People Still Have SNAKES As Pets But Me Sleeping With A Teddy Bear Is Frowned Upon, OK.

I'll be the first to admit that I for one am deathly afraid of snakes. But still, there's not a being, with a shred of sanity whomst believes you should want a SNAKE as a PET. Stop being a fucking freak Valerie, get a chihuahua like a normal person. The point of raising a pet, or so I've been led to believe, is a sense of partnership, a cute creature which can relax your weary mind at the end of a long day. Where the absolute FUCK in that description do you see the embodiment of a snake? No one can come home to their snake and just "chill", are you kidding me? Owning a snake is closer in nature to owning an Assault Rifle than a kitten. Anything-- person, place or thing with the power to MURDER, despite having NO LIMBS should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction, not a companion to caress and fondle. 

If you need to be vagrant social pariah, just tattoo some satanic shit on your neck--no need to subject the rest of the world to you going away for a weekend resulting in 6 deaths because your prehistoric demon seed decided he was tired of captivity. Do you realize how much of a fucking psychopath you must be to STRANGLE your food before eating it? And we just let people accept these things as their own. We didn't just demoralize and domesticate the masses of the wolf population to have a grown woman named Candy adopting swamp animals. 

But when I bring a woman home to a bed full of beanie babies and a Mickey Mouse stuffie donning a magicians hat, I'm treated as a juvenile! Consistently chastised with repugnant statements like "why is it so small?", "already?", "is it in yet?"-- talk about disgusting standards. We've normalized everything from men painting their nails, to women having armpit hair but my tickle-me-elmo is crossing a line, okey-doke. 

Stop throwing away your childrens stuffed animals at the age of 9 because they need to "become a man". That's a statement i'd be willing to build my political campaign around, not everyone can just abuse alcohol and drugs as their vice-- sometimes a man just needs a tea party with his 4 best pals, that's not hurting anybody. I've owned the same stuffed elephant throughout the entirety of my lifetime and despite me become an abhorrent human with few morals or passions? He hasn't left me. So fuck you, your toxic masculinity and societal norms-- one lucky lady will one day get to meet him and she'll be the luckiest woman alive.