PARDON MY TAKE Transcription 1: Blake Bortles, Steelers RB James Conner, And Baseball Is Screwed.

[Intro]

Big Cat: On today's Pardon My Take, we have old friend, recurring guest, Blake Bortles. We also have James Conner on the show, unbelievable story if you don't know it, it's incredible. He's got a new memoir out about beating cancer and then getting to the NFL. We have baseball being fucked, we have NBA bubble, we have Hot Seat/Cool Throne and Guys on Chicks, the return of the Mount Flushmore, the volley back of the Mount Flushmore "Things that Girls do that Guys Hate" submitted by girls.
PFT: Do you have any predictions for that one?
Big Cat: Umm, taking too long getting ready. 
PFT: Wait so it's things that girls do that guys
Big Cat: Hate, said by girls.
PFT: don't like, said by girls so it's fine. And definitely not male listeners that submitted them as women.
Big Cat: Correct. 
PFT: Good job.
Big Cat: Hank has done a very deep screening process.
PFT: Faking pregnancies.
Big Cat: Yes. Alright before we get to all that though, Pardon My Take is brought to you by the CashApp. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. It is the #1 social distancing app in the world. If you need to send cash to anyone, a friend, a co-worker, a bartender, whatever it may be, CashApp has it set up. You can link it directly to your bank account, it can be a bank account. Billy has it as his bank account. It is so, so easy and like we said Billy just got the, no he's not allowed to talk during ads, that's the rule. 
Hank: He had an idea earlier and i'm making sure he doesn't.
PFT: Gotta protect that money
Big Cat: Yeah, every time he tries to talk during an ad we actually electrocute him. We have a collar on his neck right now.
PFT: Billy, do you have the CashApp?
Big Cat: Don't answer that. 
PFT: Good job Billy! Good job.
Big Cat: So the CashApp's #1 social distancing app, it is the #1 app in general. We love the CashApp, they're giving away free money on their Twitch stream. They're giving away free money if you put in code BARSTOOL, you get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA and guess what? The CashApp is the presenting sponsor and our studio sponsor. We're in the CashApp studio, sounds good, it feels good. It's great to be here CashApp, thank you so much. Download the CashApp from the App Store or Google Play store, today and get involved with the CashApp. Okay, let's go!

[Intro Music]

Oy! *Motorcycle revs* Oy! *motorcycle revs* Down in the streets there is violence, and a lots of work to be done, No place to hang out our washing and I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher. Oh we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher. It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports!

Big Cat: Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the CashApp, go download it right now. Use code BARSTOOL, you get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday June 17th and baseball is fucked! 
PFT: Baseball is going to be back but it looks like Rob Manfred got caught with his pants around his ankles and I have not seen an emasculation of a sitting commissioner like this, I think in my lifetime. The way that the players are all going at his throat and saying like Trevor Bauer had a great thread on Twitter about it yesterday, basically outlining exactly why Manfred changed his stance from "100% we're playing the games" to "uhh I don't know". And basically what it comes down to is he doesn't want to announce that the league is coming back right now because they would have to pay the players more money. He's waiting until they can only get ready for a 50 game season.
Big Cat: The owners, if you don't understand this situation, fuck the owners. Because the owners essentially are saying "if we have to pay the players more than the 50 games we wanna play minimum, we're gonna lose money. And we don't wanna lose money" and guess what? We've said it before, we'll say it again, the owners will be making money forever. If they have any kind of foresight, the idea here would be, take a loss this season but save the baseball season.
PFT: And dominate the ratings this season.
Big Cat: Dominate the ratings, dominate. Like baseball should of been back a month ago, they should be basically saying "here's our opportunity to re-capture an audience when there are no sports.". This is the long play, lose some money this year but keep baseball going, have everyone triumph baseball and say "that is the sport that came back first, hooray baseball!". Instead, they're taking the short term approach, the dumb approach where they're saying "we don't want to play more than 50 games because we don't want to pay the players' pro rated salary which we agreed to, therefore we're going to give bad faith negotiations all the way through and hope that the general public will buy this bullshit.
PFT: Which has worked in the past.
Big Cat: It's worked in the past.
PFT: This year it's not, for whatever reason. 
Big Cat: I think it's a combination of social media, I think fans are significantly smarter than they were 20 years ago and I think more than anything, if you read the room a little bit, guess who isn't having the best time right now? Billionaires. 
PFT: People of means.
Big Cat: Billionaires when there's a pandemic and 40 million people are out of work, uh billionaires, let's just say we're not crying for them. So it has been an absolute clusterfuck, they've ruined it every which way.
PFT: We're so god damn desperate for sports right now, that we're talking about Korean baseball on Pardon My Take. I'm becoming obsessed with Top Chef, I have nothing else to do at night, i'm desperate. I'm waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning to watch Australian Rugby League, a sport that I don't really care about that much. 
Big Cat: What!?
PFT: Well no, i'm a rugby union guy.
Big Cat: Oh.
PFT: And a 7's guy.
Big Cat: Okay. Same thing
PFT: But i'm desperate for sports, we're all desperate for sports and all you have to do is just put games on TV. We'll watch them if their on TV, people will come out of the woodwork, people that haven't watched baseball in 10 years will tune in to watch baseball this summer because we're starving for sports. And they are absolutely shitting down their own throats and they're getting exposed for it too. First of all, credit to the players, they've done a pretty good job of holding the line and i'm sure there are some players out there that would like to say "maybe, hey lets make some concessions? We wanna play baseball, we're already getting paid millions of dollars.". I'm sure there are a couple players in the league that would want to go out and say that, but nobody's said that yet, they're all kind of maintaining that line and when they're all unified like that, it's very, very tough for the owners to put any extra leverage on them whatsoever. So I think we're all resigned to the fact that it's gonna be a 50 game season which will result in an asterisk on whoever wins this World Series unless it's the Nationals, the Cubs or the Red Sox. So be warned, we're getting way out ahead of that storyline right there. Yeah, Hank?
Hank: I think this Sunday's documentary really illustrated this fact even more, but they don't have a steroid boom to come where the can look past and be like "oh this is great for the sport". That's not gonna work this time, so when they come out of this year where everybody hates them, they're not gonna have that boom of sport that's gonna bring fans back.
Big Cat: Right.
PFT: Unless they let people do steroids again.
Hank: Right, but they can't. 
PFT: Which would be sick.
Hank: Cause they can't pretend like they didn't know what was going on. That ship has sailed.
Big Cat: I'm trying to find the tweet but essentially an agent summed it up perfectly. He was like "The Miami Marlins have basically pleaded that they were going broke for years and years and years, gave Giancarlo Stanton an insane contract and then sold the team with multiple offers for a billion dollar profit.". So cry me a fucking river owners, get your shit together. Take one for the team, in baseball speak.
PFT: The Marlins also had Marlins Man and the mermaids lined up as season ticket holders so that's a little pitch in extra money. 
Big Cat: This is gonna make Marlins Man retire, he's gonna retire, he's eluded to it, he's thrown it out there that he might retire, and that's sad. So I have a fix.
PFT: He has cats to feed.
Big Cat: I have a fix, on Saturday I went down a rabbit hole. I want to buy a whiffleball league, and I watched probably 3 hours of this whiffleball league in Michigan. I want to buy a whiffleball league, I want to bring together, there's a bunch of different leagues all across America. I want to be the Vince McMahon of whiffle ball and bring them all together and make a national whiffleball league. Because you know what? I actually think whiffleball could just be the new sport. 
PFT: Well anyone can play, all you need is a lawnchair, a whiffleball and a bat.
Big Cat: No these guys are fucking good though. 
PFT: So whiffleball is sick, here's the only problem, i'm not poo-poo'ing your idea because I think it's a good idea but we have to figure out how to make it entertaining to watch because-.
Big Cat: Uh, it is.
PFT: The pitches are sick, right? The pitches are awesome, but if you have a great pitcher then it's just gonna be a no hitter every time.
Big Cat: No! No, no, no, no so I actually talked to the commissioner of this league, it's been going on since 2009 and they have stats, they have Cy Young's, they have highlights, they do everything. He said that there is a rule that you can't pitch too fast to make it more of a hitters league. I also want to implement the rule that every team has to have a 300 pound kid who is under 5'8 and he gets to use the big red bat. 
PFT: Okay.
Big Cat: So there we go, he's instant offense, he's the DH. 
PFT: I'm into that.
Big Cat: Fat kids hitting dingers? That's America baby.
PFT: Also, you want ratings, have every game played in a replica stadium of a major league baseball stadium.
Big Cat: Perfect! 
PFT: Those things are awesome
Big Cat: Perfect, I honestly think that there's-, I was a little high but I watched 3 hours of it and it was fucking sick. I went down this rabbit hole and I was like these guys are awesome. The stats, the fact they had a Cy Young race. C'mon let's do it!
PFT: I like where your head's at 
Big Cat: Mic'd up. There's a guy mic'd up in RF! Which is weird because he was like 10 feet away from everyone else but still.
PFT: Just use a boom mic or just like have the camera pointed at him.
Big Cat: Subtitles.
PFT: Yeah, exactly. There should be, a dad needs to pitch, a dad over the age of 60 needs to be on the mound wearing the official uniform of whiffleball, which would be no shoes, maybe Birkenstocks but no shoes preferably. Cargo khaki shorts and a golf shirt, a button up.
Big Cat: Flip flops, flip flops.
PFT: Flip flops are fine. A button up, a golf polo that's got a brand on the chest.
Big Cat: That might be a fishing shirt. Has too many pockets.
PFT: It's got a logo on there from one of his clients that he sold some sort of networks solutions to 5 years ago.
Big Cat: It's an insurance logo on his breast and yeah he's the pitcher and he has to have a beer an inning.
PFT: Yes, and everyone has to dip. 
Big Cat: Yes!
PFT: Or just a big wad of chew in there
Big Cat: Which would be problematic because I also imagine that we'll do an age restriction 15-25 years old. Anyone older than 25, they can't play anymore.
PFT: Ah, that sucks. Why did you just age us out of the league though?
Big Cat: Well we're gonna be the commissioners so who cares? We can change the rules whenever we want.
PFT: Well the reality is baseball's fuckin' this up big time. 
Big Cat: Yeah, they suck. So that's what's goin' on with baseball. In another world, basketball is seemingly gonna come back although Kyrie Irving has expounded on his comments from the weekend. He now wants to start his own league. 
PFT: The Michael Scott Paper Company Basketball League.
Big Cat: I'm down for it. You can get it together, I feel like that's one of those things though, if you say like-.
Hank: It could be like a 3-on-3 league. There could be 4 pointers.
Big Cat: -"We could start our own league", there's a lot of fuckin' paperwork dude. Even this whiffleball thing, the only way this actually happens is if I tell Erika "hey can we buy this whiffleball league" and she's like "yes! we should", i'm like "okay, great. Just remind me after we've purchased it in a year". I don't wanna have to do anything, i've kinda already lost interest from what I just said. 
