Big Cat: On today's Pardon My Take, we have recurring guest Rob Lowe on the show, haven't talked to him in a couple years. He's got a new podcast out, I think you can go download it, it's coming out this week. Chris Pratt is his first guess, he's gonna have Magic Johnson on, we get into that, he's gonna have some answers for us. We have who's back of the week, we have the Mt. Rushmore of stadium pump up songs which, are we gonna allow Billy into that Mt. Rushmore?
PFT: Yeah, yeah.
Big Cat: *exhales* yeah? Okay.
PFT: Well i'll tell you what, we'll let him into it and then we'll decide retroactively if it appears on the graphic.
Big Cat: Okay, so that's fair. Then we have a Monday reading, so a packed show for everyone. Billy's already looking like he doesn't know what to do, alright we'll get to that later. Before we do all that, Pardon My Take is brought to you by the CashApp, not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. It's the #1 app for social distancing, it's the #1 app during a pandemic, it's also the #1 app for giving away free money because they gave away $10,000 on Thursday night after Duggs National Championship game. They're giving away money in their Twitch stream, they're giving away money when you put in the code BARSTOOL, you get $10 for free.
PFT: I wanna give a shoutout to the CashApp real quick because they didn't do this for publicity but when people were just CashApp'ing me for the NAACP scholarship thing they gave $1,000.
Big Cat: Nice!
PFT: Just out of the goodness of their hearts.
Big Cat: Yeah, so that's what the CashApp does. They're just givin' away free money and it's the best app. You can use it as your bank account, it can directly deposit your paycheck, it has everything all set up. It's beautiful, the CashApp is the #1 app, it's so so easy, so go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL you get $10 for free and the CashApp will also send $10 to ASPCA so download the CashApp from the App Store or Google Play Store today and get involved with the CashApp. Okay, *pause* let's go! I almost burped.
[Intro Music]
Oy! *Motorcycle revs* Oy! *motorcycle revs* Down in the streets there is violence, and a lots of work to be done, No place to hang out our washing and I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher. Oh we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher. It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports!
Big Cat: Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by the CashApp. Go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL, you get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Monday June 22nd and if you were listening to the preview we have settled it, we have figured it out, in the space when Electric Avenue was playing Billy will not be involved in the Mt. Rushmore today. He will instead do a side Mt. Rushmore of lifts.
PFT: Lifts as in like not stuff you put in your shoes
Big Cat: No.
PFT: Not cars you get in instead of an Uber. We're talkin' lifts as in muscle development, for gains, exercises.
Big Cat: We are here, it is Monday, it is hellscape sports world. I swear to god i'm starting to get too woke that this has all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer. Which I don't even hate but I watched so much soccer this weekend.
PFT: I watched enough soccer to the point when I feel like I totally understand the drama going on in the EPL right now. I didn't realize it but Liverpool, shoutout the Liverpudlians who listen to Pardon My Take, you guys are getting your first English Premier League title-
Big Cat: In a long time.
PFT: -and it almost got taken away from you like the Montreal Expos lost in the strike year.
Big Cat: Yes, mhm.
PFT: So congratulations, you got a result in your darby against Everton
Big Cat: They wanted a win there!
PFT: They did want a win but the got a result.
Big Cat: So yeah, Pulisic scored. But yeah, we're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.
PFT: Mhm.
Big Cat: That's pretty much it.
BILLY: The globalists will never make me watch soccer.
Hank: Golf.
PFT: Golf.
Big Cat: Oh yeah, golf!
PFT: Brooks Koepka.
Big Cat: Did Brooks win?
Hank: No.
PFT: He's tied for the lead right now but I don't think he's going to win because Tyrell or whatever his last name is, is tied with him and he's got like 12 more holes left and the course is a joke this week. And I wanna give my fuck you of the week to the course down in Hilton Head, South Carolina cause it's gettin' dominated.
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: Take away this course's tour card.
Big Cat: We got the Travelers though comin' up which-
Hank: It's a big one!
Big Cat: -if you listen to this show know how excited we've been.
Hank: It's a big one.
PFT: The 5th major.
Big Cat: We've been so so excited
PFT: Mhm.
Hank: It's not a major but it's big.
Big Cat: It's basically bigger than the British Open.
PFT: I mean the field that they have every year for the Travelers.
Hank: It's a minor major.
Big Cat: Mhm.
PFT: It's a who's who. I would say it's a major minor.
Big Cat: Yes.
Hank: Okay. I like that better.
Big Cat: Either or, just get excited for it. So yeah, that's sports, we're here!
PFT: Dak Prescott contract back in the news again. That's great, I feel like there've been 9 updates on the Dak-, it's like between Dak Prescott and Jamal Adams to figure out who's contract is gonna be in the news. By the way, we talked a little bit about Jamal on Friday's show, he is the new Antonio Brown, we just all think that Jamal Adams is now a free agent.
Big Cat: I....I don't wanna put him in Antonio Brown's-, Antonio Brown's a lot crazier.
PFT: Oh no, not on the mental side.
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah.
PFT: I'm talking about the fact that he has us all convinced that he's a free agent.
Big Cat: Right. He's still got 2 years that they can control his contract, even more actually if they just start franchise tagging him. The only other big news I saw was Twitter decided to go full send, and i'm gonna tip my cap to the cancel brigade because they went for the final boss, Joe Rogan and failed. And that was funny to watch.
PFT: Mhm.
Big Cat: That was a heat check moment by Twitter.
PFT: It was!
Big Cat: They're like "holy shit, we've been hitting shots from half court, we've been cancelling everything? Let's see if we can take down Joe Rogan, who has the biggest podcast in the world and can basically just snap his fingers and take his audience anywhere!", and they failed. But they tried, and I have to tip my cap, and like hey, shoot your shot. You attempted to take down the biggest guy you could take down for cancel. It didn't work *laughs*
PFT: Shoot for the moon, even if you fall short, you'll end up amongst the stars.
Big Cat: It was funny to watch
PFT: As our teachers who knew nothing about astronomy used to tell us.
Big Cat: It was trending all day Saturday and I just kept on looking and being like "what is going on here?" and I couldn't fully understand what he was being canceled for. And then I realized, Joe Rogan would just go and talk into a fuckin' tomato can and 10,000,000 people would listen.
PFT: Yes. He would sell 10,000,000 tomato cans with strings on 'em,-
Big Cat: Yes! Hand radios.
PFT: -that people would just listen to through their windows, if he wanted to. The thing about Joe Rogan is, yeah he is uncancellable because let's say Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify cancelled. He would just take that, ride that wave of publicity, go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money, if not more.
Big Cat: He owns his own podcast and his only boss is Dana White.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: That is the most bulletproof person alive.
PFT: Yeah, Dana White would give you a raise if you almost got cancelled for something.
Big Cat: *laughing* That's our new sport, since we have no sports. So shoutout to whoever tried to cancel Joe Rogan, you tried, you tried.
PFT: Mhm, and this is not an endorsement of everything Joe Rogan has ever said or done but he has a huge fuckin' audience and-
Big Cat: You tried!
PFT: You tried!
Big Cat: You tried. It was trending all day, and I was so confused what was going on.
PFT: Oh, how excited are you guys for the ESPY's tonight, huh? That's gonna be electric!
Big Cat: That's tonight?
PFT: The ESPY's are uncancellable. Yeah so this is what ESPN decided to do-
Big Cat: *utterly confused* Whaaat?
PFT: I didn't even realize they were tonight until Adam Schefter tweeted out earlier today "the ESPY's are tonight." and that was basically the entire breaking news that he had. They're doin', I don't know like a virtual ESPY's. I'm sure it's gonna be wonderful.
Big Cat: oooo
Hank: I can't wait. Holy shit.
PFT: They did not reach out to me to write any of the jokes for the monologue.
Big Cat: Booooooo.
PFT: So you know what? I'm cancelling the ESPY's!
Hank: This actually might be electric.
Big Cat: Yeah, who's hosting?
PFT: Uhh, I don't know. Not me!
Big Cat: How did you find out that they were happening?
PFT: Adam Schefter's tweet that said, I think that Adam just found out earlier today that the ESPY's were tonight just like us.
Big Cat: Hold on i'm gonna look this shit up.
Hank: Breaking the news, host Russell Wilson, Megan Rapinoe, Sue Bird.
PFT: Alright!
Big Cat: From a Zoom?
Hank: Yup!
Big Cat: This isn't even when the ESPY's usually are
Hank: *chuckle* no.
PFT: No, the ESPY's-
Big Cat: Why would they change when it was?
PFT: The ESPY's are reserved for the most sacred day in sports, the day after the All Star Game when there's nothing going on.
Big Cat: I loved ESPN trying to like boost whatever they're having people watch now, when they did, hosted by Mike Greenberg, a big Sports are Coming Back like roundtable. Where they talked about sports coming back and what it would look like. It was like, but wait sports aren't actually coming back, i'll see it when I believe it but all I see on sports news these days are every single fucking person who's ever played soccer can play soccer right now and then if you're in an NCAA football weight room, you immediatly have coronavirus. That's pretty much what it's become.
Hank: Yup.
PFT: Yep.
Hank: Did you see what the Joker did?
Big Cat: What?
Hank: Djokavic?
Big Cat: Oh yeah! What did he do? He played in front of people right?
Hank: He hosted a tournament in Serbia-
Big Cat: *laughing* That's my GOAT.
Hank: -full crowd, no social distancing,-
Big Cat: *laughing* Dude he's a-
Hank: -no masks, ballboys, the works. Then a guy that was playing in the tournament got corona and had to put up an Instagram being like "hey, yeah I kinda got corona".
Big Cat: Oh no *laughing* "Hey I kinda got it"
Hank: And it wasn't even a tournament, it was like a volunteer, like he didn't have to play in it.
Big Cat: So we have Tennis!
Hank: And he was like visually sick, and coughing and shit, in his match!
Big Cat: *laughing* I'm laughing but I shouldn't laugh, holy shit.
PFT: Wait, didn't Djokavic
Hank: Djokavic was saying like "no well, I know a lot of places haven't dealt with coronavirus well but in Serbia we have done a good job so we can do this."
Big Cat: Yeah! That's my GOAT.
PFT: Man, didn't he get beat by like an unranked guy last week too?
Big Cat: Well he's probably sick.
PFT: Yeah, that's right.
Big Cat: *slight laughter* He's probably pretty weak.
PFT: No Vaccine Djokavic is getting his shit pushed in left and right. Anti Vax Djokavic.
Big Cat: Billy just got it. That was a little late there. It's funnier when you repeat it.
PFT: Mhm.
Big Cat: Say it again.
PFT: Billy can you explain the joke?
BILLY: Okay so Novak is like No Vaccine, anti vax.
PFT: No vax yeah.
Big Cat: Okay got it.
PFT: Got it! It was even better with that one.
Big Cat: *laughing* Anything else?
PFT: Instead of the richter scale of Kate Upton boobs, just have Billy explain my shitty jokes back to me.
Big Cat: And just slowly kill it.
Hank: How many minutes it takes Billy to get the joke and say it back.
Big Cat: *laughing* yes. Anything else we got? Anything else that's buzzing around news? We're just waiting for MLB, we think NBA's gonna happen, we think hockey's gonna happen.
Hank: Clemson Football's going for herd immunity.
Big Cat: Which is Dabo's like finest move. Pretty much every football program is gonna go for herd immunity. And we're gonna have a football season where every team that already got it out of the way is set. I'm surprised Nick Saban-
Hank: I think betting's gonna be crazy when star players and shit get announced to not play a day before the game.
PFT: That's what I was gonna say, they're gonna do the testing-
Hank: Like it's gonna be fucked.
PFT: The way they have it set up right now in the NFL is that on Saturday nights they're gonna be testing the players, if all goes according to plan and then they'll get the results back probably within the hour and then at the very last minute they'll have to say which players can't play.
Big Cat: Oooo, poor Matt Berry. Matt Berry's gonna be so mad.
PFT: Oh, David Johnson might get a career record in rushing attempts this year.
Big Cat: That's gonna be funny,-
PFT: And that's gonna flip him out.
Big Cat: -watching people get mad when people are sick and be like "fuck you, you fucked my fantasy team.".
