Fuck, Marry, Kill- Winnie The Pooh, Bob The Builder, Blue From Blues Clues

Oh shut the fuck up, you're not above this type of wholesome content. Fucking dogs, bears, men, it's all normal and you're being a beta if you disagree. We all grew up watching these cartoons wondering what it'd be like to shove our tiny little pencil dicks into each character, it's just human nature! 

You know you'd kill to be a gram of sugar in that honey pot, Winnie just fisting the shit out of you, you're a kinky little bitch and it's okay, no judgement on this side. Imagine those floppy ass ears slapping you in the back of the head while you get pegged from the back? Bob pulling out his Phillips head and stabbing you in the shoulder while fucking you doggystyle? All things us normal people pontificated as we grew up, so lets throw away the years of social stigmas and be children again for just a few minutes. 

Fuck- Winnie The Pooh

This is just a no brainer, if you're not taking Winnie and just punishing the shit out of her? We're just not cut from the same cloth, sorry I'm just a differently built cat. Winnie's upbeat nature would just make for the best type of night leading up to coitus. She's not gonna neg you, she's not gonna be indecisive on where to eat-- she's a down ass bitch and that't the best type of one night stand. Don't get that confused with her being a prude though, she's one freaky bitch. Do you know how much of a whorish slut you have to be to live your life without pants of any sort? She's a free flowing hoochie mama, she'll get it. 

Marrying Winnie would be a bit of a stretch however because she's such a liberal that you know she'd end up fucking all your friends. You can't marry a whore, it doesn't make for a sustainable partnership. Winnie has too much stock in the Tigger pot and I know myself and know that jealousy would consume my life in too many ways. She'd always be wanting to bring Eeyore around and he's a vibe killer, can't have that bro at my Super Bowl party sitting in the corner with a tray of Bean Dip just depressed and antisocial. I'm just gonna hit and quit it Winnie and she's just fine with it, perhaps she'd even prefer it. 

Marry- Bob The Builder 

Stop being a homophobic bitch, you see it as marrying a man, I see it as marrying a provider. Who amongst us enjoys manual labor? Who wants to build our own dressers and kitchen tables? Well, if you held even half the intelligence that my gigantic brain possesses, you'd see how beneficial making Bob your papa bear hubby would be. Every woman claims to want a man who is "masculine" and knows how to fix stuff and do "manly things" like make money and "have ambitions"-- well who am I to say they're wrong on these desires? Bob is the encapsulation of all these qualities, he's the ultimate alpha male with a soft spoken personality to add. 

Who wouldn't want to get spanked and punished with Bobby's toolbelt at the end of a long day? At the end of the day, every relationship needs some points of vulnerability because things get hard-- Bob is a bald bitch, I have unlimited ammo. He can never have too much of an upper hand because I can ultimately alpha him by simply taking off his hard hat and shining his head like a bowling ball, I think me and Bob could be ride or dies, he'd be a great sugar daddy and provider for me as I rot my life away watching reruns of Gossip Girl for the next 65 years. 

Kill- Blue

I'm a very open minded individual, consider myself very progressive and am secure in my own masculinity and have a strong sense of self....I can not fuck a dog though. Beastiality is where I draw the line. I actually just googled "beastiality" to make sure I was spelling it right and I now believe I'm scarred for life. Never ever google that word, please take my word for it and consider this as gospel. Why the fuck did I do that? Fuck man, someone just give me a lump sum of 10 milli so I can be a bum and stop blogging forever. 

Anyways, Blue is an intelligent bitch and I appreciate her intellect, she'd be a great life partner, always keeping you on the straight and narrow. You eventually have to engage in the hot and heavy with your companion though and I just can't. Did you know that Blue was even a girl? What the fuck man, I was today years old when I learned that information. How about that, a true transcendant force in the television game. A female lead in a show that ran for 10 years? I mean that's the peak of feminism! Or she was merely paid in bones and taken advantage of such as many women through the years...I feel like I might be looking far too deep into this all. Do we think Steve ever stuck his warted little dick in Blue? 10 years? He had to of, someone should investigate that. #TimesUp #MeToo. Does Alyssa Milano even care about animals being sexually abused? Or is she purely a human rights activist only? Someone ask her and let me know, I'll be here waiting patiently. Dogs have vaginas too.