PFT: When is whiffleball season?
Big Cat: I don't know, I don't really care, i'm not really into it. I just want to flex.
PFT: One of the OF's should have a grill in front of them, like the CF should also be flipping burgers during the game.
Big Cat: Sure. And a dog, a stray dog. So basketball, Kyrie Irving is gonna start his own league.
Hank: Should also have the Mark McGwire whiffleball bats and you get 1 swing a game.
Big Cat: No, that's the fat kid! The fat kid get's it.
Hank: Oh, okay.
Big Cat: There's a 300 pound kid on every team, he's the DH, he doesn't have to field an he gets to use that bat.
PFT: And he gets to use ghost runners too, if he gets on base. 
Big Cat: No, no, no. We need him to trot, we need him to trot.
PFT: If he hits a dinger. Yeah if he hits a dinger he gets to go all the way around.
Big Cat: He maybe has the runner where they start behind the plate and has to run for him.
PFT: Yes, yes, designated runner, I like that.
Big Cat: Billy what were you gonna say?
Billy: The whiffleball I play, there's no running. 
Big Cat: Okay, well you don't play the real whiffleball. This league is awesome, you run. Alright, so basketball. We had Kyrie Irving's gonna start his own league and then if they do play the NBA season, Shams, recurring guest had a ShamBomb where basically they're just gonna have summer camp, and it looks awesome. So, hotel amenities, players only lounge, NBA2K, TV's, gaming, pools, barbers, manicurists, pedicurists.
PFT: Woah, woah, woah. You left out trails, there are also trails. Pools/trails.
Big Cat: Trails. 24 hour VIP conceriege, daily entertainment, movie screening, DJ sets, ping pong,-
PFT: *under his breath* fuck yeah. 
Big Cat: -pool, lawn game, players can attend other games. This sounds, like I know it probably isn't ideal and if you're a multi-millionaire NBA player you're probably like "hey, I don't really need summer camp cause my life is summer camp" but if you're trying to get everyone to be like "it's not that bad", they've done a good job. All they missed was an Ice Cream Machine.
PFT: And groupies inside the bubble
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: That's a big question that I haven't seen addressed. Is there going to be a rotating cast that comes in and out? Because if so, you'd need to test them all before they all got there. 
Big Cat: Yes, but really the Ice Cream Machine.
PFT: The Ice Cream Machine's important too, I don't wanna downplay that either. But what if-
Big Cat: Ice Cream over sex.
PFT: -If it's just, well in your eyes. 
Big Cat: I mean, come on. I mean in life Ice Cream over sex.
PFT: I would imagine in a lot of NBA players eyes, I'm gonna guess that there's some NBA-
Big Cat: Yeah, they're wrong. 
PFT: -Players that would rather motorboat themselves in tits.
Big Cat: Nah, in 50 years they'll be like "Big Cat you know what? You're right".
PFT: Yeah. I don't see James Harden pulling that right now. 
Big Cat: "That Ice Cream"
PFT: I wanna see how the groupie situation's gonna be addressed because what if the rate of technical fouls and just physicality of the game goes way way up because no one's having sex inside the bubble. 
Big Cat: That would be great for us! That'd be back to the real NBA!
PFT: A return to the 80's if you will.
Big Cat: Yeah!
PFT: When men were men. 
Big Cat: Rex Chapman, Dogs brah!
PFT: And Kurt Rambis averaging 9 points a game.
Big Cat: *mocking Rex Chapman* "This is the content we're here for!" 
PFT: Fuck yeah.
Big Cat: 75,000 retweets. 625,000 likes. 
PFT: I like how they're gonna have ping pong.
Big Cat: Stolen from a little kid. *laughing*
PFT: *laughs* Ping pong, video games and lawn games set up.
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: You know what this is? This is the worlds best apartment complex and when you see the amenities that are listed when you move in you're like "this is gonna be sick, i'm gonna use the projection screen room in the common theatre area all the time!"
Big Cat: "Pool table!"
PFT: Pool tables, we're gonna be playing on that" and then nobody ever uses the pool tables. 
Big Cat: And your apartment is like 1 bedroom and 600 square feet. You're like "shit, you know what i'd really like? Another room."
PFT: Yeah, and like it's a 15 minute walk away from the ping pong table in the lounge that's right next to the property manager. And you don't ever want to interact with the guy you pay rent to.
Big Cat: It would be really funny to figure out, everyone knows the kid in your freshman dorm where theres a common area room, who basically didn't have a TV in his dorm room and used the common area room as his room. Who's gonna be that guy in the NBA?
PFT: That was me. 
Big Cat: You were? Ohhh that's terrible
PFT: I had a TV, but it's different, it's different than what you're thinking
Big Cat: Noooo
PFT: I didn't use that as my common area, I just had a pile back then. I've always been about the pile life and then that became the overflow of my pile was in the common area.
Big Cat: That's brutal, people hated you.
PFT: I got some bad looks. 
Big Cat: Just so you know, people hated you.
PFT: Well no one else hung out in that room at all
Big Cat: Right, people hated you. They motherfucked you.

PFT: Probably because-
Hank: They couldn't!
PFT: Yeah...
Big Cat: You were one step below the RA and if the RA was cool, you were one step above the RA.
PFT: It was the complete opposite of the RA, was the situation I was in. The RA hated me.
Big Cat: No, i'm saying everyone in the hallway, they're like "if you had a gun with one bullet who'd you kill?". They'd be like "Uhh, PFT would be alright. Maybe PFT"
PFT: I also had the fake ID, so you gotta take the good with the bad.
Big Cat: "His pile's pretty fuckin' annoying"
PFT: You're willing to overlook a lot of stuff as a freshman in college if the person can come home with a cube of Natty Ice.
Big Cat: That's true. Alright, so that's basically everything that's going on in the sports world. We're still in a waiting pattern, we're basically like circling a city in a plane, waiting to land. 
PFT: So the players are gonna go to the games?
Big Cat: They can.
PFT: To the other teams games.
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: That's gonna be fun to watch. 
Big Cat: Yes, that will be great. That'll be great. Yeah, I want it. Bring it back, let's fuckin' do it. Let's get it goin'. Lets do our Hot Seat/Cool Throne. Hot Seat/Cool Throne is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer, Bud Light's Cool Throne is all the dads out there, this Fathers Day make sure that you get your dad a little Bud Light Seltzer, he's gonna love it. Bud Light wants to make sure you get dads what they really want this weekend, an ice cold Bud Light or Bud Light Seltzer. If you really wanna step up your game this year, head to Bud Light social to check out our brand new Bud Light Fathers Day mugs and ties. If you're tryna figure out what to get your dad, get him a case of Bud Light and just be like "I love you dad" and he'll be like "you know what, I love you too son". The tie, no. The biography about Babe Ruth, no. The Bud Light, yes. That lasts forever.
PFT: Beer's the best gift of all.
Big Cat: Yup. Uh Hank, Hot Seat/Cool Throne.
PFT: Also, an extra bonus cool move if you're a kid getting your dad some beer, just tell him "let's not tell my mother about this" and then dad's just love secrets that they have with their kids.
Hank: Quick programming note for the documentary review on Friday I have not watched this documentary but I have it on good sources, I got a good recommendation from someone I trust. It's called "3 Identical Strangers"
Big Cat: Oh i've already seen that.
PFT: I've heard about that.
Big Cat: I've seen it, it's awesome. So fucking awesome.
Hank: Okay, so that's fine.
Big Cat: And it also will kind of fuck you up mentally.
PFT: Even better!
Big Cat: Yes!
Hank: Will you rewatch it so you'll be able to participate?
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: That's actually a great description of this podcast in general.
Big Cat: No, you're all gonna think you have twins. Pete Carroll's gonna watch that and be like "fuck!".
PFT: Did I ever tell you that I saw my twin on TV?
Hank: It's on Hulu and you can watch it.
Big Cat: Billions?
PFT: Yeah, that guy, that guy was way heavier than me though. But when I was in 5th grade, I took a sick day and I was watching EPL because all the games would be on ESPN2 during the day when I was a kid. And there was this one dude in the stands in England, that stood up and he looked exactly like me, except he had a mustache and he was about 15 years older than me.
Big Cat: So alright "3 Identical Strangers" will change your-
PFT: I've got a twin, who's 15 years older than me.
Big Cat: -what you thought about it. Yes I will re-watch it, it's fantastic. It's the best documentary we're gonna do, besides King of Kong. 
Honk: That's good, we need that. We need quality for the people.
Big Cat: Yes. 
Hank: My first Hot Seat, boozebags/alcoholics, planes and airlines, I mean Billy.
PFT: Boozebags! Like Franzia?
Hank: That was mine. Airlines are not gonna be serving alcohol on planes anymore.
Big Cat: What!?
Hank: Because of COVID restrictions, they're trying to limit the whatever you call it, airline person and passengers.
PFT and Big Cat: *in unity* Airline person.
PFT: Pilot? *laughing*
Big Cat: See if you can find that word.
PFT: The flight attendant?
Hank: The flight attendant, yes the flight attendant and the passengers. 
Big Cat: The waiters? 
Hank: Uh yup. I almost said airline mistress for some reason.
PFT: Airline mistress? Okay.
Big Cat: Airline mistress? *burst out laughing*
PFT: I can't believe this couple's breaking up.
Hank: So yeah, boozebags that have to go on long flights. You know, i'm sure there are a lot of people that are accustomed to-
Big Cat: Bring your own on!
Hank: You can't though, you can't get that through airlines. 
PFT: Yes you can, it's very easy to bring airport bottles on to an airplane.
Big Cat: Buy it in there.
PFT: This is actually great news if you just think ahead and plan in advance before you go to the airport. You just swing buy the liquor store and you buy their little 1.5 OZ nip bottles and they're like I don't know, 1, 2 $3 maybe. So you're saving a ton a money, you're saving like $5 a drink. Bring your own on to the plane, they're underneath 3 OZ so they don't get pulled aside by security. The only problem that you used to have with 'em is when the airplane person, what are they called Hank?
Hank: The airline mistress. Or mister.
PFT: The airline mistress or mister, would come down the isle and see you drinking contraband liquor, then they'd take it away from you. Sounds like they're not even patrolling the isles anymore, so it's gonna be suckin', fuckin' and drinking season. 
Big Cat: Mhm
Hank: Okay, that's fair. My other hot seat is myself.
Big Cat: You'll also have dudes jerking off but yeah, that part sucks
PFT: Oh yeah. Listen, again, gotta take the good with the bad
Big Cat: And like old ladies eating like hot tuna fish sandwiches, so it could get crazy.
Hank: Billy i'll let you figure this one out, but you can use Lamar Jackson on your Hot Seat. My other Hot Seat was myself.
Big Cat: Why? 
Hank: I lost in ping pong to PFT.