PFT: So you're gonna have to take that into account when you're doing your drafts this year, which player is less likely to hangout with all of his teammates. Who are the biggest losers in the NFL, and you're gonna want to pick them up so they have less of a chance of contracting it.
BILLY: Aaron Rodgers.
Big Cat: Bo Callahan!
PFT: Boom, there you go.
Big Cat: Yeah good one.
PFT: Good point Billy, Aaron Rodgers, he's my 1A.
Big Cat: Good one, yeah. Alright let's do our who's back of the week and then we have Rob Lowe coming up, then we have some Monday readings, some Mt. Rushmore on the other side of Rob Lowe. Before we do who's back, it's back people! Because just like those that do, the Dewnited States collection always comes back for more, that's awesome, that's awesome. They did the Dewnited.
Hank: Mountain Dew?
Big Cat: Yeah.
Hank: Hell yeah!
Big Cat: With 50 state labels, Mountain Dew fans can find the drink they call home and explore the 49 other bottles that make this collection better together. This is awesome!!!
PFT: It's like the quarters, like the state quarters with Mountain Dew bottles.
Big Cat: Yes! Collecting all 50 labels earns you $100 and each bottle that you snag grants you a chance at winning 1,000,000. Getting all 50 might sound like a tough task-
Hank: Alright Billy, you've got a job for the next few weeks.
Big Cat: Yup!
BILLY: Will I have to go to the other states?
PFT: *laughs*
Big Cat and Hank: *in unison* No.
Big Cat: You have to get the Dew bottles!
BILLY: I thought they made it so only Mass bottles in Mass...
Big Cat: No no no.
BILLY: New York, New York.
Big Cat: I think you can buy 'em anywhere.
BILLY: I will drive anywhere
PFT: You just go on a road-trip. You just wanna go to California.
BILLY: I'm addicted.
Big Cat: Getting all 50 might sound like a tough task to some of you, that's why-
PFT: What about DC?
Big Cat: It's not on here, let me get through the ad read guys!
BILLY: Is Alaska?
Big Cat: Alright, that's why Barstool is spreading the word about the Dewnited Trading Post at Dewnited.com, a site that lets you swap labels digitally with others, AWL's being the most adventurous dewers of all. So you can go swap 'em Billy. Billy's gonna have to find this. Your summer adventure starts with a sip, be bold. Be on the lookout for the Dewnited States collection. I fucking love this, what an idea!
PFT: That's great. I'm gonna make my own DC one, that's gonna be my project. Photoshop's getting back opened up over here.
Big Cat: Dude, Billy better get all 50 Dewnited.
Hank: I'll help him out with that.
Big Cat: Okay.
Hank: I love Mountain Dew.
PFT: Do you think that there's one that they make it super hard to get, like the Monopoly game?
Big Cat: Yeah! Of course, of course.
PFT: Where some FBI agent is gonna do and interview about it in 20 years?
Big Cat: Of course, yes. There has to be, Rhode Island!
PFT: Mmm.
Big Cat: North Dakota!
PFT: It's definitely not Florida because Floridians would know immediately if they didn't have their own Mountain Dew bottle.
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: It's like a 6th sense for them.
Big Cat: Alright, who's back of the week, Hank why don't you start.
Hank: My who's back of the week is dunking babies into water.
PFT: Oh, okay...Shoutout baptism.
Hank: This video, so KenJac actually, coworker, found this video lurking on TikTok I guess, he put it on Twitter, it went viral. I know it's a podcast, it is a lady holding a baby and I kid you not, she basically just Gronk spikes the the thing into the ocean.
Big Cat: *laughing*
Hank: And then it like floats back up. And it sparked a debate on like if this the proper way to teach kids how to swim. It's a funny, if you guys haven't seen the video imma send you the video right now.
PFT: She throws the baby into the ocean?
Hank: She Gronk spikes it into like a pool.
Big Cat: Okay.
PFT: Oh okay.
Big Cat: But dunking is back! Pool season, dunking is back. What are you, oh the food, I was wondering when, yep! Billy's back with food!
PFT: Interesting, so is it similar to those videos that go viral every couple years where there's a priest that gets super aggressive?
Hank: Yes.
PFT: I think usually it's like an orthodox priests who's like very intensely doing the baptisms.
Big Cat: Yes. The coronavirus baptisms were very funny with the priests with supersoakers.
PFT: Yes!
Big Cat: That was cool.
PFT: That was great. Oh, this is a very funny video. Yeah, good call Hank.
Big Cat: Great call Hank.
PFT: I kinda want somebody to do that to me, that looks awesome.
Big Cat: Mhm, I love dunking, dunking is great. When you dunk someone? Hell yeah.
PFT: Yeah, I want Cardi B to just smash me into the ocean.
Big Cat: Alright PFT, who's your who's back?
PFT: My who's back of the week, i'm gonna get a little bit personal here cause I did tweet about it and I put it on Instagram last week a little bit, Leroy had a very bad end of the week. On Thursday he got extremely sick, I was very very worried about him all weekend long. I ended up sleeping on the floor with him a couple nights cause he actually couldn't move for a while and the fucking dog just made the best recovery that i've ever seen,-
Big Cat: Hell yeah.
PFT: -out of any animal ever. It was getting pretty emotional for me on Thursday and Friday, but Leroy seems to be back to normal. He is an older dog, he's 12, which in Mastiff years is like 120. So he's an old guy and he's been through some shit but he keeps coming out the other side. But Leroy's officially back this week, back to his old self. And i'm very very happy about that, very excited to have Leroy feeling better.
Big Cat: Hell yeah Leroy.
PFT: There's no worse feeling than having a sick dog because you can't ask a sick dog "what's wrong? how do I fix it?", you just have to snap into parenting mode and so I know it's not the same, it's not really real Fathers Day but I felt like Leroy and I got closer this weekend.
Big Cat: Well that's a great segue cause my who's back of the week for me is, my coworkers not wishing me a happy Fathers Day but that's fine.
PFT: Happy Fathers Day Big Cat.
Hank: Happy Fathers Day Big Cat.
BILLY: I wished you one! I wished you one on Twitter!
Big Cat: You did.
Hank: I liked your tweet about being a dad.
Big Cat: It's fucking awesome, it's the coolest thing ever.
Hank: Yeah, that was my support. I hit the heart button because I loved it.
Big Cat: There we go. No, I actually, it was very weird because our coworkers their hearts are in the right places but I did get some texts from my coworkers being like "happy Fathers Day", i'm like "aren't you just supposed to say that to your dad?".
PFT: *laughs* Yeah.
Big Cat: Like.. I'm not... There's nothin' here from me...so...But it was a nice gesture. That's not my real who's back. My real who's back is Guy Fieri, Guy Fieri is back, because the city of Columbus has a petition now, Columbus obviously not a great dude in history so we're cleaning up history and we're replacing it with real American history and gonna name Columbus, Flavortown.
PFT: That would be sick if Columbus's ships were named Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives.
Big Cat: Mhm, yeah.
PFT: In retrospect, we should rename his ships.
Big Cat: Yes! We should rename everything! I kind of like this though, we're gonna clean up history, get rid of the bad dudes and get our real true culture.
PFT: If you hate Guy Fieri then I hate you.
Big Cat: Right.
PFT: I will die on that hill, it's impossible not to like Guy Fieri.
Big Cat: Yes, what you got Billy?
BILLY: Can I get a who's back?
Big Cat: Yeah, you have one in a second.
BILLY: Who's back-
Big Cat: Hold on, hold on! You have one in a second.
PFT: Guy Fieri needs to come on Pardon My Take.
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: He said that he would come on Pardon My Take if I ate 50 of his wings at his restaurant in Atlantic City.
Big Cat: We were gonna have him on at Super Bowl week but he was like in Ft. Lauderdale and that was a long way away. Which also, Super Bowl week feels like a long way away.
PFT: It does.
Big Cat: That was a long time ago. My other who's back is teenagers in general, TikTok teens basically registering for-
Hank: Kpop.
Big Cat: Kpop and TikTok teens registering for over 1,000,000 seats at Trump's rally in Oklahoma and having everyone say "oh yeah, we're gonna have 1,000,000 people there" and then there was like 6,000 people there. Listen, if you wanna go at someone, just don't fuckin' go at the teenagers on TikTok because they are a scary group.
Hank: And the Kpopers.
PFT: The Kpoppers
Big Cat: All respect to Kpoppers.
PFT: Yes, they wield the most power of any single group on the internet, by far.
Hank: Open invite on the show.
Big Cat: They're stronger than the gun lobbies.
PFT: I'm including the Mfam, i'm including the NRA, i'm including Seal team Clay, and all the most powerful-
Big Cat: Uhhh.. I don't know. Seal team Clay dude, you forgot about Dbab.
PFT: All these armies on the internet, they pale in comparison to the KPop armies. Who's the big one? Who's the big KPop band?
Hank: I though the name of the band was KPop.
Big Cat: No it's a genre, Korean Pop.
Hank: Oh.
PFT: Jeff D Lowe booked 'em on Good Morning America at one point. Shit, we gotta get 'em on Pardon My Take though. We gotta get on their good side.
Big Cat: Mhm! We're pro KPop.
PFT: I'm actually a huge KPop fan.
Big Cat: Yes, you're such a big KPop fan you forgot who the number 1 KPop band was.
Hank: BTS, that's what it is.
PFT: Yes! BTS, that's what it i. I love BTS. BTS is my favorite band in the whole world, they've always been my favorite band in the whole world.
Big Cat: Name one of their hits.
Hank: Let's get BTS.
PFT: Oh that'd be amazing. Their biggest hit?
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: Oh I like 'em all, I can't choose one.
Hank: Idol, Fake Love.
Big Cat: Mhm.
PFT: It's like choosing your favorite Philip Rivers child. Uhhh
Hank: Boy with love.
BILLY: Gangnam Style!
Big Cat and Hank: *in unison* Nope.
PFT: That's Psy.
BILLY: No, that's KPop though.
PFT: It is KPop.
BILLY: That's a KPop song we all know.
PFT: Yeah, but we're talking about BTS.
BILLY: Oh, okay.
PFT: We're big BTS fans.
Big Cat: Uh Billy what is your-
BILLY: Who's back of the week!
Big Cat: Yeah.
BILLY: Lacrosse.
Hank: Always.
PFT: OOo.
Big Cat: Oh!
BILLY: Lacrosse is actually coming back and now you guys are all gonna be forced to watch it, and I know Hank's a big Lacrosse guy but.
Hank: Huge!
BILLY: Lacrosse is sick! Everyone's been looking at lacrosse wrong.
Hank: They have.
BILLY: Lacrosse is just like legitimately tribal warfare, it's like the closest thing to primal tribal warfare.
Hank: How is it back?
BILLY: Well it's back because they're gonna be playing when other sports aren't playing pretty soon.
Hank: This week?
Big Cat: Wait when is it coming back?
BILLY: I think the PLL's coming back in like late July.
Big Cat: So when all the other sports are gonna be back.
BILLY: Well baseball won't be back and everyone will just be like "well what do we watch?"
PFT: Big Cat, you missed the part where Billy said how it was tribal warfare and that's how it's back.
Big Cat: Got it.
BILLY: Yeah, it's back. Tribal warfare.
Big Cat: Got it.
PFT: Tribal warfare's back.
BILLY: Tribal warfare is back!
Big Cat: In form of lacrosse.
BILLY: Yeah it's actually sick dude.
PFT: Chad's vs Brad's.
BILLY: No no no, we're taking it back. The Native Americans-
PFT: It's like the Hatfield and McCoys.
BILLY: Yeah we're pulling down the Chad and Brad's of Lacrosse and going back to the original tribal Native American like spirit of the game.
PFT: Okay. Alright good.
Big Cat: Okay.
BILLY: Grow the game.
Big Cat: Nice.
PFT: Grow the game.
Big Cat: Grow the game.
BILLY: I used to love playing lacrosse cause i'd knock out the Chad's and Brad's, like legitimately.
PFT: Hank what do you think about that list?
Big Cat: You say that like you aren't a Chad and a Brad.
BILLY: I don't consider myself a Chad or a Brad.
Big Cat: Right, like that's weird.
BILLY: Am I?
Hank: Billy look what you're wearing right now.
Big Cat: To be like "I would fuck up a Chad and a Brad", who are you? You have an upside down-
PFT: You're the final boss of Chad's
BILLY: Oh my god.
