The Solution To Global Warming? Blow Up The Sun

I'm not one for hot takes or shock value, it denigrates the value of said topic in the ever lasting search for clicks. With that being said, this man may be the revolutionary of our time. List a singular lie told.

Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?

— Riggs (@RiggsBarstool) June 10, 2017

Questioning what the Sun even does in a petition to NASA might be the funniest thing you'll see on the internet today. The worst part of this all is, while it's obvious satire--he's right, the world would be a better place absent that flaming ball from Satan which is the Sun. So instead of focusing on real world social issues and performing as a cherished member of society? I will stop at nothing before seeing I've created the first applicable solution to global warming. 

• 1: I'll need funding from Elon, it's your duty whomstever reading currently to direct him towards my Twitter. 
• 2: Subpoena all meat lockers in the continental US.
• 3: We commission mass fleets of cargo planes directed to fly south, siphoning all icebergs of all sizes--placing them within said ice boxes.
• 4: Disappear with the remaining fortune allotted to me from the South African, leaving him with many ice cubes and a suspiciously homicidal quantity of ice lockers. 
• 5: Desperately attempt to win a Norwegian woman's love and support until she inevitably steals everything, leaving me broken and right back where it all began.

I said nothing about following through on this solution, only that I would create it. I gave Elon every material needed to solve this crisis we face, I'm simply one man and my motivations can only lead me so far. What actions he takes will reflect upon him as a man and his commitment to the future of our society, if we remind him outer space is tax-free he'll be sure to work to completion.