Big Cat: Oh, you did?
PFT: Oh, how bad? 
Hank: It was an L. A win's a win and a loss is a loss. That's all I know
PFT: Sounds like a close game. So it was pretty close, okay.
Big Cat: No, I don't think that's true. I think usually when you get swept, you say "I got swept".
PFT: It was a gentleman's sweep though, right?
Hank: It was 4-0. My Cool Throne.
Big Cat: No! He didn't win a game!
Hank: My Cool Throne 
PFT: Did Hank lose 4-0? 
Hank: Yes, technically.
PFT: To the Vipers?
Big Cat: People are talking about your mental weakness. Care to comment?
Hank: I mean, it's 5-2 in the series, so. Flukes happen, flukes happen.
Big Cat: Right, but you were smashing yourself in the face with your ping pong paddle...
Hank: Listen, when i'm winning people say that's why I win and when I lose, people say that's why I lose. It's fine, I don't care. 
PFT: Just a headcase, but I will say that the bulletin board material that Hank gave me leading into tonight, that put me over the edge. I came out mad.
Hank: That was Jake news.
PFT: I was actually very mad, Jake news by the Jake news media who wrote a blog, taking quotes directly from Hank saying
Hank: Which I thought he was just calling to chat casually, like "haha you're gonna crush PFT right", i'm like "haha!". 
PFT: "PFT chokes, i'm looking ahead to playing somebody else.". He named 3 other people in the office he's looking forward to play, because he's overlooking this train.
Big Cat: You named names? Damn.
Hank: Well PFT, that's like MJ using a quote a guy used and making it into bulletin board material.
PFT: You could say I took it personally.
Big Cat: Why would you give that quote?
Hank: Because I am looking forward to us being back in the office and doing Stool Streams with other people.
Big Cat: Got it.
PFT: Verbal meme, this is me looking at an IPad of Hank saying that I choke, *devious laughter*
Big Cat: Oh, he's laughing. *laughs*
Hank: And then my Cool Throne is Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit. Even if college football doesn't happen they're gonna be doing Monday Night Football, so I feel like that's good for them.
Big Cat: Wait, what!? Huh?
Hank: ESPN announced that if college football isn't happening they're gonna use them.
Big Cat: Ohhhh. So they're not gonna be the booth-
Hank: If there's no college football, but they will be in the booth announcing football games for the NFL.
Big Cat: Got it.
PFT: So, wait they're going to be thee Monday Night Football team if there's no college football? 
Hank: I believe so.
Big Cat: There's gonna be college football.
Hank: I don't know.
PFT: I feel like they're gonna use them in the broadcast, I don't know if they're gonna be in the booth.
Big Cat: We totally forgot, do you have Mike Gundy on your Hot Seat/Cool Throne?
PFT: I don't.
Big Cat: Okay, we didn't mention that. Was that the quickest like turnaround?
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: I couldn't believe that they had a video, he basically got called out by his player and then 2 hours later had a video with his player being like "we're gonna change the culture".
Hank: They dropped another one today too.
PFT and Big Cat: *in unison* he did? 
Big Cat: A double apology, did you see the sorry?
Hank: Scripted, reading off a teleprompter. I didn't watch it but I don't think so.
PFT: I think he did, I think he apologized this time but in the video it was him and it was, is it Chooba or is it Chubba, how do you pronounce it?
Big Cat: Chubba.
PFT: Chubba, It was him and Chubba and they-
Big Cat: It's Chooba but I say Chubba.
PFT: They did the predator handshake, the Drew Brees photoshop shutterstock thing.
Big Cat: Nice, nice. 
PFT: The white and black guy doing the high high 5. It was very good to see.
Big Cat: Freedom of speech, freedom of consequence. It's crazy that people can't figure that out, like you can say whatever you want but you can also have the consequences of your player calling you out. 
PFT: Also, I don't know when we expected college football coaches in general to be the most in tune on these issues.
Big Cat: Uhhhh, the least in tune. Yeah, they are the worst.
PFT: I don't think that Mike Gundy actually watches OAN, I think that he just likes the logo.
Big Cat: Mmm. Mmm. Uhh I think he watches it. 
BILLY: I think he likes the reporters
Big Cat: I think he's commented on it and been like
Hank: He has.
PFT: Oh that's right.
Big Cat: "They just give you straight news." like ahhh I don't think so dude. That's like exact opposite.
PFT: That's what's crazy about it is, you're right, Mike Gundy was on the record a month ago, out of no where like "by the way, have you checked out OAN?"
Big Cat: Yeah, "Facts!"
PFT: "Pretty sweet"
Big Cat: "Straight facts, no frills"
PFT: Gundy's gonna come in wearing an American Heroes channel shirt next.
Big Cat: But it is funny that the college coaches, they essentially are, it's back to like feudalism in Europe. They're kings in the vassels or whatever, their little area. They don't hear anything, they don't know anything else. They know that they are the end all be all in their little college town and the world outside just goes on around.
PFT: To me the story wasn't so much about the actual shirt he was wearing or the objection that the player might of had to OAN and how they cover the black lives matter movement. To me the story is, when Chubba came out and said that "i'm not gonna play" and he's one of the best players in the country. When he came out and said "i'm not gonna play unless some changes happen", that to me was a major, major shift in power in college football.
Big Cat: Yeah but-
PFT: Because he said that his team was lined up behind him and if enough players were to say something like that, no matter what the issue was, no matter what they were protesting against or disagreeing with about whether it's the system or what their coach is doing, they have a shit load of power.
Big Cat: See I disagree.
PFT: I think that's scares some people.
Big Cat: I disagree, I think college players, there's still such an imbalance. They're only there for 3 or 4 years, if the coach wins they can do whatever they want and you even saw it in the apology, or whatever the video was, Mike Gundy didn't apologize Chubba did. So it's like wait what? Who's apologizing? The imbalance was right in front of us. 
PFT: I think Gundy apologized later. You're right there's definitely an imbalance but a lot of people got very very scared about what could happen.
Big Cat: I just still think they run, these places, they run everything. If they have their boosters in line and they win football games, winning coaches don't get fired in college football. 
PFT: Oh no, i'm not saying that Gundy was gonna get fired, that's not the route i'm going down. I'm just saying, you saw the players kind of realize that if they band together, that they can make shit happen. I'm just saying, I think-
Big Cat: We'll see if shit happens.
PFT: - things are gonna change moving forward. I don't know what it's gonna look like but there was definitely a different feel to it. 
Big Cat: Alright, who's? Oh you're up PFT.
PFT: My Hot Seat is Zubaz 
Big Cat: Okay, oh another one Billy.
PFT: Billy do you wanna take this one?
Big Cat: No, no, no.
BILLY: Zubaz is going bankrupt, I was gonna put the Gronk Brothers on the Hot Seat.
PFT: Zubaz, they declared bankruptcy so now this means in the last 3 months, it's been the XFL, Zubaz and USA Rugby. I gotta figure out how to start bidding on some shit.
Hank: No we turn all that, and whiffleball, we turn it all into 1 sport. 
PFT: Ooo, I like that. Like Calvinball 
Hank: And all uniforms are Zubaz.
Big Cat: Mhm.
PFT: Yes, yes Hank! Yes! I like that. You know what this is, this is synergy happening right now.
Big Cat: Yes, absolutely
PFT: This is the universe sending us a big signal, it's time to become commissioners.
Big Cat: Yup. 
PFT: My other hot seat is Giants kickers, so Rojas got arrested yesterday because I guess he drove through an intersection, he was drunk, allegedly, he T-boned a car, tried to run from the police.
Big Cat: Not good.
PFT: So Giants kickers have been on a real hot streak of running afoul of the law, the last couple years. It also means there's an opening in the NFL, so.
Big Cat: For another kicker?
PFT: I was gonna say Janikowski, bring back Janikowski.
Hank: A little fun fact from our favorite guy Warren Sharp, no team has kicked more field goals of 35 yards or less, losing by multiple scores, than the Giants the last 5 years. This is where PFT could excel, no pressure, your team's already getting crushed.
Big Cat: Damn.
PFT: Can I just say somethin'? I don't wanna play for the Giants. I will play for most-
Big Cat: *shocked* Oh. That's so big for you to take your name out of the ring.
PFT: Also, with the culture that they have of Kickers there, I don't feel like that would be a legacy that I want to contribute to.
Hank: You and Weatherford in the locker room.
PFT: He was a punter wasn't he?
Hank: Yeah, kickers, kickers are punters. Punters aren't kickers? 
Big Cat: They're alpha kickers.
Hank: I thought just anyone who kicked a football was a kicker.
PFT: A punter is a kicker that lost his virginity at 22 instead of 21 and 1/2. Big difference.
Big Cat: No, I think punters might be more alpha than kickers.
PFT: Uh, disagree. 
Big Cat: They're always like bigger and they make tackles.
PFT: How many points do punters get? 
Big Cat: But they make tackles and they can kick the ball really far.
PFT: So do kickers. 
Big Cat: Eh, kickers are like the last. I feel like punters, like think about Marquette King, that guy's a fuckin' baller. 
PFT: Janikowsi, counterpoint.
Hank: Pat McAfee, WWE. 
PFT: McAfee, both.
Hank: Nope. He was a punter.
Big Cat: No. He's a punter.
PFT: He was a kicker before he was a punter.
Big Cat: Yeah, but he was a punter. 
PFT: The Gramatica Brothers.
Big Cat: Oooo, that's, you lost, you lost. *laughs*
PFT: Getting injured celebrating. 
BILLY: Aguayo's? 
PFT: Yeah, the Aguayo's. Dude when was the last time a punter ripped a turtle in half? 
Big Cat: Turntle, greatest name ever for a turtle. Fuckin' Shane man, Shane.
PFT: My Cool Throne is reality show conspiracy theories. So like I eluded to earlier in the show, i've become a big Top Chef fan. I've actually been a big Top Chef fan going on like 10 years, 12 years, back in 2007 is when I first got into it. But it's the finale tomorrow on Thursday and in the preview for the finale, they have Padma awarding the winner and saying "congratulations you are Top Chef" but people have gone back and rewound it and they can tell by her inflection that she's genuinely surprised to be awarding it to this person. So now the internet is thinking, the betting odds have shifted, that it's gonna be Stephanie. Who's not even a chef at a restaurant, she's a private chef who's really good. So people are thinking that Melissa, the odds on favorite is not gonna win. I'm team Melissa through and through, anyone that knows me knows that but it seems like Stephanie might pull it out, I refuse to believe.
Hank: You can't just look it up, you're gonna get spoiled. Someone's gonna spoil it for you.
PFT: It's not, what do you mean? They're under NDA.
Big Cat: Yeah, but I mean someone. Someone always knows. 
Hank: Reality Steve.
Big Cat: Someone always knows.
PFT: Somebody tell me, if you know who wins Top Chef, let me know so I can bet on them. My money is on Stephanie, the moment's gonna be too big for her and she's gonna make a store bought Risotto and still undercook it.  