Big Cat: And lets get to the ad read, because Billy, we have Whoop as our ad read. Billy texted us over the weekend and he said "hey dudes, I lost my Whoop jetskiing". *laughing*
PFT: So yeah, again, big Chad.
Hank: Let me read the exact text, cause it's the funniest thing.
BILLY: Okay
Big Cat: That's the most Chad move ever!
BILLY: No, my buddy has been taking advantage of the Trump Bucks and he got a jetski-
Big Cat: He bought a jetski? *laughing*
Hank: *reading Billy's text* "I lost my Whoop on a jetski, what do I do?"
Big Cat: Yeah and then when we're like "dude are you kidding?", you then just send us a video of you revving the jetski engine being like "i'm not kidding, look how badass I look."
PFT: Mhm. We're gonna get to the bottom of exactly how Billy lost his Whoop because I guarantee you it was not just like "I fell off a jetski and my bracelet fell into the ocean".
BILLY: Dude, it was a lake.
Big Cat: Okay, yeah. But either way, here's the good news. Billy has a Whoop back, he's back on his Whoop, so he had a momentary lapse but Billy is competing on Whoop. Everyone needs to get on Whoop, PFT and I have our Whoop's, we love them. It's not just for athletes, it's for everyday dads like you who hit the golf course, parent your kids all day, coach little league, mow the lawn, do the hundreds of other things dads do. Whoop keeps track of things like heart rate, activity strain, hours of sleep and your body's overall daily performance and tells you how you're recovering from all the work you do. Even some PGA Tour pros use Whoop everyday to get an advantage on the course and so can you, Whoop gives you 24/7 data on your activities but it's also a fun way to get competitive with your friends and family. You can create and join teams to compare your metrics and check out where you stand on daily leaderboards. It seriously is one of the best apps that i've ever had because like listen, you wake up you're like "did I sleep well?", boom you can check it. You go the gym, like "hey was that a hard workout?", boom you can check it. It tells you your heart rate, it tells you how you're feeling, it's so in tune with your body that when you think you know your body? Nuh uh, Whoop knows your body better than you do and guess what? You can compete against Billy, Billy is on Whoop. Join right now, use comm.bstool to join in the app, Billy Football will be participating so everyone who joins will have the opportunity to take on. If you beat Billy and come in 1st place, you'll win $250 in PMT merch. Get on Whoop today with the code TAKE for 15% off and please beat Billy. What did someone do? Someone did a ton of workouts to try to beat you on Friday.
BILLY: Yeah dude, these guys are like running marathons.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Good, keep going!
BILLY: And it's like I legitimately got-
Big Cat: Do not let Billy win.
Hank: What was your heart rate like when you fell off your jetski?
Big Cat: *laughing*
BILLY: *laughs* I don't know, let's go to the last, the final entry to see.
PFT: Billy did you log jetskiing in as an activity before you started doing it?
Big Cat: Should of!
BILLY: No.
PFT: You should of hit start activity.
BILLY: Okay, i'm kind of offended. There's nothing Brad or Chad about blasting AC/DC on a jetski and like going nuts.
Big Cat: Everything.
BILLY: What!?
PFT: No, nothing at all. Nothing about that screams bro.
Big Cat: I'm not saying bad thing.
BILLY: It's a great thing, yeah!
Big Cat: You just hate against your own life!
Hank: Extreme denial.
Big Cat: Right, yeah. I think that's a sweet move but yeah, you're hating against yourself.
BILLY: It was sick!
Big Cat: Alright, so use comm.bstool to join in the app. Billy Football will be going up against all the AWL's, you can win 1st place, $250 in PMT and take 15% off your Whoop right now with code TAKE. Whoop.com, code TAKE, use code TAKE you get 15%. You really will love your Whoop, we love ours. Alright, so go download Whoop right now. Now we have our good friend, recurring guest Rob Lowe. He has not interviewed Magic Johnson yet, he is going to interview Magic Johnson so make sure you subscribe to his podcast. Chris Pratt is his 1st guest, we talked about Magic Johnson, we'll get a follow up on some things after he interviews Magic Johnson but Chris Pratt, what a great 1st guest. Go subscribe to Rob Lowe's podcast right now.
ROB: There they are!
PFT: How's it goin'?
ROB: What's happening guys. How I haven't seen you since the big party!
PFT: Since the Super Bowl, yeah.
I'm sorry. Wait, let's save that. Let's save that for the show.
PFT: Oh yeah. That was a disaster
Big Cat: Oh jeez, you were there? I'm sorry. Wait, let's save that. Let's save that for the show. Hold on.
ROB: I thought we were goin' right away.
Big Cat: Alright, we're going right away. It's our good friend, recurring guest. Rob Lowe on the show. He's got a new podcast, which is called literally with Rob Lowe. I think I said that correctly. We're going to get to podcasting. We're going to get to everything else, but holy shit, I didn't realize you were at our party. Super bowl. I apologize. Turns out doing an open air party when there is a tornado/hurricane in Miami, doesn't really work out. Did you survive like a little bit dry or were you just soaked?
ROB: Oh my God. It was absolutely insane. I mean, it was, I thought people were going to be swept away.
Big Cat: *laughs* Yes!
ROB: I mean, I legit thought people were going to be swept away. The other thing was like just the fights were gnarly, man. They were good.
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah. Rough N Rowdy is always a good time.
PFT: It was a trip. I managed to wiggle my way into the front row and it was so crowded that it was tough to move anywhere in that crowd. I was sitting there watching the fight, I turn around and Rob Lowe is standing right next to me and I'm wearing the NFL logo hat that Rob Lowe was just on television wearing matters of weeks before. Can you walk me through the story of how you acquired that hat and why you decided to wear the NFL hat?
ROB: Yeah. So I have a show on Fox called 911 Lonestar, and we were about to premiere. It's the spinoff to 911 and Fox has spent a ton of money on it and it's their big hope. So they want me to come to the game and, and sit there. We're going to be on after the game and then they're gonna cut to me and it's basically an ad for the show. And you know, I love sports, i'm a football fan, so I'm down to clown. So I get in the car to go to the stadium and Fox has a gift bag of swag for the game and i'm thinking, i'm going to get a championship hat, like that's what you get, right? No, there's no team hat. There's no championship hat. Nothing, other than that NFL hat. Which by the way, I thought this is the dopest hat I've ever seen because I'd never really seen one other than on a ref. So I loved it, in fact, I was texting people the picture on the way in going, "how cool is this hat?". And then the next thing you know, in like the 2nd quarter, my phone starts exploding, exploding! And I'm like, "oh, they probably just cut to me". But I had no idea that it'd become such a thing. So funny. So unexpected
Big Cat: You got roasted, but in a-. There's every now and then
ROB: Right, but in a fun way!
Big Cat:Right and every now and then, the internet has these moments. Cause the internet, it's very cynical, it's pretty pessimistic. But every now and then there'll be like a good old fashioned roasting that no one gets hurt and it's just a good time. It also kind of plays in to your character in Parks and Rec where you're positive and it's like, "i'm rooting for everyone to have a good time here.", and it was so fucking perfect. What game was it? It was the NFC Championship game right?
PFT: Yeah. It was the 49ers.
Big Cat: So I had a great game,I had a great time watching the Packers get the shit kicked out of them. But you're an NFL fan, you root for all the teams to have a great time. You've won 54 super bowls in a row.
ROB: That's right. I'm undefeated.
PFT: You're just a fan of leagues in general.
ROB: There hasn't been a super bowl that my team hasn't won yet. It's amazing. Like somebody said that my favorite player was Roger Goodell, I mean, they were really funny. I love roasting myself, like when I did my, my, um, Comedy Central Roast with Peyton Manning and those guys like, I love a good joke at my own expense. There were some really, really, really funny ones coming off of that. We got more attention than we ever dreamed for the show.
Big Cat: Yes, yes. So now flash to current day, you're with us right now and you are wearing a Houston, is that an asterisk hat or an Astros hat?
ROB: It's a Houston Asterisk.
Big Cat: Okay good.
PFT: Mhm.
ROB: That I had made 7,000 of them along with my son Matthew Lowe who, we're both huge Dodgers fans.
Big Cat: Oh, you guys both have the same last name?
ROB: *laughs* Matthew Lowe. You know, you never know some people, you know, they get married, they don't have this thing, who knows. I can't keep up with how the last name brigade is currently. So Matthew and I, made these for our friends and, and it became such a thing, people wanted to buy 'em and he's selling them. So Matthew Lowe's Instagram account, you can get one but they're hilarious. And they're subtle, I get stuck on the street and people go "Yay! Astros!". I go look a little closer.
Big Cat: Yup.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Yup.
ROB: Then on the back, it says Houston Asterisks established 2017.
PFT: I love it. I also love that you get the Doubletake from somebody who thinks they're your best friend and then you're like, "no, I hate your team.". And then they have to kind of just deal with that face to face. Do you think that we should retroactively award the Los Angeles Dodgers a world series?
ROB: No, I don't. I don't think we should do that. I literally think, hence the asterisk, it's like and you know, I love Barry bonds. I don't want to drag him right now, cause he's a really good dude, despite what everybody says. He's always been great to me, but like that there is sort of an perceived asterisk around some of that stuff, McGwire.
Big Cat: Oh, what'd he do?
PFT: Andro, it was the Andro is the locker, yeah.
ROB: Right.
Big Cat: *laughing*
ROB: You know, it's the juicing era. You're not going to take away the guys, you know, thing, but you kind of go, "oh, yeah. It just has that kind of patina to it", which I think people already know that the Dodgers got boned. 100% boned. Boned!
Big Cat: Yeah, the juicing era tough, the juicing era is probably the most hypocritical that sports media has ever been in the entire world, in the fact that they all made so much money covering McGwire and Sosa and Barry Bonds quest.
PFT: And they all knew.
Big Cat: And they all knew and baseball had this big boom when they needed it after the strike and then when it became the congressional hearings and everything and everyone said "oh my god, I can't believe it, what are they gonna tell kids!?". Fuck that! Listen, you probably shouldn't have steroids be legal but if you can't look back at the juicing era and be like "every single player was probably juicing so I don't care.". Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of all time, I have no problem saying it.
ROB: Of all time.
Big Cat: I don't care if you wanna throw in steroids, whatever you wanna say you can't erase that, you can't take that away. That if you watched him in his prime he was the best baseball player of all time.
ROB: 100% and you know, people in baseball will tell you off the record everybody was doing a version of what the Astros were doing, if people get really really honest. But, but but but, in the sense that a guy on 2nd base has always tried to steal signs, sign stealing and that kind of low level stuff is baked into the DNA of the game but the sort of institutionalized sign stealing.
Big Cat: Yeah, cameras.
PFT: Yeah, once electricity becomes involved in the situation, that's a problem.
ROB: That's right.
Big Cat: That's a totally different thing.
ROB: Yes and I love the notion of electricity, high tech algorithms and then a trashcan.
Big Cat: *laughing* right.
PFT: Yeah *laughing*. Yeah, that's the ending of the pattern, just take this bat and smash a trashcan lid with it and i'll use my ears to figure it out.
Big Cat: It's so perfect. It's the best way to get a message across, just start banging on a bunch of loud pipes whenever a curveball's comin'.
ROB: Speaking of curveballs, Clayton Kershaw, he's the one who really got roasted. I mean that guy, you go and look at those Astros home games and he got lit up like it was batting practice, and turns out it was, it was batting practice.
Big Cat: Yeah and Yu Darvish as well, it was pretty unfair if you were one of those guys specifically.
PFT: I always thought it was weird how on time Jose Altuve always was, like when he's catching up to a fastball, it was just weird to me. And Bregman too, for the last 3 years.
ROB: Those 2 guys, so I waved the Dodger flag over the dugout for a couple of games, it was really fun and I just like doing shit like that and so I was over the Astros dugout with the Dodger flag, I think it was game 2 and I decided to turn the flag upside down and wave it sort of into the Astros dugout.
PFT: Mhm.
ROB: So I was being a little bit of a bitch, you know, on purpose.
Big Cat:*laughs*
ROB: The next thing I know a water bottle comes at my head and I look and it's Altuve, he threw a water bottle at me. But again, it was great cause it was kinda like he was being a dick but I was kinda being a dick and it was all good, it was all in good fun and competitive. Do we think he was wearing a wire device? What was your guys' take on that.
