Power Ranking The Top 5 Cartoon Chickens

Every singly day thousands dm me, "rank the cartoon chickens already you coward". Listen, no one calls me a coward and gets away with it. I've put in the time to study the game film, diagnose strengths and weaknesses and put in my blood, sweat and tears to become the foremost authority on everything cartoon chicken related. 

5- Chicken Little

Chicken Little is a nerd, a schizophrenic and a fraud. Ever heard of gravity bro? At the end of the day his "warning" about aliens didn't even do anything as they weren't even evil. 

The movie becomes extremely unrealistic when the 2 foot chicken hits an inside the park home run.

I interviewed the other 4 chickens on this list and they all came away with the same impression of Chicken Little "wimpy, soft, and an embarrasment to cartoon chickens everywhere."...needless to say they don't like being associated with that pitchy squeaky fool. 

 

4- Cornelius The Rooster

When your cereal tastes like dog food, there's not much higher you can be put. On the bright side here, Cornelius is extremely unproblematic and has wisely kept his mouth shut over the years. He just goes to work and does his job no matter the obstacles...he's gonna let out a yelping cock-a-doodle-do and keep his nose to the grindstone, Corny doesn't search for the accolades and attention...unlike some chickens who always have to be the hero of the story. Ahem. 

3- Foghorn Leghorn

Foghorn has always intimidated me. I put him this high purely out of fear for me and my families well being. Foghorn is the kid from your highschool who was a 5 star recruit, had good grades and was beloved by all. 

He scares me, he looks far too smug to be a cartoon character. I've never seen an episode of Looney Tunes which he was in...and I never will. The day cancel culture gets his ass, i'll be on the front lines. No one chicken can be that perfect.

2- Ernie The Giant Chicken

I've been working on a hypothesis for a while now...Ernie is fatphobic, okay hear me out...he only attacks Peter and it's "on sight" whenever Peter is spotted. What could possibly drive you to hate a man so deeply that you drop whatever you're doing to whoop his ass? Peter is a good enough guy who provides for his family and never wrongs anybody, in any preposterous way...thus the only explanation is his outside appearance. 

As a fit muscular guy himself, it must drive Ernie crazy that Peter has been able to simply disregard his fitness and still be loved by all. Lets all come together for a prayer and hope that Ernie gets the help he needs. 

1- Hei Hei The Rooster

The king of all the cartoon chickens and it's not even close. Some see Hei Hei as "dumb" and a "brainless idiot", well by the end of Moana they were all eating their words as he was the hero saving the day. Hei Hei is innocent and lovable in all the ways Chicken Little isn't, Hei Hei understands he's a minuscule bird who offers very little to society...and he doesn't try to be any more than that, if he needs to eat a rock for sustenance then he will...meanwhile if Chicken Little was lost at sea he'd demand a five star steak dinner. 

Hei Hei understands his own strengths and weaknesses, which is far more than any of the rest of this crew of poultry can say.