I Finally Agree Just Cancel All White People

Oh technicalities, pish posh. Don't let the mans ambiguous ethnicity get in the way of a hilarrrrious headline. Haha, don't you get it, cancel all white people? Because a white person did something ridiculous? What an original thought and comment! 

Okay, now to not be a sarcastic dickhead. Of course this guy is wearing a fucking Superman shirt. He definitely won that at a carnival and it undoubtedly gets worn in 3 day increments and hasn't been washed since the financial collapse. The fact he even has someone within his life which will spend multiple days in the woods with him is the surprise of the year. I hope this bear comes in the middle of the night, siphons his gas, steals all his food and this guy starves to death. He's a threat to society, this is where we need a vigilante ruler in control of every city. Batman, Dexter, Denzel Washington, Django-- just someone who can kill all these idiots before they start a church on fire. 

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What in a logical brain drives you to even try this in the first place? This freak eats raw chicken and uses coconut oil as lotion. Only those in a big time depressive episode even go camping in the middle of the summer anyways, so we know he's not in his right mind to begin with. I just fucking hate this guy, like with an unreasonable amount of disdain. I want him dead and if I ever saw him out and about, I'd take a scooter to his shins and run away like Scooby Doo. I know none of this is sane thinking ever, that a 30 second viral online clip shouldn't make me this enraged but I can't control my own emotions-- what am I? A fucking woman? Men need to be certifiably deranged, it's our role in society. So I guess in a roundabout way, this guy is just playing his role. Does it make me hate him any less? I think you know that answer. 

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The name Dakota is also just so fucking beta, take a note from Deputy Dak Prescott, shorten the name if you wanna be taken seriously. Dakota Prescott is playing in Michael Vick's Flag Football league right now, but he was a MAN and took control of his own future so he's instead in line for a 200 million dollar contract. Names are everything. If I was named something like Jeramias rather than being named after an all white 70's sitcom, perhaps I'd have done something productive to society rather than spending 10 hours a day blogging! 
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The Fact Not ONE Team Will Sign Cam Newton is Driving Me Up a Wall

Andy Dalton. Ok. Sure. He's fine. The complete definition of mediocre QB who has no shot of leading you to the promise land. The Cowboys decided to spend up to 7 mill on a backup QB that has no upside! While in a tight cap situation none the less. Then again, they decided to pay a runningback 90 MILLION before he had played his 4th season of his rookie contract out. Dalton will come in and give you 70% of what Dak does but that caps you out at 9-7 at absolute best. I prefer the Colts old backup QB theory where if your starter goes down, just become absolutely terrible and get a good draft pick. If Dak had, say, game to game injury concerns i'd say "alright, Dalton makes sense". HE'S NEVER MISSED A SINGLE GAME.

Now onto actual cool and interesting players. A man who won MVP less than 5 years ago perhaps? A man who has literally only had former teammates come out in support of him? One, who for years had his top receiver as KELVIN BENJAMIN. Yes that one. Cam Newton. I'm talking about Cam Newton. Yes, his health is a question...so, was Tua's annnnd he just went 5th overall because an independent evaluator was able to clear him and the Dolphins felt comfortable with that. 

With the Patriots feeling comfortable with Stidham (for right or wrong). I'm not sure who can give him a starting shot right now because a lot of teams have locked in their QB room. The thought that Cam is fucking washed though? Because he's had a bad stretch of injuries? Did Drew Brees teach people nothing? D-O-N-T doubt the supremely talented, proven QB's who have had some injuries. Let's look at the Bears, shall we? Trubisky, well he's not the answer. Glad they figured it out about 2 years after the rest of the general public. So, they needed some competition! Great, at the time there was Mariota, Winston, Cam and Bridgewater all on the open market. All would be a fine signing in their own right, all would give different levels of competition but that is a vast amount of free agent QB's compared to most years. Just want some competency and a solid, dependable, consistent QB in that room. *brain of Ryan Pace* Well, shit. I've got it. Nick Foles.

Nick fucking Foles, ah yes, model of health, dependability and consistency! Missed 12 games with a broken collarbone in 2019, and 5 years the prior he missed 8 games with...a broken fucking collarbone. He has contemplated retirement due to mental health and the fact he's talked openly about that is commendable, but if Cam did? Unsigned, forever. Not to mention that when Foles does play, he's a coin flip to even be semi-productive. On top of this all, he's being paid 21 mill this year and they gave up their 4th round pick. This is the most confusing move of the offseason. Yes, he won a Super Bowl, the JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS also felt comfortable enough to give up on him after seeing him play 4 games. It would have been cheaper to sign Cam, he would have been a better player and it would have been more exciting for the city of Chicago.





NFL GM's are absolute cowards.