— Zendaya (@Zendaya) September 8, 2020Per sources close to the situation, It'd be found advantageous if Zendaya took that necklace and squeezed it around my neck until my eyes popped out like a dog toy. I've confirmed my suspicions about having a thing for braids, this was the last piece of evidence I needed. Contrary to prior theories it isn't a cultural appropriation kink, it's both me lusting for women I can't have and a thirst for those loose dangling braids swinging from the head.
Back to the important topic at hand though, me being abused by the girl from 'Shake It Up'. She's 5'10 inches of pure sex and I'd like if she'd put her Christian Louboutin heels through my fucking jugular. What woman in Hollywood has been able to draw such lust as Zendaya without being the least bit provocative through sexualizing herself? It's truly a modern miracle that she is seen as one of the hottest women in the world without ever looking like a prostitute trying to draw attention.
She's probably the most talented young actress in Hollywood and I wonder if one of her talents includes degrading flimsy white guys? I'd volunteer to find out. Can she dom the fuck out of me in the bedroom and make me choke on an apple like a spit-fired pig? These are just questions that I will never know the answer to and for that, my morning has been thoroughly ruined. I guess I'll just have to continue thirsting over pretentious acai chomping white women. For shame.
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