Mookie Betts Is Soon To Be Sad

Betts, Dodgers agreement is for 12 year extension for about $350M. Just finalizing.

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) July 22, 2020

Danny Phantom's mom was dumb thick, and Mookie Betts should be fucking sick. As someone who grew up in a variety of regions due to the nature of having a father working occupational therapist constantly caught rummaging through the purses of the monotone subdued employees, I can tell you with full confidence that there is no worse place in country than Los Angeles.  

Through the thick, wet smog lies entitlement and traffic, a combination combing through the nightmares of any rational being. The forbidden Red Sox right fielder has been a resident for less than 6 months yet thinks he knows what he's signed himself up for, it's going to be a treacherous 13 years filled with quinoa and carrot juice. 

Along with a price of living which makes New Yorkers squeamish, the income tax rate in this god forsaken region is approaching double that of his formerly known domicile in the greater eastside.  Meaning after taxes he's receiving a Nicholas Batumish 26 million per year, Hassan Whiteside scoffs upon salaries so meager. 

The moral of this tale is that California is a miserable existence, nature is overrated and merely to distract you from the incessant child trafficking taking place within this territory. Boston now gets to feel what it's like to overrate their own Jeter much as Yankees fans have for centuries. A middling fielder proficient in slap singles is actually superior to your budding superstar at the hot corner. Devers gets to feel the pain A-Rod felt and Jeter Downs gets to hear intolerant bigotry chanted from the stands. Neither is worse however than signing up for a lifetime in the debris and vermin which is the below sea-level bowl called Los Angeles. 

Nightly MLB Recap: Baseball Feels Relatively Normal And Saturday Felt Like A Standard Summer Night For Once

You could color me skeptical if I didn't quite have the utmost confidence in Major League Baseball to have a polished, trouble-free start to the 2020 season. I will eat the crow when I have to though, although it wouldn't be my preferential poultry I will admit that these games feel admittedly serene and as conventional as could be wished for given the circumstances. When a homer is hit, despite there being no drunken belligerent middle aged white men to trample children for a souvenir, nothing seems to be missing. 

The Mets having cardboard cutouts behind home plate feels fitting for their franchise. Will it feel more gimmicky if and when done by a more proficient franchise with real goals? I'd venture to guess so, but for now the Mets and their turbulent yips infested 3rd baseman will lead the charge at Citi Field in this fathead poster like background.  

Max Moroffs throws to first couldnt be.............................................................. more off. boom. pic.twitter.com/kX0dMGI2JT

— Jomboy (@Jomboy_) July 19, 2020

Staying within the inner-state rivalry in Flushing, New York, Gio Urshela decided he wasn't hurt after all and instead decided to play as if he was Brooks Robinson reincarnated. 

Gio Urshela makes it look too easy. pic.twitter.com/tjGSBhj1bv

— Evan Daniel (@mrevandaniel) July 19, 2020

Bare Paw: pic.twitter.com/SNPGNsu6g3

— New York Yankees (@Yankees) July 18, 2020

La defensa de Urshela en 3B = 👌🏼

pic.twitter.com/vWOdzCnYLE

— Rafa Aldamuy 🇵🇷 (@aldamuyESPN) July 19, 2020

Luis Robert might just be Mike Trout but cool? Is that an overstatement based upon a couple of summer camp bombs? Well let's slow down there, i'll have you know those bombs were of the atomic variety. A young star breaking into Chicago, coming onto the scene as a 23 year old, winning Rookie of the Year and leading his team to the playoffs? Well that would never happen. 

LUIS ROBERT IS GOING TO BE A HUGE PROBLEMpic.twitter.com/cgDqIQGiNP

— Starting 9 (@Starting9) July 19, 2020

On all that is holy, I hope that Clint Frazier has a breakout season whilst wearing a mask and becomes the MLB's Rip Hamilton. After 3 years of vacillating play, seasons beset by injury and public distain, wouldn't it be something if he became superstitious and the mask is the secret behind his success. Baseball players with more general appeal to the public, not as awful as Manfred may lead you to believe. 

Clint Frazier out here hitting masked second-deck tanks pic.twitter.com/JaVngQsH6H

— Starting 9 (@Starting9) July 19, 2020

It's a real shame the Phillies don't have any pitching behind Aaron Nola and potentially Zack Wheeler because that lineup is gonna be fuckin' jet set high society, it's going to be really damn good is what i'm trying to say. Given the Nationals threw their top pitcher out there tonight and he got a touchdown AND an extra point put on his ass, the delightful and not at all dirty people of Philly are gonna have a lot to clap unironically at their television about. Didi going absolutely balls deep in DC followed by the ever trivialized Bryce Harper taking his former roundball mate out to Manassas could have ya 2008 dreamin' in the city of Brotherly Love. Bryce Harper, 2020 MVP, fuck the blockhead media members and their opinions. 