Big Cat: I don't know..
PFT: I think so just because it's so fun to imagine that he was. That like he's running down the 3rd base line, he's telling people "don't rip my shirt off" cause he's just strapped up like he's Donnie Brasco from his nipple to his bellybutton just like microphones everywhere. I want to believe that it's true but i'd say it'd take a pretty big set of balls to actually wear a wire during a baseball game.
Big Cat: It'd be incredible. It would really be incredible.
ROB: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why would it take a big set of balls? Okay, if you're already doing what they're doing and walk through it logically, just think of it for a second, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. So, you're banging on a trashcan, maybe there's a couple games you can't hear it, you miss it, you go "I didn't hear it", they go "dude! we banged three times, it was a curveball!", "I don't know". So the next thing you know, someone's gonna come up with a new idea, "I know, let's take the noise thing out of it." and it's a buzzer and then you got a guy coming around 3rd base, greatest moment of his life, greatest moment of his career and he says he doesn't wanna take his shirt off cause his wife is shy?
Big Cat: *laughing*
ROB: What the fuck? Are you kidding me?
Big Cat: Blaming it on his wife, yeah! Very fucked up.
PFT: She's very modest Rob.
Big Cat: Then the bad tattoos one was great too, that it was a bad unfinished tattoo.
ROB: I remember watching it, I remember like it was yesterday and going, and this is before there was even a whiff of a cheating scandal and I thought something was really bizarre about his behavior after that walk-off.
PFT: Mhm.
ROB: You just hit the biggest home run arguably in baseball history, one of 'em.
Big Cat: Yeah.
ROB: And I thought he was acting really shady.
Big Cat: Yeah. Yes, yes.
PFT: I mean it is the logical next step if you're looking for a way to signal to somebody, then yes, something wireless. I also think that at some point where you're going up to bat and you're a Houston Astro and you know you've got the system worked out, you're thinking a lot more about like "wait, is this trashcan sound gonna come?", than you are about the actual game situation. Your mind is just focused on that, so I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to get a little bit more fancy with it. But man I just wish we had some sort of camera angle that you could see the actual wire across Altuve's chest, that would be so great.
Big Cat: Would of been fantastic, would of been fantastic. So let's talk about your podcast!
ROB: Yeeahhhhh!
Big Cat: What in your brain said, "you know what the world needs? another podcast!", how did that go down?
ROB: Here's what happened, frankly as I have done podcasts myself i've had such a great time having these unfettered, long-form, meandering, say what the hell is on your mind conversations because podcasting as you know is the only place where you can do that now. When I came up, you could do that on talk shows. And you'd have these great raconteur's come up and talk about random shit and now it's like you talk for 3 seconds and then they want you to do a pie fight.
Big Cat: Right.
ROB: Or get on a skateboard track or something.
Big Cat: Right, right.
ROB: And so then the other part of it was I started doing a 1 man show and touring the country and just sort of enjoyed telling my stories to people, and then on the other end of it was like, look i've been doing this for so many years I have so many interesting friends. Like no one's gonna talk to Gwennyth Paltrow like I am, i've known her since she was 16 years old. Like I know where all the bodies are buried, it's gonna be fun. No one's gonna talk to Chris Pratt the way i'm going to. So that was the impetus for it and i'm loving doing it. It comes out on the 25th.
Big Cat: Yeah, I said that in jest because as someone who's job it is to podcast, it's a ton of fun. There's a pushback that's happening right now, and I understand it, that people are like "not everyone needs a podcast and celebrities are kind of taking from the smaller podcasts". But to me it's the more the merrier, because 1, I wanna hear those conversations, I wanna hear those conversations where people can really strip it down and be like "hey we're friends, here's our friendship out in the public", and 2, there's an element, where we're showing it right now, if you start a podcast you have to go on a podcast and it becomes an ecosystem where you come on our show. So whenever someone starts a new podcast, i'm not mad because guess what? They're probably gonna come on our show to plug it, and we get to talk to them and have a good time with them.
ROB: Yeah, Conan O'Brien's my partner on the show and we've don each others shows and it's been really fun. It's like look, if you'd be curious to pull up a chair at a dinner i'm having with Mike Myers, then this is the podcast for you.
PFT: Okay. I can get on board with that.
Big Cat: Nice, nice! Love that.
PFT: A little tip as you're getting into the game, you always need to get your guest to say something provocative, to say something that's gonna get some headlines. So now i'm gonna open up the floor for you to say something provocative that we can take out of context to use as a clip.
ROB: Bro! I already have, if you don't think my public perception mind hasn't been cranking through this whole interview, going "i'm about to get rackussed by Major League Baseball and the Houston Astros ownership". The headline'll be "Lowe Accuses Them Of Cheating!".
PFT: "Rob Lowe Designs Hat"
Big Cat: What about 'Untouchable 2', Drew Peterson in jain, will you announce that right now?
ROB: Let's go, let's go. I would play that character forever, when I get to get into a fat suit and wear prosthetics it's like a get out of jail free card.
Big Cat: That's true.
ROB: I can kinda do whatever I wanna do.
PFT: Have you ever considered taking on the Christian Bale route where you accept a role but you have to gain like 70 pounds for it?
ROB: There's that great story going around about the Oscars where Christian Bale was up for lead actor and *thinking*... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was come on now, Gary Oldman. So Gary Oldman and Christian Bale were up for the same award, Gary Oldman wins it and backstage Bale's like "how did you hand the weight? how much did you have to eat? what regiment were you on?" and he's like "what do you mean? I wore a fuckin' fat suit! Are you crazy?" and Christian Bale, who did not win the Oscar and tortured his body and had a miserable experience is like "oh." and watches the guy walk off with the Academy Award.
Big Cat: Oh shit.
ROB: So, hence, fat suit!
Big Cat: *chuckle* Yes. I wanted to quickly bring up an issue that is near and dear to my heart and we have in common, and I think we need to use our platforms for good and get out there.
ROB: Let's go!
Big Cat: You don't know what i'm actually gonna say, you're nodding cause you think i'm gonna actually say something serious. You and I both are admitted hair dyers and I want to get out there and let people know it's okay to dye your hair, as long as you're honest about it. I have gray, I get grays around the temple, I look like Pauly Walnuts. You've been dying your hair since you were 24 years old, let's end the stigma now!
ROB: Well, look i'm with you on ending the stigma but *emphasis* let me be perfectly clear! My hair is not gray other than the temples, and it is and i'm fine with it, but I play different characters all the time, it's not appropriate for some of them to have-
Big Cat: Wait! You're ruining the stigma! You're saying that you don't dye your hair for pleasure? You do it for work only!?
ROB: I don't want to ruin the stigma but if I weren't playing characters, like during COVID I let it all hang out.
PFT: Are you gray right now?
Big Cat: Lets see, let's see right now.
PFT: Let's see, show me the temples.
ROB: No, not now.
PFT: You're preparing for maybe an audition.
Big Cat: You look great, you look great.
PFT: Yeah, you look pretty good for a 41 year old right?
Big Cat: Do you have someone else dye it or do you do it yourself?
ROB: I have highly trained professionals.
Big Cat: Shit.
ROB: I mean listen, working with my whole look is like working with radio isotopes, you've gotta be really really careful.
Big Cat: I am okay, the people I get upset about are like Coach K for example who will not admit that he dyes his hair. Let's end the stigma, just say it!
ROB: Oh for sure!
Big Cat: If I dye my hair I tell people, like I tweet "hey, dyed my hair today", cause there's nothing to hide. It sucks when i'm 35 and I look like i'm 50 when I don't dye my hair, it sucks! So yeah, call me vain, call me self absorbed, I dye my hair, and i'm not ashamed of it.
ROB: Listen, you're never gonna get an argument from me about dudes doing stuff to look better, I think more of us should.
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: That's a great quote, that's an awesome quote.
Big Cat: Coming from the dude who looks the best, yeah.
PFT: "Dudes, fellas, we should be lookin' our best and there's nothin' wrong with that."
Big Cat: Yeah, no problem with that.
ROB: There's nothing wrong with that, you know that's why we love our girls, cause they do it! Every girl's raised in a culture where everybody looks good and everyone wants to do this that and the other. But guys, lets face it, it's why I started a mens skin care line cause I believe every guy should try to be the best version of himself. Not just with how they look but with everything.
Big Cat: Manicure and Pedicure?
ROB: You know, i've had 'em. I feel like there are other thing I could be doing with my time.
Big Cat: Okay, cause that's my next hurdle, like I haven't been able to do it but I know I bite my nails, i've got crap cuticles they're bleeding all the time. Someday.
PFT: I've heard the massaging of the foot is very nice, I haven't had it.
ROB: It's so good.
PFT: I haven't had it but i've heard that's the reason why you wanna go get it done.
Big Cat: Yeah, we're just dudes just talkin' about this. What's your skin care thing? I need to buy that.
ROB: Oh, you'll love it, it's called Profile Cobalt and you can get it-
Big Cat: Ohhhhh, look at you. That's smart to get dudes into it like "we've gotta talk about metal or somethin'. I've got this new skin care product, it's called-"
PFT: "Murder face!"
Big Cat: Yeah, "it's called Hemi 9000"
ROB: *laughs* Yeah, yes exactly. I can't sell you serums and things like that, no guy wants that. Cobalt's the shit dude, everything i've learned over the years of, you know, I go into work and people start lathering my face up with stuff. I never would of done it on my own, and it's been happening to me since I was 15 and I think you kind of see the results of all of the years of people doing it. I would never do it on my own, that's the issue guys don't do it, they need to do it. They need to take care of their skin.
PFT: Who do you think looks better for their age, you or Paul Rudd?
ROB: First of all, I love Rudd, we worked together on Parks and Rec, he was so funny and so hilarious. Frankly, I didn't realize how ancient he was. I did not realize, I just thought he was a young man. Turns out he's really old and just looks great, I didn't know that.
PFT: Good job deflecting the question.
Big Cat: Yeah, really good job.
ROB: Right, see?
PFT: We're gonna get right back to this interview with Rob Lowe, before we do I wanna talk to you about our good friends over at Roman and their nightly defense system they've got for your body. If you've been dealing with acne, redness, dark spots, or wrinkles finding treatments that work can be pretty complicated. You need skin care that actually performs but getting started can be overwhelming. I don't know if you've ever gone to a pharmacy, if you've ever walked through a CVS or Walgreens, tried to figure out what you need to buy for your face or your skin, it's impossible, I don't know how anybody ever makes those decisions. But thankfully there's a solution, Roman makes it easy to get customized prescription skin care that really performs. Just grab your phone or get on your computer, either one, complete a free online consultation and you're going to hear back from a US licensed physician within 24 hours. If appropriate, a doctor's gonna prescribe a custom blended treatment based on your skin type and priorities. Then you'll receive your custom skin care treatment with a free 2 day shipping. You also get free unlimited follow ups with your doctor if you need to make a change to your treatment or you have any questions, if things aren't getting better. That's right, it's free unlimited follow up visits with your doctor if you need to make any change or if you have any questions about your treatment. With Roman there are no commitments, you can cancel at any time. Go to getroman.com/barstool to try out a 3 month supply of nightly defense for just 5 bucks. It's free to chat with a doctor and your first order is just 5 dollars. That's getroman.com/barstool, eligibility requirements and additional terms apply. Now back to Rob Lowe!
Big Cat: In 2020, do you think the politics of Parks and Recreation holds up?
ROB: *laughs* Well the one that i'm more worried about is 'The Westwing'
PFT: Mhm.
Big Cat: *laughs* Yeah. In a real honest answer, i've seen that where people are like "oh my god, I can't believe they glorified the Clinton's" or however it may go down, do you just step back and go "listen, it's a fuckin' TV show, what do you want us to do? And it was 10 years ago!"?
ROB: When I was making 'The Westwing' obviously I knew we were portraying a liberal democratic administration, obviously I knew that. But I didn't really realize how much of the success of the show it turns out was because that audience loved it so much. I assumed everybody loved it. Now with hindsight of 10 years, you realize that there are people like "oh that liberal show! oh poppycock!" which I was never aware of when we were making it, I really wasn't.
