Saturday, July 18, 2020

Nightly MLB Recap: Baseball Feels Relatively Normal And Saturday Felt Like A Standard Summer Night For Once

You could color me skeptical if I didn't quite have the utmost confidence in Major League Baseball to have a polished, trouble-free start to the 2020 season. I will eat the crow when I have to though, although it wouldn't be my preferential poultry I will admit that these games feel admittedly serene and as conventional as could be wished for given the circumstances. When a homer is hit, despite there being no drunken belligerent middle aged white men to trample children for a souvenir, nothing seems to be missing. 

 The Mets having cardboard cutouts behind home plate feels fitting for their franchise. Will it feel more gimmicky if and when done by a more proficient franchise with real goals? I'd venture to guess so, but for now the Mets and their turbulent yips infested 3rd baseman will lead the charge at Citi Field in this fathead poster like background.  
Staying within the inner-state rivalry in Flushing, New York, Gio Urshela decided he wasn't hurt after all and instead decided to play as if he was Brooks Robinson reincarnated. 
Luis Robert might just be Mike Trout but cool? Is that an overstatement based upon a couple of summer camp bombs? Well let's slow down there, i'll have you know those bombs were of the atomic variety. A young star breaking into Chicago, coming onto the scene as a 23 year old, winning Rookie of the Year and leading his team to the playoffs? Well that would never happen. 
On all that is holy, I hope that Clint Frazier has a breakout season whilst wearing a mask and becomes the MLB's Rip Hamilton. After 3 years of vacillating play, seasons beset by injury and public distain, wouldn't it be something if he became superstitious and the mask is the secret behind his success. Baseball players with more general appeal to the public, not as awful as Manfred may lead you to believe. 
It's a real shame the Phillies don't have any pitching behind Aaron Nola and potentially Zack Wheeler because that lineup is gonna be fuckin' jet set high society, it's going to be really damn good is what i'm trying to say. Given the Nationals threw their top pitcher out there tonight and he got a touchdown AND an extra point put on his ass, the delightful and not at all dirty people of Philly are gonna have a lot to clap unironically at their television about. Didi going absolutely balls deep in DC followed by the ever trivialized Bryce Harper taking his former roundball mate out to Manassas could have ya 2008 dreamin' in the city of Brotherly Love. Bryce Harper, 2020 MVP, fuck the blockhead media members and their opinions. 
This penultimate topic is trivial and highly personalized but god damnit it pains me to see Dellin Betances in a Metropolitans uniform. From the impoverished colors to the "i'm being held against my will" facial hair, nothing about this picture is pretty to me. I'll be the first to say it, I, do not like it!
Vladdy's swing is so damn pretty. Put a hard seltzer or two in me and that Tonka truck he's haulin' doesn't look too bad either. Whew.
Baseball being back is exceedingly good news for me, I can now forget about the perils of life and how immensely pointless it frankly is and devote my attention to staring at a television for 4-8 hours a day making those who care for me apprehensive and concerned. God bless America and my right to be a complete and utter leech to society.
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