Showing posts with label Golden State Warriors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Golden State Warriors. Show all posts

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Andrew Wiggins Father is Canceled

Were you aware of this? Andrew Wiggins', notorious star and leader of the Golden State Warriors, had a father who played in the NBA during the 80's and 90's...furthermore, he was also kicked out of the league for cocaine problems. However, after stints with the infamous Tampa Bay Stars, Mississippi Jets, Quad City Thunder and of course, the Jacksonville Hooters he rejoined the Rockets but was out of the league within 2 years. 

Some may trot out mundane statements like "cocaine is bad", "no wonder Andrew has zero basketball IQ" and "why the fuck did the Warriors trade for this guy". However, that would be insensitive, Andrew become the top recruit in America and earned a max NBA contract for promising to work hard. America. Where when you lie just enough, you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to! 

For years, the NBA's biggest question was always "Why won't Wiggins pass the damn ball?", well I may have found your answer.

Well,,, HIS FATHER WAS ON CRACK

Let me explain...kids are ruthless, as we all know. 

I was at the store the other day and this child, he could be no older than 14 called me a "jelly head"...as you may have guessed I was distraught, I couldn't function properly for the next 48 hours as I simply had no clue what this meant, but was still able to feel personally offended. I went to my wife and asked her if I had a "jelly head", she cracked up laughing and stole my wallet...I haven't seen her since. 

I say that to say this, if kids are that rude to a simpleton such as myself browsing for ketchup, imagine the heckling Wiggins received. Do you think as he developed his talents and realized his stardom, he was ever going to let those bullies touch the ball again? Absolutely not, thus he picked up those toxic habits from an early age...and at no fault of his own. 

To make matters worse... he was then drafted into the NBA and who was his first teammate? None other than Corey Brewer... Corey's a good pal, so I mean no harm in saying this...but there's never been an NBA player more similar to a crackhead than Corey Brewer. 

Wiggins was doomed from the start. Let him earn his money in peace.

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Injured NBA Players I'm Just Fuckin' Pumped to see Play Again, Vol. 2

Absolutely nothing is happening in sports, surprise surprise. Thank the heavens for The Last Dance once a week. However that doesn't mean we can't still have some good old fashioned fun reminiscing about the days of better. Let us look back at some absolute studs who have been battered and bruised, put through the ringer some may say


BOL BOL

Now while he wasn't technically injured, and he has yet to ever play an actual NBA game.....there's still good reason to look at the specimen Bol is and think of what he could be. The dude is 7 foot 2 inches with a fake looking 92 INCH WINGSPAN. His arms nearly go down to his fucking knees. He's a 2k MyPlayer, plain and simple. With that being said, he's also had foot injuries at that height which will always be worrisome but the path that Durant has laid gives me more confidence Bol will get past 'em. 

His weight, in my eyes, is what it is. When you look at his pops, expecting him to ever have the body type of an Embiid or Drummond is looney tunes. So, he'll never be an intimidating rebounder and might hover around the 60-70 games played range early in his career while getting used to the NBA conditions. That's also preeetty normal in the NBA today.

His potential in the Pick n' Roll, Pick n' Pop game? Now that? That's something fun to think about. His jumper has been money at every level that he's played and it is quite literally shot from maybe the highest release point the world has ever seen. Not a single reason I can think of that it won't work at the NBA level. With the Nuggets having three really solid PnR guards between Murray, Barton and Morris, he landed in the perfect spot. Whether starting or off the bench, they'll have him set up for success. 

Starting you say? Are you fucking stupid? Well maybe, however I've been thinking for a while that while it would certainly look weird as hell...both Bol and Jokic cover for each others defensive deficiencies almost seamlessly.  Jokic struggles the most on switches against quicker guards and on the perimeter, while that's what Bol adds the most on D. Bol struggles the most against stronger, more burly boys down low....there's not a burlier boy than Nikola Jokic friends. With Power Forward becoming nearly an extinct position in the modern NBA, it'd be a worthwhile experiment playing Jokic and Bol together with Millsap soon to be out of the equation. 

Health willing....could you imagine a Murray-Harris-Porter Jr.-Bol-Jokic end of game lineup? I'm sure the Nuggets, in their best case scenario are. 



KLAY THOMPSON

He might be the single coolest player in the NBA. You know who walks around day to day not giving a FUUUUCK what's happening outside his control? Klay is that dude. Interviews about scaffolding...signing toasters, sippin' a cold one in a postgame presser. That's what we've been missing with Klay out. Oh just that, the second best shooter in NBA history and maybe the craziest individual runs you can imagine. 37 in a quarter? Done it. 9 threes in a quarter? Done. Most 3's in a game? Yup. 60 in 29 minutes? Bet your ass he did. When he tore his ACL in the finals, he came back and made both free throws for fucks sakes. 
The best thing about his injury is, its an ACL. Now days, that's a sprained Ankle in terms of guys coming back to previous form. Before this injury, Klay really was the model for consistency. He never missed more than 9 regular season games and only 1 playoff game. Klay will be back and firing like he never left, then he'll head home, hang his goatee on the hat rack and do it all again tomorrow. 

Seeing that backcourt together again is going to be a treat for basketball fans all around. Depending on where their lottery pick ends up and what they do with it, the Warriors might pull the exact opposite of the Jaguars.

Today I Learned That Paris Hilton Had A Sex Tape

With John Henry here 12 years older than me, there's surely some things he knows in which I've never been brought to the light on...