PFT: Yeah. One of my favorite things is when people go back and they try to ruin shows for themselves by thinking of what presidential candidate each character would of voted for. So like I saw that with 'The Office' a while back, i'm sure some people did it with 'Parks and Rec'. I actually think that you would of voted for Jill Stein. I think you're a Stein voter.
ROB: I think Chris Traeger would have written-in Leslie Knopp. He would of been a write-in guy, he would of been like "my vote counts as much as anybody's!" and he would of written in Leslie Knoppe.
Big Cat: Or or or, maybe of been like a Mayor Pete word salad. Where Mayor Pete just throws a bunch of words at you and you're like "I don't really know what you're saying but I love it! I love your optimism!".
PFT: "I love your positivity!"
Big Cat: *laughing* Yeah.
PFT: "If we must try then we must make the effort!"
Big Cat: *laughing*
ROB: Mayor Pete gave off very heavy Chris Traeger energy.
Big Cat: Yes, yes!
PFT: He's an Indiana guy.
ROB: Yeah, he is. There you go!
PFT: He's probably from Pawnee.
Big Cat: *laughing*
PFT: I saw that you were doing a show called 'The Mental Samurai'? Somehow that slipped through the cracks, I didn't know that show existed.
ROB: Hence the touch up of the gray gentlemen, on the temples. 'Mental Samurai' yeah, it's from the people who created *thinking* what's the fuckin' obstacle course show that's so famous?
PFT: Tag!
ROB: No, noo.
PFT: American Gladiators!
ROB: Thank you! And it's an amazing game show where people have to compete with their knowledge of every aspect of trivia and knowledge while in this NASA inspired space arm that's subjecting them to G's. It's the craziest, most fun and by the way it's so fun to do. We did it last year and we're gonna start shooting our second season in about 3 weeks.
PFT: It just sounds cool like 'The Mental Samurai", that just sounds alpha.
Big Cat: Mhm.
ROB: Yeah the winner is the mental samurai, you win 100,000 dollars or more and you're the mental samurai. And you better know everything from what a Mensa member would know to what the 3rd Kardashians name is.
PFT: Okay so i've always wondered with Alex Trebek, because he's hosted Jeopardy for what like 35-40 years? Something like that. Is he really smart by now, like does he retain all that knowledge? Like when you ask people trivia questions do you retain the answers that you're asking them?
ROB: No, unfortunately because there's so much comin' at you I think what you do is you go "oh, that's a question!" like you remember the question.
PFT: So would you consider yourself to be a mental samurai?
ROB: I'm really good in certain areas, in certain areas I am a full fledged mental samurai and in other certain areas I am a mental something else that we can't say because it's politically incorrect.
Big Cat: You're a dummy!
PFT: Cuck!
Big Cat: You're a dummy!
ROB: I'm dumb.
Big Cat: Are you actually gonna do a 'Tiger King' thing? Was that picture just a tease?
ROB: So yeah, Ryan Murphy and I are talking about doing a 'Tiger King' show together, and that picture was just sort of a makeup test. That whole thing made me laugh, I loved everything about it, I love the notion of me playing Tiger King, it's like Drew Peterson frankly.
Big Cat: Yeah!
ROB: It's the same vibe and a lot of time I don't get called on to do those kinds of things but whenever I do like 'Behind the Candelabra' or whatever I just love it, it's so freeing. So Ryan and I, we're working on it but we're having some rights issues. There's so many different competing projects.
PFT: Carole Baskins owns the zoo now.
Big Cat: Interesting. Don't you think there's an element where you can't top something that's so so ridiculous? Like that documentary is so ridiculous that how are you going to get even bigger than that? It's just so unbelievable that I would imagine if you brought that script to a Hollywood exec, they'd be like "no, you gotta tone it down a little bit".
ROB: Yeah, for sure. I think the only way to do it is to do like what was happening behind the scenes of what you saw happening cause you could never regurgitate the same amazing story beats. You'd have to have a different take on it, which is why I was talking to Ryan Murphy about it. Because Ryan has got such an interesting way of coming about stories but my guess is where we are right not, it's not looking very good because of the rights situation. But it'd be fun.
PFT: Damnit.
Big Cat: Got it. You'd be great.
PFT: You'd be a very good Joe Exotic.
Big Cat: Yes.
ROB: Wait I have a question for you guys. What did you guys think about the Tiger Woods, Tom Brady, the whole golf. I'm sure you guys have talked about a billion times and I probably just missed it but I was so excited for it cause i'm very much into golfing now. And I thought it was a trainwreck.
Big Cat: You did!?
PFT: You didn't like it?
Big Cat: Why?
PFT: I kinda liked the trainwreck aspect of it though.
ROB: Here's the thing, i'm not a hate watcher. I don't like to hate watch things, I just don't. I know that that's a whole thing and people love it, it's just not for me, i'm probably not as evolved as others. But like, okay it's South Florida, you know it could rain. How does Tom Brady's mic go out on the 1st hole? How does that happen?
Big Cat: But in their defense they had to have kind of a skeleton crew of technology, like you saw they didn't have a ton of camera guys, they had to reset a bunch. But that's fair, that's a fair assessment to start.
ROB: Look I know i'm gonna sound like the nitpickiest, nitty nit picker man but like okay they're teeing off and all of the balls land wherever they land in the fairway and there's that landing area you knid of know and there's like a golf cart parked there, with like Kraft service on it? I'm like what the fuck? Is no one paying attention? Is anyone directing this?
Big Cat: *laughs*
PFT: Yeah, I think it was interesting to watch superstar athletes like Tom Brady suck at something. I think a lot of people really enjoyed watching Tom Brady really stink it up for the first few holes and it kind of made him a little bit more relatable. Then when they missed that high five when Brady hit that putt, they went up for the high five and it was so awkward but in their defense it was probably a more well executed high five than anything you see between golfers normally.
ROB: Yes!
PFT: But I just liked all the weird stuff that was happening over the course of the show and it was just good to watch something at the same time as everyone else in America was watching something on TV.
ROB: That part i'm totally down, I couldn't agree with you more. The other thing is, as much as I love seeing Tom flounder just because as you said it humanizes him and all I do is flounder on a golf course, I was like "oh yeah, I have that shot, that shank, that hook.". I just didn't love the way that it was produced and eh. I wanted to love it more, I guess my expectations were really really high, really high.
PFT: I think maybe if it had been set in California it would have been perfect because in South Florida it's gonna rain the entire time in the spring and summer. You should take that into account.
ROB: Yeah and I wanna hear like Peyton, who's a friend and who's just the best. No one gets it like Peyton, he knows what people want Peyton Manning to be, and is. He was genius on it, funny, you could feel him taking control of the broadcast actually. Cause his instincts are so good I think he was like "uh oh, this is kind of a trainwreck", so he'd be in the cart talking into the camera and sort of narrating. So that part was great, I was surprised that the other guys sort of seated their entertainment value. Particularly when the play had gone so shitty, you would think that they would at least go "well, let's at least entertain people".
PFT: So you are the Peyton Manning whisperer, you broke news about Peyton Manning in the past. You're good friends with him, is he gonna go into television? Is he gonna get in the Monday Night Football booth?
ROB: Didn't they offer him all that stuff and he turned it all down?
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah.
PFT: You'd know better than I would.
ROB: No and I don't know anything personally, I just know what I read. I read that they offered him the Monday Night Football booth.
Big Cat: What exactly? How much money did they offer him?
ROB: They offered him Romo money.
Big Cat: That you read, that you read.
ROB: That I don't remember but it was on par with what they re-signed Romo to do. Who's obviously now the highest paid.
Big Cat: Huh! Interesting. What did the newspaper and the media say why he didn't do it? That you read. Not that you know, but that you read.
ROB: I have an opinion on it.
Big Cat: Oh okay, so we'll do that route. This is an opinion not a fact that Peyton told you. Okay, go ahead.
ROB: By the way we've actually never ever ever discussed it.
PFT: Of course not.
Big Cat: Rob just winked at us.
ROB: I did not, you liar.
Big Cat: *laughing*
ROB: You're trying, see this is what I need to learn as a host.
PFT: *laughing* Yeah.
ROB: You're gonna back me into clickbait, I love it!
PFT: Yes, exactly!
Big Cat: We get you to say something about Peyton Manning and then we get Peyton Manning on the show to refute what you said.
PFT: Then Rob, then you have us on your podcast and we can tell the story behind it and we can clear your good name.
Big Cat: We've been doin' this for a while now.
PFT: As you said it's an ecosystem.
ROB: You guys know what's goin' on. As Peyton always says "I can't believe my career insider stuff is bein' broken by Soda Pop Curtis", that's what he says.
Big Cat: *laughing*
PFT: *laughing*
Big Cat: So what's your opinion on it?
ROB: Heres my opinion, I grew up as we all did with Monday Night Football, it was an event. Everything stopped, had people over, everything rotated around it, granted the world was different. There's more outlets, all of that but the reason 'Football Night in America' which is genius, is so great is because for whatever reason, they've let Monday Night Football go to the dogs. It's been that way for at least 5, 6, 7 seasons, they don't have the cameras, they don't have the coverage. Here's the real issue, there's so sense of occasion. They're literally telling you "this is Monday and this is Football" but you feel like you're watching a game that could be on any day anywhere of any consequence and it's a disaster. So the real question is are they gonna make Monday Night Football into something more than an afterthought?
PFT: Yeah. I think that what you're saying goes back to the NFL's relationship with NBC as opposed to their relationship with ESPN for like the last 10 years. ESPN and the NFL have been kind of butting heads silently behind the scenes, there's more new streaming rights that are gonna be coming up soon, new TV package deal that's gonna come up soon. So I think the NFL has intentionally not been giving ESPN the very best games and been leaving that flex option open for Sunday Night so even if it looks like it might be a bad game they can fix it. So Sunday Night Football has seemed like a bigger deal for sure. I agree with you on that.
ROB: Look and it's not just the games, although it is the games, again it's my same issue with the Tiger Woods golf thing, it's the production. It's the quality of the announcers, it's the razzmatazz, it's the open, do they have enough slo-mo cameras? All that stuff and it just feels like it's literally an ESPN2 game is what it feels like.
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah. Alright so have you already taped some of your podcasts? We're gonna air this right before.
ROB: Yeah!
Big Cat: So who is going to be on?
ROB: Our first two guests are Magic Johnson, who i've known forever and I was actually banned from traveling on the road with the Lakers by Pat Riley.
Big Cat: Woah!
ROB: Yeah.
Big Cat: Why?
ROB: Well don't you think you have to hear the podcast to get that answer?
Big Cat: Well when's it comin' out!? June 25th?
ROB: Yeah June 25th.
Big Cat: Is that on what, a Monday?
ROB: Yes, that's a Monday. So you've got Magic Johnson and Chris Pratt, we're debating who we'll air first.
Big Cat: No that's a Thursday, June 25th's a Thursday.
PFT: Okay, good good. So it's not going up against Pardon My Take.
Big Cat: Wait, so just tell us a little bit about it.
PFT: Cards? You gambled too much with 'em?
Big Cat: Yeah, what were you doin'? Were you like an early day Alex Guerrero and you were trying to feed Magic Johnson with all types of junk science on how he can elongate his career?
PFT: Skin cream? "Hey Magic, rub this Cobalt all over your face!"
Big Cat: Yeah!
ROB: Exactly! It was Colbalt, no I just think I was a distraction. You have to understand I was 22, 23 years old and a teen idol and got followed wherever I went by crazy chicks and lobbies were packed with all that stuff and Riley didn't want the distraction.
PFT: I think maybe a fair question would be why was Rob Lowe riding the Lakers team bus all the time to begin with?
Big Cat: Cause he's Rob Lowe!
ROB: Cause I was a massive, massive, massive Lakers fan and always wanted to go on the road when they were playing Detroit or Boston because those were such hell holes and so tough for the Lakers. And that was my thing, I was either making movies or I was following my favorite sports teams.
Big Cat: Do you ever close your eyes or dream or even think about, daydream, about the Bratpack days and like "man that was fuckin' awesome."
ROB: Oh for sure, because my kids are now the same age I was, actually my kids are older now than I was during the Bratpack era. I do look back on it and go "wait a minute, how the hell did I even survive it?".
Big Cat: Right.
ROB: Because I look at my own kids and their development, and look they're smart kids and they're accomplished, they've graduated from big fancy schools and they're smart as shit but I wouldn't place them with that kind of temptation and insanity that you live through. It doesn't happen to everybody but when you're that guy for that moment it's very crazy but it's also really fun.
