4 rather wily up and comers in the sports scene partook in a golf match today. Just seeing a ball fly back and forth on the television reinvigorated my soul, it reminded me of a simpler time...a time when we were allowed to leave the house without tactical gear strapped to our heads. The good old days...But as the broadcast wore on throughout, we got a glimpse into the personalities of these 4 wacky men and were treated to some slapknee worthy moments from the announcers.
"Tigers been kinda eatin' my butt" - Peyton Manning, of Buick Fame.
It used to be that talking about male-to-male oral sex wasn't allowed on television, but times, they are a changin'...Peyton opened the door and let the world in, in on he and Tiger's relationship...on a very personal level and for that I applaud his courage and bravery.
Charles Barkley was there too, you may know him from his cameo appearance on the latest season of ABC's "The Bachelor". Chuck, as is urban folklore, enjoys gambling from time to time and wanted to put some money up for a good cause. Not once, not twice, but three times he wagered former Expo's catcher Tom Brady...the wager was as follows, if Brady can hit the green on a particular shot then Barkley would donate 50K to charity...Barkley was practically begging to give away money, just to feel something, even the dopamine hit of losing your yearly salary is worth it for him at this point. Brady simply wouldn't oblige, he refused to land that spherical white thing onto the green grass with a pole. You have to stop and ask yourself, is Brady Anti-Charity? Perhaps Pro-COVID?
Peruvian Drug Lord Russell Wilson stopped by and lost oodles of money whilst feeding the homeless. How much does 300K meals cost? It can't possibly be cheap. I hope the Yankees are payin' him well.
Also, I don't know if you guys heard but Brady is now 0-1 without Belichick. It's my favorite hilarious little gag to spawn out of this match. Loads of chuckles.
Whilst golfing against Tom Brady, Peyton Manning has taken this opportunity to audition for Monday Night Football. He clearly sees the bag Tony Romo got and now wants ESPN to shell it out for him. Kind of despicable once you realize this is a CHARITY golf experience and Mr. Forehead himself, has decided it's a job interview. We all deserve this however, we booted the great Booger McFarland out of the club after a year in which he gave us countless hearty belly chuckles. Now, we're going to be stuck with 10 years of Peyton Manning laughing at his own dad jokes.
Will Peyton Manning be drawing male genitalia whilst talking about ejaculation? I know Booger was. Peyton will give us countless dad jokes that make exactly no one laugh besides the poor commentator forcing one out.
"Lately i've cut down on the Vegetables partner...Some days I just don't care at (Carrot) all." Is this the future you want? Is this what you want your children growing up hearing? Join Me in keeping Peyton off your TV screen.
The coked up execs over at ESPN should know from first hand experience that normal is boring. As always, Brady better.
3 whole hours...Even without sports, did anyone actually sit through that whole thing? In today's climate where you can just scroll Twitter and get it all at your own discretion? Anyways, the NFL released their schedule along with the primetime games schedule which got me to thinkin'....always a bad sign..but what're gonna be the best primetime games? Awful lotta stinkers on there boy i'll tell ya. Networks got HOE'D. I'll drop #10-6 in this blog and the top 5 tomorrow morning.
#10- Week 10- Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots. Sunday Night Football, NBC
Now, this is a risky one, because if Stidham is complete garbage....this'll be a blowout and the complete opposite of entertaining...BUT...if he's not...it's another opportunity to see the mastermind that is Billy B, try and stop Lamar and the Ravens truly unique offense. Last year? Didn't work so well for 'em, Jim.
Both teams will be coming off of relatively easy W's with the Pats playing the Jets the week prior, and the Ravens playing Phillip Rivers AARP Noodle Arm. It'll be the biggest test of Stidham's career, going against a secondary loaded with Earl Thomas, Marlon Humphrey and Marcus Peters. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...he'll also be being rushed by Calais Campbell and Matt Judon. He miiight just be fucked.
Last time, the Patriots tried spying Lamar with Dont'a Hightower. Listen listen, he's one of the most criminally underrated players in the NFL and i'd argue their defense doesn't work without him (see: Super Bowl 52). *HOWEVA* Lamar treated him like an ACC LB back at Lousville, Hightower just doesn't have that type of athleticism. Ball is in your court, Mr. Bellychick let's see what ya do with it. I really hope Jarrett Stidham doesn't die on Live TV.
#9- Week 8- Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New York Giants. Monday Night Football, ESPN.
The Giants aren't going to suddenly be great, no...no...absolutely not. They have the tools on offense to be fun though, their O-Line might actually be good for the first time in what feels like decades and they have weapons on offense. Between Evan Engram, Sterling Shepard, Golden Tate, Darius Slayton and Saquon Barkley....if Daniel Jones stinks this year, that's a him problem bubba.