Cannot wait for 60 games of a healthy Didi. pic.twitter.com/jkRhopBU3l

— Jack Fritz (@JackFritzWIP) July 18, 2020

Bryce vs. Scherzer.

This one goes to Bryce. pic.twitter.com/PfOTDEVGp2

— MLB (@MLB) July 18, 2020

This penultimate topic is trivial and highly personalized but god damnit it pains me to see Dellin Betances in a Metropolitans uniform. From the impoverished colors to the "i'm being held against my will" facial hair, nothing about this picture is pretty to me. I'll be the first to say it, I, do not like it!

Dellin Betances of the NY Mets. pic.twitter.com/mVD3e8cAgQ

— Rob Friedman (@PitchingNinja) July 19, 2020

Vladdy's swing is so damn pretty. Put a hard seltzer or two in me and that Tonka truck he's haulin' doesn't look too bad either. Whew.

Art or not art? 💥 pic.twitter.com/uFBDFnigh7

— Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) July 19, 2020

Baseball being back is exceedingly good news for me, I can now forget about the perils of life and how immensely pointless it frankly is and devote my attention to staring at a television for 4-8 hours a day making those who care for me apprehensive and concerned. God bless America and my right to be a complete and utter leech to society.

There Are Going To Be An Astronomical Amount Of Pickoff Attempts This Season

Amongst the concerns MLB professionals have had are around momentum and more pejorative statements that inflame the analytic poindexters up a wall. I have to use large words because along with spreadsheets, that seems to be the only way to communicate with these people, every word has to be at least 3 syllables and has to have you scrambling to google wondering what the fuck you just read. 

Throughout the first batch of competitive "Summer Camp" games on Saturday, this issue didn't present itself much however you know damn well without the crowd dissuading pitchers, 12 consecutive implausible pick off attempts is on the horizon.

Whilst pumping in eery false crowd noise, it seems doubtful that button man up in the PA booth paid in root beer floats from A&W, will be mercilessly booing the pitcher attempting to limit stolen bases. 

With this likely to take place it will without a doubt create a spike in average game time, leading the maestro who is Rob Manfred to implement more obtuse, cracked changes to the game. I say this all to lead to this conclusion, Rob Manfred needs to be shot to the moon and have his job taken. 

If Gio Urshela Is Done For The Season, It's Time For The Yankees To Delve Into Witchcraft To Break this Injury Curse

Gio Urshela on the ground, being checked out by the Yankees' trainer. He walked off from third base during workouts and laid down in foul ground. Now he's sitting up.

— Brendan Kuty (@BrendanKutyNJ) July 18, 2020

Gio Urshela just went off the field with trainer Steve Donohue #Yankees

— Kristie Ackert (@ByKristieAckert) July 18, 2020

It was just going far too well, much too harmoniously for the powers that be. They needed to make sure we as communal Yankee fan remembered that there's no chance injuries won't be fucking us reverse cowgirl throughout the sixty game scamper. 

Aaron Judge was actually able to participate at the jump of camp and his neck stiffness was actually just the knot in your neck you might receive after a night of snooze whilst camping. Miguel Andújar looks better in left field than he ever did at the corner allowing the chance that he may get some playing time. Wow, imagine that, things going good without crippling large gashes or traumas. 

At this point, Gio definitely has a torn achilles, i've prepared myself for the worst because i've become a callous grudge filled man. Gio's cosmic grin will be the only thing that can cure this hurt in my heart. His smile could cure chronic diseases and end world hunger, this year will feel partially empty without him. 

Some Alternative Locations For The Blue Jays To Play After Canada Said Get The Fuck Out

TORONTO (AP) _ AP source says Blue Jays denied Canadian government approval to play games in Toronto amid pandemic.

— Rob Gillies (@rgilliescanada) July 18, 2020

Learning this unfortunate revelation 5 days before the season is set to begin, well, frankly it's not good. Shocking hot take I know, but I have to make my bones somehow in this dying industry of written word which I have for unknown reasons decided to strive for a career in. Not all is lost however, playing in a new location can be a joyous experience and test your mental fortitude as a MAN to adapt to unpleasant localities. 

Jeff Passan, that diminutive John Mulaney counterpart has since assumed they will be heading to the divine city of Buffalo, New York.      

