I Refuse To Believe California Can Actually Get This Fucking Hot

Am I a precious little snowflake who has the privilege of living in a widely accepted paradise of a state? Sure, but actually, no fuck that. I've long been on the crusade of hating the fuck out of this place and this summer has only given me bigger reason. California has just turned into Texas with far higher taxes and the worst sub-sect of liberals contrasted to the worst sub-sect of Republicans. There's nothing good about this place anymore, the weather used to be the final thing for these Avocado Toast crunching blowhards to point to but now that point is defunct and flawed. 

Both Southern and Northern California included, as to an unbiased journalist. of course. 

This place is home to the most pretentious and holier than thou dickheads you'll ever meet. Everyone in this god forsaken territory believes they're a gift and that they have a "special purpose", no one can just accept we're all mediocre fucking idiots who just so happen to have an ocean nearby. When that ocean rises and wipes us all out in one fair swoop, that will be a long overdue miracle. Florida gets the wrap of inhabiting the largest quantity of crazies and I'm not here to tell you how great Florida is...but remember that California wanted secede from the United States? Like, as in become their own country? That actually happened, not a joke! 

We hired the terminator as our governor and some how followed that up with even worse candidates! Only a few years back was our governor betting Organic Brown Rice Cakes on Hockey games. Another thing that really happened! 

And even worse, by far the least favorable part of California is the ever mercurial PG&E. In no other walk of life can a billion dollar company whomst holds the keys to so many's lives just....stop doing their jobs for hours on end with no warning. If you're unaware of the incompetence I'm referring to, in California when it gets above, say 95 degrees? You've got about a 50/50 chance of your power going out for at least 8 hours. "Why is that?" you may be asking yourself-- oh just because a billion dollar corporation doesn't have the structure in place to handle heat waves....a very normal thing! The absolute worst of all time, PG&E with Michael Phelps level domination. 

111 in California...give me a fucking break, unreal. If anyone has a spare couch or perhaps even a dogbed in any other state, feel free to reach out. If you're considering coming to LA for "a shot at success" just get addicted to crack instead, it'll be less excruciating.