikey, what about Mikey?". He was like "I don't give a fuck, never seen him play. He's not better than Emoni".
Tyler: Points were made! He'll get there, he's what 14, 15? Yeah, he'll get there. No fret.
Coley: Just the way he was like "listen fuckface, this is my page. You wanna hype him up? go to his page!" like, yeah fair.
Tyler: "Go to @mikeywilliams1 if you want that kinda talk"
Coley: Most people were honestly just like "you should check him out" and he was like "fuck you!" *laughing*
Tyler: I could see him saying that. I can see him saying those words.
Coley: I was like this is great *laughing*.
Tyler: I can't wait to have just me and him, running the Pistons!
Coley: It's gonna be good!
Tyler: He's just my president of basketball operations.
Coley: He just sees one point guard reading a bible, he's like "I want him traded today"
Tyler: Listen, you've got as much say as I do, get him outta here! What are you tellin' me for?
Coley: He's like "I just wanna make sure that you know, that I know, that you know"
Tyler: We're all on a level here, we all know, except for him. Tell him, he's done.
Coley: Oh boy. Arrest Breonna Taylor's murderers.
Tyler: It'd be a great day for that man.
Coley: They keep letting days go by without doing it, it's insane!
Tyler: We got the open investigation, okay. Now I want to know what are they finding in this investigation? It's been about a week or so. It feels pretty open and shut. The woman was sleeping, killed by a no-knock warrant that wasn't for her house! "We need more details", I'm not sure what more details you need. It would be a great day to arrest Breonna Taylor's murderers.
Coley: It feels like, you talk about the bare minimum for coaches? This feels like the barest of minimums.
Tyler: Keep on, i've been doing it, sending the emails, keep calling even if it's voicemails all that. Make them deal with that cause whatever it is, however they gonna try to put us off, make em deal with that. Cause it's unacceptable.
Coley: I do think minor annoyances can bring forth great change and there's nothing that's more of an annoyance than seeing that red notification on your app especially when it's like "phone call!" and you see a bunch of voicemails. That'll get some people up and moving.
Tyler: "Transcribed messages, oh no"
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: Whatever we gotta do, because again the calls and the messages, these are the nice ways to do it.
Coley: Right.
Tyler: If you want people to pull up on the Attorney General's office and all that, this can be arranged too. But people are trying to be kinda civil and do the things people ask so how about you arrest Breonna Taylor's killers?
Coley: Please.
Tyler: and thank you.
Coley: Yeah, if fuckin' plumbers broke in and shot her this wouldn't be a thing.
Tyler: If the broke in at all!
Coley: Right!
Tyler: It ain't sayin' send em right to jail for life, that's down the road, again we just want the arrests first.
Coley: Right yeah, process.
Tyler: That's it. Justice!
Coley: Some would say. We'll see you guys next week.
Tyler: See ya!
[The End]
Follow me on Twitter @BKSTUSSY and share with the fellas as these take a hell of a long time to do. Preciate y'all readin', stay safe.
Coley: Just moving things around "I think we can make it work, yeah."
Tyler: Breathing, up. Swimming, canceled.
Coley: *laughing*
Tyler: he's like "hey you told me to move it around" he's like "no you're right, we'll swim another day!"
Coley: He's like "that day will be Thursday!"
Tyler: "Book it GQ!"
Coley: I also saw today he was getting in full, fledged arguments with people on Instagram over who the best high school basketball players were.
Tyler: *laughs* He should come on and discuss that sometime.
Coley: He posted 3, obviously 1 of them Emoni, Chet like he was telling us, I can't remember the 3rd one he posted.
Tyler: Chet's got Kentucky on the list so i'm in on Chet.
Coley: Everyone was just like "what about Mikey, what about Mikey, what about Mikey?". He was like "I don't give a fuck, never seen him play. He's not better than Emoni".
Tyler: Points were made! He'll get there, he's what 14, 15? Yeah, he'll get there. No fret.
Coley: Just the way he was like "listen fuckface, this is my page. You wanna hype him up? go to his page!" like, yeah fair.
Tyler: "Go to @mikeywilliams1 if you want that kinda talk"
Coley: Most people were honestly just like "you should check him out" and he was like "fuck you!" *laughing*
Tyler: I could see him saying that. I can see him saying those words.
Coley: I was like this is great *laughing*.
Tyler: I can't wait to have just me and him, running the Pistons!
Coley: It's gonna be good!
Tyler: He's just my president of basketball operations.
Coley: He just sees one point guard reading a bible, he's like "I want him traded today"
Tyler: Listen, you've got as much say as I do, get him outta here! What are you tellin' me for?
Coley: He's like "I just wanna make sure that you know, that I know, that you know"
Tyler: We're all on a level here, we all know, except for him. Tell him, he's done.
Coley: Oh boy. Arrest Breonna Taylor's murderers.
Tyler: It'd be a great day for that man.
Coley: They keep letting days go by without doing it, it's insane!
Tyler: We got the open investigation, okay. Now I want to know what are they finding in this investigation? It's been about a week or so. It feels pretty open and shut. The woman was sleeping, killed by a no-knock warrant that wasn't for her house! "We need more details", I'm not sure what more details you need. It would be a great day to arrest Breonna Taylor's murderers.
Coley: It feels like, you talk about the bare minimum for coaches? This feels like the barest of minimums.
Tyler: Keep on, i've been doing it, sending the emails, keep calling even if it's voicemails all that. Make them deal with that cause whatever it is, however they gonna try to put us off, make em deal with that. Cause it's unacceptable.
Coley: I do think minor annoyances can bring forth great change and there's nothing that's more of an annoyance than seeing that red notification on your app especially when it's like "phone call!" and you see a bunch of voicemails. That'll get some people up and moving.
Tyler: "Transcribed messages, oh no"
Coley: Yeah.
Tyler: Whatever we gotta do, because again the calls and the messages, these are the nice ways to do it.
Coley: Right.
Tyler: If you want people to pull up on the Attorney General's office and all that, this can be arranged too. But people are trying to be kinda civil and do the things people ask so how about you arrest Breonna Taylor's killers?
Coley: Please.
Tyler: and thank you.
Coley: Yeah, if fuckin' plumbers broke in and shot her this wouldn't be a thing.
Tyler: If the broke in at all!
Coley: Right!
Tyler: It ain't sayin' send em right to jail for life, that's down the road, again we just want the arrests first.
Coley: Right yeah, process.
Tyler: That's it. Justice!
Coley: Some would say. We'll see you guys next week.
Tyler: See ya!
[The End]
Follow me on Twitter @BKSTUSSY and share with the fellas as these take a hell of a long time to do. Preciate y'all readin', stay safe.
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