Like It Or Not, Pete Davidson Is The Peak In Male Sex Appeal

From butthole eyes to the fancy of every woman's jollies, Pete Davidson is what every double X chromosome donning being desires. The Long Island accent in which he speaks, effortlessly dropping the R off of words and emphasizing the G. It sparks memories of the socially despondent middle schooler singing a rap song, before sharply being taught a lesson and beat to a pulp. 

Long are the days of a hankering for muscle tone and plush abdominal striations, an internment camp prisoner plus is the hot new lust of the 18-25 demographic everywhere. If you are able to encase this gaunt frame in tattoos ranging from obscure baseball players to the Goldfish mascot Finn, then you have too surpassed many of your primal brained counterparts. 

Without these symbols embroidered into your flesh, your gangly appearance and ghoulish looking features are emphasized and the entire look is extinguished. These are the ground floor basics of what you need to begin your transformation, the rest comes as your wealth and status grows. 

Throw the clothes you thought looked good out to the pasture, for to brandish your emaciated structure your attire must be chosen blindly whilst microdosing psilocybin. 

You're permitted one radically disgusting facial feature after which you must reconstruct said abnormalities. For Pete, both his eyes and teeth were stomach churningly revolting, as if he had been stranded at sea for months on the doorstep of death as a result of scurvy. With his new found abundance he delved into the veneer game and came out with a new shiny set of 32 chompers, white as a Beluga Whale. 

Make self deprecating jokes in jest whilst minimizing the most unfortunate happenings throughout your life and as has been proven, you too can pull women markedly outside of your league. 

PS: You must also have enormous meat with it stated to an audience of 200 million praying upon every whisper. 

PPS: Cash rules all.