Bryce Harper in Pinstripes: What Could've Been

It always seemed destined to happen, until it fuckin' didn't. Bryce Harper came out as a young phenom, in Sports Illustrated, stating loud and clear that he dreamed of donning pinstripes. It so happens that the Yankees rake in the most money of any MLB team, by FAR, and just so conveniently in a sport without a salary cap.

Well looky here that seems to be a match made in heaven, how bout it?

Player, who is much worse than Bryce Harper,
frustrated after yet another strikeout...or maybe
he just strained his hamstring for the third time this season.

Hal Steinbrenner, cheapskate fuck Yankees Owner, is much too concerned with his bottom line than winning and putting out a compelling product for this to make sense. Fans gobble that shit up too, "huh huh well he traded for Giancarlo's money so you can't expect him to pay Bryce Harper too!" 

Are you fucking kidding me? 

THE YANKEES MADE 683 MILLION DOLLARS LAST YEAR. I mean seriously, Bryce Harper's annual salary for his 13 Year/330 Million contract is ~25.4M....THE YANKEES ARE PAYING BRETT GARDNER AND AARON HICKS ~21M THIS YEAR AND NEXT. When you can squeeze that extra 4.4M out, for far worse players...you've just gotta do it!

SIX HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THREE MILLION DOLLARS. 

Hicks is signed through 2025 and has played a grand total of 59 games since he signed his contract...but he'll be back strong this year, right? Nahh, he had Tommy John this offseason and isn't gonna be back until 2021! Damnit Hal, you've done it again! You're simply a genius.

Bryce Harper is an MVP, the most recognizable name in baseball...the most marketable player in baseball...and wanted to be a Yankee, all things being equal. God damn that luxary tax though Hal! You'll only make 200 instead of 300 million and won't be able to afford that 3rd Yacht! 


Are they going to pay Aaron Judge? You know, that guy gets injured! 

I say this all to point to the fact that, whatever spin ownership puts on saving money, the Village Idiots just eat that shit up. It's why the cycle of mediocrity continues and the Yankees haven't won shit in the last decade. Stop falling for owners crying poor, all whilst buying Rembrandt paintings and Beach Clubs down in the Bahamas.