To Solve The Opioid Crisis We Must Outlaw Sour Candy

Crack is wack, crack is wack! A saying as old as time itself, however throughout my days as a youth in the Montessori academy we were forbidden from spewing this rhetoric. It was encouraged we explore our uncultivated primitive side, be it in the form of fat bags of hard rock or solving a thousand piece puzzle exhibiting The Mayflower.

With varying results, some classmates of mine became app developers for Temple Run 2, programming the tricky roots for us to slip upon. Others though were committed to pursuing a livelihood as a pharmaceutical technician, solely to wield the power to manage the local Walgreens as a dispensary, to supply their brooding fantasy enterprise of a reimagined Percocet driven Los Pollos Hermanos. 

By 2011, these juvenile school boys have become men. Growing to manipulate the market and become prolific in their trafficking techniques. They work to find mules to do their dirty work, from the local Denny's parking lot, right off I-5. In return these scoundrels, for their labor, receive 6 bags of Sour Patch Kids and a barrel of Redvines, variety Black. The acceptance of heinous secondary candy ensures that these people would sooner gain a second front tooth than to turn informant. The duties of these stiffs formerly scrounging change from the trenches of freeway overpasses', is to cover these pills within neon burgundy nail polish, mirroring the appearance of ever popular over the counter Advil.  

More than anyone can realize, this has tanked the stock of multiple corporations and affected the lives of millions outwardly uninvolved.

All the while these seemingly harmless cargos of "Advil" being transported throughout the continental United States is killing the mass consumers of Monster Energy at an frightening rate. The DEA, seemingly unaware, continues to intensify their objective to further infiltrate unaware impoverished boroughs prohibiting the sale of dime bags.