Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Game One Of Sixty, DC Is Flooding

Here goes the beginning of what is surely set to be the worst season in the history of sport. We've got teams unsure of where they will lay their weary heads and franchises foraging for a name in which doesn't ostracize entire demographics. Fox Sports believed that projected fans protruding from the knowingly empty seats was what the masses were clamoring for, I mean how fucking stupid--and Robert "Napoleon" Manfred waited until Opening Day to spring upon a 16 team playoff. 
What a start we are off towards, the opening game is projected to begin right as a tropical storm hits and there's been no discussion of starting the game before said typhoon. Anyhow, let's live in a fallacious world in which things work out and aren't canceled due to gross incompetence. The Yankees in all their flagrant elitism despite not having won shit since John McCain was a household name, travel to DC to face the seemingly desiccated Nationals. Juan Soto came down with the big C days ago yet only found out some 5 hours before gametime leaving them to rely on a generic name generated creature for offensive ammunition.  
For the franchise formerly known as the Expos, a freshly abused Scherzer will take the mound promptly after a dose of retribution served out of Eastern Pennsylvania. He will face the recently cashed out Gerrit Cole and his forever misaligned voice versus demeanor. 
I've allocated a significant portion of my net worth on the Nationals (+1.5) parlayed along with the Giants @ Dodgers (under 8.5). By the morning I will either have exchanged sexual pleasantries for toothpaste or be dining upon a spread of boundless Cheddar Biscuits courtesy of the Red Lobster located near the recently foreclosed Sports Authority.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Technology Just Makes No Fuckin' Sense

So this mornin' I was heading home from grabbing some Breakfast, food...seeing another human for once, you know things of that nature...I was listening to the latest Mickstape which was, as they kids say, a "hoot"...and suddenly just had the bizarre realization that me, in California...is listening to three pals just chattin' from Boston, Georgia and New York. How the fuck is that possible??? 
Look at those suckers, they're so far apart!!! Does it matter? Nope! How is this not the leading news every single day???

How did they make it so we could communicate with people, literally, on the other side of the country with absolutely no hassle? There's not a plum second waiting on an envelope to slide through that mail slot! I know there's answers out there and "science" but do I care to actually research it and attempt to understand how? With this tiny, tiny pea brain? In this climate? You're a mad man! I don't want this ruined for me! I'm in utter aw right now. Simple and plain. 

I've "lived online" for half a decade and this is just now hitting me. Why does no one talk about how incredible this is??? Like someone could be reading this from fuckin' Morocco right now! We'll never meet and my thoughts are still somehow being transferred into your brain! Thanks for reading bubs!!!

It makes more sense (to me an intellectual) how we got to the damn moon than how i'm able to tweet at someone who lives in Iowa and get them to laugh whilst in bed, layin' in my jam-jams drinkin' a cup of warm milk. 

I'm sober as a mormon at temple, and still just unable to process any of this.
There's going to be a day where we can DM fine alien baddies on Instagram...no doubt in my mind. Imagine telling someone during The Great Depression they could just chat it up with their pal Pedro in Portland whilst milking cows in their barn in Mississippi? They'd shoot you dead on the spot, you'd be a dead man. D-E-A-D. No two ways about it. 

Perhaps i've gone senile, my last remaining brain cells just decided they were outta here and went rouge as I was dreaming about a nice pizza pie...by chance they were just done with my bullshit and couldn't take it anymore. If that's the case and this is just the START of my demise as a human? Well shit, then i'll be blogging about some WILD thoughts for the foreseeable future. 

Distances are basically just fake! Wow. 

Today I Learned That Paris Hilton Had A Sex Tape

With John Henry here 12 years older than me, there's surely some things he knows in which I've never been brought to the light on...