Big Cat: Alright, my Hot Seat is us because I realized something. We've been doing this podcast for 4 and 1/2 years, we've gotten exponentially bigger year over year, we keep growing, little brag. We brought back our intern, Billy Football, and we never reintroduced him. And there's probably a lot of people who started listening in the last 2 or 3 years who probably have no idea who Billy Football is so Billy Football is our intern, he was our first intern, in the summer of 2017. He showed up for his interview with 6 pages stapled on his resume and about 5.5 of the 6 pages were just completely made up.
PFT: Some of them were stats from his high school football career.
Big Cat: Yeah, he was like "i'm a high school QB, I can get you guys in shape" and he is a gem of a person.
Hank: This is what sealed the deal for me, when I was like "we have to get this kid.". I had lost my TV remote and we were doing a bunch of interviews and then I did Billy's interview and then he was interviewing with you guys in a few hours and I was like "hey I need you to run to Best Buy", we were on 28th street, Best Buy was on 22nd street, I was like "I need you to go to Best Buy and get me a new remote." and he legitimately came back in like 2.5 minutes, like full sweat and I was like "wha? *shocked*" and he was like "dude I thought I was getting filmed, I ran as fast as I possibly could". 
Big Cat: *hearty chuckles*
Hank: He literally sprinted like 7 blocks and then sprinted back with the remote. I literally went to the bathroom and came back and he's like "*breathing heavily* here you go. *huffing and puffing*".
Big Cat: What we need to do though, so Billy was our first intern, he's back with us. Which you always had a job back with us, he went with us when we interviewed JJ Watt, he went with us and stayed at Kyle Long's house.
PFT: He went with us to ESPN, the first time we were on their campus with Russillo.
Big Cat: He almost like fuckin' truck sticked Russillo in the hallway.
PFT: He's like a horse, when you bring Billy inside somewhere he's always sprinting around place and then in between taking sips of water he's just always on the go.
Big Cat: So we need to, what we're gonna do is we'll tweet out. The essence of Billy is his first summer, he accidentally tweeted a picture of PFT's dick and also doxxed his phone number.
PFT: Within 10 minutes of each other.
BILLY: It was your thumb *embarassed*
Big Cat: So his punishment was he had to give a powerpoint.
Hank: Woah! 
Big Cat: Oh wow.
PFT: What? 
Big Cat: It was that small? 
PFT: Well no, if you see the angle it was at, you'll understand.
Big Cat: So he had to do a powerpoint on cyber security and fire salamanders, for the entire office. We have it, we video taped it, it was fantastic. That is Billy in his essence, he's a gem of a person. So sorry, by us for not reintroducing him but he's back, he's better than ever. He's gonna get us in shape, he's got a Whoop, which i'll get to in a second and Billy it's great to have you back.
BILLY: Thank you so much.
Big Cat: And he also doesn't talk in the mic, he just never talks in the mic.
PFT: I'm a little concerned about him though because last night I got a notification that he tweeted at us saying that he wants money to create a different species of frog.
Big Cat: Oh, i'm down for that. 
PFT: To me, I wanna hear his explanation behind it because it seems like you're getting into a Jurassic Park type situation where you're like splicing reptile DNA together. 
BILLY: I'll get to that, but really quickly, I just wanted you all listeners to know that i'm always on the Hot Seat and I know I might not always do the best on the pod but i'm always taking care of the guys. I know that as long as I can get them candy and stuff as fast as I can-
Big Cat: Billy is for the boys. Yeah, Billy's for the boys. 
BILLY: -then they won't fire me.
Big Cat: Billy also put us on a diet that summer, and would just hand us food and we'd be like "Billy are you sure this is okay to be on the diet?" and he would be like "hold on one sec" and then he'd run back to his desk, google something and then be like "actually don't eat that"
Hank: That was also, I was like "what do you wanna do for us this summer" and he's like "I wanna train Big Cat".
Big Cat: Yeah, and he would grill for us everyday, which we gotta bring that back. Have you start grilling for us again. 
PFT: My favorite part of Billy is when he'd bring the gallon jugs of water up to us. Everyday he'd give us a gallon of water and he'd have all these motivational messages written on the side of it.
Big Cat: Yes, bring that back too. I want water everyday.
PFT: I want a gallon of water everyday.
Big Cat: Alright my Cool Throne is Dez Bryant. He tweeted "tested for coronavirus, negative"
PFT: Hell yeah. 
Big Cat: So if anyone was wondering.
PFT: Was he hanging out with Ezekiel Elliot?
Big Cat: This is just perfect timing, like okay.
PFT: Wait did Dez-
Hank: That was also hilarious, the HIPAA thing. 
PFT: Did Dez Bryant commit a HIPPA violation on himself? 
Big Cat: Yes, yes. Alright Billy what's you Hot Seat/Cool Throne?
BILLY: Hot Seat, Lamar Jackson for playing a little beach football. 
Big Cat: Oh, how'd you come up with that one? 
Hank: That was good, you figured it out though.
BILLY: Yeah I thought someone was gonna choose it. 
Big Cat: No you didn't.
BILLY: So I chose Zubaz.
Big Cat: You didn't have to lie, you didn't think someone was gonna choose it.
BILLY: I thought it was gonna be obvious. But yeah, so he was playing football on the beach and he scrambled and he almost got hit by a jetski, but he's okay which is good. So Cool Throne, the Baltimore Ravens.
Hank: I actually thought people on the internet were gonna be way more upset with him
Big Cat: Yeah.
BILLY: Yeah
Hank: It was casual, it was a terrible look. If that was like Tom Brady when he was on the Patriots, i'd be shitting my pants and furious. 
Big Cat: Oh like Tom Brady wouldn't?
PFT: If Tom Brady had scrambled and run a 4.2 40 down the beach and had to jump 30 feet over a jetski you would of shit your pants? 
Hank: Yeah, I would of been heated.
BILLY: So Hot Seat, Lamar. My Cool Throne, Ravens but also Cool Throne, Patriots fans because Tom Brady just came out and me personally, I think that him in the Buccaneers jersey makes him look like a total villain, just the color scheme, big sith lord vibes out of Tampa Bay.
Hank: Adam Sandler in The Longest Yard vibes.
BILLY: Yeah, like red and grey. He went from blue and red, which I feel like good jedi 
Hank: Good synergy?
BILLY: And then it's like sith lord, but that's just me. Yeah.  
PFT: I can't remember what he looks like in a Patriots uniform anymore after that, it's wiped my slate clean.
BILLY: He's like evil now. 
Big Cat: We should just see how long he can talk, just monologue.
BILLY: Do you guys wanna hear about the frog?
Hank: Yes.
BILLY: African Bull Frogs are like really cool, they're the heaviest frog, they're about the size of a thanksgiving turkey.
Big Cat: *laughing*
BILLY: Have you guys ever seen that thing on Netflix with the guy who would inject himself wish CRISPR genetical engineering? 
Big Cat: No. That's definitely not on Netflix.
PFT: Wait he's turning himself into a chicken?
Big Cat: You can just say YouTube.
BILLY: Okay, YouTube. YouTube CRISPR, I forgot the guys name. Anyway he sells these kits 
Big Cat: *laughing*
Hank: *laughing* 
BILLY: He sells these gene editing kits and it's for frogs. So he does it on lab frogs.
Big Cat: No, no, i'm out. I'm out. You're not injecting frogs.
BILLY: No, it-
PFT: Are you buying a kit of DNA from a guy on YouTube that shoots himself up with batter? 
Hank: His logic isn't bad though. Science teachers do it all the time.
BILLY: No, the CRISPR technology so we could make this frog which is already giant, we could make it even bigger by injecting it.
Big Cat: So we're just doing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for frogs.
BILLY: YES! 
Big Cat: Okay, i'm back in. 
PFT: Can't we just feed it?
BILLY: We're gonna make a mutant frog 
Big Cat: Yeah, i'm back in.
BILLY: But it's totally legal with science because you can like dissect frogs. 
PFT: *laughing*
Big Cat: No, it's not. That's where we fall apart
BILLY: If I were a frog, I would be like "oh, i'm a frog but you're gonna make me a huge mutant frog?", i'd be so in. 
Big Cat: But does the frog consent?
BILLY: We're gonna ask the frog like "i'm gonna give you live mice everyday and teeth"
PFT: No, here's what you do, Billy just set up a pad in front of him and be like "jump to the left if no, jump to the right if yes. Do you consent to us making you swole as hell?", and then keep videotaping it until he jumps to the left.
Big Cat: I think if you look at which frog you're gonna buy, you can see in their eyes if they wanna be an alpha or not. 
BILLY: Yeah, like do you really want it? 
PFT: Get the frog that hates you the most
BILLY: Yeah, they're pretty vicious, they got teeth remember.
Big Cat: Yes, we do remember.
PFT: Oh yeah.
Big Cat: Alright, so that's Billy Football, we're happy that he's back.
PFT: That was Pardon My Take on Bioethics. 
Big Cat: *laughs* Yeah. Also, so Billy, before we get to Blake Bortles. Whoop is a great sponsor of ours, i've been wearing my Whoop every single day. PFT has his as well, Whoop tracks everything, it's you sleep, it's your fitness, it's your heart rate. It will get you goin' great, you can get so in tune with your body. The WhoopStrap 3.0 is the smartest fitness tracker out there and tells you how much sleep you need, how much stress you're putting on your body and helps you monitor your health. It's gonna help you manage all the daily stress that comes with being a dad, so you get it to new dad levels for  Fathers Day. Not just for athletes, for every day guys, every day dads, even some PGA tour pros us Whoop every day to get an advantage on the course. Whoop gives you 24/7 data on your activities but it also a fun way to get competitive with your friends and that's where Billy comes in, because we got Billy, he's got a Whoop. Starting today you can join the official Barstool team on Whoop. Use comm-bstool to join in the app, that's comm-bstool in the app, Billy Football will be participating with everyone so if you join you can go up against Billy. We're gonna track everything with Billy, what was your sleep last night Billy?
BILLY: I just got it today but you're all on the Hot Seat because you're gonna wake up and look at the app and be like "woah, Billy's kicking my ass with all these stats".
Big Cat: Yup, while you're sleeping.
BILLY: Inferior, while you're sleeping i'm doing fun things that raise my heart rate.
PFT: No, you gotta be sleeping too Billy. That's part of the deal.
Big Cat: That's part of the Whoop.
BILLY: I don't sleep.
PFT: I need you to be at peak rest.
Big Cat: Do you think we could put a Whoop on the frog?
BILLY: I could put a Whoop on my dog.
Big Cat: Well what about a frog?
PFT: I've been saying there should be FitBits for dogs.