Hello, Buffalo Blue Jays? https://t.co/8URvb8Wllo

— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) July 18, 2020

I refuse to believe anyone would enjoy a life in Buffalo, New York, much less whilst in a pandemic. Thus, I found some fields in locations which might be preferable for these professional athletes with standards higher than maimed plastic tables and architecture which hasn't been updated since the Battle of Gettysburg. 

If you conjoined Yankee Stadium and Petco Park, this is your result. Located in Fulton, Kentucky, we ably know that they would welcome the Blue Birds with open arms. Both because the majority of their legislature plausibly doesn't give credence to the "conspiracy of coronavirus" and because they love anything that's blue in Kentucky. They're simple people with standards that make your drunk college buddy look like a prude. 

Who knows how many more local legislatures will go against the powers that be of Rob Manfred and declare it illegal for MLB teams to travel in and out of their provinces. That's why it's essential to be proactive and get ahead of this hurdle. This beautiful compound with a triumvirate of fields could home up to 6 teams a day, equaling a rotating bubble in which 20% of the league could be shackled up in the same suburban Ohio amalgamation that bred the incredible talents of LeBron James and Terry Rozier. 

You've heard of Tal's Hill out in the pre-renovation Minute Maid park with a flagpole to spark anxiety and general uneasiness in centerfields weary of decapitation or even something as rudimentary as a concussion. The snowflake culture of the chalky, long in the tooth Astros ownership had it taken down to "make more money" by adding seats to the ballpark. However, in my MLB we trudge through the elements and the obstacles. At the above field in Toms River, New Jersey, the subdued scatterbrains will finally have to pay attention to where they're running while tracking down flyballs. With Rogers Centre being out of commission for the 2020 season, make Randal Grichuk and his pretty boy mug stay aware at all times or end up spiked into the corner of a loan agency for dollar slice pizza spots in Downtown Manhattan. 

This beaut, located in Burbank, California, is regretfully unlikely due to the Blue Jays playing in the Eastern division. Nonetheless, allow a man to dream, seeing Vladdy crush hanging sliders into the windshields of quinoa chomping deviants would be reminiscent of Backyard Baseball and the countless fruitless hours spent believing in my abilities.

In The Best News Of 2020 Domingo German Quits Baseball

#Yankees pitcher Domingo German posted this on his Instagram page. Translation is: “I left baseball. Thanks my people.” pic.twitter.com/8CSWcX9q05

— Bryan Hoch (@BryanHoch) July 18, 2020

What a time to be alive, couldn't have happened to a better fella. Perhaps Aroldis Chapman but i'll take 1 of the 2 for now.

I'm extremely grateful that I now don't have to justify watching and supporting a domestic abuser solely because he's a good player on my favorite roundball team. His incomprehensible acts and subsequent reaction easily outweigh the stud he was becoming on the field.

However I will miss the overwhelmingly amount of corny jokes Twitter had with his name. Hey guys, did you know Domingo means Sunday in Espanol? Fun fact, not many know. 

Domingo German on Memorial Day Weekend Sunday.

Domingo on Domingo. What a day.

— Eric Hubbs (@BarstoolHubbs) May 26, 2019

Domingo translates to Sunday FYI

— Talkin’ Jake (@TalkinJake) May 26, 2019

I love how “Sunday” (Domingo German) is pitching on Sunday

— Mike Mooney (@MikeMooney25) August 26, 2019

I love my fellow Yankee fans and the jokes that get killed quicker than JFK cruising through the Dallas streets. 

Who The Hell Does Mason Plumlee Think He Is?

.@BUrlacher54, @tkelce, @DeMarcoMurray and @RealDealBeal23 are part of a group of investors who have joined couple Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez in a bid to buy the Mets. https://t.co/vR6PRBo7TL

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) July 13, 2020

Now that's quite the cast, an active NBA and NFL player having ownership in a sports franchise would be game changing as LeBron and Aaron Rodgers have shown. 

However ESPN, uncharismatic and dull as always, very much so buried the lede. Mason fucking Plumlee is somehow part of this ownership group? The white thoroughbred triplet chained servant to Coach K? That Mason Plumlee??? 

You have everyone from Hall of Famers in Joe Thomas and A-Rod, to top tier stars in their sport with Brad Beal and Travis Kelce. You even have Brian Urlacher with his lack of a spine, who suddenly decided one day to magically sprout hair and betray a whole demographic of people. 

Also, are we sure Urlacher, in all his racist eminence should be allowed to own a professional team after his brothers gambling expeditions? Just something to ponder.