The reason this makes the list though, is obvious, Tom Brady goin' back and facing his biggest weakness throughout the years with some new threads on. That offense around him is just bananas, Evans-Godwin-Gronk-Howard-Tyler Johnson....They might put up 40 because uh yeeeah that Giants secondary is lookin' awfully porous big fella. A back and forth shootout to round out a nice weekend of football? Why don't mind if I do.
The Giants do get 11 days to prepare after playing on the previous Thursday night, which should help...but uhhh, Patrick Graham you've got your work cut out for you baby. The Bucs biggest worry is this could be a lookahead game, they've got one of if not their biggest games of the year 6 days later, against division rival and fellow senior citizen QB... The Nawleans Saints.
Get that popcorn ready because last time Booger and Tess were on the call at Metlife?
#8- Week 11- Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks. Thursday Night Football, FOX.
Kyler Murray is going to fucking explode onto the scene this year, and I fully expect this game to have serious divisional and wild card implications. With the 49ers looking firmly in the lead of the division, the race for #2 will be back and forth all year.
This game is going to be a disaster, one way or another. Both teams have a game, 4 DAYS before this one. Good one, Goodell. Let us pray that both teams can come out healthy because the league is clearly throwing caution to the wind there.
Both teams are facing good opponents in Week 10 and who the hell know's what kind of football we get as a result of all this chaos.
Metcalf vs Hopkins
Kyler vs Russ
Isaiah Simmons vs Bobby Wagner A shot at the playoffs on the line?
This is what divisional football is all about.
#7- Week 2- Cincinnati Bengals at Cleveland Browns. Thursday Night Football, FOX
Yeah, the Bengals are still going to stink.
Their offense will be fun though...Burrow has a shit ton of weapons surrounding him and an offensive minded head coach. That offensive line? Well, miiight still need some work.
A look at the Bengals' skill group now:
QB: Joe Burrow
RB1: Joe Mixon
RB2: Gio Bernard
WR1: A.J. Green
WR2: Tyler Boyd
WR3: Tee Higgins
TE: Drew Sample
Depth pieces: QB Andy Dalton, WR John Ross, WR Auden Tate, TE CJ Uzomah, RB Trayveon Williams.
This is also the Browns first game where they can show the nation that last year was a fluke and that a seemingly stacked offense can be for real this time.
Browns offense seems about set:
Baker Mayfield Nick Chubb Kareem Hunt Odell Beckham Jr. Jarvis Landry Hollywood Higgins Donovan Peoples-Jones* Austin Hooper David Njoku Harrison Bryant* Jedrick Wills* Joel Bitonio JC Tretter Wyatt Teller Jack Conklin#Browns
Both teams, we can say, uh....struggle in coverage, so seeing a shootout in Joe Burrow's 2nd career game seems very much so like a possibility. I'm gonna say it....I'm gonna say it. I'd like to see it.
#6- Week 14- Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns. Monday Night Football, ESPN.
Seems like a weird game to be this high, no? Nope. This game is going to decide the division. What the Ravens did last year was incredible and they're still going to be phenomenal, but they were very much so uninjured and had a relatively easy schedule. The Browns on the other hand, had a coach holding them back and a litany of injuries everywhere the eye could see.
The jury is still out on Baker and this is his year to prove 2018 was real, and that he's an NFL starter. There's no more excuses. Stefanski is a good coach, the front office has their shit together, and the offensive line is better. Use some of those endless chips on your shoulder and show the world somethin' eh?
Both teams with 8+ days to prepare.
A division matchup with a playoff spot on the line.
Monday Night Football.
Holiday season matchup.
Are you kidding me? This game has all the makings of a classic. Don't worry i'll be here to say, I told you so.
It used to be that talking about male-to-male oral sex wasn't allowed on television, but times, they are a changin'...Peyton opened the door and let the world in, in on he and Tiger's relationship...on a very personal level and for that I applaud his courage and bravery. 
Charles Barkley was there too, you may know him from his cameo appearance on the latest season of ABC's "The Bachelor". Chuck, as is urban folklore, enjoys gambling from time to time and wanted to put some money up for a good cause. Not once, not twice, but three times he wagered former Expo's catcher Tom Brady...the wager was as follows, if Brady can hit the green on a particular shot then Barkley would donate 50K to charity...Barkley was practically begging to give away money, just to feel something, even the dopamine hit of losing your yearly salary is worth it for him at this point. Brady simply wouldn't oblige, he refused to land that spherical white thing onto the green grass with a pole. You have to stop and ask yourself, is Brady Anti-Charity? Perhaps Pro-COVID?
