Mookie Betts Is Soon To Be Sad

Betts, Dodgers agreement is for 12 year extension for about $350M. Just finalizing.

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) July 22, 2020

Danny Phantom's mom was dumb thick, and Mookie Betts should be fucking sick. As someone who grew up in a variety of regions due to the nature of having a father working occupational therapist constantly caught rummaging through the purses of the monotone subdued employees, I can tell you with full confidence that there is no worse place in country than Los Angeles.  

Through the thick, wet smog lies entitlement and traffic, a combination combing through the nightmares of any rational being. The forbidden Red Sox right fielder has been a resident for less than 6 months yet thinks he knows what he's signed himself up for, it's going to be a treacherous 13 years filled with quinoa and carrot juice. 

Along with a price of living which makes New Yorkers squeamish, the income tax rate in this god forsaken region is approaching double that of his formerly known domicile in the greater eastside.  Meaning after taxes he's receiving a Nicholas Batumish 26 million per year, Hassan Whiteside scoffs upon salaries so meager. 

The moral of this tale is that California is a miserable existence, nature is overrated and merely to distract you from the incessant child trafficking taking place within this territory. Boston now gets to feel what it's like to overrate their own Jeter much as Yankees fans have for centuries. A middling fielder proficient in slap singles is actually superior to your budding superstar at the hot corner. Devers gets to feel the pain A-Rod felt and Jeter Downs gets to hear intolerant bigotry chanted from the stands. Neither is worse however than signing up for a lifetime in the debris and vermin which is the below sea-level bowl called Los Angeles.