Am I Taking Crazy Pills Here???

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A Perfect Offseason: Blazers Edition. SWIPE to see ALL of the moves that I made for Portland! How far would this team go? 🏀👇 - RULES: I can make one realistic TRADE, one realistic SIGNING, and one DRAFT pick IF they have a pick to make the teams 2020 offseason “perfect”. - follow @hoopschannel for more!

A post shared by Everything Hoops (@hoopschannel) on May 23, 2020 at 4:34pm PDT

Sixers would surely hate an Embiid,
Simmons and CJ McCollum Big 3. 

What the hell? I thought this had to be a parody account at first, there's simply no way my eyes could deceive me like this. But alas, an account with nearly 40K followers, put this out for public consumption, and get this...people agreed all throughout the comments. 

Surely, there has to be some type of catch? Tobias must be on a great, team friendly contract that would allow the Blazers more cap flexibility and the ability to sign some ancillary pieces to put around Dame! 

Oh wait, shit that can't be right...but it's not like CJ is on any better of a contract though, right? Hold up, he's signed for one more year at 29M? Now that can't be true.

What about Rodney Hood though? He's coming off a career year and is a rising star in the league, you've got to give him his shot to shine. Wait...wait, i'm just receiving news...NONE of that is true AND that he TORE HIS ACHILLES this season? It's a good thing guards, especially those who play for the Blazers, are notoriously strong coming back from those pesky things. 

Look, i'm not against trading McCollum but trading him AND a lottery pick for a player on what is seen as an albatross of a contract...just because he plays a different position is bananaland. Hell, trading McCollum for a forward is probably the right line of thinking...1 legged Rodney Hood and budget J. Cole ain't the way to compensate for that loss though.

Technology Just Makes No Fuckin' Sense

So this mornin' I was heading home from grabbing some Breakfast, food...seeing another human for once, you know things of that nature...I was listening to the latest Mickstape which was, as they kids say, a "hoot"...and suddenly just had the bizarre realization that me, in California...is listening to three pals just chattin' from Boston, Georgia and New York. How the fuck is that possible??? 

Look at those suckers, they're so far apart!!! Does it matter? Nope! How is this not the leading news every single day???

How did they make it so we could communicate with people, literally, on the other side of the country with absolutely no hassle? There's not a plum second waiting on an envelope to slide through that mail slot! I know there's answers out there and "science" but do I care to actually research it and attempt to understand how? With this tiny, tiny pea brain? In this climate? You're a mad man! I don't want this ruined for me! I'm in utter aw right now. Simple and plain. 

I've "lived online" for half a decade and this is just now hitting me. Why does no one talk about how incredible this is??? Like someone could be reading this from fuckin' Morocco right now! We'll never meet and my thoughts are still somehow being transferred into your brain! Thanks for reading bubs!!!

It makes more sense (to me an intellectual) how we got to the damn moon than how i'm able to tweet at someone who lives in Iowa and get them to laugh whilst in bed, layin' in my jam-jams drinkin' a cup of warm milk. 

I'm sober as a mormon at temple, and still just unable to process any of this.

There's going to be a day where we can DM fine alien baddies on Instagram...no doubt in my mind. Imagine telling someone during The Great Depression they could just chat it up with their pal Pedro in Portland whilst milking cows in their barn in Mississippi? They'd shoot you dead on the spot, you'd be a dead man. D-E-A-D. No two ways about it. 

Perhaps i've gone senile, my last remaining brain cells just decided they were outta here and went rouge as I was dreaming about a nice pizza pie...by chance they were just done with my bullshit and couldn't take it anymore. If that's the case and this is just the START of my demise as a human? Well shit, then i'll be blogging about some WILD thoughts for the foreseeable future. 

Distances are basically just fake! Wow.