PFT: Were there any clubs in Los Angeles that you were not allowed to get into in those days?
ROB: No they liked me in the clubs, oh they liked me in the clubs, are you kidding? I was good for business.
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: So the Lakers bus was the only place that Rob Lowe was like persona non grata?
ROB: No, it was the hotel, it was the hotel.
Big Cat: Okay, I have one question about Magic that I need an answer to. Do you have any idea how he crafts his tweets. I have a feeling that he doesn't actually physically tweet it, he just texts his thoughts to someone who then tweets it. But you know him well, do you have any idea how the sausage gets made?
ROB: Well i'm gonna ask him, the good news is i'm gonna ask him
Big Cat: Wanna call him? Yeah, wanna call him? We could call him right now.
PFT: Just facetime him.
ROB: We could call him but my phone got taken away so it wouldn't go off during this podcast.
Big Cat: Oh. Oh that's convenient. We don't mind if your phone goes off, just call him.
ROB: I'm writing right now "Magic tweets"
Big Cat: Now i'm giving you ideas for your podcast and i'd rather you call.
PFT: Now you're gonna get listeners off that.
Big Cat: C'mon.
ROB: I want you guys to do my briefing prep because you're clearly better at it than I am. I would never of asked that.
PFT: So you haven't interviewed him yet?
ROB: No. Magic, i'm interviewing him in 3 days.
PFT: Damnit.
Big Cat: Just call him.
PFT: You're not allowed to use that question though, or we'll sue you.
Big Cat: Well no, call him and ask him reconfirm that he's set for 3 days from now and then also be like "how do you tweet?".
ROB: How 'bout this? I will text you or tweet at you.
Big Cat: Okay, good.
ROB: And give you the answer.
PFT: That's fine.
Big Cat: That works.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: That works. That works.
ROB: I think a lot of people don't physically tweet. I really do, I think a lot of people have people just say "hey why don't you tweet this out", but i'll find out.
Big Cat: Okay, yes, perfect. That'll be a great seamless plug that we have the actual "hey, Rob Lowe talked to Magic Johnson. For more with Rob Lowe and Magic Johnson tune in on Thursday, it's gonna be great!".
ROB: Which Lakers superstar went partying with Rob Lowe and then went 0-32 in the finals!?
PFT: Uhhhh..
Big Cat: Tune in on June 25th to find out!
PFT: I'm just goin' through it in my head.
ROB: Or you could run the stats.
Big Cat: James Worthy?
PFT: I feel like it was ol' mustache man.
ROB: I'm not gonna comment, no matter what you say.
Big Cat: Pau Gasol!
ROB: *laughs* You gotta think of the era bro.
PFT: 0-32.
Big Cat: 0-32.
ROB: This is the problem, this is how you're gonna get me, cause you're smart.
Big Cat: Cause you know how to Google
PFT: *looking up on Google* *murmuring* 0-32 in the finals.
Big Cat: It probably was the finals against the Bulls, because they lost 4-1. Wait no but that was a little past your time maybe, in terms of when you were partying with them? Hmmm.
PFT: Hmmm.
ROB: Hmmm.
Big Cat: Shoot.
PFT: I'm not finding it on Google right now.
Big Cat: Shoot!
ROB: Thank god.
Big Cat: Alright well no, tune in to find out.
PFT: James Worthy!
Big Cat: Ahhh no no no, not James Worthy, not James Worthy. Who was it...
PFT: Just tell us!
Big Cat: *whispering* Just tell us, just tell us, just tell us.
ROB: I know, I could tell ya but...
Big Cat: This is driving me nuts
PFT: I think you're doing a good job making this up Rob Lowe.
ROB: *laughs*
Big Cat: That was actually an incredible thing to make up.
ROB: No, by the way it's absolutely a true story. I have a question for you, I heard Eric Roth on the podcast.
PFT: Yes.
Big Cat: Yes.
ROB: Is he gonna write the Boner Dog movie or not? Like what's happening?
Big Cat: Are you in it?
PFT: No, I don't think we've officially asked you.
ROB: You've never asked me but i'm so down. I'm fucking there.
Big Cat: Oh you know what! We actually haven't casted the pubes yet. Since you dye your hair and it's always beautiful, you'd be perfect for the pubes.
ROB: There it is!
PFT: I like that, so yeah he is gonna write it but-
ROB: Hold on wait a second-
Big Cat: It's animated!
ROB: I need to run this, like I run the rest of my career, I need to know what other creative elements are involved.
PFT: Like who's lending their voice?
Big Cat: Who's attached? Like who's attached?
ROB: Yes!
Big Cat: Alright, actually attached.
PFT: Adam Sandler-
Big Cat: Wait so let's do actually attached. So we've attached a couple of people that haven't actually been attached.
PFT: Adam's attached.
Big Cat: Adam's attached.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Zac Efron is attached.
ROB: Great.
PFT: Topher Grace.
Big Cat: Topher Grace is attached. Jimmy Tatro's attached.
PFT: David Spade.
Big Cat: David Spade's attached, Eric Roth is attached, Kevin Garnett's attached. Who else is attached?
PFT: Who are we leaving out? Dan Patrick is attached!
Big Cat: Dan Patrick is attached, we're attached.
PFT: I think that's all you really need.
Big Cat: Matthew Lowe is attached. Ever heard of Matthew Lowe? Upcoming actor.
PFT: Hat designer.
Big Cat: Hat designer, he's attached. Yup, he's attached.
ROB: I just know that this is the only way i'm gonna get Eric Roth to write dialogue for me.
PFT: Yes!
Big Cat: Yes! He'll do it.
PFT: It's actually a little more complicated cause he's gonna write the script and he's gonna hide it somewhere and leave us clues. So we have to find the scrip that he wrote, but I feel like we're clever enough to find it. And it's gonna be an animated film, we're gonna tape all the voiceovers on the same island that they did Fyre Fest on.
ROB: Let's go! This sounds like the greatest movie ever made.
PFT: Yup.
Big Cat: Yeah. Oh I have one last question, it just popped in my head, tune in Rob Lowe with Magic Johnson. You gotta run him first now, you realize that, because we've hyped it up enough.
ROB: That's the plan but listen the plan is absolutely to run Magic first, although I may have to break the news to Chris Pratt and he won't be happy.
Big Cat: He'll be okay. Is there any part of interviewing Magic that you get a little bit nervous that he might just blackout for a second and think you're Rob Pelinka and be like "fuck this guy!"?
ROB: Yeah, that's true. See i'm so glad I did this.
Big Cat: Ask that, ask that. Maybe say a Rob Pelinka quote, like do Rob Pelinka's press conference where he blamed Magic for everything and see the visceral reaction that Magic gives you.
ROB: Well you know, before the season got canceled, the Lakers they do a thing for their long time season ticket holders at the practice facility and Jeanie Buss who i've known all the Laker family forever, asked me to do this bit. So we came out and did this bit where she came out and she said "listen this is what we're thinking for this year and Rob's got a lot of plans for the team and wants to talk to you about some of the players and Rob's really got a vision blah blah blah" and I came out as Pelinka and talked about the team. People did not understand what the fuck we were trying to do but it was fun.
Big Cat: Yeah, not good enough sports fans because I get it, I love it. Alright well i'm excited for this podcast, I think you're gonna be great at it.
ROB: Thanks man, thank you.
Big Cat: You have our stamp of approval.
PFT: Our blessing.
Big Cat: Not that you needed it but you have it, you have it now.
ROB: Yes! Yes! I want it!
Big Cat: Yeah, you can like put it in the description. We'll actually leave a 5 star review for you.
ROB: Please!
Big Cat: I assume you can get it everywhere, like that goes without saying?
ROB: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast. Anywhere you get your podcasts!
Big Cat: Love it. So check it out, it is coming out June 25th. Rob Lowe, his first interview is going to be with Magic Johnson and it is called 'Literally with Rob Lowe', 'Literally with Rob Lowe'.
PFT: Love it!
ROB: Literally!
Big Cat: Literally. Thank you.
PFT: Thank you Rob.
Big Cat: Who's the guy? Who's the guy, I just literally while we were talking I scrolled through every NBA Finals and I couldn't find it.
ROB: I don't know if I feel good saying it cause he went 0-32, you know what i'm saying? I have to walk a very fine line.
Big Cat: Did they lose the finals?
PFT: People are gonna find out who it is though.
Big Cat: They lost the finals that year?
ROB: I believe they, honestly I don't know because-
Big Cat: *laughing* because the fuckin' 80's were awesome! *laughing*
ROB: Cause the 80's were awesome, I don't remember. *laughs*
Big Cat: *hearty laughter continues* Alright, i'm gonna put that in, fuck it. Alright, thanks so much man. Preciate it.
ROB: Thanks guys, you're the best!
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Hank: *laughing* You did. You failed to mention that until now.
PFT: Of course i failed to mention it because it looks way better if people think that Rory-
Big Cat: So he did it a long time ago?
PFT: Yeah but Rory's really good. So just beating him, to me i'm gonna take that as a win.
Hank: I thought it was that he wasn't going hard cause he was like playing or something. But that makes more sense.
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Big Cat: Mhm.
PFT: I think that also had something to do with it. It just gets you in the zone.
Big Cat: I was just thinking this, this popped in my head. What would be the funniest statue that gets thrown into a river? The jaguar statue that the kid got his head stuck in?
PFT: That would be a very funny one. The Ted Williams statue where he's stealing a child's ballcap.
BILLY: Oh Walt Disney.
PFT: Walt Disney. I was saying that as a joke last week but I thought that Dan Snyder was gonna build a statue to George Marshall just so he could take that down and be a big win for him, turns out there was actually a statue of George Marshall that got taken down over the weekend.
Big Cat: Got it. Yeah i'm trying to think, we gotta fin the statue that like-
PFT: Oh the Christiano Ronaldo-
Big Cat: We should build one.
PFT: Statue, the one where he looks at the-
Big Cat: Ronaldo should have his people take it down and be like "yeah, it's because we're canceling him".
PFT: Yeah, well because of the things he's been accused of. But the one where he looks like an emaciated seagull, let's take down that statue.
BILLY: You know what statue could actually get pulled down? Paul Bunyan, the Paul Bunyan statue.
Big Cat: Really?
BILLY: Yeah.
Big Cat: Why?
BILLY: Logging. He was a big logger.
Big Cat: Good point, good point. Alright, we got a stay woke and then we're gonna do some Mt. Rushmore. PFT you have a stay woke?
PFT: Oh the Robert Griffin statue!
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: Yes, he advertises for Subway, so did Jared.
Big Cat: Mhm, yup.
PFT: Pull that thing down in Waco.
Big Cat: Yup.
PFT: So we're doing Mt. Flushmore right now or we're doing stay woke?
Big Cat: No we're doing your stay woke.
PFT: Okay stay woke, this comes to us from Kyle Kuzma. So we talked last week on the show about how the NBA was gonna give its players rings to monitor whether or not they were becoming symptomatic for the COVID virus, Kyle Kuzma thinks that the rings are actually just tracking devices to keep tabs on their locations at all times.
Big Cat: Mm, but aren't they? Aren't they admitting that?
PFT: I think they are.
Big Cat: Right.
PFT: I think that the rings do have some sort of GPS in them.
Big Cat: When you're so woke that you're just maybe reading the manual to the ring.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Like of course it's a tracking ring, they take all of your vital signs!
PFT: Yeah. I love the thought of maybe Brian Windhorst and he's just in a van like it's a heist and he's got this giant monitor pulled up where he's just keeping track of all the dots for the players. "This guy's too close to LeBron!".
Big Cat: Is it titanium rings, because someone was tweeting to me like if they do get hurt, you can't cut that off.
PFT: You can't cut their finger off?
Big Cat: You can't cut titanium.
PFT: Oh shit, so if they like break their finger below the ring.
Big Cat: Yeah, it swells.
BILLY: You can with diamond. Diamond cuts everything.
Big Cat: Diamond cuts titanium?
BILLY: Yeah yeah yeah, it's like rock, paper, scissors shoot.
Big Cat: So a diamond cuts titanium?
PFT: So who is the big diamond knife salesmen who stands to gain from an injury?