Big Cat: Alright, so Billy's gonna be ready to go against everyone. If you come in 1st place, you'll win $250 in PMT merch. All you gotta do, listen, Whoop is the best, sign up. It is so great to be able to track exactly how you're doing day to day. It's the best, i've gone through all the other ones, this is the best one i've ever had. So get on Whoop today with code TAKE for 15% off. Please, please, please beat Billy, do not let Billy win this. So go right now, W-h-o-o-p, it will you make you so much stronger, faster, better, sleep better, everything because you'll be so in tune. Knowledge is power and Whoop has all the knowledge and Billy Football is going down. I need someone to join it, I need someone to beat him so go again, sign up for Whoop. Whoop.com, TAKE for 15% off and then use comm-bstool to join in the app and compete against Billy to win some prizes. Okay here he is, our good friend, Blake Bortles. 

Big Cat: Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend, long time recurring guest, one of our best friends i'm gonna just fuckin' say it. One of our best friends, it's Blake Bortles.
BLAKE: *laughs* 
Big Cat: Blake, we're calling you because Blake of the Year is coming up. It might actually even be next week, we're not gonna release it till July 6th but we wanted to check in with all of our Blake's before hand, we talked to Blake Griffin last week. How are you feeling? Are you re-committed this year, because last year you were disappointing and how's the general vibe in the Blake Bortles household.
BLAKE: Uh, it's pretty good, I feel pretty good. I got a lot of redeeming to do, last year was tough. I had a bad showing there and I think Blake Griffin probably set a record there that will never be broken with how quickly he answered. So I got a lot to make up, I saw Koepka playin' on TV this weekend, he's got a phenomenal mustache goin', Blake Griffin's obviously the defending champ. So I got to kind of pick myself up so i'm ready this year. Will we get like a weeks heads up? How much notice you guys gonna give us?
Big Cat: It's gonna be 3 days
PFT: 3 days.
Big Cat: So it's gonna be a 3 day period, it's gonna be like Monday-Wednesday the call could happen at any time.
BLAKE: Okay, I like that. I'll be ready, cause my schedule has never been more wide open. 
Big Cat: That's good, what's been goin' on.
PFT: What have you been doing? I have a theory Blake, I think that you're being blackballed by the NFL because you drive a Tesla. Have you heard about that?
BLAKE: *laughs* No I haven't but I think it's tough to argue with. 
Big Cat: Yeah.
PFT: Yeah, it is. They're sponsored by all kinds of motor oil companies, they don't want you to drive clean.
BLAKE: Yeah, right, they're definitely promoting the gas and the power. 
Big Cat: What's the latest? I don't know if it's a sore subject, I think most of the time it's a sore subject but knowing you, you're a go with the flow guy. What's the latest, have we got any buzz? Do we need to get the buzz going?
BLAKE: Definitely create some buzz, yeah it's definitely a question that I get asked frequently and it's gotten to the point now where I just give different answers every time somebody asks. I've sent the highlight tape to the lingerie league so i'm kinda just waiting and hanging on waiting for a call.
Big Cat: *laughs* Wait, give us all the answers. Just rattle them all off.
BLAKE: For a while I just pretended like I was going back to LA, even though I only signed a one year deal and they didn't re-sign me, just to keep the conversation from going any longer. Then I threw the lingerie highlight tape out there a couple times.
PFT: That's a good line.
BLAKE: A lot of the time I just pretend like I don't hear them ask the question.
Big Cat: *laughs* 
PFT: Those are 3 great options right now. *laughs* 
BLAKE: So those are kind of my go to's. No but yeah, just kind of hanging out, staying in shape, working out at the house and try and be a dad, do all that. And wait for somebody to call, so hopefully i'll hear from somebody.
PFT: Would you like us to put together a highlight reel for you? We could edit a sweet mixtape together, have it start in black and white with a heartbeat and then kick in some EDM music.
Hank: That catch on the sidelines from last year.
PFT: Yeah, would you like us to do that, to go out there?
BLAKE: Yeah *laughs* just a highlight of my season last year. Yeah, definitely, maybe mix in some Linkin Park or somethin' in the background too.
Big Cat: Hell yeah. 
PFT: Okay, yeah we can make that happen.
Big Cat: Well here's the good news, I don't know if you've caught any Coach Duggs but you actually are the backup QB for Tennessee so we might just restart the whole career, and if I stay with Tennessee another year you'd be my starter.
BLAKE: There we go, actually somebody told me that the other day. They said "what you did last year is what's goin' on in Coach Duggs' career right now, you're just over there hanging out on the sidelines.
Big Cat: *laughs* Yeah.
BLAKE: Perfect, I found a nice little home over there.
Big Cat: Yeah and you're a 5 star recruit, different race, but you're a 5 star recruit so they show your graphic after every 1st extra point to be like "look at Blake Bortles out there, holding the ball".
BLAKE: *laughs* Sounds perfect, yeah I could of gotten a little tan early on.
PFT: Yeah.
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah, right, exactly.
PFT: Are you down in Florida right now?
BLAKE: Yeah, i'm still in Jacksonville?
PFT: What's that like down there? Are places closed down or are they opened up now?
BLAKE: No, so Florida, I guess I don't know about all of Florida, Northeast Florida nothing ever really changed. It was kind of like I have buddies that are obviously still in California, and LA was kinda shut down, I don't know if it was mandatory but I think it was pretty mandatory for people to wear masks and I mean there's definitely a majority of people here not wearing masks, restaurants have been opened up for a couple weeks now, so it's been pretty active. 
Big Cat: Can we get you back on the Jaguars?
BLAKE: *laughs* I don't know, i'm not sure if that's something that is in their future plans. They were set with the last goodbye and I don't know if they wanna reunite.
Big Cat: Hold on, let me finish though. What if we just did a fucking sick "i'm coming home" video? 
BLAKE: *laughs* I mean, perfect, i'm in. Whatever you guys can do or put together to help me get a phone call and have a job again would be incredible. 
PFT: I mean Doug Marrone, he's a big sentimental guy. If you can get him crying about something then I think you can really control his decision making. So we can send him an "i'm coming home" video, i'm sure that watching that he'd be like "yeah me and Blake had some great times together. If you love something set it free, if it was meant to be it'll return. You know?
BLAKE: Right. Never truer words, yeah maybe get him a little riled up emotionally and then just throw some bologna in his face and see how happy we can make him. And maybe we could get that done. 
Big Cat: Here's another idea, what if we get Jared to maybe do an E:60 where he comes out and says that he was addicted to playing Fortnite last year and you were such a good teammate that you intervened and got him to stop and that's just the type of guy you are. 
BLAKE: Right, and then I overtook his Fortnite addiction so that he didn't have to.
Big Cat: *laughs* Yes, right. 
BLAKE: I think that's a good storyline, cause obviously I had a little more free time than he did. I like that one though.
Big Cat: Yeah, we can manufacture a lot of storylines. How bout this one, you finally went to the dentist and got your Halitosis fixed so you no longer have bad breath, so don't worry about that in the huddle guys.
BLAKE: Right, that's completely taken care of. Strict tic-tac and gum regimen as well, so nothin' to worry about there, i'm clean.
PFT: I love that, I think we can make Blake Bortles happen in the next couple weeks here.
BLAKE: Hey I appreciate, whatever storylines you guys create i'll neither confirm nor deny. 
PFT: What is your facial hair game like right now?
BLAKE: It's kind of tough, honestly. So i'm goin' with the shaved head right, we've talked about that. The blending of the beard into the short hair on top is definitely an art and I have not figured that out. I get a haircut at the house, and then I kinda shave the face and look like a caveman for a little while and then I shave it again. So i'm looking forward to going to a real barber here soon, which i'm pretty sure they're open so I need to do that. 
Big Cat: What about hair plugs?
PFT: Ooo
BLAKE: I thought about it but like the Brian Urlacher thing's tough. Once you commit to going bald you can't just pop up with hair again. Everybody already knows.
PFT: That's why this is perfect timing
Big Cat: Yeah, but this is perfect timing. Alright, forget about hair plugs, what about a toupee? No one does toupee's anymore. If you did a toupee and you said it, you're like "yo, it's a fuckin' toupee guys". That would get so much buzz going.
BLAKE: Whether toupee or hair plugs, i've always kinda wanted to do something like that and just show up back on the scene with a full head of hair and just pretend like nothin' happened.
Big Cat: Yes!
PFT: Like a 
BLAKE: And if anybody asks about it just say "I don't know what you're talking about, this has always been here". 
PFT: I'm talkin' something outrageous too, like a ponytail. Ponytail Blake would be an incredible look. 
BLAKE: Could you imagine that? Ponytail hanging out of the back of the helmet, runnin' down the field in the lingerie league, with a little skin showing.
PFT: I'm tellin' ya, you'd have to be beating away GM's with a stick out there if you did a private workout with a ponytail. You would get offers within 24 hours.
BLAKE: Oh i'll work on, I could probably grow a ponytail, the sides of my hair grow pretty rapidly so it's just the tops a bit behind. But I could get the balding rat tail going for sure. 
PFT: That'd be sick, that'd be amazing. Oh, what about the Bucs? Could we get you on the Bucs with Brady? Oh no, here's what we do Blake.
BLAKE: That'd be pretty sweet. I think Gabbert's still there.
PFT: Here's what we do, we market you. We gotta get you a COVID test, that's step 1, we gotta get you tested for the antibodies. And then if you have the antibodies, we just market you as the QB who will not get COVID this year. That way if there's a last minute sub that needs to happen on Saturday, if someone tests positive, boom pick up the Blake phone. 
BLAKE: That's all we need, just a safe bet, we already know he's cured of this and doesn't have it and he's ready to go, and he's not gonna infect anybody else, so there's no risk. 
Big Cat: I love that.
PFT: Yeah, and you're a great locker room guy on top of all this.
Big Cat: Alright, Jake Marsh who listens before this goes out will actually make a list and we'll blog it all. So just put it all out there like "here are all the storylines surrounding Blake Bortles" and it's just gonna be all like "New hair, maybe. Coronavirus, also maybe. Good breath, definitely."
BLAKE: One of these stories is definitely gonna catch on, somebody's gonna see it and as least think about "ah, maybe we should call him"
Big Cat: Yes! How's your golf game?
BLAKE: Golf game's okay, playing a lot. That's another thing, outside of restaurants nothing really closed down here but golf courses stayed open the whole time so got a lot of golf in. Kind of winding down now though, gets a little hot down here this time of year so toning it back a touch.
Big Cat: We have Billy Football here, I don't even know if you've ever met Billy Football. Oh you guys met? Billy do you have a question for Blake? Hold on, hold onBilly, go ahead Blake, sorry. 
BLAKE: Billy I gotta tell you this, i've seen a couple Duggs games and the other night when you gave the X call right into a pick to the backside cover 2 safety, that was a tough one. 
Big Cat: Oh he's making fun of your X call.
PFT: You gave the X call too late. 
BILLY: Can I talk to Blake?
Big Cat: Yes, yes. We're getting Billy headphones, he got triggered.
