Game One Of Sixty, DC Is Flooding

Here goes the beginning of what is surely set to be the worst season in the history of sport. We've got teams unsure of where they will lay their weary heads and franchises foraging for a name in which doesn't ostracize entire demographics. Fox Sports believed that projected fans protruding from the knowingly empty seats was what the masses were clamoring for, I mean how fucking stupid--and Robert "Napoleon" Manfred waited until Opening Day to spring upon a 16 team playoff. 

No fans? Not on FOX Sports.

Thousands of virtual fans will attend FOX’s MLB games this Saturday. pic.twitter.com/z9oQU0rYuC

— FOX Sports (@FOXSports) July 23, 2020

What a start we are off towards, the opening game is projected to begin right as a tropical storm hits and there's been no discussion of starting the game before said typhoon. Anyhow, let's live in a fallacious world in which things work out and aren't canceled due to gross incompetence. The Yankees in all their flagrant elitism despite not having won shit since John McCain was a household name, travel to DC to face the seemingly desiccated Nationals. Juan Soto came down with the big C days ago yet only found out some 5 hours before gametime leaving them to rely on a generic name generated creature for offensive ammunition.  

Michael Taylor goes 0 for 5 with 5 strikeouts then loses the game with an error, a breakdown pic.twitter.com/9X1Y9w1uoE

— Jomboy (@Jomboy_) June 15, 2020

For the franchise formerly known as the Expos, a freshly abused Scherzer will take the mound promptly after a dose of retribution served out of Eastern Pennsylvania. He will face the recently cashed out Gerrit Cole and his forever misaligned voice versus demeanor. 

Bryce Harper showed up today, which is nice news for #RingTheBell fans.

Quick look at his odds for this season:

NL MVP Winner +1800
Regular Season Home Run Leader +2500

(odds from @WilliamHillUS) pic.twitter.com/LDoSzw5CRw

— Prime Time Odds (@TimeOdds) July 19, 2020

Cole being asked about this in the post-game interview pic.twitter.com/ltm2znveSv

— Jomboy (@Jomboy_) July 8, 2020

I've allocated a significant portion of my net worth on the Nationals (+1.5) parlayed along with the Giants @ Dodgers (under 8.5). By the morning I will either have exchanged sexual pleasantries for toothpaste or be dining upon a spread of boundless Cheddar Biscuits courtesy of the Red Lobster located near the recently foreclosed Sports Authority.