"What is this series actually going to turn into?" You're probably asking yourself. Well it's simply my way to express all my deepest darkest fantasies in a forum in which lends me plausible deniability from any type of repercussions that would come out of my actions and statements. Now that we've got that out of the way, don't act like you're above the fleshy guts of a seasonal fruit? You'd be surprised with the shockingly pleasant texture and feeling in which you'll receive. The adage as old as time goes "don't knock it till you try it" and as goes with the first time you bit into a nice Shitake Mushroom, it'll surprise you how succulent it is. I'm no freak though, I can see how deciding on which fruit to fuck would be slightly vile and revolting, I'm shameless though-- I'm blogging for crying out loud, how much self-respect can I really have?
Now turn off your logical brain in which thinks of things critically and operates throughout the normal world, because that's not the type of content I'm into. This is nothing but pure, unadulterated smut like our founding fathers before lived for. Will this leave the realm of comedy and suddenly turn into just a sad disaster and an insight on my scope of helplessness? Maybe, but as a man of pride and a man of integrity it's my duty to take these risks. Is any other blogger writing about eloping and wedding fruits? No, I have to do the dirty work because no other man is brave enough to take that stand.
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With my foreword and fair warning out in the open, lets get our dicks hard and minds open and fuck some fruit.
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Fuck- Watermelon
If you're looking for something that resembles the real thing and are tired of sex toys and your hand, the Watermelon is by far the number one draft pick. Did you know humans are over 70% water? Well do you want to know what else is over 70% water? Why it's right in the name you silly goose it's the Watermelon! A woman's coochie is basically just the inside of a Watermelon in the first place. Sure there's some tough skin to get through and you might have to work a little for the pleasure but...wait, breaking news. Per sources, that's exactly what you must do with women? Shucks, so a Watermelon is actually no different from a woman's snatch. If you fuck each one of them right, your dick comes out sticky and that's the worst sentence I've ever typed out. There's no one in my life at all proud of how I've turned out and I'll die alone. This content must keep churning though.
Once you get the phallic sized hole carved within your beaut, there's no timeline, no foreplay-- and most importantly no girl there to complain about how worthless you are in bed! Win, win, win. A watermelon is never gonna tell you your dicks too small or that 3 minutes isn't a standard duration, it has no conscience! This is how people get into beastiality and fucking dead people isn't it? I feel like maybe I should have scrapped this blog long ago but we're too far within the guts of this baby, no pun intended. But yeah, I'm fucking the shit out of that ripe, pulpy melon.
When your sugar momma asks if you suck pussy pic.twitter.com/0U7wlRtsfk— Vibbs (@thejeffvibbert) September 3, 2020
Marry- Pumpkin
Women are fine, run of the mill, the texture of a vagina is nothing new no matter the species. As aforementioned, a watermelon is the spitting image of the punani but at the end of the day it's still just a vagina when you think about it. Pumpkins however....that's a new sensation, a new scent, everything you could think of it's just revolutionary. There's stringy bits and perhaps it's a little rougher than you're used to but that's why we marry her, because you build a callous and eventually it's all you can think about! No one ever show this blog to anyone I've even come in the presence of, let alone any authorities because there's a 100% chance that in the wrong hands this is landing me in solitary. The biggest problem with getting in the guts of the gourd is unquestionably the scent. The revolting rotting vibe isn't my personal favorite but when the holy pumpy hasn't been pierced, there's no palpable smell. So as a solution to our major issue we simply just cover the hole when not engaged in coitus and she's a scent free hoochie mama once again. God someone put a bullet in my head.
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Kill- Pineapple
Simple, too fucking spiky. Sure, you can cut the standardized hole but at the end of the day what if there's some slippage? Your tip is toast. It's gonna look like Harvey Dent, just not the scene you want to experience. The core in the middle is even more confirmation that the pineapple is the worst possible decision. Ever heard the story of how Dennis Rodman broke his dick? Do you want to end up like that? Imagine going to town on your special lady after a long day arguing on Twitter and suddenly you just jam your dick into a brick wall. I have issues of my own but every man has a line, I just can't risk having to go to the ER with my dick at a 90 degree angle in a tropical delicacy.
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I can't write anymore on this, my brain is wilting like a bag of old spinach. I'm deteriorating at a rapid rate, this is only my third day treating blogging like a full time job and I'm at the sex with fruit portion of the cycle already evidently. If you're a religous being, well firstly I have no idea how you just read this all, but just say a prayer for me. What went wrong?
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