BLAKE: In your defense Billy, Big Cat was a touch late on it. I saw what you saw.
BILLY:  Hey Mr. Bortles, how are you?
BLAKE: Billy Football, what's goin' on bud?
BILLY: So you know when coaches say you can't throw over the middle late? That's a common thing.
BLAKE: Yeah, it's like flying a kite in the forest.
BILLY: So Big Cat, it's a cover 2, right Blake? YOu get where i'm coming from, so where do you attack a cover 2?
BLAKE: Down the pipes and outside.
BILLY: Right so it's wide open and he throws it like 10 seconds after.
Big Cat: That's not true, I threw it before you said X. 
BILLY: I said X before the snap-
Big Cat: Nuh uh, nuh uh. 
BILLY: And you threw it like 10 seconds after he broke. 
Big Cat: Nuh uh, nuh uh. Do you have a question for Blake?
BILLY: When are you supposed to throw a bender, Blake? When are you supposed to throw a bender?
BLAKE: I mean you gotta throw it early, it sounds to me like the backup QB might need to get a little playing time.
Big Cat: *laughing* 
BILLY: Thank you Mr. Bortles. 
Big Cat: Wait do you have a question for him?
PFT: He's just trying to turn Blake against you.
Big Cat: Yeah, go ahead ask. He can't do that.
BILLY: *stuttering*
PFT: C'mon Billy.
BILLY: Blake, what's your max squat?
BLAKE: *laughing* Good question Billy, I couldn't tell you the last time. We squatted a little bit, especially as a QB you're not really maxing out anymore. We used to do it in college all the time, if I had to max out right now to do 1 rep of squats, golly, maybe I could do 300 pounds? Doubtful but maybe somewhere around there. 
Big Cat: Damn, still a beast.
PFT: What about bench press? 
BLAKE: Ooh, I haven't legitimately bench pressed since college. Big dumbbell's guy, bands, you know just get the pliability QB workout goin'.
Big Cat: Yeah, that's true.
PFT: What coach do you think bench presses the most? 
BLAKE: Oof, um I mean Vrabel's gotta be up there right. For one, he played, he's still in relatively good shape and he's young. Duggs is probably up there.
PFT: He's a big boy. 
Big Cat: For sure he is.
BLAKE: Yeah, i'd have to go Vrabel. I'd imagine Vrabel probably wins that contest.
Big Cat: Absolutely, alright I got 1 last question for you Blake and we're gonna talk to you at some point next week, i'll text you when we're gonna do Blake of the Year, probably next week. Have you talked to anyone about TE? 
BLAKE: No, so really a big part of what I spent last year doin' was i'd get out early to practice and i'd make sure when Sean got out onto the field that i'd run a couple routes by him and have Jared drill some at me just to kind of get it in the back of his head like "wow, he can catch?" but I got nothin' out of that. It's still out there, i'm kinda floatin' the idea around to people, telling everybody I can to give me an opportunity and I think I can make somethin' happen playing my natural position.
PFT: I like that, I like that Blake. So we're gonna get you out there, we're gonna get the Anti-COVID buzz going around you. Don't actually get a test because then we can just say it and worry about actually backing it up later. So we're gonna get the buzz going for you being an Anti-COVID QB, immune to it. What else is there, the ponytail, the willing to play TE
Big Cat: The breath.
PFT: The breath is great.
Big Cat: Curing Jared from his Fortnite addiction.
PFT: Yeah, great teammate. Absorbing teammates addictions. How's your pooch punt?
BLAKE: Not bad, i'd imagine probably not as good as yours but serviceable.
PFT: Okay, not bad pooch punt, got it, we'll put that on the list too. 
BLAKE: *laughing*
Big Cat: Alright, i'm excited, I think we're gonna get it figured out. Hopefully we see you soon as well, it's been too long. You also have a job here, if you ever just wanna stop football so that's always open.
BLAKE: Yeah, I think I told you that the other day, that could be coming up soon. I might be seeing if I can take Billy Football's job here soon.
PFT and Big Cat: *in unison* Done!
PFT: It's yours.
BLAKE: See if something opens up.
Big Cat: And we'll actually pay you, we'll pay you. Billy, we won't but we'll pay you. 
PFT: Blake just took your job Billy
Big Cat: Yeah, Blake just said he wants your job so. He just gave a "ugh, man, no way, dude!"
PFT: He's crying 
BILLY: He could do it so much better.
Big Cat: He would, he would do it so much better. Alright Blake, thank you as always, we'll talk to you probably next week! I'll give you a heads up though. Alright?
BLAKE: Sounds good, lemme know. Good talking to you guys, I appreciate the question Billy. See you guys.
Big Cat: *laughs* Alright, see ya. Thanks
PFT: See ya man. That interview with Blake Bortles was brought to you by our great friends over at MeUndies, remember this pride month it's critical we take a moment to recognize and remember the intersectionality between pride and racial injustice's that we continue to endure today. This month through their MeUndies gives initiative, MeUndies continues to take action, to achieve their mission of creating a more thoughtful and accepting world by making 50,000 dollars to both the "It gets better project" and "Black Lives Matter". They, like MeUndies are committed to standing up against hate and intolerance by creating a world where hope outshines fear for all people. With MeUndies gives, simply by shopping at MeUndies you help them support this cause. I love my MeUndies, I know Big Cat's going through a move right now, the best part of my move was loading up my underwear drawer with nothing but MeUndies. I am strictly a MeUndies household right now officially, got rid of all the old stragglers that were still hanging on by a thread, quite literally sometimes. I'm only MeUndies all the time, when i'm wearing underwear and not rocking my BirdDog shorts, that's a fact. I'm a MeUndies man up and down, MeUndies has this brilliant thing called an Undies Membership where every month, the softest undies ever appear at your door. The convenience factor is clutch, you never have to leave the house. Oh and you also get side wide savings, early access and free shipping, it's pure joy. MeUndies are made from and Micromobile, an irresistibly soft, sustainable fabric that encases your nether regions in cloud like comfort and it's magically made from trees, another reason to give them a hug. MeUndies are offered at a range of sizes from XS-4XL. MeUndies has a great offer for my listeners, for any first time purchaser, you get 15% off and you get free shipping. You gotta give this super softness a try, especially because they have that 100% satisfaction guarantee. To get your 15% off your 1st order, free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to MeUndies.com/take, that's MeUndies.com/take. And now, James Conner. 

Ominous voice: And now, for something completely different. *explosion*

Big Cat: Okay we now welcome on a very special guest, he is Pittsburgh Steelers RB James Conner. He has a new book out called "Fear is a Choice", a memoir about his incredible story. Let's start there James, for people who don't know your story and it is an incredible one, you were diagnosed with cancer while at Pittsburgh in college. You were diagnosed when you were checking out your knee, correct? Can you tell exactly how it all went down?
JAMES: Yeah, it was the year 2015, first game of the season my junior year. I was poised to have a big junior year after a good year in 2014 and yeah 1st game of the season I tear my knee and during for the rehab for that, trying to make a comeback, just working out I knew things were off and shortness of breathe, all the symptoms I was havin' and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. After further testing, through a little process, they were able to figure out that it was Hodgkins Lymphoma and so it's just crazy how it came about. Me being a RB i'm thinking my knee is the worst thing that could happen to me, little did I know what was next to come. So yeah it was a rollercoaster man, it was a crazy journey, it's been a great journey so far but here to tell the story today so it's a blessing.
PFT: Yeah, so I was reading about that. So you tore your MCL right? Against Youngstown State?
JAMES: Yup, Youngstown State.
PFT: Would it be fair to say Bo Pellini saved your life then?
JAMES: *laughing* You know I think everybody played a part in that.
PFT: So after you received your diagnosis, I think a lot of us have read your story and heard a lot about you and admire what you've been through and what you persevered, were there any dark moments in the weeks after the initial diagnosis? Or were you always dedicated and saying "okay, i'm gonna lean on my faith, i'm gonna lean on the people around me and we're gonna get through this.
JAMES: Oh for sure, there were definitely those dark times. I tried to remove all negativity because I knew that could do nothing for me. I had a fight ahead of me and it was gonna take a max effort and that's where all my focus needed to be. But it was definitely rough being at the top of my game in college and then having to deal with that and watching all the RB's and everybody, watching my team going and competing without me, it was definitely rough. So yeah, as a human you have those dark moments and that's where I came up with the title of the book, "Fear is a Choice", I had a lot of fear. Fear if I was ever gonna be able to play again or get back to returning in top shape, so it was a couple things but I definitely leaned on my faith and teammates and I had so much support from really everyone around the world who helped me get through what I went through.
Big Cat: You talk in the book about life's plot twists as well and i'd have to imagine, and you can tell me, the plot twists that have happened in 2020 to America and the world, Coronavirus, obviously everything that's going on right now with people fighting for justice when it comes to the police and Black Lives Matter. Do you have a different perspective when big things like that happen? Like "look i've dealt with things, I know how to overcome these things.". Can you cope better than the rest of us that might be dealing with these tough things in life for the first time?
JAMES: I like to think that i've had to mature early from what i've been through, having cancer at 21 and being forced to grow up this early. I'm still hurt and affected by the injustice that's going on in America right now and all those issues that we're facing, I feel it and i'm hurting for all the people who lost their lives, it's very unfortunate. And right now football needs to take kind of a backseat, we got a lot of issues that we need corrected in this country. But I think definitely with what I went through that i'm able to just understand and I have hope. I was in a really dark place and i've seen the light and I got pulled out of there. I think the world and black people are in a dark place right now and I think if they just have hope and make positive efforts towards change that we can grow. 
Big Cat: What has been Mike Tomlin's message to the team? Because I can imagine, he's a very noted players first coach, he always seems to have a really good pulse of his team. How has he talked to you guys after everything that's gone on?
JAMES: He's been doing a phenomenal job of bringing us together, Coach is real hurt and affected by it. His father went through things, he went through and now his son. It's tough for all of us really, on our team but the beautiful thing about football is our whole life, everybody on our team we've been in diverse locker rooms so we kind of know what a brotherhood feels like. So during our meetings we've just been trying to come together and think of ways that we can make a positive change and continue to raise awareness more than it already has been and just work on something that's gonna better the society. We're trying to do all the right things but we're definitely talking about it. Trying to put a plan in place.
PFT: So it sounds like the Steelers are gonna be supportive of whatever you guys choose to do, whether that be kneeling during the national anthem, staying in the locker rooms, whatever outlet you guys are gonna focus on here, the Steelers have your back on this?
JAMES: Yeah our owners, our coaches, our staff, everybody from the top down, we're all in, we're all down with the movement, we all know that there needs to be change. So whatever the Steelers organization comes up with, me and my teammates I know we're gonna be on board. 