Big Cat: I think we just wrote 'Uncut Gems 2', he's not actually dead, sorry if you haven't seen it, shit.
PFT: You've gotta smash the ring with Kevin Garnett's medallion. I like that.
BILLY: Yeah.
PFT: It did make me stay a little bit woke, you remember that picture of LeBron James staying at the end of the bench far away from his teammates?
Big Cat: Yup.
PFT: You know how all of last year he tried to trade away all the players that were next to him?
Big Cat: Mhm.
PFT: Knowing what we know now about LeBron James's financial ties to the Chinese government, do you think he got tipped off ahead of time and was like I have to stay away.
Big Cat: Stay away from everyone else?
PFT: "I have to stay away from people so much that i'm gonna try sending them all away to New Orleans."
Big Cat: That's why he sat out that entire like end of the season?
PFT: Yeah.
BILLY: [mumbling] that's too much.
Big Cat: That's too much for your brain.
PFT: Just think about it.
Big Cat: Alright, let's do our Mt. Rushmore. Mt. Rushmore of Stadium Pump Up Songs. This is a good Mt. Rushmore Hank.
Hank: Just Stadium Songs.
Big Cat: Stadium Songs, but do they get you pumped up?
Hank: There's different situations.
Big Cat: Okay, so I don't know, am I getting pumped up?
PFT: Yeah, now i'm eager to hear what Hank has to say.
Big Cat: Okay. So Hank why don't you start, and then we'll go PFT, then me, then Billy will do his 4 Mt. Rushmore lifts at the end. So just sit back.
Hank: I just think songs when you're watching you're in a stadium watching basketball, hockey, football, when it comes on and you get the most i guess pumped up but excited, happy, whatever.
Big Cat: Okay, I think we're all on the same page.
Hank: 'Nah, nah, nah, nah, hey, hey, hey, goodbye', when that song comes on it means your team is up-
Big Cat: Is that your first pick?
Hank: -and it's a blowout. Yeah I guess i'll have that as my first pick.
PFT: *under breath* Damnit, I had that on my list
Big Cat: That's a good one.
PFT: It's great when they other team takes a pitcher out
Hank: Yeah, if that song comes on, you know you're winning and you're just celebrating having a great time taunting the opposite team together. It's always a good one.
Big Cat: Okay, I like that one.
Hank: It probably wouldn't of been my first one but-
PFT: But you said it.
Hank: It's not necessarily a pump up song but yeah I said it.
PFT: Okay, my first one i'm gonna go 'Sandstorm'.
Big Cat: Okay.
PFT: 'Sandstorm' always get's the crowd bouncing *begins imitating beat* dew dew dew dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh. Man, what's the major college football program that uses that? Is that USC? South Carolina.
Hank: Virginia Tech?
Big Cat: Virginia Tech.
PFT: No, Virginia Tech does not. They do 'Enter Sandman'.
Big Cat: They do 'Enter Sandman'?
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Aaah, I don't know who does.
PFT: You should know what Virginia Tech uses Big Cat.
Big Cat: Why? Cause I played them?
PFT: Cause they get really pumped up.
Big Cat: But I never played them at Virginia Tech.
PFT: You've never gone in their lane?
Big Cat: I've never played them at Virginia Tech.
PFT: Okay.
BILLY: Oh, USC, South Carolina.
PFT: Thanks.
Big Cat: There it is. Alright, my first one, i'll go with 'Who Let The Dogs Out?'. Always get pumped up.
PFT: Okay!
Big Cat: Always get pumped up, sing a long, always get pumped up. Then my second one i'll go with the 'Zombie Nation" the ooohhh oh oh ohhh.
PFT: 7 Nation Army
Big Cat: 7 Nation Army?
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: What is that?
PFT: White stripes.
Big Cat: Is that what it is?
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Is that the one i'm talking about
PFT: *laughs* Zombie Nation, it shall henceforth be known as Zombie Nation.
Hank: No I think it's two different songs.
Big Cat: Zombie Nation's a different band.
Hank: Yeah.
Big Cat: What's Zombie Nation?
Hank: Zombie Nation's just the like the KenCraft like *alters voice* zombie duh duh doo.
Big Cat: Okay so I want the oh oh oh one.
PFT: Yeah, so that's 7 Nation Army. *singing* I'm goin' to Witchita!
Big Cat: Yeah, that one's good. No wait, wait wait wait, I don't I want the one that, wait hold on I gotta find it in my head.
PFT: *humming* oohhh oh oh ohhhh.
Big Cat: No no no, stop doing that. Stop doing that.
PFT: *continues humming*
Big Cat: Stop stop stop stop.
Hank: I don't think that's a song, I think that's just a national chant.
Big Cat: *starts chanting* Oohhh woah oh ohhhh oh ohhh. oh ohhhh oh ohhh.
Hank, PFT and Big Cat: *chanting all together* Oohhh woah oh ohhhh oh ohhh. oh ohhhh oh ohhh.
Big Cat: Yeah that's the one I want!
Hank, PFT, BILLY, and Big Cat: *chanting all together again* Oohhh woah oh ohhhh oh ohhh. oh ohhhh oh ohhh.
Hank: That's Zombie Nation, that's Zombie Nation.
Big Cat: That's Zombie Nation! Yeah okay, that's the one! Put me down for that one. I knew I could find it, there we go Billy, thank you.
PFT: I'm takin' 7 Nation Army if that one's becoming available, that one's my second pick anyways. So wait, did you do 2?
Big Cat: Yeah I did, I did 'Who Let The Dogs Out' and I did the 'ooohh woah ohhh oh ohh'.
BILLY: Can I please do one?
Hank and Big Cat: *in unison* No!
Big Cat: *laughs*
PFT: Alright 7 Nation Army, I mean we should give some respect to 7 Nation Army because you do not need even the song going, just the crowd can start chanting that and everyone joins in.
Big Cat: Yeah like Zombie Nation.
Hank: Is Billy gonna do one of his lifts?
Big Cat: No! He's gonna do it at the end.
Hank: Alright, i'll go with 'Thunderstruck'.
PFT: Good choice.
Big Cat: Mmm.
Hank: And i'll go with 'Victory' like Puff Daddy, Biggy. The one, one two!
Big Cat: Okay.
PFT: Mhm.
Hank: That's a great one.
Big Cat: Okay.
BILLY: *whisper yells* 'Enter Sandman'
PFT: I'm gonna go 'Enter Sandman'
BILLY: *whisper yells* Yes!
PFT: 'Enter Sandman's' great. The intro starts out nice and quiet, the perfect build and by the end of it everyone's just cumming in the stadium at the stadium at the same time when the full song kicks in. So whether it's Virginia Tech playing it on a Thursday night game in Blacksburg, that's pretty intense. Then obviously Mariano Rivera.
Big Cat:Alright, i'll go with 'Welcome To The Jungle' Gunz N Roses.
BILLY: *quiet as a mouse* I'm getting so pumped up.
Big Cat: Yeah, that gets you pumped up? That pumps ya up? Then i'll go with an old classic, 'Eye Of The Tiger', always gets ya pumped up, always gets ya goin'. Have some personal ones that i'll do on the honorable mention.
PFT: My last one i'm gonna go 'We Are The Champions', after you win a significant title hearing 'We Are The Champions' played in the arena is always great. What I love about 'We Are The Champions' is that even opposing arenas will play it at the end of whether it's the end of a 7 game series, whether it's a Stanley Cup Final hypothetically in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Hank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Big Cat: And you win it on the road.
Hank: I saw it last year in Boston when the Blues won, it stunk.
PFT: It stinks for the home crowd but it's such a transcendental song that they're like "we have to show respect to Queen and Freddie Mercury and blast this". By the way, how much money has Queen and Freddie Mercury's estate hauled in over the years just from every time that gets played?
Big Cat: A lot, a lot. It's every one.
PFT: We gotta write a championship song.
Big Cat: Hank your last pick? Stop Billy!
Hank: 'Jump Around', i'm shocked it made it that far.
Big Cat: Yeah I didn't wanna do, I mean.
Hank: It's the best, when that song comes on you have no choice but to get hype.
Big Cat: Yeah, I thought it was too personal so I didn't wanna go with the personal.
Hank: I mean they don't just play it at Wisconsin.
Big Cat: No I know but that's what you think of when you think of 'Jump Around'.
Hank: That's what YOU think of.
Big Cat: I think a lot of people think of that.
PFT: I think of Boston first.
Hank: Yeah.
BILLY: Yeah yeah. House of Pain.
Big Cat:When you think of 'Enter Sandman' you think of Mariano Rivera or Virginia Tech. There's definitely teams that have like specific-
Hank: Well it's synonymous with it but you should of picked it in your top 4.
Big Cat: Okay, sorry, wow, okay sorry.
PFT: Wait, youy guys do 'Hang On Sloopy, Sloopy Hang On', right?
Hank: I don't get it.
Big Cat: Ohio State does it so. Oh 'Ted Nugent's Stranglehold', the Blackhawks play that, it's a fuckin' great pump up song.
PFT: 'I Like To Move It'
Big Cat: I didn't know if the Bulls intro could be counted just because that's specific. But that one obviously is all time pump up.
PFT: Mhm
Big Cat: Um what else?
PFT: 'Cottoneye Joe' the dance remix of it.
Big Cat: Yeah, Kyle Schwarber used to come into 'Thuggish Ruggish Bone' and that's a great walkup song. That one gets you pumped up.
PFT: 'Fire Starter' by Prodigy.
Big Cat: Blur, 'Song 2'.
PFT: Yup.
Big Cat: Anything else?
Hank: The Outfield, 'Your Love'.
BILLY: Yeah, that's a great one.
Big Cat: Okay.
BILLY: I got a bunch.
Big Cat: No no, you're doing lifts.
BILLY: 'Ironman'!
Hank: You're doing lifts!
Big Cat: You're doing lifts.
PFT: *laughs*
BILLY: 'Hells Bells'
Big Cat: You're doing lifts! Go ahead, you're doing lifts.
BILLY: Okay. Deep heavy squats.
PFT: Ass to grass.
Big Cat: Okay.
BILLY: Ass to grass like super anabolic just gets your metabolism goin', it's the best way to start a workout and then do something else.
Big Cat: Oh that's your warmup?
BILLY:No no no, just like it's my first work set. Honestly I just wanna do a max squat right now like that oh oh oh got me super pumped up.
Big Cat: Yeah, it did.
Hank: Not a Brad.
Big Cat:*laughing*
BILLY: *whispers* Okay, now that killed my vibe. Okay so the deep squats and then of course-
PFT: Billy Fratball.
Big Cat: *laughs*
BILLY: -hammer curls.
Hank: *laughing*
BILLY: Dude i'm not even in a frat, frat guys are assholes.
PFT: Go off Billy.
Big Cat: You went to a school I don't even think that's big enough to have a frat.
BILLY: Dude I went to a school with frats and I was with my buddy and we got jumped.
Big Cat: I'm sure you did nothing wrong.
BILLY: You fight 10 on like 2, you assholes.
Big Cat: Yeah, i'm sure you did nothing wrong.
BILLY: The frat was actually called Beta. I'm actually gonna call them out, i'm not gonna say where they are but Beta Frat you better get you boys.
Hank and Big Cat: *laughing*
BILLY: Bunch of alphas comin' through!
Big Cat: *laughs* Billy definitely tried to like steal their keg and all their girlfriends. He's like "dude, what the fuck!"
BILLY: *laughs* Then bicep curls, another one of course. Staple.
Big Cat: Of course.
BILLY: That's like a fun like you're lifting and it's a Friday and you're like armfarm so just hit bicep curls and be an absolute douchebag.
PFT: Billy, I don't like the fact that you put bicep curls in here.
BILLY: I know but it's like a fun-
PFT: I don't, I don't. That's something that you should make fun of.
BILLY: Like "oh we don't have a lift today, let's go do bicep curls".
PFT: Wait so Billy what's the matter, you can't do pullups, you can't do rows?
BILLY: Dude, pullups are pretty anabolic.
PFT: Yeah, why don't you do something that incorporates your full body?
BILLY: Well bench press, you gotta throw bench on there.
Big Cat: Gotta throw bench on there.
BILLY: Yeah, you gotta throw bench. Lemme think, hmm.. I mean pullups would be a good one but-
PFT: No I just took pullups.