Mason Plumlee is a career 8 & 6 player who is more famous for how drastically pale and stereotypically white he is, than his acumen and talent for basketball. Who the hell let him suddenly join into this group? They couldn't find any other lanky tall white? Was Kelly Olynyk unavailable?

The Mets are trying to vault themselves out of the depths of mediocrity and can not be being represented by Duke Chris Mihm. 

Whomst Did Byron Buxton Wrong In A Prior Life?

Byron Buxton was going back to catch a Nelson Cruz fly ball in deep center field and appeared to get his cleat stuck in the grass. He went down grabbing his leg/ankle. After several minutes, he was carted off the field. pic.twitter.com/KZjk6MZ8Jk

— Aaron Gleeman (@AaronGleeman) July 13, 2020

The #MNTwins have announced a left foot injury for Byron Buxton. He is having imaging done right now. They told us to expect more information tomorrow.

— Do-Hyoung Park (@dohyoungpark) July 13, 2020

It's just comical at this point. Byron Buxton has had insane talent his entire career and has been expected to be the next 5 tool phenom since he was drafted in the 2012 MLB Draft with the 2nd overall pick, yet his body has turned into paper mâché and betrayed him. 

In his first spring training with the big league club in 2014, he sprained a joint in his wrist and was forced to begin the year on the DL. Upon return, he re-injured the same wrist. Finally, he came back and received a promotion to AA, what could go wrong here!? He runs into the right fielder and gets diagnosed with a concussion, ending his season. Well fuck. 

Despite these injuries, Buxton opened the 2015 MLB season as the #2 prospect in all of baseball and quickly made his way to the MLB level. This is where it just gets outright abominable, since 2015 Buxton has dealt with sprained joints, toe injuries and concussions in every season he's played. 

Personally, i'm just shocked that he hasn't been able to live up to the hype whilst rehabbing from injury every offseason. I mean, is he even trying? 

Finally, a 60 game season where staying healthy would seemingly be easier than the malaise of a normal baseball season. Sounds like just what Buxton needs to get his career off and running.

.........

Nope, injured and likely out for the season before games even begin. Prayers up for Buxton and here's to hoping he can get that Germany hookup from A-Rod or Peyton. 

The MLB is Coming Back June 10th and I Can't be Convinced Otherwise

After listening to this and attempting to read between the lines of what's going on, Baseball is back on in a month. I'm willing to be wrong here, the amount of sourcing that Trevor seems to have confirming this is damning.

To recap my last blog, Trevor Plouffe is an Ex-MLB Player still very well interconnected throughout the MLB. He's come out and stood on the fact that barring unforseen circumstances, Baseball will be back with a Spring Training 2.0 on June 10th and the beginning of the 2020 MLB Season on July 1st. I'm ready to run through a fuckin' wall.....Let's. GO. 

Want some good baseball news??

I just heard from multiple sources that on June 10th, Spring Training 2 will start. July 1st will be Opening Day and all teams will be playing at their home ballparks.

We’ll be discussing it in full on the next @TalkinBaseball_

— Trevor Plouffe (@trevorplouffe) May 4, 2020

In the podcast, linked above, they discuss all the details available at the time and I highly suggest listenin' because i'm about to spoil.

1. INTERSQUAD SPRING TRAINING AT THE HOME BALLPARK

Yeah. I said that right. Teams are just gonna be playing themselves in their own damn parks for 3 weeks. That could sound boring to some, for reasons i'll never truly understand but as a Yankees fan, when else am I going to see James Paxton against Aaron Judge? Or if you're a Mets fan, when else are you gonna see Pete Alonso try and drop dick on a DeGrom slider? 

There's still going to be p-lenty of irrelevant minor leaguers in these games, of course...but the 5-6 unique at bat's you'll never see again? Here for it.

The one downside which is discussed in the podcast, pitchers aren't gonna go up and in on their own guys....so some of the sluggers with that hole in their swing won't be able to work on that until the regular season gets going. Sucks, but there are much bigger fish to fry right now folks.

2. NO DIVISION OR MAJOR SCHEDULE ALTERATIONS

This doesn't personally make me feel one way or another, honestly. Might have been kinda cool to have wild, bat shit divisions for a year. Baseball purists would have freaked the fuck out though and MLB cares way too much about "sanctity of game", thus why their sport never fucking grows!

Back to the point though, it would seem from the podcast that the season will be 81-100 games as I theorized yesterday, and the schedule will pickup where it would have been in a standard season. This makes sense, if only for logistical reasons with travel, hotels and other events at certain stadiums. It'll fuck over teams that had a schedule frontloaded with cupcakes and it'll benefit teams that had a schedule backloaded with easier competition. You take what you can get at this point.

