Hold The Fuck Up...A Female Giraffe Is Called A COW???

I don't know why the hell I'm wtiting about animals so much, first Dolphins, then Zorilla's and now Giraffes-- blame Trivia Crack, sorry I'm expanding my knowledge base and want to educate the world. Jeez, not everyone just wants to write smut. This fact deserves a dedicated blog though, because this is fucking insane! Why the hell are they called COWS? I'm assuming you think I've done some research on this topic and figured out the real reason-- perhaps their biologically similar, they both have four stomachs or a similar utter structure. I have a strict no nerd policy though and for me to do research you'd have to have Bezos level financing. 

I actually despise nature and think it's honestly the most overrated fascination one could have. Why do I need to go camping when I can just play GeoGuesser and view poor Dominicans carrying baskets of Mangos upon their heads, that's much more entertaining. If I was a good person I could then take the money I saved from not feeding the camping supply chain and donate to the poor minorities in which I laughed at. The nature geeks just make no sense, now more than ever, are they trying to fuck with us just for fun with these confusing ass names? You get my hopes up with the Zorilla first, fine-- that was rude but fool me one time, you surely won't do so again. Oh, a Giraffe is now a Cow? Okay, well no fucking wonder I can't stand nature...it makes no damn sense! 

Would it of just made too much sense to call it a Giraffette? That flows and is gender appropriate, no hints of sexism or discrimination there? What woman wants to be called a cow? That's just fatphobic and plain rude, as someone who considers EVERYONE'S emotions when speaking, I think I speak for the masses when I say we demand a change. Female Giraffes have been discriminated and made to feel as less than for years, when in reality they can do the same jobs as men AND foster a child within their stomach. What's the wage gap between men Giraffes and COWS? If their namesakes are any indication I can't imagine it's anything but vast. Per sources close to me and confirmed by the Zoo Administration Disciples Demographic by Years (ZADDY), Cows make 71 cents to every dollar a male Giraffe makes-- a disgusting, yet horrifying and definitely true statistic. 

Join me in the fight against the fatphobic, toxic patriarchy and give female Giraffes the proper pronouns they've always deserved. A cow is no way to describe a woman, we must break the cycle as men and be better to our queens.