PFT: That's great. On a little lighter note, Big Ben just shaved his beard and somehow lost 500 pounds when he shaved it. I don't know what it was about the thing that he was growing but it added a few pounds. Have you gone out and worked out with him yet? Are you excited to play with him? Are you worried about the first time that he straps on the walking boot after his press conference and kind of dangles that thing around a little bit?
JAMES: Yeah so we linked up and we were throwing a little bit, there was a little video that got release of us throwing around the field with JuJu and Switzer and man he looks good out there. We're definitely excited to have our guy back and taking the field with him i'm gonna do everything I can to make his job easier and getting that run game going. Just his presence alone, him getting back out there and it's year 17 for him and I know he's still has those butterflies and he talks about that and that's what makes us play up to our level. I'm excited for his comeback, our whole team is, we're gonna rally around him and it'll be fun, it'll be somethin' special.
Big Cat: Have you thought about bringing the mullet back?
JAMES: I have, not the one that I had with the lines on my head but I might grow somethin' out in the back, i'm not sure. But as far as that one cut, nah, that one's retired. 
Big Cat: Ahhh, the mullet is so nice. So you are a Pittsburgh legend, you're from Pennsylvania, you went to Pitt, you're on the Steelers. Define or explain to everyone outside of Pittsburgh, what exactly is a Yinzer and what makes Yinzers so great, because we love Pittsburgh. 
JAMES: Truthfully, like you said I played my college ball and professionally, really i'm not even sure the exact definition of a Yinzer. I know it probably has to be someone who's Pittsburgh through and through, loves it, who's a die hard Steelers fan, Pirates and Penguins, just loves the city. There's definitely Yinzers everywhere around here but it's nothing but love in the city. 
Big Cat: Okay so that's a different definition than i've heard. I've heard a Yinzer is a heart of gold, shit for brains. *laughs*
JAMES: I've never heard that one. 
Big Cat: Just like salt of the earth people, just fuckin' true sports fans, kind of meatball sports fans. We make fun of everything here but at the end of the day we kind of are those meatball sports fans where we take things too seriously and get mad too quickly. That's what I always imagine a Yinzer is and I love people like that, because they are true salt of the earth. 
JAMES: Yeah, we definitely got some fanatic fans who go a lot for us and that's part of Steeler Nation, they do it the best. 
PFT: Yeah. What is a more important Pittsburgh tradition, the rib festival or when they play "Double Renegade" at a night game. 
JAMES: I don't think nothing really compares to that renegade, it seems like we make a big play every time that thing comes on so there's nothing like it. With all the fans and the screen goes black and the whole crowd gets pumped up and that's something with us for sure.
PFT: So do you limit your renegade intake during the week so that it's that much more special on Sunday? Like if you hear it come on the radio do you change the station, cause you're like "I can't deal with this right now, its a Sunday song."?
JAMES: Well any radio station i'm listening to Renegade's probably not up next on the playlist so I hear it on gameday's and that's enough for me.
Big Cat: What's it like having muscles on your back? I'm looking at a picture of you, what's it like having muscles on your back that I don't even think I have.  I don't have those muscles, even if I lifted forever.
PFT: It's a triangle! Your back is a triangle.
Big Cat: Like what the fuck is going on with your back man?
JAMES: *laughing* It's just work, i've been getting after it man. I changed the diet up and 2x a day, all week just been getting to it. I definitely didn't know I had those muscles on my back either so just getting after it in the weight room one day and that's how it happened. 
Big Cat: Jesus christ, you're a fuckin' beast. You're actually one of those people, we have guests on every now and then, that just make me feel like the smallest person in the world. Because you beat cancer and you were back the next year for your senior year and were phenomenal and then went and got drafted and play for the Steelers, there's pretty much nothing you can't do, I would imagine.
JAMES: Man, that's love. I'm just tryna do it big, i'm tryna give it my all and it's a blessing. I'm just tryna take advantage of this life that we livin', it's been nothing but great so far, so just tryna be a beast everyday. 
Big Cat: How many people have come up to you and been like "hey man, you saved my fantasy season", i've gotta imagine that was big when LeVeon Bell decided to sit out.
JAMES: Yeah, that's the only thing I heard for months, during that season and after. It was all love though, people they get serious with their fantasy football and they'll let you hear it too when you're not performing, so it's cool. 
Big Cat: We're kind of joking about that but that actually makes you a legend for life like fantasy owner will always remember a RB or WR who comes in and saves their season. So in 20 years, people will be like "remember that year of James Connor? That was sick". 
JAMES: Well I hope I can put some more years together and not just hold on to one. 
Big Cat: Yeah, yeah that's true. But i'm just saying, you have that one and most people don't have that one. You have that one for sure.
PFT: It's also because that one year you weren't necessarily the highest touted RB going into that season, you were kind of a question-mark coming in LeVeon. So people probably picked you up in the 7th, 8th round something like that and then you put up that season.
JAMES: I've been learning a little bit more about it, I never played fantasy football so I never understood why I was so big but then when I realized that I was called a steal and all that. So i'm just tryna get the hang of it a little.
PFT: Has anybody paid you money, like given you a cut of what they've won in fantasy football and been like "hey, fair is fair, here's a little taste."?
JAMES: Naw, naw, nobody's broke me off that. So I just let everybody keep they winnings man it's all good.  
Big Cat: When you're playing and Big Ben comes up limping, are you ever nervous or are you like "nah this happens all the time, he'll be fine".
JAMES: I know if he can play, he gon' go so i've seen it a couple times and he just continued to play on so most of the time he plays through it all, he's really a beast. I really don't get too worried about it, I just never hope it's ever nothing too serious.
PFT: Yeah. What about the duck magic last year, our good friend Devlin Hodges, has he taught you how to do a duck call?
JAMES: He's been tryin' but he's the expert, he's got all types of trophies for it and he's a legend in that game but yeah when Duck came in, he did awesome man and he's a cool dude and we had a great vibe and he was rollin' for a couple weeks. I know he's excited to get back to it as well.
PFT: I always wondered, when you did come in for LeVeon Bell, was the offensive line really excited that they were able to block for somebody that would actually hit the hole?
JAMES: Yeah man, I remember in my first preseason game in 2018 we took the field and I think we scored in 3 running plays and the line they hyped me up man. They showed me a lot of love and they rallied behind me with the situation and they was like "we're just gon' roll with whoever's there", they still have love and respect for LeVeon. But I just remember that they was like rallying behind me and I think that made it easier.
PFT: When it comes to Bell, he's obviously an extremely talented player, he's an awesome RB, I don't think anyone's going to dispute that but I would also think at the same time it's easier for an offensive linemen who likes to move forward, who likes to get into that rhythm, having a dude like you that's just gonna go in there and crack some skulls.
JAMES: Yeah that's what i'm tryna do for the line, not have to hold their block for too long. They made it work with LeVeon he had, obviously, great season after season so I think a couple different styles work. But i'm just gonna continue playing my game.
Big Cat: I'm sure you've been asked this but it's the first time we're asking you this. After the famous Myles Garrett, Mason Rudolph fight last year, what was it like walking off that field? Were you just like "what the fuck just happened there?"?
JAMES: Yeah that was crazy, I was in the locker room when it all happened and went down and I honestly just couldn't believe my eyes that that just happened. So it was definitely chaotic, I just hope nothing like that ever happens again but it was definitely like that on the ride back like we couldn't believe what just happened. 
PFT: But at the same time, you're like "i'm very glad that i'm friends with Maurkice Pouncey".
Big Cat: *laughing* yes
JAMES: Right, yeah. That didn't surprise nobody on the team, we know Pounce gon' ride regardless of the situation, whatever it is. He's the ultimate teammate.
Big Cat: That's true. Alright, so I have one last question, we're talking to James Conner right now, Pittsburgh Steelers RB, he's got a new book out it is called "Fear is a Choice", you gotta read it. It is an incredible story. So go back to your story, you get diagnosed with cancer, you go through chemo, you beat cancer, you come back for your senior year, you have 1,000 yards rushing, 16 TD's and then after that, or I don't know when you said it but you said you were 60% of your strength that senior year? That's fucking incredible, could you really feel it like "man I would of made this guy miss" or "I would of outran this guy if I didn't just beat cancer and coming back"?
JAMES: No question, and that's why I put up a post on Instagram about how I was feeling during my training tryna come back for that season but even when I say 60% i'm kinda just throwing a number out there. I just wasn't 100, early on in the season vs Villanova I was exhausted, nobody knows this, I was exhausted running out of the tunnel during the first game of the season.
Big Cat: Wow. 
JAMES: And I just remember standing there for the national anthem like out of breathe from running out the tunnel cause that's still how much, cause 12 rounds of chemotherapy, that takes a toll on you. I was just like I gotta play this whole game, starting and all that, already tired before the game started. But slowly week after week, I started to build back up and then vs Clemson I had some late runs in the 4th, some big runs and I was like "okay it's comin' back a little bit" but like I said people, it takes almost a year or somethin' to recover from 12 rounds of chemo and I had to do it in like 2 months. So it was definitely rushed but we made it work.
Big Cat: Yeah. I actually have 1 last, last question, sorry. You recently bought your dad a truck, so awesome video but when you buy your dad a truck, you were doing it because of the kindness of your heart, but was there a small part of you where you're like "this shit is gonna go so fuckin' viral and it's gonna be awesome."? Cause those videos are the best! Those videos are the fucking best.
JAMES: *laughs* No honestly when I first got to the league, or it might of been my last year, one of my boys Aaron Donald bought his dad a truck and it was recorded and his dad was super excited about it. And me, I know my dad, I know that he been wanting a truck for a while, I knew his reaction, what it was gonna be.
Big Cat: Oh he did it well. He sold it, he sold it well. 
JAMES: So man, honestly, I was bringing the car up to Erie to surprise him, but he was actually comin' down to Pittsburgh for some meetings and to stop and see me, so that's why I think it hit the way it did. Because it was honestly like a true reaction, I didn't expect to see him that fast so it's kinda crazy how that played out. We needed something positive and I gave that so that's just what it was. 
Big Cat: It's an awesome video, I love those videos. 6 million views, 36,000 retweets but a small part of you is like "this is gonna be awesome when it hits Twitter", right?
JAMES: *laughing* Is that what you want me to say?
Big Cat: No, but you know, if I-
JAMES: What does anyone put anything on Twitter for, they hope you retweet it. 
Big Cat: Right, like 99% is this is awesome, i'm buying my dad a truck. And 1% is like "this is gonna be sick" people are gonna be like "holy shit" *laughs*
JAMES: Yeah, it's 99-1.
Big Cat: Yeah, right.
PFT: I mean also, there's also gonna be millions of people who see that awesome AC/DC shirt you're wearing too. 
Big Cat: Yes.
PFT: That's actually the bigger flex I think, is the AC/DC shirt.
JAMES: Yeah, I had to represent, that shirt was dope.
Big Cat: Did you get it fully, like everything on the inside all set up, the computer system and everything, all the upgrades?