BILLY: I know, lemme think.
Big Cat: How do you not have 4 dude?
BILLY: I [stuttering]. Skullcrushers, i'm gonna put my last one as skullcrushers.
PFT: Okay.
BILLY: Cause those hit the tri's and the bi's, it's insane.
Big Cat: Okay.
BILLY: When you get a sick pump like dude it's-
Big Cat: *laughing at the broiness*
BILLY: Dude I don't even like to workout to-
PFT: You hit your bi's when you do skullcrushers?
Big Cat: You just like to get the good pump.
BILLY: I'm addicted to the pump.
Big Cat: Have you watched the Arnold Schwarzenegger where he-
BILLY: *screams in excitement* Yes!
Big Cat: He's coming.
BILLY: *in Arnold voice* I'm coming, i'm coming!
Big Cat: He's coming everyday, all day i'm coming.
PFT: He used to do bicep curls until he passed out.
BILLY: Yeah, the blood rushes so much to your [stammering] like that's what happens.
PFT: Mhm.
BILLY: It's awesome, it's like there's no better high than just having a sick pump. This is just like literally *starts laughing*, i'm serious!
Big Cat: I actually kind of agree dude! I don't workout but I agree.
BILLY: But like, just like, ah I can't wait.
Big Cat: That pump is like, nothing better.
BILLY: Dude I might just start benching.
PFT: What about deadlifts?
BILLY: Deadlifts, I don't like deadlifts.
PFT: Power cleans.
BILLY: My torso's too long so I always slip disks, it sucks.
PFT: Yeah.
BILLY: So I can't deadlift.
PFT: You're also kinda fat now.
Big Cat: Yeah, you're very very fat.
BILLY: Yeah, well proven point, I workout...You know what a lot of people have a lot worse problems during the pandemic.
PFT: That's why we put you on the Whoop.
BILLY: But when you take a college football player who's doing workouts every week 4 times a week and then you just say "okay, no more", and then he has to like deal with the diet he was eating, this is what happens!
PFT: Thoughts and prayers.
Big Cat: *laughing*
PFT: That sounds very difficult for you.
Big Cat: You're 21!
BILLY: A lot of people have bigger problems but like I got fat, because of Corona.
PFT: The worst part about this virus that's killed 110,000 people is that my gains have somewhat lacked.
BILLY: I'm not gonna say that. My strength has gone up because I don't run, I just lift. Okay never mind, too much about me.
Big Cat: Okay, no no this is good. We don't have anything else.
BILLY: Yeah, I just eat too much
Hank: Follow Billy on Whoop.
BILLY: I just can't stop eating.
Big Cat: Follow Billy on Whoop.
BILLY: That's why they put me on Whoop, for my weight.
Hank: Don't go jetskiing this week.
BILLY: They always chirp me on Twitter if i'm not working out.
PFT: The only thing I have a problem with, with squats is that if you post a video of your squat online, your form is never good enough for the comments section.
Big Cat: No, no no.
BILLY: I bet I could do one right now that's perfect form and no one would chirp me.
PFT: I guarantee you're wrong.
Big Cat: Okay, we'll do that.
BILLY: We'll put out a clip after.
Big Cat: We'll put it out.
PFT: Critique Billy's squat performace.
Big Cat: Yes.
BILLY: Yes.
Big Cat: Alright we do actually have one last thing. We have Phil Mushnick's article from the New York Post the other day where he's out against vulgarity. So i'm excited that we have this because you have to wonder, we just talked about Billy getting fat, like the side affects of the pandemic. One of them being old white baseball writers have no outlet to get mad. Well, here's where they're at. So this feels good that we can get the anger up on something so trivial and stupid like using the F word.
PFT: I'm kinda glad that Phil Mushnick has to go through this period with no sports because like getting his mind applied to the real ills of society is what we've been waiting for.
Big Cat: *slight laugh* Yes! So here's the title 'Mets' Pet Alonso Part of Sports Growing Vulgarity Problem'.
PFT: Mm.
Big Cat: I didn't know it was a problem, I didn't know it was growing but here we are. Alright, "Some wrongs are not difficult to right. As my friend Mark Morley says, “It’s not rocket surgery.” ".
PFT: Mark Morley sounds hilarous.
Big Cat: Yet, and for no good reasons, we inexorably sink lower, every day, by pathetic design. Meanwhile, the modern marketing and TV content rationale has become, “It’s no worse than this” or “It’s no worse than that.”. What? I'm very confused.
PFT: Where's he going with this?.
Big Cat: This man needs help.
PFT: What is 'the modern TV market is getting worse than this, worse than that" even mean?
Big Cat: *laughs* I don't know. Alright, "But what is it ever better than?". Yes, we're wondering. "For example-" *laughs*
PFT: You know what this sounds like? This sounds like somebody texted Phil and was like "Hey Phil, just start a sentence off with 'The Modern Profanity Crisis in Sports' and then let autocomplete finish the rest of your column just by clicking the thing that is being suggested to you on your phone."
Big Cat: He's writing something like this would what what be what would happen if we told Billy he needs to have a column within 20 minutes.
PFT: Mhm.
Big Cat: He'd just throw this out there, just asking weird questions, you know "ask yourself questions". Alright, "But what is it ever better than? For example, the Mets and MLB seem to have no problem with the team’s traditional marketing slogan, “Let’s go Mets!” having added a vulgarity.". *gasps* Gasp! "Now, cued by young Pete Alonso, it’s “LFGM.” ".
PFT: Let's, Oh it's-
Big Cat: Let's Freaking Go Mets.
PFT: Let's Freaking Go Mets and this was really started by Tom Brady.
Big Cat: Mhmm.
PFT: With his constant LFG's.
Big Cat: I can't believe professional athletes swear. "So if he knows the F-word is so vulgar and inappropriate that it must hide behind its initial, why use it? Why not instead lose it?". *laughs* I like that, I actually kinda agree with that, either fuckin' say it or don't.
PFT: So I have the shirts that the Mets are saying-
PFT and Big Cat: *in unison* Let's Fuckin' Go Mets.
PFT: They would sell way more of those.
Big Cat: I'm actually with Phil here. Bro you gotta either own it or not, don't give me that F, go all the way. To emphasize anything, it now seems as if you have to add or throw in the F-word. Those spray-paint-armed quote un quote protesters". That means Phil doesn't really think they're protesting..?
PFT: Stay woke, well yeah George Soros bus ticket holders is what Phil's saying.
Big Cat: "Who desecrated the outside of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, after all, couldn’t stop with “BLM.” They topped it with a large F" and then he had --K. Frick!
PFT: So it said on the church like BLFM?
Big Cat: No it said BLM and then somewhere else it also said fuck, but he cut it out.
PFT: I love that Phil is rightfully focussing in on the most important part of the Black Lives Matter movement.
Big Cat: Right. "Listen I was with Black Lives Matter until they used the F word"
PFT: "Until they dropped some vulgarity on it."
Big Cat: "Eh, now I don't know if I understand their message." Uhmm, "I guess that word is to prove you really, really mean it or really, really care.", or it's just really really fun to say Phil! Fuck you dude! That was fun.
PFT: Also, Phil, he's writing the LFGM in this article right?
Big Cat: Right.
PFT: Is he ever saying fuck in there?
Big Cat: No.
PFT: By writing this article Phil Mushnick has probably made hundreds of thousands of Americans think about the word fuck.
Big Cat: Mhm, yes!
PFT: It sounds to me like Phil's part of the problem.
Big Cat: He's absolutely part of the problem. Alright, here we go, we got some drama with the Mets pick, first pick. "Pete Crow-Armstrong, the Mets’ first pick, has already joined the “movement.” He tweeted “LFGM.”. LFGM T-shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, bumper stickers and even virus masks are now for sale. Reminds me of when the NFL sold framed photos of Marshawn Lynch grabbing his crotch.".
PFT: *sighs* *laughs*
Big Cat: Damn!
PFT: That's a deep cut.
Big Cat: That is, Phil just got over that!
PFT: Phil's got like a filing cabinet of grievances that he's got in the past that he needs to bring into the modern day. Like the Marshawn Lynch thing, he's probably still mad about the Randy Moss fake mooning incident. If you ask me if there's one four letter word that needs to be gotten rid of to cleanse peoples eyes and ears in the world of sports, it would be Mets.
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: Not fuck.
Big Cat: *laughs* Mets. "Again, it’s not rocket surgery. The Mets, MLB, and Alonso’s and Crow-Armstrong’s agents can’t ask them to cut it out? Or is it protected under the collective bargaining agreement?". Nah you know it's not, you know it's not Phil! "What would a reasonable response be to, “Please, for the sake of common public decency, stop”?".
PFT: Waterboarding.
Big Cat: Well no he answered himself.
PFT: Oh.
Big Cat: "“Go F yourself”?". Yes, that absolutely would be a response. "Alonso can’t do better? By the time he retired, CC Sabathia, proud family man", oh no, this is gonna take a turn. "seemed unable to speak a sentence without including a string of vulgarities.", I love that he added proud family man. "Rob Gronkowski must’ve negotiated his Patriots contracts to include bonuses for cursing and speaking sexual crudities during TV interviews.", Phil does NOT like the 69 jokes. *laughs* This guy is awesome!
PFT: Well wasn't Gronk's like brother his agent at some point? Because I could see that being written into his contract.
Big Cat: Dude I love this, Phil needs to exist. We need these people to continue to exist. "Weekday Boomer Esiason apparently", what? He just missed a word here, Weekday Boomer Esiason.
PFT: Mmm, it that just like saying a Monday Morning Quarterback? Like a Weekday Boomer Esiason is a second rate morning DJ?
Big Cat: "Weekday Boomer Esiason apparently thinks that crudity is the key to radio ratings success. Showtime paired two of the NBA’s all-time worst acts, Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson", i'm shocked Phil's not a fan of those guys. "for no other apparent reason than that they" *laughs*
Hank: Those guys are great. All the Smoke!
Big Cat: They're fucking awesome, who doesn't like them?
PFT: F'ing.
Hank: All the Smoke.
Big Cat: "for no other apparent reason than that they had earned very bad reputations and that they often say “motherf—er” and the N-word on the air. What’s the upside for now and later? We grow coarser? That’s a good thing? Freedom of expression is supposed to leave us all lower? Would Alonso teach the kids in his life to speak vulgarities? He can’t do any better? “Dad, what does the F stand for?” “Go ask Uncle Rob Manfred. He said kids are MLB’s top priority.” ". YES! AHHH! *claps*
PFT: Yeah, there you go. Think of the children.
Big Cat: What a fucking column.
PFT: Yeah, "how will somebody explain to my child what the F stands for", that's kinda your job as a parent right?
Big Cat: MLB has a problem trying to grow the game to younger kids and that problem starts with LFGM.
PFT: Mhm, yeah. Every player should talk like Philip Rivers.
Big Cat: Oh man.
PFT: Then the world would be a much better place.
Big Cat: I like this guy Phil, he's a fuckin' idiot and I really mean the fuckin' part. It'd be a shame if people said fuck to him.
PFT: Fuckin' idiot Phil Muschick?
Big Cat: Mushnick.
PFT: Mushnick.
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: Yeah, he's a legend. Every time I see his column pop up online it's always for the same reason which is "this column sucks ass".
Big Cat: But you know what, he's out there doin' it.
PFT: Right.
Big Cat: The world needs this guy otherwise we have way too many people that just make sense.
PFT: You're right, I agree with that 100%. We need shitty columnists, shitty columnists make sports more fun while they're trying to make it less fun.
Big Cat: Right, exactly. So alright thank you Phil, that is our show. We'll see everyone Wednesday. Anything else? Anything else? Anything else? *snapping*
BILLY: I had a 6 pack in December.
Big Cat: No you didn't.
BILLY: I did!
Big Cat: No chance.
BILLY: I will-
Big Cat: Show me a picture.
BILLY: I will.
Big Cat: Show it.
BILLY: Right now?
Big Cat: You're gonna squat right now too.
BILLY: Oh, okay.
Big Cat: Alright, see everyone Wednesday.
PFT: Love you guys.
[Outro]
*folk music remix of take on me by a-ha*
[The End]
Follow me on Twitter @BKSTUSSY and share with the fellas as these take a hell of a long time to do. Preciate y'all readin', stay safe.
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