Monday, September 14, 2020

Someone Please Put A Bullet Through Taysom Hill's Head Already

Unbearable. Just. So. Unbearable. Not only is he a member of the worst cult in America, he's also cocky as hell. A cocky mormon is, in fact, the most dangerous member of society-- and not a good dangerous, more like school shooter dangerous. The fact that there's people out there who actually compare this whipped cream, piece of shit to Lamar Jackson is mind boggling. Imagine the Ravens using Lamar as a punt gunner during the beginning of the 2018 season when Flacco had yet to be exiled to Germany? 

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He has no reason to be so overconfident, he's Trace McSorley who's been given opportunity. Yet, whenever it is he makes a play, he feels as though he can scream like he just made a Super Bowl winning catch. If he hadn't been cut by Green Bay, he'd just be another 3rd string quarterback getting verbally abused by Aaron Rodgers, that no one knows. Someone sign RG3 next offseason, and play him in the Taysom Hill role if you want to see how easily replaceable Taysom Hill could be. I just don't understand why he's a thing, every advanced analytic says that all he does is hurt his team, and yet the Saints make their Hall of Fame quarterback an inflatable tube dummy on the field, to quell Hill's overblown sense of entitlement. 

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He's so fucking pale it literally makes my eyes hurt, like, Elmer's glue white. He hasn't seen the sun since 2002 and it shows in a major way. There's no chance he isn't Sean Payton's son from his forbidden family, blackmailing him to give him snaps or else his secrets will be exposed to Schefter, for all the world to know. I'm 100% confident Bill Belichick could sign Barry Bonds and he'd be do the exact same thing as Taysom Hill-- all he has to do is make throws where no one's within 100 feet of the receiver, and run as fast as he can swinging his arms like a plane propeller, but not actually doing anything productive. Bonds is even free to get back on the juice, because if you don't think Taysom is shooting up on a daily, you're just a dimwit. No white person can put on all that muscle naturally, I'd know. 

Do we think Bryce Harper and Taysom Hill, as the most notable mormons in professional sports, are great pals? Do you think they go out to the Salt Lake City Temple for a glass of non-alcoholic Eggnog every January, shortly after the Saints are soul-crushingly eliminated from the playoffs? I like to imagine they bust each others balls with a good run of "freaking's" and "gosh gummit's", whilst making fun of each others hair and devotion to the church. 

How do you think Taysom Hill feels when the Saints locker-room blasts NBA Youngboy after a big win? Either he leaves before hand or nods his head awkwardly, dabbing as each song ends. With how arrogant and self righteous he is, there's no question in my mind it's the latter. Michael Thomas and Taysom Hill have to be the best friends this world has ever seen, with how awful they both are. Or, or, or, Michael Thomas is extraordinarily jealous of Taysom because he's actually been doubted his entire life, and that's all Michael Thomas has ever wanted-- instead he's the nephew of a borderline Hall of Fame wide receiver and was a 5 star recruit to one of the powerhouses of college football.  

How is it possible for the Saints to have the worst trio of human beings as their quarterback room? Brees is a belligerent racist, with no backbone, who wants to be accepted by everyone and can't figure out where his morals lie. Jameis literally can't keep his hands to himself, quotes god in every other sentence and that's not to mention what an awful quarterback on the field he is. Taysom just exudes douchbaggery, from his name, to the bothersome arm sleeve, which gives him the belief that he's actually athletic. If this team doesn't fall apart by the end of the year, because of how tiresome the speeches coming from the quarterbacks are-- it'll be the biggest accomplishment of the NFL season. 
Ps. Anyone who's name is Taysom, has no shot at being a morally upstanding human being, and is bound to a life of criticism-- be it fair or some fuck up judging you on his blog no one reads. 

Pps. Who the fuck names their child Taysom? Is that even a real name?

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