We're All Marlon Brando

Laughing at us pansy small gut fools.

Whilst researching for another upcoming project I stumbled across an article describing how much of a savage The Brand Man was when he got the munchies. A real savage in the kitchen and a menace at the table.

You claim yourself a foodie, eh? Have you ever broken the lock off a refrigerator and taken a bite out of and entire cheese wheel? How about puttin' down 6 hot dogs at 3 AM, whilst sober? Didn't think so.  

You gotta be a reeeeal asshole to
pull off this hat this well.

Whilst being the sexiest man Marilyn Monroe had ever seen, Sir. Bitches Brando, was sustaining himself off cinnamon buns, junk food, take out and JARS of Peanut Butter....washing it all down with a nice refreshing quart of milk. Oh, but if I do that, I get "fat" and my doctor tells me i'm "killing myself"...sure buddy tell Brando that, i'll wait.

Whadda smoldering brut.

Greedy McBitchAlot over here just didn't think that was enough, moving on to dinners of 2 steaks, potatoes, a quart of milk and 2 WHOLE APPLE PIES...Are you kidding me? There's no way that's even enjoyable. I fancy myself quite the appetite, however could I put down 2 entire pies let alone the rest of those fixins? With great regret and despair, ab-so-lutely not...and i'm taller than Brando was! Brando bodies any appetite I ever thought I had, and for that i've been tucked into bed and gently pat on the head. Shameful.

*Shockingly* eventually his body caught up with him and his weight skyrocketed but those crash diets were no match for his insatiable appetite. How's a 5 GALLON TUB OF ICE CREAM sound to you, painful? Simply put, you're a bitch. Brando was throwin' these down with ease and chillin' out in the lagoon...WHILST on the set of movies. This forced the directors to use stunt doubles, because well, 640 OUNCES of cream and sugar, in a stunning turn of events *doesn't* look good on camera. Stickin' it to the man by stickin' it to your arteries, my King. 



Is Brando an American hero? I'm not here to say otherwise.