A Golf Match Happened Today, Did You Hear About It?

4 rather wily up and comers in the sports scene partook in a golf match today. Just seeing a ball fly back and forth on the television reinvigorated my soul, it reminded me of a simpler time...a time when we were allowed to leave the house without tactical gear strapped to our heads. The good old days...But as the broadcast wore on throughout, we got a glimpse into the personalities of these 4 wacky men and were treated to some slapknee worthy moments from the announcers.

"Tigers been kinda eatin' my butt" - Peyton Manning, of Buick Fame.

It used to be that talking about male-to-male oral sex wasn't allowed on television, but times, they are a changin'...Peyton opened the door and let the world in, in on he and Tiger's relationship...on a very personal level and for that I applaud his courage and bravery. 

Charles Barkley was there too, you may know him from his cameo appearance on the latest season of ABC's "The Bachelor". Chuck, as is urban folklore, enjoys gambling from time to time and wanted to put some money up for a good cause. Not once, not twice, but three times he wagered former Expo's catcher Tom Brady...the wager was as follows, if Brady can hit the green on a particular shot then Barkley would donate 50K to charity...Barkley was practically begging to give away money, just to feel something, even the dopamine hit of losing your yearly salary is worth it for him at this point. Brady simply wouldn't oblige, he refused to land that spherical white thing onto the green grass with a pole. You have to stop and ask yourself, is Brady Anti-Charity? Perhaps Pro-COVID?

Peruvian Drug Lord Russell Wilson stopped by and lost oodles of money whilst feeding the homeless. How much does 300K meals cost? It can't possibly be cheap. I hope the Yankees are payin' him well. 

Also, I don't know if you guys heard but Brady is now 0-1 without Belichick. It's my favorite hilarious little gag to spawn out of this match. Loads of chuckles. 

I’m just pointing out the fact that Tom Brady is 0-1 without Bill Belichick. #TheMatch. pic.twitter.com/XfWw06fd3q

— Will D. (@WAD1980) May 25, 2020

Brady loses first competition without Belichick

— Art Stapleton (@art_stapleton) May 25, 2020

Tom Brady 0-1 without Bill Belichick pic.twitter.com/ek71QH3LE8

— PFF (@PFF) May 25, 2020

Tom Brady 0-1 without Bill. Not surprised. pic.twitter.com/d2reRq6l6j

— Shawnell Gill (@SKG57) May 25, 2020

I’m just pointing out the fact that Tom Brady is 0-1 without Bill Belichick. #TheMatch. pic.twitter.com/XfWw06fd3q

— Will D. (@WAD1980) May 25, 2020

Tom Brady is 0-1 since leaving Bill Belichick pic.twitter.com/eOQdGLlp3H

— Boston Cream 🍩 (@itsbostoncream) May 25, 2020

El-Oh-El Amirite folks?

Peyton Manning Is Painfully Unfunny

Whilst golfing against Tom Brady, Peyton Manning has taken this opportunity to audition for Monday Night Football. He clearly sees the bag Tony Romo got and now wants ESPN to shell it out for him. Kind of despicable once you realize this is a CHARITY golf experience and Mr. Forehead himself, has decided it's a job interview. 

We all deserve this however, we booted the great Booger McFarland out of the club after a year in which he gave us countless hearty belly chuckles. Now, we're going to be stuck with 10 years of Peyton Manning laughing at his own dad jokes. 

Will Peyton Manning be drawing male genitalia whilst talking about ejaculation? I know Booger was. Peyton will give us countless dad jokes that make exactly no one laugh besides the poor commentator forcing one out. 

Oh No Booger! pic.twitter.com/dVcexJDA0A

— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) January 5, 2020

"Lately i've cut down on the Vegetables partner...Some days I just don't care at (Carrot) all." 

Is this the future you want? Is this what you want your children growing up hearing? Join Me in keeping Peyton off your TV screen.

The coked up execs over at ESPN should know from first hand experience that normal is boring. 

As always, Brady better. 

🐐
pic.twitter.com/fWAuXzfjJ8

— Pat (@BarstoolPAT) May 24, 2020