Dolphins Have To Be So Fucking Bored

Dolphins riding those waves pic.twitter.com/QqFHJfl35S

— Life on Earth (@planetpng) September 4, 2020

Not to be insensitive, but no wonder they're rampant rapists. They say that Dolphins are the most intelligent mammals besides humans, imagine just having to walk around the world with nothing to do? No television, no music, no video games, no podcasting even. Could a Dolphin even commit suicide if they wanted? I'm no marine biologist but seems unlikely. All of this is a grand way to say that we don't appreciate Dolphins enough because they're purely here for our entertainment and that's a futile existence. Sure they're a little rapey, is that great? Not ideal, but what else is there to do? Do you expect them to surf waves all day? Are you running marathons all day Javier? No, you need a break every once in a while to pig out on some Doritos too. Without captivity and 5'2 white women throwing them beach balls, they're bored out of their mind. 

The video is purely majestic, anyone who thinks Sharks are cooler than Dolphins are fucking dummies. "ooooh imma predator who can kill whoever I want meeeh", cool story bro but can you use sonar to communicate? Nope, you're the equivalent of the dumb jock who has his fastball of wedgies but can he do anything else? No, his peppercorn brain is too dumb to trudge up any other genre of assault. Dolphins are the Ace with 3 plus pitches and devastating velocity, Sharks are Tim Wakefield. WOOOOOO GOOD MORNING AMERICA, HOWS THAT FOR SOME SPICE? 

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What I want for society is fratty white boys in high school going through their quarter-life crisis, for them to stop wearing shark tooth necklaces. Once you pass the threshold of the 8 years of age mark, you can't wear those bumbling atrocities. Aside from the autistic or handicap, if you do? Well then we should legalize battery with a deadly weapon. Brooklyn trendsetters wearing peacock feathers in their fedoras may be a disgrace to all of society but at least they're doing something new rather than rerunning one of the worst accessories of all time. You wanna know a horrifying sight I just envisioned in my dark, twisted imagination? A 240 pound chungus shotgunning a Bud Light by puncturing it with their shark tooth necklace. I'll be curling into a fetal position and taking some deep breaths now, as to not have a psychological breakdown! 

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Dolphins>Sharks. You're a cunt if you disagree.