JAMES: Yeah, it's dope. He just had to set up the Wi-Fi in there and do his music and all that. He's a simple man so he didn't even want to do all that technology stuff. He was just excited that it was push start.
Big Cat: Cause I always, they cynical part of me is like one of those videos drops and they bought like the base model with none of the upgrades. Felt seats and stuff
JAMES: Nah I didn't do any of that. I didn't do it like that. 
PFT: You can tell the wheels are an upgrade already on that thing.
Big Cat: *laughing* yeah.
PFT: Ice Cube quote tweeted it, that's pretty awesome. When Ice Cube acknowledges you as being like "this guy's flexing" that's pretty cool. We should do that for our internet dad, Mike Florio.
Big Cat: We should just buy him a truck
PFT: No! We should just rent him a truck.
Big Cat: Yeah just rent him a truck.
PFT: We'll put a bow on it, and we'll videotape it. Drop it off for him and be like "here you go dad" and then after he gets in it and starts driving it around be like "it's rented".
Big Cat: The retweets are real.
PFT: Yeah, you can't take the retweets away.
Big Cat: Can't un-retweet that shit.
PFT: "Enterprise needs to come pick that up by 5 o'clock tonight."
Big Cat: *laughing* Alright well thank you so much James, this has been awesome. Everyone go out and buy James' book, "Fear is a Choice". Unbelievable story, we're rooting for you. I'm sneaky like people make fun of me around here because i'm a Bears fan but for some reason I always fall in love with the Steelers in-season, like last year I was convinced that if you guys would of gotten in that you would of made a run because that defense was just fuckin' awesome. So I always sell myself, I think it's Big Ben/the uniforms but I always sell myself on the Steelers.
PFT: Those uniforms at night will always be intimidating.
Big Cat: Oh yeah.
PFT: Like late November, you don't wanna be playing there at night time.
Big Cat: Yeah.
JAMES: The black with the lights hittin' it at home field, ain't nothin' like that. But yeah don't sleep on that boy Mitch though.
PFT: There you go!
Big Cat: Yes!
JAMES: I think Mitch gon' come out swinging.
PFT: There we go, get hyped up.
Big Cat: Let's go! ACC for life! 
JAMES: That's my dog, that's my dog. Yeah, I played against Mitch senior year of high school. We been going at it, Pittsburgh vs North Carolina, Steelers, Bears. So you know, I wasn't playing that year, it was 2017, I was sitting but I think Mitch, I know his work ethic so I know what he's bout to do. He's gonna come out fired up.
Big Cat: That was essentially like you buying me a truck, so thank you. 
JAMES: There you go, even without the retweets.
Big Cat: I'm just as hype but that was our truck moment.
PFT: No, we'll get some retweets off this too.
Big Cat: You just show me a picture, "here's a franchise QB", it's Mitch Trubisky, i'm like "Yes! Let's fucking go." 
PFT: Yeah, "here I got this for ya"
Big Cat: *laughing*
PFT: "I love you Big Cat" 
JAMES: My man, preciate y'all.
Big Cat: Alright, thank you so much James. Appreciate it.
PFT: Good luck! 
JAMES: Peace. 

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Big Cat: Okay, lets wrap up the show. Again, reminder, we're going to do, what's it called?
PFT: "3 Identical Strangers"
Big Cat: "3 Identical Strangers", unbelievable documentary, make sure you watch it, we'll review it on Friday's show. Before we go though, we wanted to give the female listeners a chance to sound off. We did the Mount Flushmore of things guys do that girls hate on Monday's show so we're gonna reverse it here. We got submissions, things that girls do that guys hate, that girls have submitted. Hank, go!
PFT: Clapback!
Hank: When girls talk about reality TV shows even though guys constantly talk about Barstool drama. 
Big Cat: That's actually a very fair point.
PFT: Mhmm. 
Big Cat: Very fair point.
Hank: It's different though.
PFT: But I feel like with no sports going on there's a big overlap going on. We're talking about Top Chef, you talk about Real Housewives. 
Big Cat: Yeah, Outer Banks. Well that's not true, that's a Venn Diagram. That's where we find the middle.
Hank: Chicks on Guys- what guys hate, when I keep explaining why i'm mad after he already apologized. 
PFT: Ah, yeah I agree with that. Once I understand why you're mad and i've said sorry, what else can I do? There's literally nothing I can do.
Big Cat: There's nothing worse than giving the sorry that's not accepted, you're like, because you know in your head, in a guys brain he's basically playing Monopoly, the get out of jail free card is just saying sorry, like "I was wrong, sorry". And when you get the "no, what are you even apologizing for?", and you're stumped, you're like "uhhh, i'm sorry you're mad?". *laughs*
PFT: "Sorry that I apologized without knowing what I was apologizing for"
Big Cat: That's on us.
Hank: When girls gasp while their driving.
Big Cat: Ohhhhhh yes! Yeah! When there's a person crossing the street 150 yards away *gasps* "oh my god"
PFT: Oh, when a girl gasps when you're driving, 
Big Cat: Yes. "*gasps* watch out!"
PFT: "Did you even see that dog" 
Big Cat: "Did you see that box in the middle of the highway?? We could of hit it!" 
BILLY: The worst is when they're gasping at something on their phone and it's not even outside.
PFT: Yeah, and you're like "what, what??" and you like slam on the breaks. 
Big Cat: It's probably dudes fucking cock, Billy.
BILLY: Come on..
Hank: *slight chuckle* Ooh, I like that in some of these response you can tell the girl is listening in real time because she started with like 5 ooo's, she's like "ooo". Oo, when they buy an expensive ass dinner and you eat like 2 bites then she made this-
Big Cat: I don't actually 
Hank: -bonus if say you're hungry later.
Big Cat: Actually, that part is bad, but I don't hate it cause I just eat it. I just eat everything, clean plate club.
PFT: I don't really have a problem with that because I was gonna spend the money anyways and so as long as i'm getting and eating mine. 
Hank: And you get the credit for that dinner. 
Big Cat: I will eat off another person's plate, no questions asked.
PFT: I actually usually don't even notice, i'm just like "I ate my food, my steak was great" 
Big Cat: Yeah.
Hank: When it's a one night stand and in the morning you're looking forward to some solid sex, you know start the day off right and you quickly realize they are a little 2 pump chump and cum in 2 seconds then proceeds to roll over and go back to sleep but you're at your own apartment so it's not like you can leave. So you walk around the bed banging shit loudly, hoping they'll get up and leave and then they have no situational awareness so they don't leave for another 5 hours. This has happened to me 5 times.
Big Cat: Wait this is a thing that girls hate that guys do, it sounds like the guy got an orgasm and 5 extra hours of sleep.
PFT: It sounds like she's totally on board with the 2 pump chump. 
Big Cat: *laughs* clears up the rest of the day.
Hank: Mount Flushmore of things that girls do, blocking all-
PFT: It's efficient sex. Seriously, back in the day, if we're looking at prehistoric times it was super advantageous to nut early cause then you just move on and you're not stationary so there's no predators so there's no predators that can track you down.
Big Cat: Spread the seed.
Hank: Blocking all the girls I don't trust on his phone at night while he's sleeping. 
PFT: Yeah, that's kind of a psycho move. 
Big Cat: *laughs* Yeah, guys probably don't like that.
Hank: Things girls do that guys hate, when they can't decide on where to eat. 
PFT: Yeah "uhh I don't know what do you wanna do?"
Big Cat: And then you throw out a couple options and it's quickly "nah, I don't feel like that". Well just fuckin' say it. I'm a guy, I will literally eat anything.
PFT: My response is gonna be either burgers, Chinese food, pizza, wings.
Big Cat: Yeah, i'll eat garbage, I will eat garbage
PFT: I'll say burgers, "oh we just had burgers"
Big Cat: Right. 
PFT: Yeah, cause they're awesome
BILLY: I heard a trick for that, you ask 'em, you go "where do you think i'm taking you to eat?" and then whatever they say, you take them to. So it's them choosing without knowing.
PFT: That's good Billy.
Big Cat: Wow, did you take psych in college? 
BILLY: No.
PFT: It shows. Another good trick is to say, "why do you ask" cause a lot of times "why do you ask" will spare you from having to make the decision. If the girl says "what do you want to have for dinner?", "well, why do you ask?", maybe they're gonna be like "I was thinking we could order from the Italian place down the street and then boom, problem solved.
Hank: Last 2, taking forever to get ready to go out.
Big Cat: Yup.
Hank: And then last one-
Big Cat: That actually though, that's one of those things when you're younger it might bother you but as you get older you realize the timing of things. That's just just free time, that's free play.
PFT: Exactly, that's like a rain delay that you get before going out. You know what that time is, that's time to sit on the couch and refresh Twitter every 2 seconds
Big Cat: Right.
Hank: And not have to feel bad about at all.
PFT: Not feel bad at all. Then she'll come out of the bathroom like "i'm so sorry I took so long" and you're like "you know what? it's fine" and then she feels good because you forgave her.
Big Cat: Yeah, and it's also one of those things, the older you get the less excited you get to go places so the longer someone takes to get ready, you're thinking "if this lasts a little bit longer, we might just say fuck it lets not go".
PFT: Yeah, exactly
Big Cat: Which is a great feeling to have, it's like the same feeling you had when your teacher was like 15 minutes late and you're like "substitute?". It's just fucking thrilling.
Hank: When we ask you guys to take a picture of us and our friends and we usually don't get the perfect picture until the 30th shot.
PFT: Mmmhmm.
Big Cat: Yes, yes. 
PFT: Occasionally bad, but then it gives you the opportunity to pull the classic gag of flipping the camera on yourself and sneaking 1 or 2, that's just like your chin or your neck into that clip.
Big Cat: Classic, yup.
PFT: Always love that one. 
Big Cat: Alright, those were good. So we will see everyone Friday. Make sure you watch the documentary. Are we getting Nick on?
PFT: We're not gonna say that though.
Hank: We're doing him tomorrow, I don't wanna jinx it. So Friday, hopefully, no jinxing it.
PFT: Okay.
BILLY: What's the documentary called?
Big Cat: *hearty chuckle*
PFT: "3 Perfect Strangers" *laughs*
Big Cat: Shut the fuck up Billy *laughing*. See everyone Friday. *laughing*
PFT: Love you guys.

[Outro]
*rock music remix*
We're talking away, I don't know what, i'm to say i'll say it anyway, today's another day to find you, shying away, I'll be coming for your love, okay? So needless to say, i'm odds and ends but I'll be stumbling away, slowly learning that life is okay, say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry. say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry. Take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me, i'll be gone, in a day or two. Oh, things that you say, is it a life or just to play my worries away? You're all the things i've got to remember, you're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway, you're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway, Take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me, i'll be gone, in a day or two. Take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me, i'll be gone, in a day or two, Take on me, take on me, take me on, take on me, take on me.

[The End] 

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