This World Is Up In Flames And I Know The Solution.....More Stew, Less Bracelets

More American males now wear bracelets than eat stew

— Adam Carolla (@adamcarolla) August 13, 2020

Oh you like stew? Name 5 of their albums. I'd like to hear you try. Beef? What else dummy? That's right, you're a chowder chomping bitch like the rest of these femboy libtards. Are you going to town on a nice bowl of New England Clam? How's that estrogen taste, pussy? I'd be willing to bet you went to town on a green smoothie made with oat milk this morning at a local coffee shop because you're "rebelling against the systematic monopoly" which is Starbucks. It's all so predictable, first you think everyone deserves basic human rights and now you're abandoning a hearty, patriotic old classic stew-- in the middle of summer no less, right smack dab during America's birthday! I mean, do you think Christopher Columbus would have had the stamina to rape and pillage an entire demographic without the filling nourishment of a big pot of stew? 

You're all feeding into the mind warping mainstream media and it's infuriating, be a real man stop dying your hair and shaving your legs. Do you think a woman is ever gonna fuck you whilst you're wearing a bracelet and chomping on an Acai bowl? Do you think she sees that and it oozes masculinity? Yes? Fuck. Wait....so you're telling me that being comfortable in your own decisions is attractive to females? I thought they all just wanted a man who was groomed like a Grizzly Bear and wore a pair of 527 bootcuts. Are you telling me my camouflage colored dog tags AREN'T gonna get me laid? I refuse to believe this is where America, the land of the FREE is heading...People being able to wear expressive clothing and accessories. What's next? Are women gonna be able to join the workforce? Are children not gonna be allowed to be incessantly beaten? How else will my youngest son learn how to be a member of society if he's not living in constant fear? You think I'm gonna keep my belt hanging innocently in the closet while my child CRIES? Madman! 

Bracelets, things of that nature, preposterous! Do you think my lord and savior Ronald Reagan would have ever wore a bracelet? Of course not, and he was the depiction of what a REAL MAN looks like. Do you think Nancy ever knit him some crochet socks because his toesies were getting chilly in the Oval Office? No, if he got hypothermia so be it. You've got to set a precedent for the nation as the Commander in Chief and my God did just that. Wait, what was that? A watch is just a bracelet? But my bracelet tells the time! It's valuable, you stupid lib! Don't you dare try and get me to adapt to new social norms, I won't do it! The 80's had it all figured out, white supremacy and female suppression, oh how I yearn for it!!