3. NO FANS

This doesn't really need to be said at this point. Who the hell knows when fans will be back in stadiums? 2021....? Maybe?? Anyone who says they know is lying. It's going to be up to networks to create an atmosphere that doesn't make everything seem bleak as hell while watching. However, it does give them the opportunity to mess around with new camera angles they wouldn't of previously tried out.

4. UNKOWNS

Between roster size and amount of doubleheaders, there are still some things we've yet to learn. Those two will prooobbably be coinciding with one another, just a wild guess. If the MLB wants to get to 100+ games, they'll have to expand rosters....if they're cool saying let's play 81-90 games....then give each team 26 and let's play some ball!!!

My biggest question is if the season will be extended into Late November to try and fit in as many games as possible. No one wants to play baseball in the snow or 40º weather, so it'll be interesting to see how that's handled. 

You can't lie though, that looks fuckin' sick....like a scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

Lastly though, if I could just make my pitch to baseball....CAPITOLIZE ON THIS, EXPAND THE GAME AND IT'S AUDIENCE. It's very likely that the MLB will be THE ONLY LIVE SPORTING EVENT that America has...So draw them in and keep them watching by...

- Mic'ing willing players up...let the viewer actually get to connect with these guys on a personal basis and get a look into their personality.

- Actually let the players display their personality. Be it through their shoes, accessories, bat flips, stare-downs, pimping a homer, whatever the fuck it is. Baseball has gotten a reputation as a boring sport because it's incentivized to not have fun. This is the absolute biggest chance you'll ever have to change that narrative.

Let's fuckin' goooooooo. 

All the Smoke about the MLB Coming Back is Exhilarating

Want some good baseball news??

I just heard from multiple sources that on June 10th, Spring Training 2 will start. July 1st will be Opening Day and all teams will be playing at their home ballparks.

We’ll be discussing it in full on the next @TalkinBaseball_

— Trevor Plouffe (@trevorplouffe) May 4, 2020

List of people confirming a June 10 start date for MLB "Spring Training" is growing!@trevorplouffe's been quiet since his BIG UPDATE. Here's his message to the world 👇

We talk about this in depth on the new episode of Talkin' Baseball dropping first thing tomorrow morning 🎙️ pic.twitter.com/nI1eYX9EZA

— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) May 5, 2020

So, call me fuckin' gullible. Say i'm so desperate for good news that i'm grasping for anything to keep me afloat. You might be right about that. But also, the guys at Jomboy Media have never been those to say something just for brief exposure. They'd be putting their credibility on the line for a shit ton of clicks on one podcast, while CPM is down because advertisers are scared to spend right now, doesn't seem worth it to me, Bob! Now I don't listen to every episode of their podcast, so if this is all an inside joke, you've got me!!! You've got me good you bastards!!!

Ok, I’ve talked with multiple sources and can confirm a June 10th spring training 2 with a July 1 opening day proposal is expected to be on the table soon. Trevor Plouffe had it first. I had it 2nd. Someone else will have it 3rd

— Phil Hughes (@PJHughes45) May 4, 2020

However...The wording in this tweet, as well as the balls on the table confidence from Trevor in the video, i'm in. This would likely mean that the MLB is going to play between 82-100 games and extend the season to end in late November. The reasoning behind this is simple, if he's that confident that the MLBPA would accept then...

1. No More Than One Doubleheader a Week

Previously, a lot of proposals were thrown out there by reporters like Passan or Rosenthal about the MLB trying to get to 162 games no matter what by playing 2-3 doubleheaders a week. Obviously, that would lead to a shit ton of injuries inevitably and the MLBPA would want either roster expansion or just say no. 

2. Divisions Could be Fun

I'm all my own hypothesis on this one here but, could this mean playing mainly teams in surrounding areas and states until everything is reopened? It could make flight unnecessary and would lead to matchups we honestly don't get to see nearly enough. Phillies-Yankees, Mets-Red Sox etc..

3. Pay is Pro-Rated 

This one is the most obvious, but the MLBPA wouldn't accept shit without the pay being pro-rated. The biggest factor in all of this, as it always is, is money.

Again, this could all be bullshit and I could be falling for it like an Ab-so-lute FOOL but i'm willing to have my spirits crushed for the excitement of what could be....one more time can't hurt any worse than before!

I'll have a blog tomorrow after the full podcast is released, recapping the entire report and diving into any interesting detail.