My Case For Why Bulimics Are The Most Intelligent Members Of Society

I think if there's anything we can all agree on as intellectuals and morally honest individuals, it's that life is flat out dreadful. At the end of the day, for most, we must work a job at least 5 days a week just to fund the necessities to this painful existence that is life. 

Prevailingly, finding a passion or a meaning to life is a futile task that results in more agony than bliss. Religion is one route for people, although at times it feels as if those are doing more convincing of themselves than actual belief which leads you to give credence to the theory they're also desolate and miserable. Perhaps you could turn to hard drugs such as crack or heroin, also known as 'Big H' or 'Smack' by the DEA.

The downfalls there however are the exorbitant costs and the direct result of ending up selling your couch cushions for a measly 20 bucks from a guy named Todd. There's never been a functioning heroin addict who's able to go about their 9 hour shift at the Vacuum Shack and "just have a tad of heroin". 

Many turn to alcohol to convince themselves that they're not purely a cog in the system of what is a dull existence subsiding on distress, but ask yourself would you rather eat a dozen donuts and a halloween pillow-sack full of candy and gain no weight or take a shot of Tequila? Most members of the higher society would choose the former, here in lies my argument. 

As we've established life is quite literally pointless, none of us have anything to lose because our lives mean nothing. If you're interested in becoming as self fulfilling and egocentric as possible i'd suggest Bulimia as you quite plainly get the best of both worlds.

I don't know if you've noticed but the food which is the worst for you (aka the most delectable) is also the cheapest, making bulimia an addiction which is not only affordable but financially preferable to those nicotine dependent or alcoholics. Unlike the fore mentioned drugs, i've done the testing and you surely can be a functioning member of society as a bulimic, I was a virtuoso in working during the day at the local LIDS by Spencers in the mall. By the day I was slinging New Era's and 47's but by night I was downing pints of ice cream and boxes of Cap'n Crunch Berries and no one knew a difference. 

I would always get comments on my weight such as "how do you stay in shape?" and my response to these halfwits was "I just don't get hungry often", and these hearty fools believed it. I pulled the ultimate con, the fastest slight of hand on these middle aged mormon women in the suburbs of Central Utah, they'd come in search of Christmas presents for their swag surfing teens desperate for attention, but by the time they had left I had their brains were turned to gravel. They likely got to their cars googling "how to be less hungry", I felt so powerful as if I was a noble king to their peasantry brains. 

Debate this all you want, say i'm promoting a "harmful lifestyle" but my points are well founded and sound. If someone gets through life jovial and happy because they know they can stay in good shape despite eating like Marlon Brando at night and on days off, i'd argue it's the addiction with the least downfall.