If Luka Doncic Doesn't Change His Jersey Number I'll Graffiti His Home With My Own Blood

This is an opinion i've long pondered since the 2019 draft came and went. It's one not many have had the gumption nor gall to vocalize, their silence is deafening. I've come to say what we've all been thinking and will no longer be muzzled and restrained by the man.

 The number 77, rather than a number permitted in professional basketball, should be reserved exclusively for fast casual dining, to procure your rations as if you're going through the mess hall in junior high school or perhaps even the military. 

Luka Doncic, consider this a warning, when December 1st hits and the next NBA season commences, wear a number from 33 and below. If not, as stated in the title, I will leave the dental office from which I janitor, fly to Dallas, drive through the Whataburger wrapper saturated streets and drain myself like a halal slaughtered sheep until I've procured enough ammo to sufficiently to teach you the lesson. 

The single number double digit aesthetic fits the staunchly crafted build you've created, so I'd suggest the numbers 11, 22. However, if you instead decide to strengthen the stereotype of an adequate pasty NBA player in an organization committed to reflecting the demographics of a 1927 elementary school in Mississippi, the number 33 will also do just fine.

Why Does Kyle Kuzma Think Anyone Gives A Shit What He Says?

Mental health real stop making fun of people online it’s ppl really sick out here

— kuz (@kylekuzma) July 21, 2020

Celebrities not just for your entertainment. Humans just like you. Everybody got issues

— kuz (@kylekuzma) July 21, 2020

Fucking finally, I was desperately searching for my moral compass on the crucial topic of mental health. Before these tweets I was debating tweeting towards Kanye bluntly telling him to kill himself, but since these tweets I've gone to the local library, rented the Bible, and become an ordained minister through the internet. 

Thanks Kyle Kuzma, I'm glad I can always count on the NBA's equivalent to Kenneth Parcell to lead me to the light.

Who in the fuck is gonna change their minds on ANYTHING because Kyle Kuzma said so? Did those 22 points against the Grizzlies in mid November really mean that much to you? 

If anyone's favorite athlete is Kyle Kuzma, having them in turn looking to him as the token for societal normalcy, they're the ones with the undoubtably twisted mental health. 

Again, you will never change someone's mind. In specific, the slightly more melanated Brian Cardinal should have the self awareness to realize no one is restless whilst wondering what he has to say on a given topic.